Some Complaints About Stormpilot
Pfft, yeah, NOBODY is gonna misunderstand what this post is via that title, Pop. Nobody at all. Whatever, I’m not changing it. Moving on.
1) THEY’RE ALL ONE FUCKING CHAPTER LONG
Have you ever gone on the Stormpilot tag on A03? Do you know how many of them are *only* one chapter? A fuckload, that’s how many. Not that there’s anything wrong with one chapter, but I want to get lost in a 50 chapter monster about my goddamn OTP once in a while goddamnit.
2)THE ONES THAT AREN’T A CHAPTER LONG ARE FUCKING REYLO FICS
Disclaimer, I don’t give a fuck if you like Reylo or not. Really, I don’t. I’m not gonna be like “Hrrrrgrr you’re condoning abuse because you like this ship!” because that’s fucking stupid, but you know what else is also fucking stupid? When I *finally* find a Stormpilot fic with multiple chapters and the Kylo Ren/Rey tag on it ends up being code for, “This is 99.9% Reylo with Stormpilot tacked on as an afterthought. There’s no actual development or plot dedicated to them. They’re just mentioned one time.”
*tears out hair* DON’T DO THIS. You don’t need to tag a fucking ship that isn’t in the fucking fic. God lordie fucking fuck. Just do me a favor: write your Reylo fic and don’t mention Stormpilot because you think you’re morally obligated to or something. You’re not. Don’t do it. Stop.
3) THE NAIVE FINN AND SEXY LATIN LOVER POE TROPES
*buries face in a fire ant hill and screams because that would be less painful than this bullshit*
Why. Why does this have to be a thing? It’s so stupid and insulting to both of their characters. Finn isn’t naive, he isn’t an idiot. You know clone troopers? Yeah, those badasses? Nobody ever writes fics where they don’t know what sex is or how to behave around people, or, you know, ANYTHING like that. (Don’t even get me started on the fics that show Finn as incompetent. No. Keep those the fuck away from me I never want to see them ever). No, they’re shown as knowledgeable and competent and total badasses, as they should be. Why can’t Finn get the same treatment? He was part of the deadliest cult in the universe, trained since childhood to be a powerful and emotionless soldier. He wasn’t raised in a goddamn bubble, not to mention that an important part of his backstory is the fact that he was one of the most *gifted* soldiers the First Order ever had. Not only was he gifted, but he was also strong enough to go against years upon years of brainwashing to turn away from the First Order. Would a naive person be able to do that?? Don’t you think if he was naive enough for it to be an issue in the Resistance that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to actually leave the First Order at all?
Just stop with this trope before I pop a fucking blood vessel. Please. It’s gonna give me a literal aneurysm one of these days.
And then we have Poe. Poe, who is somehow ALWAYS the sexiest and ALWAYS charming and ALWAYS flirting, no matter the situation.
I’d like to take this moment to direct everyone to Poe Dameron’s wookieepedia page. Where, anywhere, on it does it give even a VAGUE fucking hint that he’s a fucking flirting sex machine?
You’re probably scoffing at this point and saying, “Pop, you hypocrite. What about how often Obi-Wan Kenobi is characterized as a voracious flirt? You’re fine with that!”
Yes, BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING SUPPORTED BY WHAT HE’S DONE IN THE MOVIES, SHOWS, AND BOOKS. Obi-Wan is SHOWN to be a flirt, though whether he means it or not is up to interpretation. It’s who he is shown to be. It’s part of his character. This pristine Jedi Knight flirting with his enemies to throw them off-guard, while underneath it all he has a terrible time with relationships due to years of Jedi training and loss to convince him that it’s bad to have them, but I’ll stop there because this isn’t an Obi-Wan rant post. That’ll come later.
Where the hell is Poe shown to be a voracious flirt? So he gives Finn his jacket, he gives him the fuck me eyes, he *flirts* with Finn. Okay! But why the hell does that translate into him being the biggest flirt in the Resistance? Obi-Wan was shown to flirt with multiple people – Poe is shown to have flirted with one.
“Oh, but Pop, just because he’s a flirt doesn’t mean it has anything to do with his actor’s ethnicity.”
Do you want me to make a comprehensive list of fics that have used the words “suave” and “fiery” and “swagger” to describe Poe? Because I will.
Here we have a Latino actor playing a character that isn’t shown to be a huge unabashed sexy man suddenly characterized as a “fiery, suave, swaggering” flirt by a huge part of fandom. *fumes* PEOPLE DON’T EVEN DO THAT TO HAN FUCKING SOLO, AND HE’S THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF FIERY, SUAVE, AND SWAGGERING FLIRT. THEY DON’T EVEN DO THAT TO OBI-WAN KENOBI, WHO’S LIKE HAN SOLO TURNED TO FULL FRIGGIN VOLUME.
The worst part is, many, many fics make this his only character trait. He’s a sexy flirt, and that’s it. Nothing about his backstory, nothing about his commitment to the Resistance, nothing about how he’s one of the best pilots to ever live. Nope. We’re just gonna have him make naive Finn feel flustered with his unrepentant flirting and constantly swaggering hips that seem magnetized to every crotch on D'Qar.
I’m not saying there aren’t good Stormpilot fics out there. There are plenty (in fact I’m putting together a buttload for a fic rec list), but holy fucking shit it can be such a bother trying to find them.