Safe haven (part 2)
I promised not to keep you guys waiting too long for this one, it is a Christmas story after all!
I apologise for the attack of feels here, Scar’s backstory is a bit of a painful one I’m afraid but Loki might be the right person to take on her burden.
Smut is for the next part!
Thank you all again for reading and liking this story, it seems I wasn’t the only one in need of some Loki :)
Safe haven (part 2)
His apartment did not look like ours in the slightest, it didn’t even look like an apartment at all.
There was no kitchen, no closets or tables, no tv or radio…only one big couch with lots of pillows in the middle of the large room, stacks of books in every corner, big black dusty curtains and lots and lots of candles on the green carpeted floor.
‘This is…where you live?’ my voice was barely a whisper and I had let go of his hand as I stepped further into the room, amazed by the silence in here and the mood that was set by the soft candlelight and the whole soberness of the space, and also a little bit frightened by the obvious fire hazard waiting to happen.
‘I am not around very often’ he spoke softly as he closed the door behind us.
I hadn’t been wrong in my description of him as mysterious, mysterious didn’t even come close.
He must have noticed the stunned look on my face because he stepped closer and carefully nudged my hand with his, making me look at him as he gave me a little smile.
‘There is no need to be frightened’ he then said.
‘I’m not’ I answered and as my eyes stayed locked with his I realised I wasn’t lying.
He had a calm over him that made my nerves disappear and made me feel completely at ease.
Being out of the dark also gave me the opportunity to take a better look at him, his long legs were covered in a tight black jeans stuffed into black leather boots and a black cardigan, his long black hair was slightly curly where it reached his shoulders.
As I met his eyes I realized I had been staring and quickly changed my gaze to the other side of the room, hoping he hadn’t noticed.
He grabbed something from the couch and reached his arm out to me.
‘I’m sorry it is not very warm in here,’ he apologized as he handed me one of his black sweaters,’ I never get cold’
I quickly put it on and let out a relieved sigh as I felt the warmth around my arms and chest.
‘Thank you’ I said as I tried not to blush thinking about this sweater and the many times it must have been stuck to his body, it suddenly felt very intimate and I turned my back to him and walked up to the couch.
‘Please sit’ he said and he waited until I was on the couch before sitting down next to me.
‘I thought I was the only one celebrating Christmas alone,’ I said with a weak smile,’ my friend has to work and my family lives far away so it’s just me…do you have any family?’
‘Far away’ he answered quietly, stopping me from asking anything more on the subject.
‘I don’t celebrate Christmas where I come from’ he then said.
‘Where are you from?’ I asked, biting my lip at all my intrusive questions,’ I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to’
‘It’s alright’ he said but he still didn’t answer, his eyes were staring at me again.
‘Are you still cold?’ he then asked.
‘It’s getting better’ I smiled thankfully as I pulled my legs up next to me.
‘I’m sorry’ he said.
‘That you are not able to spend today with your family,’ he explained,’ I’ve been told this is an important day to be around loved ones’
‘Yes well, every day should be,shouldn’t it?’ I sighed and he nodded his head,’ I’m not a big fan of Christmas, I kind of hate everything about it actually’
He stood up from the couch and opened one of the big curtains.
‘Even this?’ he then asked and I turned around to look at him and then through the window, he opened another curtain as I stood up and walked over to him.
The snow was falling hard, everything outside was white, making the darkness a little more bearable, you could see candlelight coming out of a lot of windows and some people walking around on the side walk laughing and throwing snow at each other.
I felt like I was watching a scene from an old movie.
‘I don’t know what Christmas is,’ he said,’ but I think this is beautiful’
‘It is’ I whispered as I stared outside, I couldn’t look away from this dreamy scenery and I forgot why I panicked before, everything about this was perfect, peaceful, there was nothing to worry about.
Suddenly I was aware of his body standing behind mine, as he stepped closer I could feel his breath against my neck, making me shiver.
‘You are still cold’ he noticed and he put his hands on my shoulders and pressed his chest against my back, the sudden contact startled me and I instinctively jumped and backed away from him.
‘I’m sorry!’ we both said at the same time.
‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated,’ it’s not you, please believe it is not you, I just…I…don’t respond well to sudden physical contact…especially not with strangers…I’m…I’m sorry’
‘You don’t need to explain anything,’ he said as he stepped back to the couch,’ it was not my place, I am sorry, I will not touch you again’
I stayed quiet and looked at him for a moment, almost feeling regret at his words.
