Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Bucky X Natasha, Logan Howlett X Reader
Warnings: Angst, Violence, Cheating, Feelings of worthlessness, Depression.
Summary: You are the sister of Charles Xavier, You are part of the Avengers and Dating Bucky Barnes, Unbeknownst to you Bucky is having an affair with Natasha, you catch them in the act and things go downhill from there.
Waking up the following morning is like ascending from a year in ice. Your heart is cold and numb, eyes crusted together with sleep and dried tears, your lips are cracked and voice scratchy from screaming your pain at the four walled prison you had made for yourself.
You contemplate calling Bucky, going so far as to pickup your phone, ignoring the 80+ missed calls you have from various Avengers. Finger hovering over the call button on the screen, the images of his betrayal replay inside your head. Stifling a sob, it lodges in your throat, and you dial another number instead, a number you haven’t called in over 3 years, and pray that he will answer. You didn’t leave on the best of terms, after all.
Ring… Ring… Ring…
“What?” comes the gruff voice over the phone.
“Lo-Logan?” you croak, only to have silence greet you.
When the curt reply of, “(y/n)” finally comes, your heart plummets into your stomach. “I’m sorry,” you sob. “I shouldn’t have called.”
“No, wait, (y/n). What’s goin on?” You begin to cry in earnest and then, “I’ll be there in four hours,” comes over the line before it goes dead. You stare at your phone in horror. No… oh fuck..
Scrambling out of bed, you fly into the shower, scrubbing every inch of your skin, shampooing your hair and rinsing in record time. Rushing to your closet, you pick out black, skinny ripped jeans, combat boots, and a studded, capped sleeve, loose fitting t-shirt. You run a brush through your damp hair, pulling it into a tight ponytail before brushing a light dusting of blush across your cheeks and applying a coat of mascara to your eyelashes.
Feeling armed enough to face the onslaught of questions the arrival of Logan will bring, you step into your living area, taking in the shattered glass on the floor. Well fuck, this is a mess, you think as you float the pieces of glass in the air. With a twitch of your fingers, you disintegrate them before turning your focus to the rest of the apartment. You straighten the hot mess your frazzled nerves made last night with a flick of your wrist, and satisfied with your progress, you sit yourself on the couch. Staring patiently at the door, you await Logan’s arrival.
Three hours and thirty minutes later, you hear a knock on the door, which sends a weird sense of panic and relief washing over you. Opening the door, you take in Logan’s features The man hasn’t aged a day. Strong muscular frame, hair styled just so, and a white wife beater under a leather jacket. Same old Logan.
“(Y/N)” he says in greeting.
“Logan,” you reply as you step aside to let him in. Gesturing toward the couch, you fidget as you ask, “Want something to drink?”
“Nah,” he replies. “What I want is for you to tell me why you called me out of nowhere, sounding like hell,” he states plainly, causing you to sigh as you take a seat next to him.
“I don’t know why I called…” you trail off. “I guess, I needed to hear a friendly voice..I..” You start crying as you try to get the words out. “The man I loved, my boyfriend of two years, thought it a fucking great idea to sleep with my best friend! And then he tells me he’s in love with both of us!” you exclaim shakily. “I’m such a fool to think it could have happened any other way, I mean, you left me for another woman.” You laugh mirthlessly as Logan growls. “Why the hell would it be any different this time? Why would anyone see me as anything else but a pit stop to someone better?” Pulling your knees to your chest, your breath hitches as you ask, “What’s wrong with me, Logan? Why can’t anyone love me enough to stay?”
Crying in earnest now, great heaving sobs shaking your delicate frame, you go willingly when he pulls you into his side. “There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with you, sweetheart. I loved Jean, and I loved you. I just… loved her a lil’ more, and I wound up killin’ her.” He snorts out a self-deprecating laugh. “She broke me, more than once, but you, you saved me. From the nightmares, from the darkness, and I treated ya like shit. I’m sorry for that.” He sighs loudly before continuing. “He’s an idiot, this man of yours, and I’m sorry he hurt ya,” Logan says gruffly
“I love him, Logan. More than I loved you, and a part of me wants to run back there and forgive him for everything.” Licking your dry lips you carry on, “And I need to go back, because it’s my job. People count on me. I’m gonna have to face them both, and deal with this, and all I really want to do is go home,” you say as you cling to his shirt.
