Twin Peaks dialogue templates, because I love dialogue
- Albert Rosenfield: Subordinate clause addressing whatever asinine thing was just said by the other character, followed by a long, stylish rapid-fire stream designed to prep the other character for their inevitable annihilation: Three word insult. A rule-of-threes list of things he does not like, do, or care about, preferably alliterative, and always decimating. Dismissal.
- Gordon Cole: THE SECRET TO GORDON COLE IS SHORT SENTENCES! I MEAN REALLY SHORT! NOW THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THIS IS WHEN YOU'RE ENDING A PARAGRAPH, AND THEN YOU CAN USE TWO CLAUSES!
- Windom Earle: A quaintly ironic, perhaps even polite black humor observation about the other character's (likely unfortunate) situation, followed by some charming purple prose that would truly be the essence of good manners if he wasn't--shall we say--homicidal. Oh, but Windom loves to ask baiting questions, doesn't he? My, he loves to monologue--preferably about all of the terrible things he's going to do to the other character, but never seems to get around to actually doing! Well, no matter. If he gets too carried away, you can always cut him off with an initially innocent sentence that SUDDENLY BREAKS INTO A HOMICIDAL OUTBURST!!!!
- Dale Cooper: Character name, followed by an excited, bright-eyed announcement of a new discovery or idea. [Brief pause to consume food object.] An immediate transition into a precise, almost Spock-like dump of obscure information that is unnecessarily detailed and almost totally incomprehensible to the other character. This description can go on for several sentences. In fact, the longer and more technical it is, the better, as the intended effect is for the other character to be in a totally obfuscated daze by the time Cooper is finished. In short: Concise summary. [More consumption of food.] A resolute, serious suggestion for action gleaned from his findings. But first: a non-sequitur framed as an observational question?
- Diane: Fuck you, Gordon.