style-counsel

Transference (M) – Chapter 05

cr. [X]

Summary: During a routine visit to the local bakery, you stumble upon an intriguing business card and figure, what the hell. The business arrangement becomes…mutually beneficial. Y’all know where this is going.

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut

Word Count: 10,216

Warning: Tantric!Hoseok, therapist/client relationship, sexual themes, BDSM, shibari, dom/sub roleplay, profanity.

A/N: Here is the long awaited Hoseok POV chapter. If you haven’t read Chapters 1-4 already, I highly recommend doing so by using the links below.

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05

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ADHD & "out of sight, out of mind" relationships

Is it weird that it’s hard for me to maintain personal relationships if I don’t physically see them all the time? Like I love my parents and my sister, but I never really *miss* them. I only get homesick when I’m about to leave, but once I’ve adjusted to being at school I’m totally fine. I can go months w/o contacting HS friends and weeks w/o seeing my college friends or even my bf during the semester. I rarely if ever get the urge to reach out. I just don’t think about them, which sounds super callous, but I definitely do care? But it’ll be like 2 weeks since I’ve seen someone who lives a building away or a month since I’ve called my mom and they’ll text me like ‘I miss you!’ and I…don’t? I don’t feel compelled to seek out their company and sometimes I don’t even reply to messages because I don’t have the mental energy to hold an interaction with them. It’s like I pause all my friendships to come back to later, except real life isn’t Netflix and people won’t hold your place if you don’t actually put in the work. I can feel my high school friends drifting apart but I still don’t feel interested in their lives away until we’re back together in person and it feels just the same as always. I don’t realize it’s weird how little I talk to my parents  (who I love very, very much and have a great relationship w) until someone’s like “lol my mom calls at least every other day” and I realize that my mom’s expectations from me are “maybe a few emojis every month”. My boyfriend sometimes complains that he’s never been the one in the relationship to be nagging for a text back. If I’m at college, I don’t miss home, and if I’m at home, I don’t miss my friends from college. 

Is this an ADHD thing? I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I hate that I feel this way. I feel so shallow and self-centered because I struggle to maintain attachments whenever there’s physical distance. I saw this one random blogger make a personal post about this same exact thing, wondering if it was a facet of her ADHD, and now I’m wondering if it’s a facet of mine, too. It’s like I lack “emotional object permanence”, like if I can’t see the relationship it’s not right in front of me. I’ve only just been noticing this because I’m in college, but back in high school I rarely hung out with my friends outside of school and only sporadically had contact over breaks. I didn’t think that was weird but now I’m thinking it kind of is.

(I have Inattentive Type ADHD w/ impulsive tendencies)


Ugh, this posted instead of going to drafts. Tumblr, WTF?!?

Anyway, I was going to look up attachment styles for you because it sounds like you have both the typical ADHD out of sight out of mind thing like you say, but also it sounds like your attachment style is a bit out of whack. You can read up on it via the link from this post. There are ways to mitigate some of the challenges associated with an off-kilter attachment style, and counselling is a good way to work through that process.

-J

4

(An actual conversation that probably happened, because denial is the only Jedi-approved way.)

A tribute to incredibly sassy and salty responses of @animar-smol-of-elephants, @flaminganakin, and @zorekryk on THIS post by @alrightanakin (also tagging @cadesama who wrote very relevant commentary under this all).

Also, as a bonus, have a classic piece of Yoda-style counseling, courtesy of @shitpostgenerator.

Being Intellectually Prepared for Job Interviews in Your Field of Study

Congratulations, you graduated from college and now you are looking for that perfect first job in your field of study!  Most of the posts that I see regarding this topic tell you how to dress for the job interview.  I think it is basic common sense that you shouldn’t just roll out of bed and go to the interview.  If you are a female don’t wear a short skirt or dress and don’t wear a plunging neckline.  To be honest, it probably doesn’t matter what color you wear to the interview either, as long as you are dressed professionally and it looks like you actually care about looking professional.  People that are conducting your job interview care more about what’s in your brain than what’s on your body.

I was vastly unprepared for my first job interview due to reading all of these posts about how to dress for a job interview.  All I cared about was dressing perfectly that I forgot about the most important part, showing them that I’m intellectually appropriate for the job.  I completely bombed that first job interview, but I learned a lot from it! P.S. This information can also be utilized for internship interviews.

