such incredibly dirty thoughts

Shocking things I’ve learned about adulthood today: 

  1. filing tax returns is NOT optional (even though everyone makes it sound like it is)
  2. pancake batter needs to rest for 20 minutes before going into the pan

Why is life so needlessly complicated?

Dim Rooms & Daddy Kinks

Genre: Smut

A/N: Thank you so much, sweet anon!! I genuinely adored this prompt so much and loved writing this!! Thank you for reading my first proper fic on this blog!

Word Count: 2420

Warnings: Daddy Kink, Age Gaps (Dan’s 17 and Phil’s 21) that’s really it

You can read this and my other older fics on AO3 here

Keep reading

Requested Negan x Reader Smut

Title: Don’t Tease
Author: @wickednerdery
Fandom: AMC’s The Walking Dead
Pairing/character: Negan/Reader (with Lucille on the side, haha)
Rating: FRM/FRAO
Summary: Everyone kneels for Negan and Lucille eventually.
Notes: Rating for smut smut smuttiness, a barbed wire bat, bit of blood, and enjoyment of bodily fluids (of the male variety, heh), haha!  Because of all this, there’s also a “read more” lol!!  This was requested by @harlystar, like, forever ago and I finally got the chance to do it…I can only hope it was worth the wait, lol!

Keep reading

Request: CAN U PLEASE do a josh dun smut where you’ve been dating for a while (maybe they’re like in highschool or college or something?) AND UR BOTH VIRGINS AND U GIVE JOSH HEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HES NEVER DONE ANYTHING SEXUAL BEFORE AND LIKE HES ALL FLUSTERED AND SHIT PLEASE OML I NEED THIS KN MY LIFE

Word count: 882


The bell rings and I slam my math book closed and rush out of class. Finally. I head out to the parking lot and wait under our tree. We always meet here after school. After 5 minutes of waiting, I feel the familiar strong arms wrap around my waist. I smile as he softly kisses my neck and I spin around. “Hey” Josh says, his eyes crinkling as they always do when he smiles. “Hey.” I reply. “How was your day?” I ask.”Better now” He answers, kissing me gently. We pull away. “You’re a cringey little shit aren’t you?” I laugh as I take his hand and we begin walking down the street. “Your place, right?” I ask. “Yep, if that’s still okay with you?” Josh says. “Of course.” We continue walking, swinging our hands between us. “I ordered pizza by the way” Josh tells me. “But it wont arrive for a while.” “That’s fine, I guess I could get some of my homework done” I smile as we arrive at Josh’s house. We open the door and are greeted by Josh’s mum (or mom I’m British okay I’ll write mom if you want) “Hi Mrs. Dun!” I smile. “Hello y/n! I didn’t know you were coming over?” “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, but don’t worry about dinner, I ordered pizza for the two of us and payed myself. We’re gonna go hang out in my room until it arrives.” Josh says, taking my hand and guiding me to his room. We enter and the familiar smell of his aftershave hits me and I smile, going to sit down on his bed. I glance around his room and grin when my eyes land on his drum kit. “Play me something.” I say. “What? No, I’m not really that good its fine” Josh quickly says. “Play me something” I repeat, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. He stands there looking at me, and then his drums for a moment, you can see the battle going on in his head as he asks himself if he should do it or not. “Fine.” He reluctantly sits down and picks up his drumsticks and twirls them around his fingers a few times. “You really need to teach me how to do that.” I say. Josh laughs, “I will, one day.” He begins to drum a song and I can’t do anything but sit there, mesmerised by his playing. Well, that and how hot he looks. I love watching him play drums. He enjoys it so much and you can really see it on his face. The way he sometimes closes his eyes and shakes his head, and licks and bites his lips. I can already feel myself getting turned on. No. Josh and I are both 17 year old virgins. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts… To bring me back to reality, I hear Josh’s voice. “How was that?” I cough. “R-really good. Incredible even.” I splutter, not being able to shake dirty thoughts from my mind. “Hey, you okay?” Josh asks, sitting down on the bed next to me. Fuck it. I fling myself onto Josh so I’m sitting on his lap, facing him, and kiss him urgently. He freezes for a moment, surprised, but then quickly places his hands on my hips and kisses back. I grind on him softly and he moans. “y/n-” “shhhhh” I say, kissing down his jaw and to his neck. “H-holy shit y/n” Josh groans, breathing heavily and gripping my waist tighter. I get off him and kneel on the floor between his legs. I put my hands on the button of his jeans and look up at him. He nods nervously and I undo the button, quickly sliding his jeans off him, to reveal his hard erection showing through his boxers. I smile lightly as I rub his dick through the thin cloth and he throws his head back and lets out a moan that makes me even wetter than I already am. I wrap my fingers around the elastic in his boxers and slowly pull them down, as his cock slaps against his stomach. “F-fuck y/n” He groans again as I throw his boxers to the side and inch closer to him. I take him in my hand, slowly rubbing up and down as he grips the bedsheets tightly. “Jesus christ, y/n” He moans. Hearing him moan my name like that makes me want to suck his cock even more. I lick up his length, painfully slowly as he moans and throws his head back again. Suddenly I take him into my mouth, and he lets out a moan so loud that his mom can probably hear. I pump him in and out of my mouth a few times before he moans out again. “H-holy fuck y/n I think I’m gonna-” before he can finish his sentence, I feel him fall apart above me, as the salty substance hits the back of my throat and I swallow it. I look up to see a flustered Josh, sweat making his skin glisten. He’s still breathing heavily, while I sit beside him on the bed and kiss him softly. “holy shit, y/n, that was-” He’s cut off by Mrs. Dun. “Joshua? Y/n? Your pizza is here!”


