fanon mccree: HIGH NOON, huge flirt, doesnt take anything seriously, goofy cowboy, arrogant, trying to impress other people all the time, rolling tumbleweed man
canon mccree: suffers from ptsd after joining a dangerous gang as a fucking child, and moving on to join blackwatch in his late teens and at some point losing his entire arm, is an extremely dangerous gunslinger/vigilante wanted for millions of dollars, suffers from alcoholism and depression, has terrible self esteem and self-destructive habits, lost his friends and mentors and has been alone on the run for half a decade
*Dean has had at least one biological kid
*Both of his children have been taken out of his life
*Dean is allergic to cats
*Crowley sold his soul for a bigger dick
*Sam is lactose intolerant
*Cas is the only one inside his body
*Sam once got married
*All Sam wants is a dog godammit
*Sam is scared of clowns
*Dean is scared of flying
*John Winchester was a terrible father fight me
*Crowley owns the moon
*Sam was a theatre kid
*Sam had a magic phase
*Cas lost his v to a reaper
*Dean killed his best friend (Benny) to save Sam
*Crowley was an abused kid
*Rowena killed the boy she wanted as a son in front of her son
*Mary made a deal with Azazel which got him to come to her house ‘that night’
*Bobby French kissed Crowley
“Don’t go, Cas,” Dean whispers, a soft plea in the dark, his lips pressed against Cas’s. “Please. Just stay. I just got you back.” I just learned to love you, he wants to say. Dean clings to him tighter, pulls his warmth closer. His fingers stake real estate in Cas’s hips, pinning the angel against him. He changes his mind, and slips his hand up Cas’s back, letting himself drink in the hills and valleys of Cas’s muscles.
“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas whispers, cutting himself off with a kiss. Dean hates that it’s Crowley who’s pulling Cas away from him. He hates everything about the situation. He has to fight the bitterness rising in his throat at the thought of Cas and Crowley working together again. “I have to. I have a lead.” Cas buries his fingers in Dean’s hair, and Dean wants to lose himself that feeling again and again. The heat of Cas’s skin against him where they lay - chest-to-chest beneath Dean’s covers; the slide of Cas’s lips on his… it’s incendiary, and Dean doesn’t want to douse the flame. Watching Cas nearly die in front of him; hearing those words that have been on the tip of his tongue for years… all at once it was too much and not enough, and he’s terrified of letting go of it. “We have to find Kelly before it’s too late.” Dean exhales slowly, dragging Cas in for another long, lingering kiss.
“I know,” Dean whispers, pulling his hands up to Cas’s face. “But every time you leave, I’m scared something’s gonna happen. To you. To all of it. I’m scared I’m never gonna see you again. Especially now, after–”
“I’ll come back to you, Dean,” Cas says, rocking back enough to look at Dean, their eyes meeting in dark. His voice is soft and reassuring, and it makes Dean’s heart ache. “I always do.”
Dean sits on the edge of his bed, still in his boxers, and watches Cas dress in silence; watching the soft amber light of the lamp dancing across him as he moves. Always the adios, he thinks. He knows, in the grand scheme of things, this is necessary. What Cas is doing is important. But for once, he wants to be selfish. He wants to say fuck it all and disappear.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Dean.” Cas’s voice pulls him back. Cas’s hand is on his cheek, and he leans into it, chasing the warmth. “In the meantime… Keep busy. Do what you do best.” Cas smiles, and Dean inhales. It’s a staggering - and rare - sight. “Save people. Hunt things. The Winchester family business.”
Dean huffs out a laugh and stands, surging forward to wrap Cas in his arms. He pushes Cas back against the door and kisses him hard, burying his fingers in his hair. “Be careful, please,” he whispers desperately. “I love you, Cas. Please be careful.” His voice breaks, and he hides his face in Cas’s shoulder. It kills him, being vulnerable. But if there’s one person in all of creation with whom he can be, it’s Cas.
“Always,” Cas murmurs, pressing a kiss to Dean’s temple. And then he’s gone, and Dean’s chest aches at the loss. He crawls back under his covers and dreams of Cas until Sam wakes him with a case.
The drive home is a quiet one. Dean can feel Sam beside him, squirming, desperate to ask questions. To talk about what exactly just happened. He knows Sam knows better, though. Thankfully, he keeps quiet. Every couple of minutes, Dean glances in the rearview, making sure Cas’s truck is still behind them; still following them. He wanted Cas to leave the truck and ride with them – he’d been through a lot, didn’t need to be driving. Cas, of course, refused. With a heavy sigh, he tightens his grip on the steering wheel and presses harder on the gas. Dean’s full of adrenaline, full of questions, full of… he’s not even sure. He’s buzzing.
Sam barely waits for the door to close before he announces he’s beat, and heading to bed. Dean grunts a goodnight in his direction and turns his attention to Cas. He still looks worse for wear – exhausted and filthy. “You look like you should hit the hay, too,” he says. He tries to sound jollier than he feels. The waiver in his voice betrays that. He notices Cas gripping the back of a chair, and he has to stop himself from reaching out to him.
Dean takes a shaky breath and nods. “Yeah,” he says, in answer of nothing particular. “Well, I’m gonna…” he jabs a thumb over his shoulder. “I’m gonna grab a shower and head to bed, so…”
“I’ll be here.” Cas lifts his eyes slowly, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat. The whole way home, that night had been playing in his head. The thought of losing Cas. Cas’s confession. Dean’s cowardice.
“Right.” He steps forward and pats Cas’s shoulder awkwardly. “Night, Cas.”