Ask Around:  One thing that I wish I had done is ask the people from my internship, my professors, and previous graduates from my program that now have a job about what kind of questions will be asked in the interview.  This will prepare you to cover the type of questions that you will be asked in your interview. You can even ask them if they could do a mock interview with you and provide you with feedback.

Preparing Your Answers Before the Interview: There are going to be some of the questions that are basic of any job such as “what are your strengths” and “what are your weaknesses” that you should be prepared to answer, but there are also going to be questions asked that are specific to your field of study/work.  Another question that you should prepare for is the “can you give me an example of a time that you…”  I was asked this multiple times in the interview for the job that I currently have.  Since I am in a counseling field I was asked questions such as “Give me an example of a time that you faced an ethical dilemma and explain what you did.”  It is hard to prepare for these questions, so what I suggest is to think about all the experience you have in the field and think of specific examples of various times that you did something well.  If you can’t think of a situation off the top of your head there are two different ways to answer this question.  One option is to ask the interviewer if you can come back to the question so that you can think about your answer.  If you have never run into that specific situation, you could honestly say “In my experience working in the field I honestly haven’t run into that dilemma, but if I did this is what I would do…”  This last option allows you to be honest when answering the question and shows that if you do run into that specific situation you are prepared to properly handle it.

Study Up: Before you go to your job interview, study some of the basic material regarding your field.  I kick myself when I think about the way I answered a question in my first interview regarding something that all counselors should know.  I had a brain fart and I found myself tripping over my words to try to explain the basic concept of “motivational interviewing” (a tool that all counselors should know).  It was extremely obvious that I did not know off the top of my head what motivational interviewing was, and I completely froze.  Review your notes from the classes you took so that you can remember and easily explain the basic concepts associated with your field of study.  You don’t want to come off as a babbling idiot.  Know how you would apply specific concepts and tools that you have learned about, knowing about these concepts/tools is useless if you don’t know how to apply them in specific situations.

Know Your Preferred Theory, and be Prepared to Explain it: This may only apply to counseling/psychology fields, I don’t know maybe it could be applied to other fields as well.  One thing that I got asked in all of my job interviews is “what is your counseling style?” or “what theory of counseling do you utilize?”  Prepare for this question!  Choose a theory or a combination of theories that you would utilize and be able to accurately explain these theories, the basic concepts behind the theories, and how you would apply it to clients.  If you are open to various theories and there are multiple ones you could see yourself using, there are a few ways to answer this.  First you could research the agency and see what type of counseling they do and add this information to your answer (as long as you could honestly see yourself using this theory).   Otherwise you could say that you haven’t worked in the field long enough to solidify the theory you would use and that you are open to applying a multitude of theories.  If you choose the latter type of answer, make sure you are still able to accurately explain each type of theory so that you aren’t giving a generic answer. 

If you Have a Complete Brain Fart:  If at any point during the interview you have a complete brain fart and can’t remember something, be honest.  Don’t try to bullcrap your way through the question, the interviewer will be able to tell that you have no idea what you are talking about.  Again, there are a few ways to address this.  You can ask the interviewer if you can come back to the question because you need a moment to think.  You could also honestly tell the interviewer that you don’t know the answer but are willing to learn.  It is more respectable to admit when we don’t know something and (although it is obviously better to actually know the information) admitting that you don’t know something shows that you are willing to admit when you are wrong or don’t know something.  It also shows that you are willing to learn.  Interviewers that see that you just graduated are completely aware that you are new to the field and most likely will understand if there are one or two things that you haven’t thought about or haven’t experienced yet.  As long as you are able to answer the majority of the questions, you should be fine. 

What your Handwriting says about your Personality

Handwriting analysis, or graphology, produces a personality profile by studying a person’s handwriting. Here’s how it pieces together a picture of the person “behind the pen.”

1. Begin by looking at the handwriting in general. What are the outstanding features? How much emotional energy does the writer appear to have? This is determined by assessing how much pressure is applied by the pen to the paper. Is the writing light or dark? Heavy pressure and dark writing are associated with vitality and confidence

2. Check out the slant of the writing. This tells you something about the way the writer responds to external pressures. A right slant (////) indicates a person whose heart rules their head. They are caring, warm and friendly. A vertical slant (llll) indicates a person whose head rules their heart. This is someone whose emotions are controlled. A left slant (\) indicates an individual who hides their emotions, and is generally aloof, cold and detached.

