Are you a real entomologist? Well, uh, technically… Have you ever caught an insect, like a-like a real arthropod? Nah. Have you ever tried a trap? Naahh, Nah. Alright, I can see that I will have to teach you how to catch insects!
Hey! We are catching bugs! Hey! We are catching bugs!
Now listen closely Here’s a little lesson in entomology A subdiscipline of biology If you wanna pass this class and have some fun You’ll have to catch and label more than 40 bugs!
Just follow my moves, and sneak around Be careful not to make a sound Shh C R U N C H No, don’t touch that!
We are catching bugs! Hey! We are catching bugs!
Ha ha ha Now look at this net, that I just found When I say go, be ready to throw Go! Throw it on them, not me! Ugh, let’s try something else
Now watch and learn, here’s the deal They’ll be caught in this trap with molasses meal Ha ha ha, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are catching bugs! Hey! ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are catching bugs! ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are catching bugs! Hey! ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are catching bugs! Hey! Hey!
Cognitive Functions as Physics Disciplines: The Judging Functions
Ti: Condensed Matter Physics
Condensed Matter Physics is weird. It’s nominally the study of the physical properties of non-gas phases of matter but actually it ends up being the intersection of a number of systems. It’s currently the most widely-studied topics in contemporary physics (about a third of active American physicists) but not always that well understood. Hot topics include superconductors, new states of matter (like the always-fascinating Bose-Einstein Condensate), and symmetry breaking. Pretty much take any other physics subspecialty on this list, and you can find a way, as a condensed matter physicist, to somehow get involved in it. It also notably has both theoretical and experimental opportunities, so both the STPs and NTPs have something to do.
Te: Medical and Biophysics
The application of physics to biology. Medical physics is the study of the physics used in medicine (such as radiation therapy or the science of MRI), and biophysics is broader and includes the kinetics of biological systems, the electronics of the brain, and essentially filling in the gaps of what cannot be explained by traditional biology or chemistry in the processes of living organisms. Both these fields tend towards problem-solving: how to use radiation, magnetism, kinetics, and so forth to our advantage in working with biological systems. Both also tend strongly towards experimentation/observation over theory, and while, like condensed matter physics, the fields are very interdisciplinary, they’re a little more utilitarian, rather than all-encompassing, as they pull from other areas.
Walt Whitman may not have been a fan of the science, but everyone wants to write poetry about the stars sometimes. Case in point:
“It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.” - Sagan (aka the guy who did the original Cosmos, also smoked a lot of weed). While a lot of astrophysics and cosmology is cold hard analysis/coding of gravitational lensing and spectra, and astrobiology
is its own weird subdiscipline that often falls under geology in academia, astrophysics and cosmology are ultimately the product of the denizens of the universe trying to discover where we came from.
Fe: Classical Physics (Mechanics, E/M, Thermo, Optics, and Acoustics)
This is where it all began. It may seem basic now, but without this shared groundwork, none of the other disciplines I’ve mentioned would be remotely possible. It’s also not dead by any means. Fluid dynamics operates under mechanics (there’s no significant quantum physics or relativity involved) but we still don’t fully understand turbulence. The three-body problem, a classical mechanics (gravitation) problem, has no single analytical solution so we must make approximations based on empirical evidence. And without classical physics, there’s also literally no engineering. This is what holds it all together, and it’s what almost everyone can reference. It’s also a great introduction to physics: you can recreate a lot of Galileo’s experiments, for example, at home. You can sass your parents about how leaving the door open doesn’t in fact let the cold air in, but rather the hot air out*.
*thermodynamically this is true; since there’s often wind, the cold air is likely not stationary and therefore can enter your house. And in the end the temperature of your house drops, so ultimately your parents are right in spirit if not in the technicalities.
You know what sucks about neuroscience? The more you learn about it, the more you realize nobody really understands it. We have tiny glimpses into how the brain works but on the whole we’re clueless. So spoiler–I’m going to explain al the drug classes, then I’m going to tell you that they are COMPLETE bullshit
Depressants/Analgesics (pain relief) (lol here’s my first lie analgesics and depressants aren’t the same thing why are they in the same group?!)–Alcohol, barbituates, opioids
LOL HERE IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS! Ketamine, my favorite drug, counts as both a stimulant, psychotherapeutic, and a hallucinogen, depending on the doses. Sometimes it’s two of these things at once! Who the fuck knows! This is pretty much true for every drug. We don’t even know all the effects of all the drugs. We don’t fucking know anything. We’re literally just throwing darts in the dark hoping one thing will stick. Who the hell knows. What the hell am I even majoring in? Why is neuroscience just one major THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON IN THE BRAIN IT NEEDS LIKE AT LEAST 1000 SUBDISCIPLINES. Neurotic OUT.