stupid toad

  • Book 1: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm a bitter old ass."
  • Book 2: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm a bitter old ass but I kicked Lockharte's butt in front of the whole school so readers temporarily like me more."
  • Book 3: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm such a bitter old ass that I'm willing to send an innocent man to his death and deprive an abused child of a loving home to satisfy a childhood grudge."
  • Book 4: Severus Snape and "Wow I really must be a bitter old ass if I'm throwing a hissy fit about a couple of stupid weeds when the child who used them is fighting for his life in a tournament he didn't even want to enter."
  • Book 5: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm a bitter old ass who is invading the privacy of an abused child's mind without really teaching him anything but this was the year The Stupid Pink Toad was here so the readers hate me less by default."
  • Book 6: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm such a bitter old ass that I've inadvertently injured my favourite student via the means of my least favourite student/favourite student's not-so-secret object of obsessive affection."
  • Book 7: Severus Snape and "Wow I'm a bitter old ass but I died in an act of basic human decency so sure, go ahead and name your kid after me"
Jealousy ~ Pt. 2 of ‘Nightmares’

Part 1:

Pairing: Young! Sirius Black x reader

Requested: sort of, in the comments

Warnings: none

Word count: 1265


Here it is! One day early! I have been working on it and I feel like it’s way better than the first part, although be sure that the story isn’t over yet and that there are a lot more parts coming up!

  It was here: the Graduation dance was merely a month away, so close, yet so far away. Every 7th year was looking forward to it, and so was (Y/N) Lawson. Although she was definitely one of the most wanted girls in her year, her four best friends scared away nearly every boy that wanted to ask her to the dance, until, Thomas Smith, probably the hottest boy in her year, right after Sirius Black of course, set is eyes on her.

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Merlin blinked and looked down at the toad walking clumsily toward him, croaking.

“No, no, you’re free to go!” Merlin protested when Arthur tried to cling on to his shoe. “Go find your friends, you stupid toad! Shoo!”

The giant foot pushed him back, but Arthur stubbornly came back to it and followed it with loud croaks whenever Merlin tried to walk away.

A cheap spell, by Saturne

anonymous asked:

You know the anti argument where Snape tests a thing on Neville's toad? Well I don't think the magical world has very good animal protection laws anyway. I mean it's perfectly acceptable for kids to practice transfiguration spells on animals that if gone wrong could harm them. In the movies when I look in the background at the caged animals I have a freak out coz they are not acceptable enclosures whatsoever. Do they have any animal protection laws at all?

i think the FUNNIEST anti argument to me is the people who cry in outrage over neville’s toad. let me outline the reasons why:

1) it’s a fucking toad, it has like a two year lifespan anyway im fufsaj

2) the toad is never actually harmed and turns out all right so idk why it even matters to be honest

3) animals in this fucking universe get turned into cups and silverware and toothpicks and other animals willy-nilly and no one cries outrage about that??? we never really see if they get turned back???? if you want to get upset about the ill treatment of neville, get upset about the fact that people in the wizarding world just fucking turn animals into plates and no one says shit

4) it’s a TOAD

the thing is, rereading that scene it’s really clear to me that snape is just like…. desperately trying to get neville to actually do well in potions. remember, we see things through harry’s pov - is snape actually disappointed he didn’t get to poison neville’s toad or does harry just think he is? we CAN’T know. (tbh it seems pretty likely, but we don’t know.) and like it’s definitely morally grey to hold your student’s pet hostage to get them to brew a potion correctly but like…. hey it works, doesn’t it? and considering how often neville loses the dang thing the stupid toad is probably lucky it’s still alive ANYWAY

the point is, considering it’s a TOAD and it never actually gets hurt and neville doesn’t seem super traumatized by the event, can we please just drop this argument altogether it’s so stupid for god’s sake

and no, i really doubt the wizarding world has any animal protection laws at all tbh

best thing about toads is so many of them got this really determined look going on. makes everything they do seem so very deliberate. which makes it even funnier when what they do is actually something really clumsy or stupid.

such precious creatures.

Seriously, though. The biggest issue with how people are acting about Trump is that they’re shooting themselves in the foot.

