What-if: You wake up to find that, without explanation, all Jimmy John’s restaurants in the United States have changed their names to “James Johnathan’s.” The name change is mandated by law. No one may call the sandwich chain by its old name. All overworked undergrads, even when sleep-deprived during midterms week and pouring smoke out of their ears, must say: “Hey, do you – uhhh – do you wanna go grab a J.J. Gargantuan with me at the James Johnathan’s?” 

Subway, in an attempt to follow along with the fancy-name trend, changes their name to “Metro.” It doesn’t catch on. The chain soon folds.

Guardian Angels on the NYC subway, early 1980s.