subject jack

Within the Land of Fiction exists a legendary all-female band known as the Valkyries. They consist of Wonder Woman (vocals/lead guitar), Black Widow (backup guitar), “Subject Zero” Jack (bass), Avatar Korra (drums), and Buffy Summers (keyboard). When a badass female character is losing a great battle, the Valkyries appear and play an epic song to rock her to victory. Today, as you wipe away the blood and stare into the face of your ultimate enemy through half-swollen eyes, straining through their grip for each breath, you see a bright flash appear in the sky, and across the battlefield rings the first chord of “Dare”…

Which Bioshock character should you fight?
  • Jack Ryan: I mean, you could, but you'd get your ass handed to you. Besides, hasn't this poor baby had enough? Don't fight Jack Ryan.
  • Atlas: Fucking do it. Fucking- I will PAY you to beat the shit out of this Irish bastard. Fight Atlas. Fight Atlas and win.
  • Brigid Tenenbaum: You could fight her, but why? She's done nothing to provoke you. The woman is probably dying of lung cancer anyways. Leave Tenenbaum alone.
  • Sander Cohen: Fight the creepy son of a bitch and bring me back his painted mustache.
  • Andrew Ryan: Sure, fight him. It'll probably change nothing, and you'll garner nothing but the knowledge that you're his test tube bastard, programmed from birth to do the bidding of a looming capitalist overlord.
  • Frank Fontaine: Kill the looming capitalist overlord.
  • Subject Delta: You could, but at what cost? He's a gentle giant. You'd be better off giving him a hug. He's just trying to be a good dad, okay? Don't fight Delta.
  • Sinclair: Sure, you'd win, but what pleasure would you derive from it? I mean, the man's tried to apologize for his wrongdoings. I guess if you're one to hold grudges, then maybe you could fight Sinclair.
  • Eleanor Lamb: She will kick your ass and smile while she does. Just... don't. Don't fight Eleanor Lamb, please.
  • Sofia Lamb: Sure, but it really wouldn't be that great of a fight. She's probably not that strong. You might have to fight off some splicers to get to her, but ultimately it really wouldn't be that satisfying of a victory.
  • Booker Dewitt: Kick his ass. You'll lose, but it'll be totally worth it to kick his teeth in a little bit. Fight Booker Dewitt.
  • Elizabeth Comstock: Look, you could fight Elizabeth. Or you could not mess with space-tearing punch-packing genius babes and leave the room with all bones intact.
  • Zachary Hale Comstock: Fight this man. Fight him to the death. FUCK Zachary Comstock.
  • Daisy Fitzroy: Fight her. But know that you WILL lose and it'll be devastating.
  • Rosalind or Robert Lutece: Don't fight the Lutece twins. They won't land a single blow, they'll just find a universe where you got your ass kicked and your nose will bleed until you die of anemia or something.