Anyone remember MUDs? Multi-user dungeons? I played one of them once

The one I played had an offspring system that let two characters choose to create a playable child character that inherited from both parents. Didn’t even have to be two PCs, the difference between PCs and NPCs in the eyes of the system was so minor that it worked with NPCs and even between two NPCs. 

The addition of this system is where everything went downhill and my slow descent into madness began.

For reasons I cannot recall, I decided that I really wanted to make a very specific hybrid race: a half-penguin, half-succubus PC. Neither of which are valid choices for character creation, but when you’ve got polymorph spells and time manipulation and a cursed magic item that transforms the wearer into a succubus/incubus, well… Even then, though, it seemed impossible at first. The obvious method would be to have a penguin bang a succubus, so I kidnapped some NPCs and polymorphed them - they were a couple already so it wasn’t hard to make them bang, even though one of them was a demon lady and the other was a talking penguin - but it only ever made more succubi. After enough tries to be sure that there wasn’t any RNG at work and some tests with different species (and a quick trip to the sewer to unload the failed children), I found the problem: if the succubus was the mother, the offspring wouldn’t inherit any of the penguin traits and would always be a full succubus. The issue now, of course, was getting a male succubus - an ordinarily impossible combination, as being turned into a succubus while male would normally also make you female, and being turned male while a succubus would normally also make you an incubus. Some more experimenting and sewer trips later, I found a specific order of spells and cursed magic item application that broke this rule, and had turned one of the NPCs into a male succubus - not an incubus, mind you, but specifically a succubus tagged as a male. So the only step remaining was turn myself into a penguin and cuck his wife to give birth to a half-penguin half-succubus, completely with tiny demon wings and everything.

In short, I committed unspeakable acts of depravity and fucked an NPC in front of his wife to make a prinny.

Anyways I’m told that I singlehandedly destroyed the server because there was no data for male succubi and the database got corrupted when I made one. good times

“I don’t understand.” She leaned heavily on the wall, eyes fixed on the demon. The weapon fell slack, forgotten, to the floor. “I’m asexual.” 

“Yes.” The succubus smiled and touched her cheek. “And you can still fall in love like anyone else. Long for it, dream of it…even more than others, perhaps. All those frantic worries on first dates that they want something you do not want to give. How alone you felt. How could I resist such a siren call of desire?”

She swallowed, heart slamming in her chest. She was so sure that she would be immune - her secret power, in this, at least. “Get out of my head.” 

“Oh, it’s not your head you have to worry about.”

“Did you know,” the succubus said, “that most of the time when you think you’ve saved a bird from a cat you haven’t done a thing. It’s the saliva, you see. Gets them later even if they flutter away.” She leaned closer to the mirror, applying lipstick before her gaze moved to watch the frozen human in the reflection. She smiled. “It’s a bit like that with my kind. Different kind of death though.” 

As far as they had been aware, once wasn’t enough to do damage. The stories always had repeats - the slow draining of life over time. Love sickness. The human’s heart lurched but they simply tried a smile, a cock of the eyebrow. “Le petite morte?”

The succubus laughed at that. “That too. I did mean the bit where you become like me, though.”

The smile vanished. The demon was kidding. Surely she was kidding? 

The succubus blew a mocking kiss. “Sweet dreams, hunter.”

Okay, but what about Succubi and Incubi that feed off of platonic interactions/affections/attractions/etc. instead of sexual?

“I’m so fucking hungry! I need a hug!” “How about three hugs and a fist bump?” “See, this is why I love you dude.”

“Do you wanna cuddle and watch TV together?” “Hell yes, a dinner and a movie!”

“Eskimo kisses are so delicious…” 

[beginning of episode

…And now it’s time for me to take a few weeks off while I get the next episode ready, and prepare for the Massachusetts Independent Comics Expo in October. Starting next Friday we’ll have guest art from Job Satisfaction’s friends and neighbors. Believe me, you do not wanna miss it.

I’ll be continuing to post on Patreon, and if you can’t come to MICE but are interested in getting print issues of JS, keep an eye on my main blog, where I will be announcing preorders soon.

Thanks for reading!

Here’s another adorable succubus design from @mssucb

If I had to choose one this would be my most favorite design from the archive, it’s so adorable! I also really love how this turned out.                                           (if only I knew how to color better .-. )

(also go follow mssucb for a lot of really good artists and really adorable succubi)