struggling really hard not to cry

straydog733  asked:

If you're still looking for prompts: physically disabled Jack playing sled hockey. Bonus points for trying to teach Bob. Thanks!

“Stop making fun of your father and get over here,” Alicia yells, slapping her sticks against the ice. “When he finally figures it out you’re doomed, might as well score now!”

But Jack doesn’t move because he’s laughing so hard he’s actually crying. “How are you a living legend? You can’t even balance on a sledge!” 

Bob pushes himself upright and nearly falls over on his other hip. Under normal circumstances, he’d be embarrassed, so clearly struggling before an entire wedding party's worth of current and former NHLers, but this is a unique circumstance. He’ll happily play the part of the fool, today, or forever, really, if it means he can see Jack smile like this on a regular basis.

“We – ” Jack gasps for breath, shaking so hard he might topple himself, “– we can’t play if Papa can’t skate.”

Alicia streaks past, still radiant in her makeup from the morning’s ceremony. “Bobby, even I’m better at this than you. How is that possible?”

“You are ruthless,” Bob breathes, watching his wife circle him, “and you’re on my team! Is anyone else seeing this? Eric! Have some compassion and come help your father-in-law!”

Bitty, who up to this point has been taking easy laps with his parents, breaks away only to be quickly intercepted by Jack.

“Oh, no, it’s only been six hours, you can’t start playing the father-in-law card.”

Shitty quickly shoots between them, “Make it quick, gentleman, Bitty’s mom is brutal. She’s laid out Tater twice.”

“What’s the point of you getting married if I can’t abuse the relationship for personal gain? You helped Richard, you traitor, so your husband can help me.” Bob argues, propping himself up with his hands instead of the sticks.

“I didn’t think you’d need the help,” Jack grins, switching to French and sliding up beside his father, “you’re supposed to be the best.”

“Ah, well, one too many concussions and my balance isn’t quite what it used to be.” Bob looks up from the ice in time to catch Jack’s smile falter. 

“Are you feeling alright? Is your vertigo back?” 

Christ. He didn’t want to make this about him; any latent injury of Bob’s was dwarfed a long time ago by Jack’s accident, not that this is anything close to a competition. He shakes his head and holds out his arm so Jack can hold him stable. 

“I’m more than alright, just old and jaded, watching all you handsome young bucks skate circles around me.”

Jack laughs and Bob watches his gaze flit back to Eric, who’s carefully coiffed hair is finally falling out of place as he tries to keep his mother from ramming her sledge into Alexei Mashkov. 

“Lean forward a bit, center your weight around your hips,” Jack explains, pressing a hand against Bob’s lower-back. “Not too far, use your sticks to move forward, it’s easier to balance when you’re in motion.”

Bob is struck suddenly by a sense of deja-vu; remembering how easy it had been to teach Jack to skate nearly thirty years earlier. Or how easy it had seemed to a Stanley Cup champion. Jack must have felt exactly how Bob does now, unsteady and unsure. 

“There you go,” Jack says brightly once Bob has centered himself. “See? Not so hard after all. Now you just have to score.”

Jack pulls a puck from between his thighs and tosses it onto the ice. Bob moves to pass it and promptly finds himself lying back on his side.

“This is just like the time I tried snowboarding,” Bob groans. “Had to scoot down the mountain on my ass.”

“Can we make new teams?” Alicia asks. “This doesn’t feel fair.”

Jack snorts a laugh and pulls Bob upright again. “C’mon, Papa, you’ll have this down in no time. Can’t let Maman get bragging rights, she’ll never let you live it down.”

Y'all being bi is a struggle bc one day you may really like girls and convince yourself that you’re full homo or one day you may find yourself crying about how you think you’re straight and bOy that’s a ride

i keep seeing this post going around that is directed at incoming college freshman and it seems kind of like?? really negative so here you go:

1. the freshman fifteen is a real thing, it is true, but it is preventable. most of the freshman fifteen comes from drinking ridiculous amounts if alcohol and then eating crappy food. if you drink responsibly (most of the time) and eat like you normally would at home youre all set

2. there is always pizza in the dining hall. dont eat pizza all the time.

3. if youre going to take a nap just set an alarm before class, then you wont have to run. naps are nice and you deserve them.

4. a lot of classes offer cool one credit classes that involve going to the gym. these are really cool and help motivate you to get out and exercise.

5. the homework level is manageable as long as you stay on top of it. most classes dont meet every day so if youre not feeling doing homework right after the class ends you can do it the next day and still have time.


6. just dont let it all pile up

7. finals arent that bad if youre not cramming. just study the week before in small increments.

8. sometimes your roommates do things you dont like. talk to them about it, dont be passive aggressive. it solves nothing

9. college can be really hard and scary at first but it gets so much better. just remember that everybody is as nervous as you are and dont be afraid to approach new people.

10. a grade does not define you. sometimes you work your ass off and fail. you can get back from this. you are not and never will be a failure because youre struggling. 11. professors are friends and office hours are best friends.

it is so worth it guys. i had a hard time first semester (i called my mom crying like every weekend for a month) but you settle in and get in the swing it things and it DOES get better.
second semester is here and im having the time of my life

good luck ❤❤

saeranshoe  asked:

It may have already been requested but rfa v and saeran helping mc with a period of bad depression and like they like self harmed/ tried to kill themselves (totally not a self indulgent ask hides in the darkness) thank you so much for your work

oooh what a good time for me to write this, in the middle of my depression wave :0 this actually was a good rant for me, thank u for the request! -Green💚

Warning: Mentions of self harm/attempts of suicide 

Yoosung:

-it was just a normal day. that’s how they all start, right? 