“You wanna come home?” he asks tentatively.
“Yeah. I really just want to go home, Logan” you reply truthfully. “I wanna feel anything but this… numbness.”
He scrutinizes you for a full minute before he takes out his phone and dials a number:
“Professor,” he says, causing your head to snap up. “We have a problem.” He listens to the voice for a full thirty seconds before he says, “That’s the lay of the land, yeah. What can we do about it?” Silence again filled the space between you. “Alright. I’ll let her know. See you in a couple of days, Professor.” He presses the end call button and looks down at your shocked face. “Don’t look at me like that. You said you wanted to come home,” he says while quirking an eyebrow.
“I didn’t mean for you to call my brother!” you shriek, scrambling frantically upright. “We haven’t spoken in more than four years, Logan!” Pacing the length of your apartment, you glare at his smirking face. “There’s a reason I haven’t been home to visit!”
“Well, suck it up, Bub’. He’s makin’ the calls as we speak. You’re being transferred back to the X-Men.”
Tags: Here we are pretties. Tell me what you think! If i missed anyone. Yell at me
and cream silk chiffon layered over silver lamé, metallic lace hem
studded with sequins, short sleeve bodice decorated with crossed
stylized flowers in white, crystal and ombreéd pink beads, metallic lace
insert under tulle, sleeves having cutouts edged in paste jewels,
off-center beaded band with ombreéd tassel and three lotus flowers,
chiffon underskirt edged in crystal beads, corset interior
I feel kind of awful discussing Satine Kryze after so many weeks of Maul but, well, when in Mandalore…
Duchess Satine Kryze is pacifist the ruler of Mandalore first introduced in The Clone Wars episode The Mandalore Plot. Her initial design was drawn from an unused McCaig concept for The Phantom Menace, but it has also been stated that Cate Blanchett was a key influence in her overall design. (given the appearance of Governor Pryce in Rebels season 3, it’s apparent that Blanchett is someone’s favourite over at LFL.) Blanchett’s role as Queen Elizabeth I was particularly drawn on, Satine’s key costuming borrowing many late Tudor/early Elizabethan elements, and certain parallels between the two women’s lives.
L: Elizabeth as portrayed by Cate Blanchett with Robert Dudley (Joseph Fiennes) in Elizabeth. Preparing to be escorted to her incarceration in the Tower of London at the order of her sister Queen Mary I (’Bloody Mary’). R: Satine Kryze being rescued from her imprisonment by Obi-Wan Kenobi in Lawless.
Satine, as a young woman, lived her early years constantly at threat during the Mandalorian Civil War, her pacifist ideology at odds with ‘true’ warrior-like Mandalorian ways. Eventually peace was brokered, and Satine ruled over the New Mandalore even as violence, danger and oppositional factions brewed. In a way this could be seen to draw from Queen Elizabeth I’s tumultuous childhood: first as a child out of favour with her father King Henry VIII, being the child of ‘treasonous’ Anne Boleyn, then as a protestant young woman in the reign of her Catholic half-sister Queen Mary I. In this time Elizabeth was raised as a figurehead for Protestant rebellion, which eventually led to her detainment in the tower of London despite her claim of innocence. Throughout her reign Elizabeth faced a number of incidents of opposition from catholics and the Roman Catholic Church, though her attitude was one of pragmatic compromise in many aspects of religion. These parallels are loose but notable in their broad brushstrokes.
Original Amidala sketch by Iain McCaig for The Phantom Menace
When designing Amidala for The Phantom Menace, McCaig was working through a ‘Space Nouveau’ aesthetic, borrowing elements from the works of Mucha, the Pre-Raphaelites and retro-futuristic romance of the first half of the twentieth century. Technology and nature in harmony. This design, when stripped back for animation to be practical, emphasised those now notably familiar Star Wars lines that borrow from Japanese fashions, whilst still retaining the Romantic aspects. the shapes of Satine’s headpiece echoes the increasingly elaborate ruffs and wired collarettes that grew exponentially throughout the fashions of the sixteenth century. The headpiece and gown are also heavy with symbolism: shell earrings and embellishments, the repeating petal shapes in her sleeves, skirts and tabbards as well as the literal lillies woven into her hair and headpiece loudly communicating her pacifism. She is visually placing herself within her own principles for all to see, decrying the past violence of her people, and the relative simplicity of this costume despite its ceremony (block colours and controlled embellishment - though the fabrics are clearly indicated to be silks) saves her message from being drowned out. These symbolic embellishments have been a popular aspect portraiture for centuries to communicate and sway power and impressions, in portraits of Elizabeth I the symbolic choices appear in their multitudes from props to tiny embellishements to the very styling of her hair. In the famed Rainbow Portrait (below) of Elizabeth I - a fantasy portrait painted late in her reign, but depicting a young newly crowned queen dressed for masque - embroidered eyes and ears show that she is a queen that Sees and Hears all. A queen in absolute control of her land.