‘It’s just…,’ I took a deep sigh and sat down next to him on the couch,’ my ex boyfriend was…when our relationship ended he…got aggressive and violent and…’
‘Please, you do not need to explain,’ he insisted but when he looked at me his eyes changed,’ unless you want to…’
I nodded my head and suddenly I could feel them, the tears I had been holding back all night, they finally managed to fight their way through. The real reason I hated Christmas…
‘I broke up with him a few weeks before Christmas, this was 4 years ago’ I explained in a shaky voice,’ on Christmas eve I was alone in my apartment in London when…he forced his way inside, tried to convince me to take him back. I refused but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he kept pushing and persuading me until he realized it was no use…so he just pinned me down to the ground with his hands around my throat…’
I turned my head away from him as I bit back the tears, I hadn’t talked about this in a very long time, apart from my parents Leyla was the only person who knew and I’ve never even told her any details.
Of course I thought about it every Christmas but I usually managed to drink it away and keep myself extra busy during the holidays, knowing it would be over soon and it would go back to being nothing but a bad memory in the back of my mind.
But right now it suddenly felt very close to me, this night was too dark and quiet with no way to run or hide from my thoughts, and now I was breaking down in front of this gorgeous man that I had never even talked to before.
I could feel his caring eyes on me and he stayed quiet, waiting until I was ready to tell him more.
And I don’t know why I felt the need to share all this with him, he was a stranger but maybe that was exactly what made this easier.
‘I thought he was going to…force himself on me,’ I spoke quietly,’ but he was too angry to even think about that I guess…he just started hitting me and when I was too weak to fight back he got up and punched me in the stomach until I was unconscious…’
I could see him reach out his hand to grab mine but he stopped midway and took it back, deciding it better not to touch me again after my previous reaction.
‘I was passed out on the floor in my living room for several hours,’ I continued,’ I remember coming to and then sinking away again time after time, my eye sight was so blurry all I could make out were the Christmas lights in my tree and…I remember the pain…the physical pain’
I remembered it so clearly I could still feel my stomach turn at the thought of it.
‘And then I felt it all fading away slowly and all I could think of was…I am going to die, right here, under this stupid Christmas tree’ I sobbed as I wiped my tears away and finally looked at him again, seeing the horrified look on his face.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I told you this,’ I confessed,’ you’ve been so helpful letting me into your apartment, I’m sure you didn’t sign up for this’
I got up from the couch and started walking towards the door, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going but it suddenly felt very unfair to lay all my burdens on this friendly stranger.
I’m sure he was just being polite but in reality he probably couldn’t wait to see me gone.
‘Please stay’ he begged and he was up from the couch and in front of me in an instant.
‘Please’ he repeated, softer this time, his eyes were full of compassion as he looked at me but it was more than that, there was pain in there, his own pain and it suddenly made me feel less intrusive.
When I noticed the tears in his eyes I knew here was no need for me to be embarrassed with him, he knew…he understood.
I nodded my head and stared back at him.
‘I’m fine,’ I then said as I wiped my tears away again, determined not to spill any more,’ I was lucky you know, lucky that I wasn’t hurt more or that he didn’t…’
I ate my words as I shook my head and looked at him, his face still filled with shock.
’It could have been much worse,’ I continued,’ there was no permanent damage’
‘No permanent physical damage’ he said softly.
‘Yes,’ I admitted,’ the human mind is a little bit more complicated. Most days I don’t even think about it anymore, but some moments…they are small, like the way you pulled me against you unexpectedly…they catch me off guard and I freeze for a second. It’s getting better but…Christmas is always hard’
‘Is that why you hate it so much?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I didn’t always’ I said.
‘Maybe you just need to make better Christmas memories to replace those bad ones’ he then said, I noticed he was standing right in front of me now, his body almost touching mine but he kept his distance.
‘Maybe’ I said.
His eyes were piercing into mine, making it impossible for me to look away. The initial shock of what I just told him was gone from his face, all I could see there now was sympathy and sadness.
‘Can I?’ he then asked softly, touching my hand with his fingers carefully, I could tell he was trying his best to not make me jump away again, still keeping his distance, brushing my hand only slightly with his,’ will you please let me touch you?’
His voice was almost begging me and there was no way I could refuse him, I needed his comfort.
‘Yes’ I whispered.
He brought his hand to my face and slowly touched my cheeks with his thumbs before sinking them down to rest on my shoulders and then lower, his fingers danced across my arms putting goosebumps all over me, then down to my waist, where he grabbed me and pulled me against his chest softly, his touch was so slow and careful, as if he was still afraid to scare me away if he made one wrong move.
When I felt his arms around me I relaxed against him and finally dared to breathe out.
I put my arms around his waist and held him close to me, his hands were caressing my back, one hand climbed higher to my neck and into my hair, holding me close to him with his entire body now.
‘You’re safe with me’ he whispered into my ear, making me cling to him even harder.
I knew it wasn’t rational but I believed him more than I had ever believed anyone.