-you and Yoosung had actually just came home from a date

-nothing bad actually happened. It really was a great day. 

-so why were you in the bathroom in the middle of the night, yoosung just in the other room, cradling yourself and sobbing your eyes out? 

-you don’t know. you dont know you dontknwo you do n t k n oww 

-god it all just hurt so bad. you don’t know what hurts, but it was throbbing 

-you feel like your whole body is struggling against you and you’re about to burst out of your own skin. 

-so you desperately get up and tug open drawers, not even aware of all the noise you were making

-you finally found some scissors at the bottom of one of the drawers. you cut yoosungs hair with this occasionally because hairstylists cost too much. 

-you’re able to dig the blade deep into your hip only once by the time the bathroom door slams open

-when that door open, so did all the realization and the buzzing pain in your side

-you don’t even look at yoosung, you drop to the floor, throwing the blade away from you and cry 

-there’s so much blood

-yoosung doesn’t really know how to act, because everything is happening so fast 

-but the two of you are in each others arms and crying so loudly you’re scared you’ll wake the neighbors 

-he’s petting your hair with shaking hands, telling you with a watery voice how he loves you and whatever you need he’ll get it, he’ll do it, anything for you, so don’t leave him.

Saeyoung:

-most likely the two of you are doing it together

-that was a horrible joke oh my god ANYWAYs

-Saeyoung was actually out on a mission for his agency let’s just pretend he didn’t quit yet

-and you’ve just grown numb without him around the house let’s also pretend saeran isn’t here okay 

-you miss him a lot. like. way too much. but there’s something else. 

-and you can’t even think straight as you’re walking out the bunker and out towards the road

-you doubt any cars will come but you lay down on the road and look at the sky. hopefully you’ll get hit while looking at the clouds change shape.

-happy thoughts :)

-your mind is cloudy and the world is hazy you really don’t notice the car coming towards you

-you jump when you hear the screech of breaks and you’re suddenly too aware of how close you were to dying

-and when you see your redhead come out of the car, you break and curl into yourself.

-more than anything, you’re ashamed. guilty. ashamed he saw you like this, in this state. 

-Saeyoung is more confused than anything because it hasn’t clicked in his head fast enough that you were there hoping someone would run you over, but when he’s hearing you sob saying how you were sorry and you just couldn’t take it anymore, it does click. and now he’s crying too. oh god he’s crying so much

-he brings you back in the bunker, and barely is able to get you into the bedroom before he collapses. 

-he’s holding his head in his hands and just crying all by himself, with you there infront of him. 

-he’s crying for you to never leave him, that he’s sorry, that he’ll be better, just don’t leave him

-don’t leave him

Jumin:

-committing suicide was too easy in his penthouse

-you were all alone all day. it was so easy. so so easy

-those pills were just mocking you, so you finally took action and downed the whole bottle

-ha. take that, pills. you finally beat them and their stupid game. you finally won

-but did you really?

-little did u kno,,, Jumin came home early that day! Hooray…!

-ahha..ha..

-you hear him call out for you and out of instinct you turn around, slam the bathroom door and lock it. 

-of course he hurries over and he asks what’s wrong

-and you kind of just

-look down at the empty bottle in your hands and you realize you’re going to die. 

“Jumin… I think I’m going to die.”

-CUE JUMIN SCREAMING

“What?! ___, princess, are you alright?! What happened?! Open the door-”

“I took all the pills. I just… they’re all gone. I took all of them..”

- “____, honey, what pills?”

“I-i don’t really know? The title is hard to read… it’s the ones the therapist gave me..”

-the knocks get louder and more desperate

-without really thinking about it you open the door and suddenly you’re being dragged through the halls of your home with Jumin ,,

-jumin crying

-jumin crying?

“Honey, why are you crying?” 

“___, you just tried to kill yourself. I don’t want that. I don’t want that ever, ___.”

“oh.”

Jaehee:

-don’t DO THIS TO HER

-she walked in on you struggling to breathe while hanging in the air. your noose is the bed sheets

-she screams for what feels like the first time in her life. She’s never been more terrified then in that moment.

-Jaehee, if anything at all, is a quick thinker. She get’s up on the bed and quickly rips the sheets from the ceiling, making you drop down to the floor, gasping for air

-she tears the sheets off of your neck and shoves you into her, making you fall ontop of her and she doesn’t care

-her hands are gripping on your hair and back so tightly, and they’re moving all over you so fast like she’s trying to convince herself you’re still there 

-she’s sobbing so bad and eventually her hands make it to your face and she’s kissing you all over

Zen: 

-you have a low enough self-esteem as is

-being with zen really doesn’t raise it any higher

-he tries, he really does, but it makes you feel that much worse knowing that his efforts will never be enough for you. 

-the comments will always get to you. the looks will always burn you.

-so maybe you should just do him a favor for once and just leave?

-you’re mindlessly cutting yourself in the mirror, not really thinking about anything other than dying and how you should run the blade a little deeper this next cut

-when you hear Zen come through the front door, you don’t really know what to do. So you sit still, frozen on the tile of the kitchen of course you have a mirror in the kitchen there’s a mirror in every room 

-you don’t try to hide it. maybe when he sees you like this, he’ll finally get the idea that you aren’t worth it and you don’t deserve him. that he should leave you in the dust like you deserve. 

