It’s easy to
guess where the cold spots on the bed are because they crop up in the same
places, when you know what warm is and you are without it. No, it doesn’t last
long and it gets taken up by your own skin, you soak it up and forget there was
ever anything else there before.
There are actions that result in pain and one repeats them but more often than not, there are also moments that stop you with the air and force you to look at anything that reflects, just to ensure you see where you could do differently and you do not.
Smoke can be very useful but there is no substitute for bare heat or cold. I don’t regret letting anyone in because I’m still standing and I’ve got all this pain to make things out of. I cut skin off trees and called it crafting, pulled memories from a single perspective and said it conjured hidden things.
But I don’t forget, not the best things, the ones that made me feel you were worth remembering, and if there is any happiness in my actions it’s because I feel they are my own again.