such-a-shame

maniacani  asked:

The kids meet uncle Coran when he comes to help with Keith's book editing!!! Aka the addition of another family member lo

[The Voltron Family] The kids were at home because there was an event in their school that didn’t required the elementary kids to attend, so Keith had to stay home to work. The doorbell rang and little Hunk opened the door. There stood a man with red hair and—

Hunk: *tilts his head* *shouts* Daddy Keith! There’s a weird man with a weird big moustache at our door!
Coran: *surprised* Oh! I’m no weird man, little fella!
Keith: *appears from the bathroom* *sees the weird man* *smiles* Coran! You made it! I hope you didn’t get lost?
Coran: *waves his hand* I didn’t. Your instructions were very clear. And who might this young fella be? *looks at Hunk*
Keith: *picks up Hunk* It’s little Hunk. Our eldest. *kisses Hunk* This is Coran, sweetie. Daddy’s editor. 
Coran: *smiles and waves at the boy* Aren’t you a bit old already to be carried by your daddy?
Hunk: *frowns* *wobbly lips* *hugs Keith*
Coran: *guilty* Oh I’m sorry, little boy. I didn’t mean to.
Keith: My baby’s never too old. As long as Daddy can carry you— *gets a kiss from Hunk* *smiles* *turns back to Coran* Why don’t you come inside?
Coran: It’s my first time here and *whistles* Amazing, Keith. This is such a beautiful house. *enters*
Keith: *chuckles* Well, Shiro and I had wanted kids and we wanted them to have a space of their own. 
Coran: *walks with Keith* That’s nice and it’s really big. Big but homey. Where’s the husband? At work?
Keith: *nods* Yeah, just me and the kids today. I want you to meet them. *puts Hunk down by the living room sofa* *shouts* Lance! Pidge! Get down here. 

Little loud footsteps were heard coming from the second floor, the sound of kids running down the stairs. As soon as Lance stepped on the last one, he held out a hand for little Pidge to help her down.

Coran: *coos* So adorable.
Lance and Pidge: *walks hand in hand to the living room*
Lance: Are we having lunch already, Daddy? 
Coran: *waves at them* Hello, little ones.
Pidge: *scrunches her noise* Weird man with a weird accent.
Keith: *gasp* Pidge! Where are your manners?! 
Coran: *giggles* Oh it’s fine, Keith. This must be Pidge and Lance. I’m Uncle Coran, your Daddy’s editor and I’m here to help him with work today.
Lance: *brightens up* *sits down beside Coran* Really? What is Daddy writing? He never told us. Said it was a secret. 
Pidge: *climbs up the sofa with Coran’s help* Does it have ‘spearments?
Coran: *looks at the three kids sat beside him* It’s actually about three children. *smiles at Keith knowingly*
Keith: *shakes his head fondly* I’ll just go get some snacks while you kids talk to Uncle Coran. Any of you want anything specific?
Lance: Chocolate crinkles please! If Hunk hasn’t finished them all yet. *snickers while looking at Hunk playfully*
Hunk: *shock* I did not! There are still some left! *turns to Keith* Chocolate milk for me and cookies please?
Pidge: Can I have gummy worms? Daddy Shiro didn’t let me eat last night. *frowns* Said it was bad for my tummy at night. But he didn’t say they were bad in the morning!
Keith: Noted. And you, Coran?
Coran: Just tea would be fine, Keith. Thank you.

Keith left to go to the kitchen to prepare there food, leaving Coran with the kids to tell them about the book he was writing. His phone rang and he fished it out from his jeans pocket.