-you make eye contact with him in the mirror, and his smile immediately drops

-good. you don’t deserve that either, that beautiful smile. you don’t deserve to look at him.

-Zen basically glides to you and forces your hand into the kitchen sink, spraying cold water over your wrists. 

-you flinch at the feeling as he’s suddenly rubbing disinfectant over your cuts

-he hasn’t said a word, even as he’s began to bandage your arm. you don’t say anything either. 

-when you’re all patched up, that’s when Zen finally takes a big breath, and you prepare yourself for the heartache when he breaks up with you. why would he want someone so obviously broken?

- “____, I love you. I’m not a liar, don’t think I am. I haven’t lied to you once since I’ve met you. I love you. I love you way too much to let you go. So don’t. Don’t go, okay? We’ll…. we’ll work on this. Together. Because you’re not alone. I’m here. I’m always going to be here.”

V:

-this h u r t s 

-you could never be like Rika. V would always have her in his heart, and you thought you could accept it. But that feeling. that feeling you could never truly earn V’s full love just because you weren’t who he wanted you to be stung more harshly than the water running through your nose

-you were drowning yourself in yours’ bathtub. 

-it was ironic, no? didn’t V say that’s how Rika died? by drowning?

-ha. maybe this will make him love you more? 

-your vision finally starts to go hazy and black when all the sudden everything is white and cold

-you’re gasping for air suddenly, and you look around you

-but. no one is there.

-you curl into your naked body in the tub, and you sob

-you couldn’t do it. you couldn’t do anything.

-by the time V came home, you were still in the cold water, holding yourself and shivering. 

-he couldn’t really know anything was wrong, other than the fact you were horribly cold, and you needed to get out of the water and warm up, honey!!

“V, I tried to kill myself.”

-..

“…what..?”

- “I tried to drown myself in the tub and it never worked, I kept coming out last minute. I guess… I was hoping you would find me. But you didn’t.” 

Saeran:

-n nn ooo o oo my ba b ab yyyy y

-Saeran had been a tad bit more… difficult to handle, lately. 

-Saeyoung had noticed you struggling, so even he was trying to help a little more, even with the small amount of time he had. 

-it was actually Saeyoung that had found you bleeding out in the bathroom, and it was Saeyoung who brought you to the hospital for emergency treatment.

-and it was Saeran who was called by his brother to inform him of your state. 

-it was Saeran that punched the wall. Cried his eyes out and rushed over to the hospital 

-he couldn’t understand it at first. why? why would you do this to him? why would you try to leave him?

-he almost wanted to get angry at you. but he couldn’t. he couldn’t do that when he knew it wasn’t your fault. it was his.

-you were fast asleep in the hospital bed, and Saeran wasn’t surprised. Apparently you had a very exhausting day. 

-so he held your hand, and refused to leave your side until you woke up. And when you did, he had gotten his act together and greeted you with a smile. 

Soulmates - (5/5)

Summary: You asked Jeff, a senior you barely knew, for a ride home while he was going on the beer run.

Warnings: Read part 1, 2, 3 and 4 on my page! Swearing. Angst. It’s kind of sad. Also it’s a little different from the show.

———————————————

As soon as you walked into Monet’s, you saw Jeff. He looked exhausted. He was half sitting and half laying on a chair, in a position that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. His cap was pulled down just enough to cover his eyes.

You reached his table and sat down in front of him. He got up as soon as he heard the sound of you dragging the chair.

“Hi” he greeted, with a sad and tired voice. You noticed how he seemed to get worse day after day. His skin grew paler, the bags under his eyes turned a darker shade of purple, his lips got dryer and dryer.

“Hi” you said it back. The whistle you heard on the accident night, the same one you’ve been hearing every since then, started to echo on your ear again. You ignored it, as usual.

“How’s your family?”

“Devastated. Yours?”

He breathed in heavily.

“Same”

You remained in silence. The whistle kept getting louder, something that also happened often.

“I owe you an explanation” Jeff began.

“No, you don’t” you immediately cut him off. “I misunderstood everything, I made things awkward, but I get it now. Let’s just forget about it”

“(Y/N), you misunderstood something, but not what you think you misunderstood”

You frowned.

“What are you talking ab-” you stopped talking. The whistle got louder than ever, turning into a deafening buzz. It grew louder and louder by the second, becoming unbearable. You shut your eyes and grabbed the edge of the table.

“What’s happening?” you barely heard Jeff’s voice, but felt his hand on your shoulder. You didn’t answer. Your head hurt. “Baby what’s the matter?”

Your grip on the table got tighter, to the point it broke beneath your fingers. The costumers, unable to see you, got scared out of their minds. In their view, that table simply broke itself.

“Let’s get out of here” Jeff said, and led you outside. You stopped at a park and sat down on the grass. “(Y/N), please, you’re scaring me”

Still frowning, you looked at him. Your vision was red and blurry, your head felt like it was being crushed. The noise wouldn’t stop.

“Remember how I told you…” you tried to speak, but it made the pain worse. “Whistle…”

“The whistle you’ve been hearing since that first night? Is that what’s bothering you?” he desperately tried to help, not knowing how.

“Too loud” you cried. “I-”

The buzz had a frequency and intonation, something you hadn’t realized until then. It was like… morse code? It came, lasted for a few seconds and stopped for a brief moment, then started again and went on like this.

