stumpton

The $130 Breakfast | Danny Meyer

We at The Bad Deal like Danny Meyer, the man behind Eleven Madison Park, Shake Shack and other fine venues. So it pains us to lampoon a $65 breakfast deal at Untitled, Meyer’s restaurant at the Whitney. To explain why this one-morning-only Gilt City event is a BAD DEAL, let’s listen to a phone call between Renee and Charlee, our favorite fictional Williamsburg couple with lovably androgynous names. They’re always getting into fights over deals:

RENEE: Hey sweet cakes, I’m working. Lemme call you back?

CHARLEE: No, you can’t call me back. I just brought us a Gilt City breakfast deal. Meet me at the Whitney at 9am – that’s 20 minutes from now!

RENEE: Baby, I don’t eat breakfast. No one in New York does. I wake up and pound a can of Mountain Dew and two Excedrin gelcaps. They’re the same color of mean green and both have caffeine. Let’s do breakfast some other morning, like on the weekend at 4pm. 

CHARLEE: Honey, that’s not gonna fly like Casey Anthony, we have to eat breakfast now. It’s a one-morning-only breakfast.   

RENEE: Hold on sugar, it’s a TUESDAY. People are working. Is this a breakfast for out of unemployed bankers and bloggers? Is this a geriatric bingo breakfast where they give old people lessons on how to user the Internet? 

CHARLEE: I know, right? ANNOYING. I had to take a half day because the food blog I work for wouldn’t let me live tweet the event. Kinda sucks because I spent $65 for each of us on this breakfast, so $130 altogether. Whatevz.  

RENEE: You spent $130 on BREAKFAST? Is Ferran Adria in town? Has he launched a one-morning-only pop-up at the Whitney, where they’ll serve 40-course tasting menu of pancake caviar and oatmeal foam served on tables made of ortolans? Is Hawaiian Punch flowing from the water fountains of the museum? 

CHARLEE: No, it’s just yogurt, granola, eggs, grits, bacon, etc. at Danny Meyer’s Untitled restaurant. 

RENEE: Wait a minute, Meyer’s a smoother operator. How much does he charge normally for those dishes? 

CHARLEE: Umm, $10 and under for most of those plates. But it’s family style today! And we get a Stumptown Coffee demonstration. Gilt City says we’ll learn about the “cappuccino’s journey from seed to cup.”

RENEE: Wait, so we’re both taking off half a day from work to eat a $130 breakfast with $20 worth of food and then they’re gonna lecture to me about JOE? Is there a multiple choice exam at the end? 

CHARLEE: And we get free admission to the museum too. They give us a private tour of the Lyonel Feininger exhibit. Admission is normally $18 per person! 

RENEE: Baby, like many people in this city, I work for a corporation gives us free tickets to The Whitney. Or we could’ve hit the museum on Friday night when it’s “pay-what-you-like” for everyone. Then we could’ve had dinner at Danny Meyer’s Maialino. A plate of carbonara and some suckling pig for well under $120.   

CHARLEE: I’m sorry honey. Maybe I'll just scalp these tickets on Ebay.  

RENEE: You can’t scalp breakfast, baby. You can’t scalp breakfast. 

Related: for more about the travails of RENEE & CHARLEE, click here & here.