Keith: *opens the fridge* Hey, baby? What’s up?
Shiro: Just checking in. Did Coran made it there just fine?
Keith: *grabs chocolate crinkles* Yeah. He’s here now actually. He’s with the kids at the moment while I’m preparing snacks. Also, *eyes at the gummy worms* You told Pidge she couldn’t eat gummy worms last night and she’s thinking she’s fine to eat it now since you didn’t say anything about it in the morning. *opens the pack and pours some to a saucer*
Shiro: Did she now? *chuckles* She’s really sharp.
Keith: *smiles* She is. Smart little girl. She got it from her Daddy Keith. *pours chocolate milk*
Shiro: *scoffs* Excuse you. She got it from her Daddy Shiro.
Keith: *rolls his eyes* Proof or it didn’t happen. *prepares tea*
Shiro: I will get you for that later, Kogane. 
Keith: I love you, too, sweet pea. *laughs* Now get back to work. Don’t have too much fun without me.
Shiro: I’ll try. *chuckles* Love you more, red bean. Always and Forever.
Keith: *laughs* God, we’re so disgusting. Now get off the phone! 

I’m trying to narrate this cliche-filled story and it’s just descended into the narrator being sarcastic and critical about everything that happens. Like… 

“And then that asshole walked in. And of course HE’S the protagonist. Heaven forbid we have some LIKABLE person being the hero, but noooo. Mr. Boring McCrustyFuck over here had to be the one with the Special Power.”

“I can think of THREE characters better suited for Protagonist because they, oh, I don’t know, have EXPERIENCE with this stuff? Nah, those characters will probably just help him get the basics of his Special Power. Then he’ll surpass them and beat the guy they couldn’t even beat. Because story logic.”

“Apparently I have to use his actual name because Mr. Boring McCrustyFuck is considered ‘an inappropriate name’ and I ‘have to present myself as a professional’ and that name doesn’t do it.”  

“And then he turned his face, and there she was… Boring Female Love Interest… I mean Caedence. She isn’t like other girls… her name is always underlined in red when you type it. She also knows what a Star War is.”

“Well isn’t CAEDENCE just a sassy lassie. I bet there’ll be NO SEXUAL TENSION WHATSOEVER. A narrator can hope, can’t they?”  

“I swear if they kiss, I’ll walk out right now. Don’t you dare- you barely even know each other and- annnnd they’re kissing. Well, I’m out. I’m done. That’s it. Bye.”

[a large blank space follows]

“Well, I guess I’m not allowed to walk out on narrating after I start. That’s messed up- they’d better be paying me extra for having to sit through this because $5.50 a chapter just isn’t enough.”

“Cue a very audible sigh from the narrator.”

“Oh no… the father figure died… How could I have not seen this… Oh no… and after such a heart warming talk about his dead wife or something… Oh no…”

“So instead of talking about how they’re having sex I thought I’d take this time to explain why cats aren’t actually devil creatures and are simply not naturally social creatures, unlike the dog.” 

“Wow… in that tuxedo, he looks so different! Like… like that one actor… y’know? The one with white skin, blue eyes, brown hair, and a little bit of stubble? Oh wait… that’s literally most of them. I guess that means there’ll be a lot to choose from when they come up with the movie adaption.” 

“God, I can picture online discourse now. “You see, this is why [character with the personality of a moldy cardboard box] should date the protagonist instead of [well-rounded character with good chemistry who also happens to be of color]. I’ve only really pictured them as friends…” Ok, Im-not-a-racist-heres-why-69.” 

“DAMN IT! There was a perfect opportunity to make an obscure 80s reference a few chapters back and I missed it!” 

“Far be it from me, the narrator, to not talk about how soft her blonde hair was, but I got bored after they started kissing for like, the third time in the last few chapters.”

“Ok WHO told the manager I’m still calling him Mr. Boring McCrustyFuck?” 

“And then he sprinted across the battlefield, like an idiot. What was he thinking? “Sure, my love just collapsed on the ground, but l bet if I ran across this battlefield with people trying to literally turn me into ash and cried over their corpse it’ll bring them back. Or I’ll think of their dying face in my crucial moment when I’m fighting the bad guy so I fight harder. Great idea!”  But, you know, he lived ‘cuz he’s the protagonist. It was rather disappointing.”

“And then he started monologuing and it got too hard for me to keep up. So uh… just… imagine a villain talking about how he’s gonna make the world a better place by killing everyone he didn’t understand.”