“It’s like- it’s like words” you mumbled. “Jeff, I think someone’s talking to me”

As soon as you said it, the buzz stoped. It was replaced by a soft voice, not nearly as loud. It sounded like someone talking right beside you.

“And then there was Marcus. You remember the Dollar Valentine thing, right? Well, I showed up on Marcus’ list and he gave me a call” the voice said, as if it was telling a story. You remembered that voice.

“It’s Hannah. Hannah Baker. She’s talking to me” you told Jeff.

“It must be a good sign that you can hear them now” he smiled, sadly. “You must be close to waking up”

You shook your head.

“I don’t think that’s it”

“What do you think it is, then?” Jeff frowned.

“Hang on. Whatever Hannah’s saying, it sounds important” you asked. Jeff went silent and both of you sat there, in the grass, for about an hour. She talked and talked and everything she said sounded awful. She was being abused at school and she had no one to talk to. That’s why she was there, standing beside my bed, talking to my unconscious body.

“Well, that was number six. I have to leave now. I’ll come back tomorrow for number seven” Hannah said, after she finished the whole Marcus story. “I hope you get better soon. You seem like a nice girl. I’d like it if we became friends”

And then she left. You decided that, when and if you woke up, you’d become Hannah’s best friend and stand up for her.

“Jeff?” you called. He was distant, lost in thoughts, but looked at you immediately when you called his name. “She just left. We can talk now”

He held my hand.

“I have to tell you something. Explain myself”

“Jeff, it doesn’t matter. Soon you’ll wake up and I’ll be gone” you said. Before he could say anything, you kept going. “This morning, my mom told my grandparents that the doctors said I’ll probably never wake up. I hurt my head badly, and I haven’t been responding to the medication. They’re going to turn off my life support in three days. I’m dying”

Jeff’s mouth hung open.

“Baby I’m so sorry…” he held you on his arms and it felt like the safest place on earth. You gently pulled away, tears escaping your eyes.

“If I’m not the one for you, if you don’t feel the same way I do, you’ve gotta stop holding me the way you do”

“(Y/N), you are the one for me” he cupped your face with his hands. “I didn’t say so before because I didn’t want to be a weight on your life”

You gave him a light push.

“You’re an idiot! It wasn’t your choice to make… besides, you couldn’t possibly be a weight for me” you sighed. Jeff smiled again, that lazy smile of his, and kissed you passionately.

After a while, you decided to take it somewhere else. Even though no one could see you, it was definitely weird having a makeout session on the middle of a town square.

———————————————

Jeff took you to a greenhouse on the next day. You would watch the sunset there. He looked ill and worn out, but made his best effort to look fine. You both climbed up to the roof, sitting there and waiting. The sun slowly faded in the horizon while you held hands.

“Hey there” Hannah’s voice interrupted the moment. It scared you enough to make you jump a little. Jeff glanced at you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Not wrong, just weird. I mean, Hannah’s back. People have been talking to me all the time since yesterday, but I still didn’t got used to it. It’s like they’re right next to us, but I can’t see them”

Jeff nodded.

“So, number seven. Zach Dempsey” Hannah kept going with her story. You didn’t really understood why she was telling it like it was a list, labeling people with numbers and stuff like that.

“Can’t you hear anything?” you asked him, when Hannah took a break from her and Zach’s story.

“Not really” he shrugged.

“Why?” you insisted.

“Jesus, I don’t know” he laughed uncomfortably. “Maybe you’re more spiritually developed than me”

You rolled your eyes. Then something hit you.

“What’s your current state?” you asked.

Jeff looked at you like you were an alien. Then, he pinched himself in the arm.

“Solid” he answered.

“That’s not- you’re such an idiot” you laughed. “I mean, you never told me why you’re here. Are you in a coma? It’s probably an induced coma. You would be in a lot of pain if you woke up now. Your body needs time to heal. That’s why they put you in an induced coma”

Jef laughed.

“How come every time you ask me a question you answer it yourself?” he asked, and held you on his arms.

“Not every time” you denied, smiling. “I mean, only occasionally”

“I have to tell you something” Jeff kissed your forehead. You sat straight in a heartbeat, but not because of his words, but because something was wrong.

“Well anyway, I decided to try him” Hannah’s voice came back.

“Are you okay?” Jeff asked.

You grabbed his hand so firmly you were pretty sure your nails hurt him.

“My heart” you said. “Something is wrong”

You pressed your free hand against your chest and waited. Nothing happened.

“My heart is not beating” you whispered.

“I wrote a letter-” Hannah’s voice was interrupted by a loud noise. A machine was beeping like crazy.

“(Y/N)?!” Both Hannah and Jeff screamed your name.

“Somebody help her!” Hannah yelled. You heard more voices. Someone telling her to back away. Someone shouting “Page cardio!”. Jeff talking to you.

“I can’t hear you” you cried to him. “So many… voices!”

He picked you up and got down the roof. Carrying you in his arms, he ran away from the greenhouse. You read his lips. He was saying “stay alive, stay alive”.

You couldn’t see where he was heading. Your body kept going into shock. It was the defibrillator. They yelled “Charge to 200!” and “Clear!”, then it hit your chest and it hurt like hell. It felt like you were being electrocuted.

You looked up to the stars. They were just a blur on the sky, since Jeff was running with you on his arms.