L & C: McCaig’s design reworked and streamlined by Killian Plunkett to work both within The Clone Wars aesthetic and for the character. This is a great example of concept recycling and adaptation for character, as when this design was originally selected as a base design for Satine, it wasn’t known that she would be quite so active and ‘dynamic’ as she ended up in the episodes. [X] R:The Rainbow Portrait, 1600-02, attributed to Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger.
This organic silhouette at odds with the old is also visible in Satine’s landscape. Mandalore was designed drawing heavily from the Cubist movement in the most literal way. Their cities are built inside cubes within their destroyed environment. Sharp angles occur in everything from buildings, hair, food and ice cubes, floor texturing. Interspersed throughout are the diamond shapes and lines of Mandalorian armour, shifting into an Art Deco boundary between the Cubist harshness and Satine’s Nouveau romance. This mid-design point means that Satine is not entirely in opposition with her environment - her world and her people. These diamond shapes are present in the cut of her open oversleeves. She visually acknowledges Mandalore’s history whilst representing the new. (Equally, this could be seen in that her costume - despite it’s ceremony - holds little impediment to action and self-defence when necessary.)
The main plaza on Mandalore, clearly showing the Cubist influenced design, complete with detailed mural depicting the war with the jedi, and repeating diamond shapes.
Satine’s next notable costume looks a lot like she just walked out of an ‘80′s fantasy film and it is fantastic. The romance is heavy in this look with the long, soft lines and the muted pinks, particularly as she and Obi-Wan investigate the Death Watch on the industrial Concordia. She wears a shortened surcoat that mimics the cut of a man’s doublet, a fashion that was favoured throughout the sixteenth century, and appeared in both French and Italian fashions (Italian styles fell out of favour in much of Europe in the latter half of the century as Spain became increasingly influential.) This fashion has appeared, heavily embellished, in a number of portraits of Elizabeth I, reflective of her dichotomy as woman and sovereign, as expressed in her famous address at Tilbury,
I know I have the body of a weak, feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king
Satine’s ‘80′s adventuring costume.
The harsh cutaway style of Satine’s surcoat also mimics late eighteenth century frock coats and equestrian fashions, clearly communicating to the audience that is Time For Adventure! even whilst calling back to the late Tudor fashion for skirts cut to reveal heavily embroidered petticoats. Again, echoes of those Mandalorian armour diamonds are introduced in this cut, whilst organic elements are retained in shell detailing and the floral line of her chemise. Satine, too, must address her dichotomy of being in her very appearance.
L: Portrait of Mary Stuart (aka Mary Queen of Scots), c. 1559, Francois Clouet. R:Portrait of a Noblewoman, c. 1580, Lavinia Fontana. Mary Stuart is shown in a French doublet-styled bodice, whilst Fontana’s portrait is in the Italian giuppone style. The possibility of a Mary Stuart influence in Satine feels particularly apt given their mutual martyrdom. Mary, a devout Catholic who also lived a tumultuous life at odds with her country, was executed by Elizabeth for her movements to depose the heretical English queen.
Satine’s final costume - in both its forms - is by far her most interesting and most historical. Its basic silhouette is a slimmed down take on the late Tudor/early Elizabethan bell shaped gown using the verdugle, or Spanish farthingale. As I mentioned above styles were influenced by politics, and the Spanish styles were favoured from the marriage of Katharine of Aragon to Henry VIII until late in Elizabeth I’s reign, when French fashions were favoured due to threatening war with Spain. (Anne Boleyn was known to have been bold in her favouring of French fashions as a couriter in the time of Katharine of Aragon, though styes were generally mixed.) Obviously Satine is not wearing a farthingale - it would be impractical, and her gown is later stripped away. But this is a politically influence shift in style: the symbolism in dress is stripped away, the flamboyance is gone. I have joked in private that maybe Satine borrowed the Naboo royal dressmaker, but there is little doubt that her ceremonial costume was designed with an eye to the wider galactic stage and what would be recognised as regal garb. This is a much stricter silhouette - upright, austere though still richly (but subtly) embellished. It is a design turned inward. Those Cubist elements are creeping into the lines of her skirt as she is taking a stand for her people and for New Mandalore.