“Thank GOD the story is over. Cue the beautiful music! I’m getting my money and then I’m gonna bounce. I need a drink.” 

“Who is the author? I’m gonna fight the author. Oh, I’M the author? … I’m still gonna fight the author.” 

Body hair and Body Shaming

I am a hairy man. I have chest hair, facial hair, arm hair, head hair, back hair, and leg hair. I’ve got it all.

And you know what’s funny… the very same people who share posts about body shaming and beauty being available to all sizes are the ones who most vehemently suggest that I “manscape”.

Short answer: No!

I’m proud of my masculinity, and the features that come with it, and I’m not ashamed of it. I won’t hide a feature that I was born with because pc-culture prefers men to be emasculated.

I find it very hypocritical that people who praise plus sized models are stunned by a trait that my genetics bestowed upon me. It’s just hair.

And you know what else? My Wife likes it. A lot. She likes it when I unbutton my shirts to reveal more of my chest hair. She has said that, “Chest hair is the closest men can come to having cleavage”. Her opinion, and approval, trumps that of the vapid masses. And I value that she accepts me as God made me.

Men, don’t let society tell you to hide or cover up your masculine features. Be yourself. Be a man.

ann takamaki is such a great character. i love how she’s confident and she clearly knows how beautiful she is but isn’t full of herself at all and has no malice, she’s super supportive of other girls and sincerely compliments them. and she’s so strong, she went through so much shit and never let it stop her from being positive and kind. she takes no shit, she’s honest and speaks her mind but she doesn’t come off as arrogant or agressive at all, she’s incredibly kind and genuinely cares about people. it’ just really hard to see this balance in female characters

This is just a really really fascinating way to look at this scene that I hadn’t thought of. The concept that the Titan’s themselves, previously neutral (with the exception of the Female Titan which is what made her notable), become gendered in this moment. The Titans up until this point have just been a force the represents fear. They are more powerful than humans because they’re higher on the food chain and that’s where the terror comes from. Isayama himself said he created Titans to represent his social anxiety.

Now, by adding in gender to the Titans it completely changes the tenor of things and, in my view anyway, perverts their original intention. @potterwhos, you make some really great points here!

Not that anyone gives a shit but I need some where to vent. I’m at work today and these two little kids around 7 start making fun of my weight. I get kids are assholes but their mother starts laughing and encouraging it. I finally snapped and I told them they were rude little girls. There mom is like yeah you too. I hate this job so much. Just because someone works retail or is big doesn’t mean they’re not a person with feelings. How shitty of a parent are you that you would actively encourage your child to treat another human being that way?

i was tagged by @magnusandalexander, ty so much!!!!

Rules: answer the questions then tag 9 people you want to know better.

relationship status: single

favorite color: yellow

lipstick or chapstick: chapstick

last song you listened to: can’t go home - steve aoki, felix jaehn, adam lambert

last movie you watched: the new beauty and the beast??? i think?? i spend most of my time watching tv series tbh - i did watch vampire academy around the same time though.

top 3 characters: isabelle lightwood (who’s surprised?? literally no one), magnus bane, lena luthor

top 3 ships: malec (again, literally no one is surprised), supercorp (literally the only relationship i am interested in seeing kara danvers anywhere near), nathan drake x elena fisher (video game nerd?? me???)

books you are currently reading: look apparently the only thing i can read now is fanfic - i think the last things i actively read were graham norton’s biography, the martian and the poldark series (which i never finished oops)

top 5 musicals: les miserables (half for nostalgia because i was in a production of this one), chicago, wicked, moulin rouge, hairspray

i tag @softdaddario, @softmagnusbane, @lightwoodlesbians, @achilleanragnor, @cassiandorians, @alxanderlightwood, @bane–lightwood, @mrsblackthorne, @glassesanddreads (if you want of course!!!)

[[Just got home from my cousin’s wedding, I took a selfie in my dress cause I thought I looked fab~

Sadly, I don’t have a handsome German prosecutor to be my fake boyfriend like Clay does, but I don’t need one anyways. B) Plus, I danced on the dance floor like nobody’s business.]]