The noise from the hospital started to fade away slowly. You could now hear clearly while Jeff still whispered like a mantra: “Stay alive, (Y/N), stay alive”.

“Jeff?” you called.

“Hey baby. We’re almost there, okay? I’m taking you to the hospital” he cried.

“It won’t help” you told him, but he kept running. “Jeff. Jeff. Jeff, please, stop!”

He did as you said. He looked at you, desperate, and you smiled weakly at him.

“Let’s sit down for a moment, okay?” you asked. He nodded, crying his eyes out. You sat in front of a place you recognized as the small farm where you learned to ride a bike. Yeah, it really was near the hospital. Only a few blocks away. You didn’t realize it until now.

“Baby I’m sorry. I don’t know how to help you” he whispered.

“It’s okay… it doesn’t hurt” you said.

“You don’t have to lie” he ran his fingers through your hair. “They’re defibrillating you. It must hurt like a bitch”

You managed to laugh a little.

“I know that we just met and maybe this is too much” he started, but struggled to say the words he wanted because he was crying so, so hard.

“Charge to 360!”

“Clear!”

Your body jumped and Jeff held you tighter.

“The thing is, even in that short amount of time, we got to know each other. We shared a story, an intense story, we’ve been through a lot together” he said. You tried to respond, but it was too hard. “You were… you are” he corrected himself “an important part of my life. And I love you, (Y/N). I really really do”

Your fingers gently caressed his face. Your mouth opened up to say it back. It was a huge struggle, but he needed to know. You had to say it back.

“Charge to 360! Again, people, again!”

“I-”

“Clear!”

Your body jumped again and, with a desperate grasp for air, you lifted yourself enough to sit down. You looked around and the sudden brightness blinded you for a second. The hospital. You were at the hospital. They brought you back before you could say it.

“No, no, no!” you screamed.

“Miss (Y/L/N), calm down” somebody said. “Tell Rose to call her parents”

“Let me go, I need to tell him! Where is he?” you cried, and grabbed one of the doctors by the arm. “Sir, I need to see him. Take me to his room, he can hear me, I know he can. I heard you all!”

You looked around frantically and saw Hannah’s pale and scared face.

“Hannah! Hannah, I heard you! If I can hear you, he can hear me!” you tried to make them listen, but they kept trying to push you down. “Please don’t sedate me, please, I just need to tell him. I need to tell him!”

“Make way. Make way” a male voice said. The older doctor who claimed to be friends with my parents showed up in my sight. “(Y/N), sweetheart, do you remember me?”

“Richard Webber” you finally recognized him. “Richard, please, I need to see him. I have to tell him!”

“Calm down, okay? Who do you need to see?” he asked, although something in his eyes told you he already knew.

“Jeff! Jeff Atkins!”

“Do you mean the boy who was in the car with you?” Richard asked.

“Yes, yes, that’s the one!”

Everybody looked away. The doctors started to leave the room, and the only ones who remained were Richard, Hannah and you. Neither of them seemed to be able to look you in the eyes.

“Richard, please, it’s very important. I have something to tell him, he needs to know” your voice didn’t sound as loud as before. Your screaming turned into a sorrowful whine.

“(Y/N)… Jeff flew out the window. The car landed right above him-”

“I already know that” you sighed. “Just tell me where he is right now”

“What I’m trying to tell you is… the car crushed his skull, spinal cord and ribs. That means he didn’t make it. He passed away instantly”

That couldn’t be happening.

“That’s not true. He told me…” you started.

What? What did he tell you? He never said he was alive. He never mentioned he was in a coma. You just assumed it all.

As you thought about it, you realized just how many clues he gave you. He didn’t let you look while they took his body from under the car. He mentioned several times that he didn’t have a life anymore, that he would never play baseball again and he would never go to college. He never said it was because of his injuries or amputations. Once again, you just assumed.

“Oh my god” you fell apart, and the warm tears ran across your face. Jeff was dead. He knew it all along. That’s what he meant when he said he didn’t want to be a weight on your life. He knew just how painful it would be for you, this very moment, when you woke up and realized he was gone. “I didn’t got the chance to tell him”

Hannah walked towards you and hugged you.

“Hannah, he told me he loved me and I didn’t get a chance to say it back. I was about to… then I woke up here” you sobbed.

“I’m sure he knows. Wherever he is, he knows” she said.

————- Bonus —————-

“Auntie (Y/N)” you heart a childish voice calling you. You looked away from the book you were reading and saw your best friend’s six year old toddler. His bright blue eyes were wide open and staring at you.

“Yes, honey”

“Have I and you paint that together?” he pointed at a big painting hanging on your living room’s wall. “Because I know to read and it says on the corner ‘Jeff and (Y/N), 2017’. But I are confused because I are born in long after 2017”

You laughed softly.

“Well, that was another Jeff. He was a friend of mine, and also of your mommy and daddy” you explained. “He was such a good friend that your mommy and daddy named you after him”

“So the name of his was Jeffrey Baker Jensen?”

“No, baby” you picked him up. “Just Jeff”

“Are your babies named after people too?” Jeff asked. “Is sister of mine Heather named after people?”

“No. We only name our babies after people when they’re really really special” you said, smiling. “Would you like to see a picture of Jeff? I have one near the fireplace”

“I dooooo” he yelled, and giggled.

“You two actually look alike, did you know that? He had blue eyes and brown hair just like yours”

“We’re twins!” baby Jeff yelled again, then he frowned. “Where are Uncle Jeff right now?”