L: Duchess Satine Kryze in Shades of Reason. C: Elizabeth I when a princess, c. 1546, attributed to William Scrots. This early fashion for oversleeves is also evident in Satine’s first ceremonial costume, as is the split skirt. R: A Young Lady Aged 21, Possibly Helena Snakenborg, Later Marchioness of Northampton, 1569, the British School (a personal favourite.) Here you can see shoulder rolls and the broad neckline with delicate open infill.
Again, we are seeing a dichotomy between the feminine and masculine, her sleeves and stand neck calling back to those borrowed from the pourpoint doublet, the sleeves studded and bracciali, shoulder rolls, taking on the look of armoured pauldrons. The broad neckline introducing that diamond shape yet again and placing it directly against petal shapes of the stiff stand collar mimicking the guimpe, typically soft infill, now strengthened and yet vulnerable and exposed. Satine is strong in her beliefs, but the ground beneath her feet is vanishing rapidly.
As this arc progresses, the costume is ripped, stripped away and softened. Embellishment - such as her jewels and belt - are removed, her hair is loose, her skirt shortened. It is here that those Cubist elements become even more apparent in the front tabbard-like section of her skirt, echoing the split-skirt Tudor fashion. Interestingly, these stylistic elements were favoured by Elizabeth when she was young, unstable in her position as princess and then, later, queen.
Satine Kryze, deposed, imprisoned and the worse for wear.
It is relevant to notice at this point Satine’s colour palette. Her main colour is blue - particularly this deep prussiany blue - feminine whilst also strong. The colour of Mandalore. She and her people are not part of the war, but at this point she is caught - personally - between the personal vendettas of Maul and Obi-Wan, both of whom are sliding into bloody reds and browns. She is the middle ground, trapped. Pinks and reds emerge in her costumes at various points when she is knowingly heading into danger, the pinks of her Adventuring costume, the red of Coruscant costume when she is on the run in The Duchess of Mandalore. Satine’s primary ceremonial gown has elements of purple and greens - she is in power, and in control. A ruler in her prime. But in this final arc she is blue and stripped of everything but her principles, and yet perhaps at her most Mandalorian? Considering Padme’s watery funeral gown, it appears that blue is the colour of martyrdom.
Next Time: The path unfollowed: the heroics of Padme & Leia
I had been planning to skip on writing a post this week, after all it’s not like I’m one for regularity or consistency. It’s been a dark and frightening week for so many, too many, with global ramifications. This afternoon I went to see Arrival which is a film I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. I won’t lie, I cried for about an hour afterwards. I can’t help but feel that it was scheduled to be released into a brighter world, a more optimistic week, but it is a wonderful and moving film and, honestly, the film that we need. Right now. Everyone should go and see it and open their minds and their hearts and just enjoy a film that both engages and challenges. I feel like, maybe, it will at the end of 2016 be a quiet sister-film to Rogue One. Time will tell.
More importantly, and relevantly, it is a rare film that acknowledges motherhood and the importance of it it, the importance of connection. Even amongst politics, first contact, and the seeming threat of the end of days. Which leads me (tenuously) to the actual subject of this week’s post (which will be a short one):
A long time ago - a long long time ago - I got an ask on my main blog that I never got round to answering, asking about the parallels between Padme’s Mustafar costume and Leia’s Boussh disguise. The similarities between the two costumes and scenarios are undeniable. Both costumes are worn by these women when they undergo a personal and dangerous mission to try to rescue the man that they love - one from falling over the brink into the darkside, one from imprisonment - a fun inversion of the Rescue the Princess trope. Neither mission goes entirely to plan, both women are stripped of their autonomy for greater or worse. But unlike her mother before her, Leia is ultimately and eventually successful in rescuing Han Solo from Jabba’s clutches.
