It all started this morning. The worst day of my life.
I was a happy New Yorker happily strolling into the subway station. I grabbed my student MetroCard out and, being a “New Yorker”, I held out my card without worry, doing what I did everyday, one-swiping my card through the turnstiles. My hand swiftly ran through the slot in the side, and I felt something that never happened. I felt a sharp blow to my stomach.
What was that? I immediately got back to my senses, confused by the stuck bar in front of me. I’d been taking the subway all year, and this never happened before. Something struck my mind. Could it be? No. No way. I’m a New Yorker, after all! I shook the thought out of my mind as I looked up to see what had happened. My nightmare. The one thing I dreaded. The capital red words flashed across the LED screen: “PLEASE SWIPE AGAIN.”
I staggered back in shock of the reading the message. What’s this? Please swipe again? That can’t be real! I was the one that used to laugh at the passersby who couldn’t swipe their MetroCards quite right. Embarrassed, I quickly slipped the card through again, but to no avail. PLEASE SWIPE AGAIN AT THIS TURNSTILE, it blared, almost as if it was mocking me.
Panic slowly crept through me as I heard the sound of footsteps coming down the staircase. No! I’m not letting someone witness this horrendous event! I refuse to be mistaken as a tourist! I did what my friends would do: I went under the bar.
And just like that, crisis averted. Barely. Thankfully, I wasn’t cursed to repeat this forever, and I could continue one-swiping in peace.
P.S. I didn’t actually duck. I two-swiped it (like a scrub). Please don’t duck. It’s illegal 🦆
P.P.S. Thank you so much for reading this giant block of text! I hope you enjoyed this beautiful rant.