“He’s on the sky. He’s a star now”

“Does that mean he lives with the moon and asteroids and comets and astronauts and spaceships and aliens?”

“Well, it definitely sounds like him” you giggled.

Wherever he was, you knew it was a better place. You could almost see him living new adventures, watching lobsters fight and playing baseball, forever young, dreamy and beautiful. You still loved him and would love him forever. And even though you never got the chance to tell him that, deep in your heart you were sure he knew.

Get over him in 28 days or less:

1. Stay in your pyjamas: cry until your tears are dry, your eyes are red and you can bare to cry any more. Watch your favourite movies and let the grieving begin.

2. Mums really do know best, so if yours comes in for a hugging session, don’t push her away. Then, when you feel comfortable, have a chat to her about it.

3. Start writing a journal and write out everything you want to say to him and everything you’re feeling. Every possible thing you can put on to words; put it on paper.

4. This really is it. He hasn’t called and you’re feeling down in the dumps, but it’s still OK to cry.

5. Don’t forget to eat – depriving yourself of food will only make you feel worse (and personally food helps me feel happy).

6. Get off the couch and go for a run – you’ll feel better if you get active. Try a run around the block, or some sit-ups. Exercise will clear your mind for a while.

7. Call in your support for comfort. Bestfriends + chocolate + comedy movies = a girl who’s having too much of a good time to think about the fool who broke her heart.

8. Step away from the phone! Don’t call him, don’t text him… don’t even look at your phone!

9. Have a shower (wash that hair!) and call the friends you neglected while you were all over that guy!

10. Pamper yourself. Get a massage and a fake tan (one that’s done by a credible beautician – turning orange will not help your self-esteem!). Have a bubble bath and get a manicure or something fun!

11. Anyone else you know been hurt by a crush? Ask them for advice on how they got through it. They might have some useful tips you haven’t thought of.

12. Say “hi” to him in a casual way, letting him know things don’t need to be weird anymore.

13. If you’re emotional from your first contact after he hurt you, have a cry (but make it a good one coz it’ll be the last tears you’ll shed over him).

14. Feel empowered that someone who truly deserves you is waiting for you in your future.

15. Time for an anger-management activity to let go of all that build-up rage! Kickboxing, anyone? Punching bag?

16. Clean out your life – room included – and line your walls with pics of hot celebrities! Get rid of any photos of you together. Don’t torture yourself!

17. Improving your grades sounds boring, but it will boost your confidence and make you feel really accomplished!

18. Reward your hard work with a relaxed, but fun, girly night out with some great mates.

19. Him not liking you back isn’t your fault, so get those thoughts out of your head… today!

20. Get together with a couple of friends and have that awesome bitch sesh you’ve been dying to have.

21. You’re cool, calm and collected… ’til you run in to him. Be strong; you can cry at home. Notice how the tears are struggling to flow now? It’s nearly over.

22. We all love something about ourselves, so list yours – and be honest! Dig deep and make that list a long one!

23. Do something nice for someone who’s been really supportive of you in your time of need.

24. Stop secretly stalking his Facebook page and deleting your history – effective immediately!

25. Do as Ne-Yo says and really own being Miss Independent. You’ll love every minute of it!

26. A change is as good as a holiday, so get a haircut and treat yourself to some new clothes.

27. Going back and forth with your phone is not going to give you closure. Delete his number already! Free yourself!

28. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, so go fishing! If that doesn’t work out, remember where you kept this.

Words: Sarah Friggieri, Girlfriend Magazine, Australia.

Further edited and extended by crush–advice xo

The Joker x Reader - “The Bucket List” part 3

Two months after breaking up with The Joker, you found out the bad news. You didn’t have a choice but to ask for his help and J didn’t even show up for the meeting. Of course he didn’t care, but now that he heard why you wanted to see him so badly, it might be too late for any amendments.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161143650396/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list

Part 2: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161379886591/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list-part-2

J is sleeping with his head against your chest, completely out of it. He likes to do this lately since a lot of times he can’t really tell if you’re still breathing or not. Even if your blood pressure gets really low, he can at least hear your heartbeat and knows you’re alive.

Suddenly, he yanks at your waist so hard it wakes you up and you start coughing in a frenzy, startled.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you ask, trying to calm down and J gasps for air, opening his eyes to look at you.

“I dreamed that you died,” he snuggles to your body even more, panting.

“It was a nightmare; I’m here,” you kiss his forehead and manage to stop coughing. You peek at the clock: only 6am. “We should sleep in, it’s very early.”

The Joker just growls and rubs his eyes, uneasy for a few more moments.

“I’m gonna miss you…” you whisper in his ear.

“I’m not going anywhere, Pumpkin,” he yawns, exhausted.

But  I am…” you sadly smile and he frowns, watching you attempt to get comfortable in his arms.

“NO!” J utters, covering your mouth. “You’re staying with me, OK?”

You don’t reply and he lets go. You feel the need to get it all out before it’s too late:

“I really wanted a baby…with your eyes and my hair. Remember how pretty my hair used to be?”

He doesn’t know what to say and you continue:

“I know you wanted a boy, I’m sorry I can’t have children in the state I’m in…” and you take a deep breath, struggling not to cry.

“Don’t worry about it, Princess, I don’t care,” he grumbles and you peck his lips, getting more and more upset:
“I don’t want to die…” you finally bring it up for the first time ever and bite on your tongue really hard so you won’t start sobbing.

