stupid crow

2

the dregs meme: [1/5] scenes

“What do you like?”
“Music. Numbers. Equations. They’re not like words. They … they don’t get mixed up.”
“If only you could talk to girls in equations.”
There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they’d created in the link, Wylan said, “Just girls?”
Jesper restrained a grin. “No. Not just girls.”

2

Nina huffed out a little laugh. “It’s okay,” she said at last. “I would have thought about it, too.”
He got to his feet and offered her his hand. “I’m Matthias.”
“Nina,” she said, taking it. “Nice to make your acquaintance.”

YOI royalty AU in which 18-year-old Yuuri is the prince of the country of Yutopia, and in the year leading up to his sister’s coronation as queen, he finds his relationship with Mari deteriorating.

He doesn’t blame her - she’s under a lot of stress, taking on more of her father’s responsibilities, meeting with all the leaders of their country’s allies, finalizing all the plans for the coronation gala.

But when one particular argument goes too far, he decides to run away from home and lay low for a while until the storm passes.

Of course, he can’t stay in his own country, because literally everyone knows the face of their beloved prince.

So he goes to the neighbouring country.

Unfortunately though, his plans of laying low are thrown right out the window when, through a series of misunderstandings, he somehow finds himself the new bodyguard of crown prince Viktor Nikiforov.

By the time Yuuri realizes what’s happened, it’s too late, and he’s too embarrassed to out himself, so he plays along while frantically trying to think of a way to get out of this situation.

Several hijinks ensue as Yuuri repeatedly brings himself under suspicion by knowing too much about manners and etiquette of being in high society, and the foreign relationships and alliances between the monarchs of the different countries.

Of course, it also doesn’t help when his best friend, prince Phichit, whose country is Yutopia’s closest ally, has an audience with Viktor and almost outs Yuuri the moment he sees him at Viktor’s side.

Luckily, Phichit and Yuuri have long since mastered the art of silent communication and the moment Viktor turns away for a second to give orders to a servant to have a feast prepared, Yuuri is able to signal to Phichit that Viktor doesn’t know about him being a prince and that it has to stay that way.

Phichit finds the entire situation hilarious, but he doesn’t say anything. The mischievous smirk he directs at Yuuri does hae Viktor confused though when he turns back to look at Phichit. Phichit’s aides have long since gotten used to their prince’s antics and they decide that if he’s not saying anything about Yuuri being treated like a mere servant rather than the respect he deserves, then they probably shouldn’t mention anything either.

In the end, the jig is up when Mari sends one of her people with an invitation to her coronation for King Yakov and his two sons.

The man immediately recognizes Yuuri and right there, in front of the king and both princes, he breaks down in tears, sobbing to Yuuri that, “Your majesty!! We have been looking for you everywhere!!! Your royal parents have been sick with worry! Please return home at once!”

Everyone turns to stare at Yuuri in shock.

Yuuri just laughs awkwardly and explains that he’s actually the prince of the neighbouring kingdom haha, surprise!

There’s a long silence after that.

And Yuuri is starting to get a little worried that his actions would constitute as an act of war.

In the end, Viktor is the one to break the silence when he pulls Yuuri into his lap in a tight embrace, and turns to laugh at his father.

“Yuuri’s a prince! Take that you stupid old man!” he crows in delight. “Now there’s nothing you can do to stop me from marrying him!!”


Fics based on this au:

A Royal Victory by @a-queer-in-spaceland
In the Rough by @realisticallycynical
The Meeting by @droewyn

  • Kaz: I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together — knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.
  • Matthias: Meeting you was a disaster. But I am grateful for that disaster. I needed a catastrophe to shake me from the life I knew. You were an earthquake, a landslide.
  • ...
  • Jesper: I don’t know! Maybe I liked your stupid face.

please, my darling inej, treasure of my heart,

won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?

So I hear some of you like birds. Great! In an effort to cheer up my dash, allow me to take introduce you to Australian avians!

Due to certain geographic peculiarities, many ecological niches filled by mammals and reptiles elsewhere are, here in Australia, the domain of birds. So let’s start out with:

BIRDS THAT WANT TO STEAL YOUR LUNCH

(Beginning with the black and white bandits)

This is a Magpie. Gorgeous melodic call. Infamous for their swooping habits and if you haven’t already seen “The Eyes Don’t Work!” I recommend googling it ASAP. Despite this for the most part they are quite well behaved and will simply lurk near you in the hopes of you dropping part of your sandwich. 

This is a Butcherbird. Will also lurk, bit more likely to take out a skink instead if they get bored. 

This is a Currawong. Will nick your bacon given half a chance. And your sausages. Has a melodic call that can sound a lot like the opening bars of Rey’s theme from Star Wars TFA. Used to only live in rural areas but made the transition to cities fairly well.

This is a Crow. It is large. It is also exactly as smart as you expect and will trick you, and other birds, out of your meal if it can. Has two calls - the cawing everyone knows and a rasping trill that sounds like something out of “Predator”. I love them.

This is a Raven. You can see why I spent a large part of my childhood wondering why there were two different names for the same bird. They are the same size, have overlapping ranges, and don’t always show the throat feathers that tell them apart. Yeah. I know.

This is an Ibis. AKA, the Bin Chicken. Menace to food courts everywhere. Will eat ANYTHING. Disgusting. Determined to get your lunch. Stupid as fuck. Crows like to take advantage of them. In general, not a fan. Seriously.

This is also an Ibis but is far less pushy, will NOT steal your lunch and is pretty to look at. It can stay.

This is a Kookaburra. Yes it laughs. So would you if you ate snakes. Not actually as big as you think. Will run snatch and grabs on your sausages at BBQs. Generally impressive enough no one minds even as you marvel at your empty piece of bread.

This is a Noisy Miner. Note the name. Do not let the awesome eyeshadow fool you. Highly aggressive little buggers. Will mob larger birds (including everything else on this list) in territory disputes. Will steal food out of your fingers. No fear. None. I have had one fly off with an entire knob of butter that was on my knife.


That’s it for now! I hope you’ve learned what to look out for when dining down under. Next time I will introduce you to:

BIRDS THAT ARE PRETTY BUT OH SO SILLY

Until then, Cheers Mate!