Round two of the Community Props I won. This one is Annie’s ACB notebook from Basic Intergluteal Numismatics. Included with each of the hand written pages is a transcript of the text in case you can’t or don’t want to zoom in to read it yourself. I’ll post some thoughts about what Annie wrote in the comments.
Again, fair warning that pics are large and may load slowly.
There were several pages like this with filler to make it appear more full.
It happened on a Tuesday. What does this mean? Are Tim and Lacy connected in some way? Lacy was doing some “impromptu yoga,” how did the coin dropper know Lacy was going to be doing “impromptu yoga” in the student lounge? Does he choose his victims before in advance, or is it spur of the moment? Should we all be worried, or is this something that is preplanned and most of us don’t need to be bothered by this? I think we are all possible victims. In my experience, people can not [sic] control their urges. Should we at Greendale have to wear jumpsuits to cover our ass cracks? What does Officer Cackowski know that he is not telling us? Is he covering for a fellow officer? (Keep this thought in mind) Is there a note anywhere that we missed? What is this symbol in his notes? I think it is a butt with a quarter. Does he prefer quarters of a certain year? Does he/she prefer quarters that are statehood quarters? What terrible event in his or her childhood has caused this horrible person to attack our most private of parts? Has this happened at other schools? Has anyone called to other schools across the state? Was this person a high school dropout? Is he obsessed with butts, or cracks, or both? Did the dog action compel [sic] him to drop his quarter? What happens to these used quarters? Where does he get them. Has anyone asked local business owners if they have a customer that asks for change more frequently than others? Doesn’t this coin dropper need his/her quarters to do laundry? To park at parking meters? To buy duck food at the local park? To put money in the red bucket at Christmas? Campus security is lead by Officer Cackowski – what does this mean? Are his men and women a part of the cover up, if there is one? Why does it take so long to have these crimes investigated?
Third Victim Kendall
Kendall Montiel. Kendall is a very pretty, if not a bit overweight or maybe just a bit big-boned blonde student. This time the victim was walking in a hallway or rather the quad. She had been at a party - did the ACB follow her from the party? Kendall is a very Earth Day friendly girl, she really does not have her looks to fall back on. She was picking up trash! When a person can not [sic] be taking care of Mother Earth without fear of some horrendous act happening to their butt crack, what does this mean? Kendall has set an example to all Greendale students of how and what you should do when you see trash that has been carelessly thrown on to the grounds of our beautiful Greendale campus. She should not have to worry about her bumpus crack being assaulted! No clue should be missed. No quarter should be left uninvestigated. No change left unchecked. No crack left unchecked. Leave our cracks alone. Kendall is violated. Actually, Kendall has not had this kind of attention in her entire life. Some might think she is enjoying the attention. She was not like the other victims that did not want to come forward. She has basked in the attention. What does that tell us about Kendall? She does have a fairly big bumpus crack. Some have said she might have a crush on Officer Cackowski. Is our ACB a matchmaker? Matchmaker Ass Crack Bandit, Kendall, Office Cackowski. What do we have here? This needs to be stopped.
Three more students! Why? What is happening, why have we not caught this Ass Crack Bandit? Enough is enough. This was on a Tuesday… does the bandit have something against Tuesday? DeMarcus did not deserve to have his ass crack envaded. [sic] The parking lot should not be an assault lot. Why did the bandit use a Delaware quarter. The good people of Delaware would and should not be very happy about this usage. When asked to describe the Ass Crack Bandit DeMarcus used the words “like a ghost.” Is that a clue? Could there be a ghost? No! Not a ghost. What happened when DeMarcus stayed at the teacher’s house? What went on? Did the ACB stay to watch what happened to his victim? So far this has been going on for seven weeks. One victim each week. We are considering using his face as the face of the faceless victims. “Beat this ***’s ass” is the slogan DeMarcus has used on his new Facebook account. This will be the unofficial slogan this week. DeMarcus has become the 7th victim in seven weeks. His first name has 8 letters. Is there a connection? Tuesday has seven letters. What was the flyer about? Was the flyer a clue as to the Ass Crack Bandit’s name? I will poor [sic] over this new evidence, even if the Dean will not cooperate. Is the year 1999 significant? What happened in Delaware in the year 1999? What happened to the Ass Crack Bandit in Delaware in the year 1999? Who was the unnamed teacher? Is this unnamed teacher from Delaware? Steps need to be taken to research DeMarcus and this teacher. Why was he not with friends? Where does the ACB hide? Is he a thin person and is able to hide behind very thin columns? So Many questions. When will they all be answered? When will we catch you Ass Crack Bandit? I will, I will!!