“Jesus, kid, I won’t let you die, OK?!” J strives to comfort you and squeezes you in his arms harder.

“Do you think I’ll make it to my 37th birthday?” you whimper, worried about the gloomy future.

“For God’s sake, of course you will! And then you’ll make it to another one, and another one, and another one… I promise!” he lifts your chin up so you can look at him.

“Really?” you gulp, staring in his blue eyes.

“Yes, I promise!” he insists and you bury your face in his neck, wanting to point out the truth:

“You’re such a shitty liar…” and you sniffle, quietly crying on his skin.

J would like to say more, but decides it’s better to change the subject since he feels flustered himself.

“Did you just wipe your nose on my shoulder?!”

“M-maybe…” you stammer, snorting.

“That’s just gross, Doll. I put up with a lot of stuff, but I have to draw a line here, alright?” he elbows you and you retreat to your pillow so you can see him better.

“You should let your hair grow,” you suggest, stroking his shaved head, actually wanting to talk about something else too.
“I don’t want to!” he huffs, tracing your jawline with his fingers.
“I miss your green hair, you know that?” you admit, playing with his diamond earring.

“Meh, I don’t,” he grumbles, stubborn as always.

“You think I should wear wigs?” you crinkle your nose, not excited at your own proposal.

“Nahhh, I like you bald, I got used to it. This way we match, hm?”

“That’s good,” you sigh, relieved,” because I don’t want to wear wigs. If it’s not my hair, I don’t want it.”

“Wise decision, Pumpkin. I mean, you look decent enough, especially with makeup on. I have high standards and I had to lower them for you. The sacrifices I make…I’m so selfless and altruistic, a true gentleman and an exemplary boyfriend.”

You watch him with your mouth open, intrigued. You don’t even notice you’re not crying anymore.

“What?!”

“You heard me, you naughty minx. You’re suuuuch a lucky woman,” he eagerly mentions. “Do you know how many girls are waiting in line to get a piece of this?” J scoffs with an attitude.

You turn around towards the glass sliding door, glaring outside at the deserted back yard, not even a bird this early in the morning.

“Wow, so many women willing to take on The Clown Prince of Crime,” you pretend to be surprised. “We do have a huge line on the patio. Which one do you want?”

He snickers and you giggle, finally amused.

“Shut up, Y/N,” he shifts you towards him again, locking his arms around your neck.“Let’s sleep in so zip it. Oh, and for the record: this was the worst pillow talk we ever had!”

You indifferently blink, liking the idea of having a lazy morning:

“It wasn’t that bad…What worries me though is all those women waiting to get you; we should give them numbers, I don’t want them to fight about who goes first,” you kiss him and he purrs, annoyed.

“I am a very wanted man!”

“Yeah, by the cops and Batsy…” you mutter and J smirks, victorious:

“Still counts!!”

“If you say so…”

After 10 minutes

“J…?”

“Hm?”

“After I die, can you please get a girlfriend that’s not as pretty as me?” you beg, anguished.

“Shush!” and he slaps your butt; The Joker absolutely hates it when you bring this up.

“At least you’ll be able to have children…” you ignore his warning, sensing another wave of hurtful feelings washing all over you.

“Cut it out, Y/N!”

“I…I hope your kids are ugly!!!!” you have an outburst while he rolls his eyes, irritated. But he knows you’re depressed and he knows the reason why: yesterday, your blood tests came back bad (again) and the weekly doctor visit didn’t go to too well either. All after you tried 3 new drugs that supposedly worked OK in the experimental phase but didn’t do anything for you and it’s discouraging.

****************

After waking up, you are both hanging out in the kitchen. You are looking at the breakfast food that Frost dropped off, not wanting to eat one single item; you’re already nauseated. A bunch of your favorites and it almost makes you gag. You study the lab results, sulking, wishing for once there was some kind of improvement.

“Eat something, Pumpkin,” J urges you, taking a bite out of a fresh bagel.

“I’m not hungry,” you sigh, reading without seeing anything but demoralizing news.

“You have to eat, that’s why you’re so skinny,” he gives you a cup of coffee and you take a sip to please him.

“I’m not skinny because I’m not eating and you know it…” you speak in a low voice, licking your lips. He decides not to reply. “J…?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t mean it when I said I want your kids to be ugly…”

“Drop it, Kitten!” he pouts, moving some strawberries on a small plate.

“But…how can they be cute if I’m not their mom?…” you swallow your tears and take deep breaths, trying to cool down.

“I said drop it!” J barks and you gaze at the yummy goodies he put together for you, nibbling on a muffin, this way he won’t complain you’re not eating. He watches how much you struggle to pretend you’re alright after he cut you off and doesn’t like it.

“Did it hurt, Princess?” The Joker winks, getting your attention.

“Huh?”

“Did it hurt?”
“What baby?” you inquire, confused.

“When that portal from hell opened and you spawned through it right into my life,” he grins, very confident in his seduction technique.

Your eyes get big and you chuckle, then actually start laughing, entertained.

“You have the worst pickup lines, but I actually like this one! Do you have more?” you suggest he keeps going, placing your elbows on the counter and checking him out in those gray sweatpants that keep on sliding down every time he moves. J never bothers to tighten the string.

“Excuse you, Doll,” he huffs, “if my pickup lines are horrible, then why are you blushing?!”

