student poet

Don’t.

Don’t stare at me because it gives me hope.
Don’t give me hope because it makes me happy.
Don’t make me happy because it makes me fall.
Don’t make me fall because it hurts.
Don’t hurt me because I can’t hate you for it.
Don’t make me not hate you because I should.

Don’t stare because it make me think you feel the same, even the smallest things give me hope.

—  Pathetic girl in love

You tell yourself “I’m okay”.

And it really feels like you are.

You breathe in, and you breathe out.

You start to feel better about yourself. About everything.

And Just as you settle into a kind of tranquility, it happens.

A moment that offsets the balance that you’ve found.

And just like that, you’re back where you started.

Only this time, you struggle to say the words “I’m okay”.

and sweetheart,
i promise you
one day
someone will look at you
and see past all of the things
you think make you unlovable
and they will treat you
the way you deserve to be treated
they will be the kind of friend
you’ve always longed to have
they will hold you
as if you are the most precious thing in the world
(and you are)
and they will love you
in spite of your past
i promise
one day
it will happen

but until that day comes
don’t worry so much
about someone else falling in love with you
and focus on falling in love
with the way your chest rises and falls with life
with the way sunlight travels hundreds of thousands of millions of miles just to bring warmth to your day
with the way listening to your favorite song makes you feel as though you’re hearing it for the first time
with the way the stars have aligned in such a way that has made it possible for your life to intertwine with someone else’s
with the way your infectious smile can bring so much joy to others

instead of worrying
about someone else falling in love with you
just remember that it will happen
and focus on falling in love
with yourself first
—  and i guarantee, you aren’t as unlovable as you think you are
(cc, 2017)
Can we lose touch with a feeling?
I sent a full stop that reeks of hung up phone calls and
unanswered text messages
and the desperation of trying everything to grab them by the shoulders
and scream,
that you could do so much better,
to make them smile.
A year too late,
your name flickers at the top of the screen,
my mouth is dry like that time you were ten minutes late
and I thought, my beating heart must mean something,
it didn’t.
If we rewind time,
we first spoke in a library
we didn’t talk as loud
as we would months later,
to shout over the music
when I told you I was happy for you
and her.
I remember,
typing my number into your phone
and hoping you’d use it
but two years later,
I wish you wouldn’t.
—  two years later

But could we…

Someday share a deep conversation.
Someday smile and it not make things awkward.
Someday make plans to see each other in the future.
Someday hug out of affection instead of congratulations.
Someday call in the middle of the night.
Someday steal a kiss, or two, or three.
Someday share anything and everything.

But someday could it just be you and me.

—  Pathetic girl in love.
If I don’t like myself,
How do I expect you to fall for me?
How selfish I am to expect such a thing from you,
You imperfect being.
—  || selfish request
Y
Can't Help Everyone

“Can’t Help Everyone”

I realized by the look in her eyes,
She was going to use that knife.
She had locked herself in with her bedroom door,
Despite telling her there was so much more to live for.

I told her one day she would fall in love,
And maybe even marry and have kids,
But that obviously would never happen,
If she doesn’t continue to live.

I told her she could have a great career,
If she would only stay alive.
Education and money were within her each,
If she didn’t take a dive.

I told her she could see the world,
And get out and make new friends.
I won’t pretend that isnt true,
If her life came to an end.

I told her she was never ugly,
And it shouldn’t matter what strangers say.
Karma catches up to everybody,
And for their sins they will one day pay.

But she told me none of that mattered,
And that I never understood.
Despite always listening to her,
It seems I do more harm than good.

But she was indeed right,
I can’t understand the way her mind conceives,
Things I perceive as normal problems,
Are the causes of her to grieve.

What she said was indeed true,
And I know I can’t help everyone,
From facing there own demons,
And from becoming literally undone.

People have to help themselves,
But sometimes it’s just so hard,
Knowing exactly where to start,
When the end seems so far.

And I realized by the look in her eyes,
She was going to use that knife,
And when blood started dripping under her door,
I knew she had given up all to live for.

The longer you like someone,
The more you see their flaws.
The flaws that make others run away.
But if you stay to like them,
Despite their flaws.
You know you no longer like them,
You love them.
Even if they do not.
—  || like to love
Y
do not let sleeping dogs lie
and lie down in face of
adversity.
she is submissive in silence
but you
are a hazard light and a glaring alarm
stark, sudden,
and we are suddenly stronger together
and our speech doesn’t crack
and explode into emptiness
our power and eloquence to contrast
your slurred disgrace
spit knives like you have a leg to stand on
like you couldn’t just
fall back
on your own dagger.
—  rage, rage
After all of these years of ingesting more coffee than should probably be legal to survive these classes, I’m now expected to step out into the world and really be an adult. Can I make a place for myself in this society? Will it have me? I don’t know what to expect, and that just sends more shivers down my spine. Tell me, is life really as ‘better’ as I’ve been told it is outside of college? I can only hope so.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: Fear of the unknown. Fear of graduating college— onto bigger “better” things.

Things I REALLY wanted 3 years ago 
-to be done with high school without being in trouble
-to get really kick ass grades and be an honour roll student 
-to get into my dream college 
-to have a good group of friends in college 

At that point everything but the last one seemed impossible and a dream that would never become my reality. 

I worked so hard and so long for everything but not for the friends part. That wasn’t supposed to be work. It was supposed to be a very natural and obvious thing. The only attainable one out of that list too. 

Funny thing though, everything but that became my reality. 

I am always seen with my heart on display in hopes that you would see how it beats and breaks at the thought of you,
But I always hide it whenever you are around for I am worried that my heart just could not handle the pain of seeing your heart beat and break for another
—  || heart
Y
I need to pack my bags, for tomorrow the door will slam shut on eternity
where a journey to a new world could cleanse and heal but
I cannot flee,
in this darkness we are only as bright as our voices shout above the noise
of the weak and their gold plated attitude
and I hope that I glow, rays of light that bleed into space
and touch the stars,
as I cannot be silenced.
Let us protest what we wish was a lie and stand for what we know is the truth,
never dampening flames of facts with the cool of what we want to believe,
our opinions cannot be tamed,
you will not cage our ideologies behind iron bars and if you do
we will contest, we will fight,
we are a generation of celebrated differences
and we were born ready.
—  the light of day
By Design

“By Design”

Not everything in our lives
Will be handed to us on plates.
I can tell you since the age of five
We have such undecided fates.

There are those who strive
And always question themselves.
Like the bees that buzz in hives,
Honey doesn’t make itself.

Some of us will always have
Our heads up in the clouds.
Whether that makes them glad,
Their conscious fails them now.

Others desire to get away
Undeserving of their skin.
They just can’t face another day
Battling thoughts within.

There are those who force their hands
By taking the wheel and steer.
They’ve crashed before they began
In the looming puddles near.

There are the meek; the humble
The boisterous and proud.
Those who always stumble.
Those who are always loud.

There are the quiet; the shameful.
Those like porcelain glass.
There are those with taste so disdainful
In reality they’d never last.

But then there are always those
Who blindly remain open.
Taking how life goes.
Emotionally they are broken.

But they are the ones who realize
How destructive we can be.
They see beyond such shallow eyes.
They see what most can’t see.

And they remain the strongest ones
Battling through everything.
To them the shots of a gun
Is nothing to what they’ve seen.

They exhibit such empathy
Understanding how others feel.
They put others before them endlessly
While their own problems are concealed.

So next time you complain
About how life is just so tough
Rather than point the blame
Realize we all have it rough.