Paintball fun ruined! Ass Crack Bandit has followed school activities - some students don’t know what’s going on at the college. ACB does. This means the Ass Crack Bandit is following the school activities list and listening to morning announcements. Or does this Bandit know Dean Pelton personally? Does ACB have access to the inner office? How is he able to be at all functions, all the time? What is his mode of transportation? Did he/she ride the Greendale bus to the last event? How close was the ACB to winning the paintball war? Was he/she one of the last remaining students? This has been going on for about 18 months. This means countless hours of missed sleep for the Ass Crack Bandit/s victims. Paintball should be a victimless game. Or a game full of victims, depending on how you look at it. Ass Crack Bandit makes his victims feel dirty. Paintball makes them feel alive. This is not a place where you should be worrying about bending over. Greendale is being brought closer together by this in many ways. We have united in our battle to catch this assailant. This attack happened during the weekend, which means that at least our student body was hanging out together. So in some ways this ACB has brought the students together. Isn’t that a good thing? Paintball is good. These girls had been taken out by fellow studetns, then assaulted by another fellow student as they left the field. *1 Weekend Paintball
This is not a prank. If the victim feels this is not a prank, then we must take this seriously! Tim Jennings is a victim. We are all victims of this savage coin drop. It did take Tim a while to be able to talk about this crime. He wanted his name to be left out of the crime reports. Is this a crime to be ashamed of? No! The Ass Crack Bandit should be ashamed! We are not just our butts! We are whole human beings! We are the Greendale Community College Human Beings! We will not be assaulted like this! Tim Jennings should be made to feel whole again. We need to unite and find this coward called the Ass Crack Bandit. I am going to work on this day & night until he/she is found and brought to justice. My name is Annie Edison and I will find you, Ass Crack Bandit. You will be sorry for doing this to you [sic] fellow human beings. This is not a situation to be taken lightly. Our butts need to be protected. We need to be able to bend over, to be able to pick up a pencil without worrying about weather [sic] the Ass Crack Bandit will sneak up behind us and drop a quarter into our private crack. This is an invasion of our most private places. Places we save for the special people in our lives. How do we explain to the others in our lives how it feels to not be able to bend over in school? This is supposed to be the place we go for an education, for a safe education. Tim Jennings is not the only victim in this crime, we all feel his pain. I feel his pain, his embarrassment, his sense of security taken away. I do feel his pain. Dean Pelton should make an announcement letting Greendale Students know they should not feel ashamed by being ‘Ass Cracked.“ We are the victims.
Greendale Community College should be a safe home to all who seek a unique education. A Quarter never held a lower place in a community until now. We need to unite our voices and find this Bandit. You will go down, Bandit.
It was 3:00pm and the Ass Crack Bandit struck again. Despite all efforts to catch the Ass Crack Bandit, nothing has happened. He or she has eluded all our efforts. This event happened in the East Hallway. Is that a clue??? What am I missing?? What have I not noticed? There must be some clue we are not seeing. This student said he/she felt a tingle in their "no-no crack.” They also said that nobody was around at the time. What does this tell us? They “dropped a pencil,” does the Ass Crack Bandit have something against pencils? Does the Ass Crack Bandit have something against hallways? The East Hallway? Is this a student that is still enrolled in this school? Do they have something against the Greendal Community College system? Did something in their early childhood happen that has caused this to happen? Are our ass cracks ever going to be safe again?
Where has the Ass Crack Bandit gone?
Should we feel lonely without the ACB? Has he/she left our school? Students are doing extended periods of bending over…. Some have resorted to carrying guns, others are wearing low rising jeans. The school seems to be devided [sic] on if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Nick Valentino refuses to address the issue, what does this mean? Does he really hate his wife and kids or is this just a distraction so we will not check him out as the Ass Crack Bandit? He should be on the top of the list of Ass Crack maybes. Cassie Rodriguez is another person of interest. She has not wanted to be intervie. [sic} She has not returned phone calls and some people are wondering if she and Nick Valentino have a little something something going on. When asked (while they were spotted together) they both denied any knowledge of the Ass Crack Bandit. They also both denied knowing each other outside of Greendale. Campus security has yet to confirm this information. Nor do they have any comments on the Cassie/Nick situation. What I do know is I keep my crack covered. I have begun my desent [sic] into the hell of Ass Crack Bandit hell. What is the way out? Will I see day light [sic] again? Will any of us be able to bend over without getting slipped a big head?
Margin Where is the Ass Crack Bandit? No ass cracking- what has happened?
