"Next time I am NOT bailing you out."

“Look, I get you guys like to give people the benefit of doubt, but c'mon. I TOLD you before that my father is a FUCKING CONMAN. That he got me left in JAIL for four years?! That he got my sister’s fiancé killed during a con?! WHY DID YOU THINK. IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE A QUEST FROM HIM. WHILE HIS GODDAMN DAUGHTER WAS WARNING YOU NOT TO. No, ignore the girl who was raised by the conman and listen to him instead. Great thinking. All of you.”

Our group is fighting a swarm of trolls. Our Barbarian has been fighting a giant troll in the swarm and this was their final attack.

Barbarian: I use my maul on this troll’s dick. *rolls an 18 and a successful damage roll*
DM: You have castrated this troll and he bleeds out to death.
Barbarian OOC: Can I pocket the penis as my free action?
DM: You pocket the penis.

Later, against another giant troll in the same swarm.

Barbarian OOC: Can I throw the dick at the troll as an intimidation tactic?
DM: *laughing so much he decides to allow it* Sure just roll an Intimidation Check.

Sadly it only enraged the troll.