HOPE U LIKED THAT I ENJOYED WRITING IT AHH- As this is being uploaded I’m actually writing another as I wrote this yesterday but scheduled this to go up today so look forward to that!


Imagine for bootylikedallas || Cameron Dallas

A/N: For my beautiful Bahraini princess, bootylikedallas. I’m sorry this sucks so much, baby. But if you want another, you know I gotchu! xoxo

Strong Sexual Content

Luckily for me, the fire alarm went off at work and the technicians nor the fire department could get it to turn off. Why is that lucky? Because everyone got to go home early, that’s why. Driving home contently, I can’t contain my excitement to lounge around for the rest of the day. Cameron wouldn’t be home until later, which gave me the whole day to watch whatever T.V. show or movie I desired. Popping in The Notebook into the kitchen’s television, I grab all the fixings for vanilla cupcakes and get to work. After I finish beating the batter, I pour it into the lined cupcake tray and place them into the oven that I had preheated. Turning up the volume as I jump onto the counter, I smile. This movie never got old. Just as it was starting to get good, I hear the oven’s timer go off and I remove the cupcakes from it. The aroma of the baked batter fills the house and I moan at the scent. I couldn’t wait to ice and veg. 

Mixing the ingredients for raspberry cream cheese frosting, I dip my finger into it and taste. “Mmm,” I hum at the swirl of flavors against my tongue. “Just perfect.” Once the cupcakes have cooled down, I spread just the right amount of frosting onto them and take a bite. Nearly having a mouthgasm, I squeal. They were absolutely perfect. Bang! What on earth was that sound? “Cameron?” I call out, confused. “Fuck!” I hear him shout. “Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask, walking into the foyer. He doesn’t answer me, just looks deep into my eyes. He’s angry, I can tell you that much. Walking towards him, I lift my hand to caress his cheek. But I didn’t have the chance. Before I know it, he’s got both my arms pressed up against the wall, his body covering mine. In one, swift motion, he pulls his baggy t-shirt up and off of me. 

“No bra and no shorts, baby?” He asks me. Shaking my head, my teeth sink down onto my lower lip. Turning me around so that my palms and cheek are flat against the wall, he lowers himself onto his knees. Hooking two fingers under the lace of my panties, he slowly drags them down. “Fuck, you’re so damn wet for me,” he groans as I step out of the fabric around my ankles. Rising up again, he takes my lips in the most erotic, hungry kiss. Snaking his hand between my thighs, he thrusts two fingers into my heat without warning. Arching my back, I scream his name. “I can’t fucking hear you, Y/N,” he breathes against my neck. “Who makes you feel this way? Who gives you this much fucking pleasure?” He asks, his dominant persona making an appearance. Screaming his name even louder, my thighs weaken and my muscles tighten around his fingers. “That’s it, baby,” Cameron encourages.