Will the Ass Crack Bandit ever be caught? Who knows. What I do know is that this has not been all bad. This has brought awareness to our school’s special needs. Some of the needs have brought our students together in away [sic] that has not been seen here in this school since 1987. When else have you seen this school filled with students concerned for each others safety? When a student bends over, other students look at their butt crack. This is done in the name of safety. This is done in the name of school spirit. The bad side, there have been a few mishaps. Some internal fighting, some fake confessions and at least 3 teachers fired. But all in all there has been a sensational feeling of togetherness. Maybe this is not all a bad thing. Should we catch the Ass Crack Bandit? Should we make the ACB our mascott? [sic] If we were to declare the Ass Crack Bandit as our mascott, [sic] would he or she step forward and show his or her face? Does our mascott [sic] need to have a face or should this be our faceless mascott. Is our school strong enough to stand up to a nameless faceless mascott…. [sic] again?
Margin This brings up good questions!!!
Why is this?? Wednesday, and nothing has happened. What has happened to our Greendale Ass Crack Bandit? Should we be very concerned? Where has he gone? Are we safe? Flags will be flown at half mast. Some students were crying. Some were visible [sic] upset. Most were in shock that this school had been a victim. The victims were honored. What we don’t know is if there are more victim [sic] that are not known. So many of the victims were feeling shamed. This is not a victimless crime. This is a crime that has been repeated over and over in our hallway, parking lots, back rooms, student lounges. Are we celebrating too soon? Are we giving attention to the Ass Crack Bandit when there should be no attention given? Is the Ass Crack Bandit still here at this campus? Is he waiting until we have all dropped our defenses? We will be dropping our jeans and our pants soon. Will he return? Freshmen have no idea of the horror the ACB handed out to our student body here at Greendale. Will they graduate without having to experience the hand of the ACB? With any luck, we will not see or feel him again. This I highly doubt. I think he will be back and when the ACB returns, I believe it will be with a renewed sense of purpose. Quarters will fly. Quarters will drop, and so will morale. Where has the ACB been? Has he been in jail? Was he just studying for finals? Save your bending over for home. Stretch before you come to school. This is most likely the calm before the storm. Is he collecting quarters like some people collect sea shells? Does each quarter mean something special?
Lorenzo Cohen - Latest victim. What we know, he’s the Tuesday night Greendale football star. Was this a plan to keep Lorenzo from playing professional football? Was this a plan to keep Lorenzo from playing in a better college? Does this make him ineligable? [sic] He is in hiding, crying because of what may become of him. Lorenzo had always been a very happy, outgoing, handsome guy. This latest quarter drop has sent him into a deep depression. His parents have started a “Save Lorenzo College Fund” and are petitioning the state to have this removed from his permanent records.
Additional newspaper articles and notes from Annie:
When Wilson High Telegraph editor Jamie Crawford writes an opinion piece in support of the new sex-ed curriculum, which includes making condoms available to high school students, she has no idea that a huge controversy is brewing. Lisa Buel, a school board member, is trying to get rid of the health program, which she considers morally flawed, from its textbooks to its recommendations for outside reading.
The newspaper staff find themselves in the center of the storm, and things are complicated by the fact that Jamie is in the process of coming to terms with being gay, and her best friend, Terry, also gay, has fallen in love with a boy whose parents are anti-homosexual. As Jamie’s and Terry’s sexual orientation becomes more obvious to other studetns, it looks as if the paper they’re fighting to keep alive and honest is going to be taken away from them.
Usually I like to get students to write about their experiences with IVCF in this section, but this quarter, I wanted to spend some time acknowledging the gift that it is when God brings us extraordinary students.
It’s one year ago that Justin and I first walked on to campus up the mountain in Burnaby. Simon Fraser University is daunting in it’s concrete appearance, but we were more daunted by the students rushing from one class to the next. Hardly any stop. Each one was purposefully passing us and our slightly lame (looking back,) table.
The excitement of Day One though is ripe, and while full of fear, we both prayed silently that we’d heard God correctly and that He has a purpose for us, and more importantly, for the students at SFU.
Then, Don walked up to us. “Are you guys a Christian group?”
In fact, we were. He signed up on our sheet, but even more-so, he gave us a copy of his schedule (a dangerous thing for a student to give to their staff worker).
Don took so many risks last year, and God blessed him immensely in this. He was faithful in engaging scripture with us, received the call to come to China, and always sought out new ways to see where God was moving on Campus.
For Mark West, Don invited his brother Dan along. I worried that it might be a hard experience for Dan to travel to Alberta with a bunch of unknown people who are intense about scripture, but Dan walked in with a posture of openness, ready to receive whatever God put before him.
And now, Dan is showing himself open to all of the things God is asking of him, both at SFU, and in his church life in Surrey. Together, Dan and Don began transforming their Youth Group with the message of good news they had been discovering on campus. Together they are leading small groups, and changing the lives of many more students around them!
Men like Dan and Don are gifts to SFU. They are bold, they are willing, and they love Jesus with all of their being. They are the students that we had been praying for, and we pray that many more would come as well!