I’m not the person that I used to be. None of my exes would be able to identify me. I’ve grown flowers in a garden once filled with tainted soil. I think differently, I love differently, I fuck differently, I express myself differently. And I drink a hell of a lot more. I am more courageous about taking risks with my time and my future. I am softer to strangers and those I hold dearest. I am more optimistic even though I know I will always be a realist at heart.
Despite all of the growth, I am not yet the person I want to be. I will plant many more seeds in my garden of growth. I will embrace compassion. I will strive for empathy. I will take more time to be understanding. I will allow myself moments of reflection on the ways I have grown, but only long enough to grant myself the inspiration to become who I want to be.
So this is you standing at the brink of your own chaos, arms out, holding back the floods and the hurricanes. This is you falling apart, breaking to pieces during earthquakes of trauma. This is you hurting, heaving and trying to heal. This is you, in the messiest part, right after it has happened. And you are asking why, why did this come to be? How could all this earthly chaos happen to me? To you I say, love, this is your growth, this is your survival, this is the result of the universe’s incantation, this, this is how that magic happens.
sometimes you’ll feel jealous, and sometimes you’ll have a bad day. that’s totally okay, and things like that happen to all of us - just prioritize your self-growth. try to learn from these moments, and improve yourself. try to not compare yourself to others who are on a completely different journey, try to compare yourself with your past self and see how much progress has been made. and even then, when you’ve grown and improved, these feelings might still return sometimes. acknowledge them, and acknowledge that it’s okay to have them, sometimes.
-get some sun/fresh air
-find new music
-do things to create a feeling of a fresh start (clean out phone, etc.)
-stop waiting and start creating the life of your dreams. Your time is now, and you are more than capable of achieving your goals, if you would just believe and work towards them every single day.