Every time you jump the gun on a story that turns out to be hyped up and mostly bullshit or opinion, all you are doing is giving Trump, and their supporters, a free “Whatever, crazy conspiracy theorist.”

If there is any COIN/Psyop going on, that’s where it is at; to delegitimize opposition groups by letting them go full rabid dog, and get any real scandal lost in the fray as they clamor for something more serious. 

There seems to be a contradiction in terms when it comes to what most people are arguing.

Most people argue that Trump is a stupid, likely insipid slimy toad of a person who is a failed businessman and has terrible management skills and an oversized ego, and that Republicans are old, unsavvy, idiot robber-barons whose entire life is propped up by shitty and often predatory business practices and casual racism. 

Meanwhile these same people are arguing that people like the above managed to collude with foreign powers to influence an election against an opponent who was significantly better equipped both financially and in regards to political and media contacts, and then escape with little to no evidence of this collusion, despite it needing multiple double agents in the DNC, inside wikileaks, and even inside of the US government.

You are essentially saying that the DNC, in it’s entirety (as well as the entire news media), is completely incompetent, that they were beaten at a game of chess by the political and intellectual equivalent of a pigeon, entirely because they were too stupid to realize and prove that the pigeon was cheating

Adult Supervision

Summary: One-shot. Jaken’s scheme to find the Inu no Taisho’s tomb takes an unexpected turn when the Unmother brings Izayoi back from the dead. Alive in the demon’s body, Izayoi wants to make amends with Inuyasha by doing what she couldn’t before: being there.

Words: 7k

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A/N: Inuparents Day fic. The story isn’t about their relationship, but it’s often mentioned! 

Dedicated to @wreathoflaurels, who made me love Izayoi. To me, she’s really your character!

“I have come back, Inuyasha… Back from the world of the dead.”

Izayoi was aware of something channeling her, tugging at her spirit—disturbing her peace.

“Stop hurting her!” A man screamed from the outside.

“Your son,” the thing whispered. “The man is your son.”


“Are you okay?” A girl’s voice sounded close by.

“Who’s there? Who are you?” Izayoi asked the darkness.

“I am the Unmother.”

“Kagome, you and her, get out of here!” Inuyasha barked.

“I think not,” Sesshomaru’s voice scorned.

“It’s a trap,” Izayoi realized. She started fighting the demon’s grasp, feeling the strength of the souls which formed it—mothers mourning children who would never come home.

Their intentions weren’t good.

“This place… Where is it?” Inuyasha asked.

“Nowhere!” Izayoi wanted to yell. “It’s an illusion!”

“At the bottom of the spirit world,” the Unmother answered. “I must be crossing over very soon.”

Izayoi would have groaned if she could. Stuck inside the Unmother’s body, she was able to read her like a book.

Inuyasha would die.

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Y'all got me all the way fucked up if you actually want me to believe that kick ass, power princess, banshee queen, Lydia Martin suddenly woke up in the middle of the night whispering ‘where’s jackson’ when she has no idea that he’s even in beacon hills or has had any communication with his trash, toxic, abusive ass, in years since his narcissistic ass went to London ? That had nothing to do with her banshee abilities lol. These writers are so trash if this series wasn’t over in 2 episodes I promise you I’d be boycotting the fuck out of it.

Iwaoi headcanons

- Iwaizumi is obsessed with animal documentaries. He watches one and least once a day, he loves the scenery, the different countries and - of course - all those beautiful animals! He always smiles like an idiot while watching them.

- Tooru normally gets up very early. Every Sunday he visits the small bakery just a few blocks away from their apartment and buys some coffee, fresh bread and cupcakes. (Iwaizumi likes chocolate muffins the most and oikawa enjoys the strawberry cupcakes with white chocolate filling.)

- Iwaizumi is actually the clingy one in the relationship. He doesn’t show it too often in public (it makes him kinda uncomfortable) but as soon as they come home he kisses oikawa, latches onto him, always wants to cuddle and hold hands. (He also loves being the small spoon.)

- They payed an online artist to draw Godzilla and an alien to make out. (“This is a serious investment, Iwa-chan. Don’t you see how badly we need such wonderful piece of art in our living room?”)

- They both like gaming and normally Hajime is the more calm and collected one, until they play Mario kart. He get’s especially angry when they drive the Rainbow Road.