As I come around him, I shriek. “Oh, my fucking god, baby,” I respire once I gain control of my breathing. Scooping me up into his arms, he carries me upstairs and to our bedroom, throwing me onto the bed. “You’re really playing rough today, you know?” I ask rhetorically as I lift my leg and snake it down his body, starting at his chest, ending at his…oh, wow. Flipping myself onto my front and undoing the zipper and buttons on Cam’s jeans, I pull them down. I don’t even wait for him to take them off, I just pull down his boxer briefs and lick a line from the base of his shaft to the head. “Mmm,” I hum against him, the vibrations surely offering pleasure. “What makes you think you’re in charge, baby?” He asks, fisting his hand in my hair and holding my head back. “Ugh,” I groan, a useless feeling taking over. I love it when Cam’s like this, so in control, so dominant. Taking his free hand and lining his cock up with my mouth, he thrusts rapidly, hitting the back of my throat every time. Wrapping my lips around him, I look up into his clouded eyes. 

Just before he’s about to come, Cameron pulls out and lays on the bed. “Ride me,” he says, nonchalantly. Raising my brow with a smirk, I nod. “As you wish,” I suck on my bottom lip. Straddling his waist, my hands rest on his toned abs. I lower myself onto him slowly, only the head of his shaft inside of me. Without warning, he grabs hold of my waist and pushes me down all the way, moans erupting from inside of me. “Fuck, baby,” he groans as his head falls back. As I roll my hips, writhing above him, he squeezes my hips. “Ride me, just like that,” he whispers, just loud enough for me to hear. Lifting myself off of him and pushing back down with force, I feel myself near my climax each time. “Baby, I’m so cl-,” I begin to say. But quickly my words formed into moans as Cameron slapped his palm forcefully against my bottom. I feel myself clenching him as pleasure shoots through my body. It’s everywhere, it’s in my veins, in my blood. He practically consumed me. As I fall weak in the wake of my orgasm, he continues to ride it out for me, clenching my hips. And just like that, another quickly builds as I feel Cameron come inside of me. “Oh, oh, oh my-,” I moan loudly, my nails digging into his taut skin.

I collapse onto his chest, no longer able to hold myself up. “That…,” I begin to say. “Was incredible,” he finishes my thought. 

Going Home - Chapter 15

I’m honestly scared to post this chapter because it takes everything to another extreme and I stared at this for four months and still am not sure if it was okay that I wrote this.
TRIGGER WARNING: rape & abuse.
Just a reminder: This is a work of fiction. These characters have features of real life persons, but they are characters nonetheless. Don’t hate me.
Previous chapters.

Chapter 15: Buried Alive

I knew I couldn’t think straight, I knew I needed to go somewhere, be alone for an hour, cool down, but at the same time I knew I couldn’t do that because I needed a distraction, someone that wasn’t Val, someone that was the exact opposite of Val, and the next best person that came to my mind was Jay.

It was a bad idea, of course, especially after the last time I had gone to him in this state of mind, but this time I didn’t want to talk anyway, this time I wanted him to fuck me senseless and get me high and make me forget that I had felt something for a man that had turned out to be an asshole just like everyone else.

I walked the few blocks to Jay’s apartment, pounded against his door and tumbled past him into the small room that he called his home.

“Take your clothes off. Now.” I was already jumping out off my pants, trying to keep at least some kind of balance, and then unzipped my jacket and threw it on the floor before I realized Jay wasn’t moving at all. “I said: Take your clothes off.”

Keep reading


Alec Hardy’s eyes.

  • @sexbastiansmythe: One of my new professors is so so incredibly hot I just thought of 27 dirty things we could do on his desk and he hasn't even introduced himself yet.
  • @sexbastiansmythe: Congratulations on your entire being mister salt and pepper. I just realized how attracted to facial hair I am.
  • @sexbastiansmythe: My need to please attractive older male authority figures has been intensified. Freud would have a field day.