3. Look at how straight their writing is. Graphologists believe that a very straight baselines means the person has perfectionist tendencies and tend to be over disciplined. A very wavy baseline means the person is unstable, and on an emotional roller coaster. An ascending baseline indicates a positive and optimistic personality. A descending baseline indicates that the person is tired, pessimistic or depressed. A slightly wavy, but generally level, baseline indicates a balanced personality.

4. Examine the size of the writing. Small writing is a sign of someone who can concentrate for long time periods, and is not easily distracted. This person prefers to work alone, is hard working, focused and self-motivated. Average size writers work at a “normal” pace, and are not overly interested in the details. People with large handwriting are more easily distracted.

5. Look at the spacing between the words. Average spacing indicates a relatively laid back and confident person. Compressed writing indicates a person who always likes to be around others and wide spacing indicates a person who prefers to live a more isolated life.

Note: These are only general principles as our can mood affect our handwriting as well – but we still have a typical handwriting style.

theguardian.com
Transgender children know their identity. Bigots in the media don't

‘NHS to give sex change drugs to children’ screamed the newspaper headlines last week. The reality is so different for families dealing with the condition known as gender dysphoria. Here, a mother writes of the pain such coverage causes.

My seven-year-old child, although born male-bodied, has expressed herself as a girl since she could walk and talk. That expression translated into an articulation at age four that she was a girl “stuck inside the wrong body”. Reinforcing boyhood for our child began to lead to distress, upset and anxiety. What did we do? We kept reinforcing boyhood. What happened then? We found ourselves with a five-year-old who talked about wanting to die rather than be a boy. A five-year-old with a fascination for butterflies and caterpillars and mermaids who began talking about suicide …

Our child lives as a girl now and her school describes her as “calm, mature, bright-eyed and intelligent”. How did we get to that point? We listened to the child. We educated ourselves on the facts at hand and we facilitated the child’s outward expression of her own assertion about her identity. This has led to a happy child, well adjusted and thriving, engaged with an education and well liked by peers.

The issue at stake for children such as ours appears to be firmly rooted in a gender identity not congruent with their natal sex: a condition called gender dysphoria.

And yet, many people insist that any divergence away from a gender identity that does not match biological sex according to a strict binary of male and female is pathological or a deviation. This is a disturbing and dangerous prejudice that is unfortunately perpetuated by some of our national press.

“NHS to give sex change drugs to nine-year-olds: Clinic accused of 'playing God’ with treatment that stops puberty” declared the ugly front page headline. When the Mail on Sunday sought to make a mockery of the NHS, “sex swap drugs for nine-year-olds” was what they decided to run with. Vulnerable families attempting desperately to support children with gender dysphoria were targeted. Why? Because the world doesn’t seem to accept that our gender and our core sense of self is rooted in our minds and not between our legs.

And so because it is in the mind, our children are declared as hysterical and delusional and suffering from psychiatric disturbance. The Psychiatric Diagnostic Statistical Manual has recently been updated to list what was known as gender identity disorder as gender dysphoria. This is because the symptoms that accompany the distress of gender incongruence between mind and body are what leads to pathology and not the state of identification in and of itself. Modern psychiatry can accept that.

In response to accusations that our children can be “counselled out of this”, the fallout from reparative therapies is evident. Modern psychotherapy and counselling is not the same as North Korean-style brainwashing. Counselling is about nurturing a person within an empathic relationship of positive regard towards a better sense of self and place in the world. This is often exactly what parents are struggling to achieve.

Puberty suppressants are not “sex swap drugs”. In theory they are only prescribed after lengthy assessments between teams of health professionals in consultation when strict criteria are met. They are usually only prescribed and monitored closely by consultant paediatric endocrinologists in tandem with psychotherapeutic support. The reality is that far more children who need puberty suppressants are not being prescribed them than are.

Many who would benefit from this treatment actually do not receive it. It is true that some health professionals have had their careers threatened if they respond to the needs of transgender children and families, often by superiors who are entirely unsympathetic and openly prejudiced. Families and children are still at the mercy of this culture, in direct contrast to the scenario suggested by the Mail on Sunday. Families commonly find themselves with nowhere to turn in the UK after the very services and support they turn to either rejects them or turns on them. Pediatric endocrinologists with the courage to prescribe puberty suppressants to transgender children in the UK are few and far between despite the fact that the research from controlled clinical trials exists.

continued…