L & C: Boush sketches by Nilo Rodis-Jamero, R: The completed costume from the archives
Somewhat notoriously Boushh, like Boba Fett before her, was a Joe Johnston creation. However, whereas Boba Fett was fleshed out from a rough helmet sketch by Ralph McQuarrie, Boushh was first explored in 3D by Johnston before any design pinned down. Using model kits, odds and ends and scraps from the costume and manufacturing workshops, a maquette was built around an artist’s model that was then passed on to the costume department. Due to this unusual prototyping approach, it meant that the influences in the design itself were primarily internal. The underlayer of a kimono, the wide belt called back to those same Japanese influences seen elsewhere in the franchise with Obi-Wan, Yoda and Luke, transposed into hardy suedes, leathers and rubbers. The quarter-circle cape was a nod back to Boba Fett placing her firmly within the galaxy’s underbelly:
‘It was supposed to be a different kind of bounty hunter. there were a bunch of them in the palace.’ Joe Johnston, p. 125, Star Wars Costumes: The Original Trilogy
The helmet shape was so other, that it took extensive building and reshaping to form something that could be comfortably worn by a person, nevermind taken off easily on camera.
L: Sketches by Iain McCaig ‘The red is in her hair because it’s the end of the film, and i thought she might be going after the bull [Anakin] - Iain McCaig, The Art of Star Wars Episode III R: The final costume.
The costume worn by the heavily pregnant Padme to go after Anakin on Mustafar went through some vague conceptual explorations, before falling on this design. It is neat and simple, arguably elegant, a galaxy away from the complexity of the Boushh disguise, but it is obvious that it was used as a key influence. The suede fabric and colouring directly parallels the Return of the Jedi costume whilst making it something new. The front panel and sloped hemline echoes the under-kimono and fall of Boushh’s cape, whilst creating an empire-line shape that could potentially enable to Padme to continue the concealment of her pregnancy. Padme’s sleeves are an unembellished take on Boushh’s studded sleeves encasing her hands.
L: Replica WWI Nurse’s uniform. C: 1916-1918 Women’s Motor Corps of America uniform. R: Thimister Spring 2010.
While following the narrative symmetry of echoing Leia’s future in Padme’s present costume, there was also space to introduce a fashion element and historical element. This is especially evident in the leather detailing of Padme’s costume, the crossed belts holding a particularly military influence: echoes of cape suspenders, which were commonly worn by British nurses during in WWI for security when working, and Sam Browne belts which were a key component of military uniforms from the mid-nineteenth century and were adopted into some women’s uniforms as a statement piece. Sam Brownes in particular have appeared several times in fashion iterations, both in the lead-up to WWII, and again in high fashion in the ‘70′s, ‘90′s and noughties. In this cases, its appearance was more often than not a statement of protest against war and militarisation, even whilst set against military cuts. This point of protestation, quiet rebellion would not have been out of character for Padme as she is set to fight for the democracy that is crumbling around her, but equally it is a statement of strength and defence as she goes to save her husband from himself.
Some things run in the family. This is also a rare live action costume that was translated into TCW, in the season episode An Old Friend. The costume was altered slightly to include a darker suede overtunic, which is possibly to explain alterations made to Padme’s preexisting wardrobe as she began to show.
Drawing a direct line between Leia and Padme was a great opportunity to show character and explore both personal and wider stories through costume, and served to deepen the emotion of Padme’s actions in Revenge of the Sith through those future echoes. The differences in these two costumes show how radically the galaxy has changed, the changes in scales and tactics, the differences between the two women’s role. Padme’s mission to rescue Anakin failed because she was on the edge of dying hope, a galaxy falling apart, and because she was alone and isolated. Leia danced with disaster and hope was nearly lost, but she had already lost so much and had a team of friends to save her and save Han. Leia’s disguise was cobbled together (though i believe in the old EU stolen it was stolen from a preexisting bounty hunter), Padme’s was a product of fashion. Ultimately these two woman shared a determination, a hope, and a mission in the face of all odds. The connection between the two women gets lost so much both in fandom and in canon, so these moments of highlight are always notable. Like mother like daughter.
Portrait of a Lady (Mme H.S.) (1879). Pierre-Auguste Cot (French, 1837-1883). Oil on canvas. Chrysler Museum of Art.
Formally posed against a richly patterned, painted leather backdrop, the sitter wears an elaborate, Elizabethan-style evening dress with a standing lace collar and quilted, pearl-studded sleeves. Coolly surveying the viewer, she is the ultimate French fashionista—the essence of high-style contemporary chic.