“I’m not blushing, I have hot flashes from my pills,” you defend you rosy cheeks, flattered.

“Nonsense! You’re all worked up about it, don’t lie!”

You hop on the counter and crawl on his side, eager to touch your boyfriend. He drags you in front of him and you sit up there while holding his hands, curious to hear what’s next:

“Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” he roars and you bounce your legs, excited.

“Hehehehe,” you giggle on his chest and he tries not to laugh.

“Is there a mirror in your pants, Doll? Cause I can see myself in them,” he pulls on your bottom lip and you bite his finger, feeling your cheeks getting warmer.

“It’s the hot flashes,” you try to defend yourself and he is not buying it.

“Don’t think so!” he tugs on your tank top, preparing his lethal weapon: “Princess, you turn my software into hardware.”

You snort so loud it echoes all over the place.

“Oh my God, this is terrible!” you shake your head, though fascinated at how bad it sounded.

“No, for reals, you do!” J hums in your ear and you look down at his crotch.

“A-ha, I can tell!”

“You’re such a perv, Pumpkin; my eyes are up here,” the cocky answer comes without hesitation. You kiss his Jester tattoo and walk your fingers down his abs, anxious to do something about this new spin on your morning. The anti-nausea meds you took are starting to work so might as well take advantage; who knows how many times you’ll be able to sleep with him before…

The Joker gets you out of your daze:

“Wow, Y/N, you seem so desperate to get me naked; don’t you have any pride left?!”

“Not really,” you brazenly admit and moan when you feel his hands all over you.

“You’re a good kisser, kid,” J parts from your lips and takes off your tank top, tossing it on the chair.

“For sure,” you approve, sliding back more so he can get on the counter too. He starts kissing his way down your waist and you scream.

“You’re starting early, I like it…Daddy’s  gonna make you…”

You scream louder:

“Spider!!!”

“Huh?!”

“Spider!!!!!” you point behind him and he turns his head to look: there is indeed a little creature crossing the wall on top of the sink. “Do something, baby, I hate spiders!!!” you shiver under him, getting goosebumps.

“For God’s sake, woman, I’m trying to have sex here!” he mutters, aggravated at the interruption.

“I hate spiders! Please kill it!!!!” you implore, digging your nails in his back.

“All the stuff you use to do before you got sick and you’re still afraid of spiders?!” J gets off the counter and you cling to him, stiff as a board:

“I detest these insects; so nasty, ewwww. Please kill it!” you beg once more, choking the life out of him. He grabs a tissue from the box, heading over to grant your wish while your legs are squeezing his waist with a strength he didn’t think you have left in you; both your arms are wrapped around his neck super tight - you definitely are tense and disgusted.

The Joker smooshes the culprit and now it’s resting in peace in the trashcan where it belongs.

“Happy now?” he grins, heading back towards the counter.

“Thank you, baby, I really can’t stand those beasts! You really are my knight in shining armor.”

“Told ya’!” he puffs, full of himself. “Any more crap I have to kill before we get down to business?”

“No, I think we’re good now,” your body finally relaxes when you are placed back on the countertop and he can finally breathe normal again.

“You still have a mean grip, you know that? You certainly have your skills Doll,” J praises you, actually surprised on how powerful your clasp was.

“Of course I still have them, just didn’t use them in forever. I’m not completely useless, OK?” you smack your lips and he is fast to push you on your back, smirking.

“Less talk and more action, Princess! The only word I wanna hear you scream is my name, understood?”

“Spider!!!!” you shout, teasing, and then surrender under his weight.

“Ha! Funny!” he growls, yearning to have you once more.

*******************

When the night comes, you can’t sleep at all. You keep on tossing and turning, somber thoughts flooding your mind. You decide to go in the backyard and walk it off because you don’t want to keep J up with your restlessness. He isn’t actually sleeping, just pretends and watches as you march out there in your sheer white nightgown, deep in meditation. Just like a ghost, he catches himself thinking and his heart aches but doesn’t want to pay attention to the feeling.

Your frail shape stops in the front of the roses you love so much and you drop in the grass, not feeling the chill, staring at everything without seeing. The Joker sneaks outside, aware you are probably freezing and drags you back in, while you silently follow his steps.

Once you’re in bed under the covers, he’s trying to get you warm and for the first time he’s not telling you to shut up when you speak up about things you really want to get off your chest. All your dying wishes, the most personal and intimate emotions meant only for his ears are whispered in a soft, low voice. You keep on going, relived you got such a heavy burden off your shoulders.

“I left you everything. After I die, all the funds from my estate will go into that account that belongs to the mysterious Jack Green we both know,” you caress his face and he grinds his teeth in denial.

“I don’t want your money…”

You disregard the words.

“It will come from Mrs. Emily Green, you know how much I always loved this identity. So when you see the wire transfer with that name, it will be from me. I already made the arrangements, I’m not changing my will; it’s signed. I can’t take the money with me, might as well give it to someone I care about. Keep this house and use it, yes? I really love it, nobody will bother you here, it’s a very good hideout. And try not to get yourself killed, ok? You’re so impulsive…”

“You’re more impulsive than me!” J sneers because for the first time in his life he’s at a lack of words.

“Used to be. I didn’t do anything crazy in so long it actually makes me the mellow one. Go figure!” you joke, not even sad for the moment being. It’s just so natural to let it all out.

“I really don’t want your money nor the house…I’m not gonna let you die, so there’s no need for any of this, Doll,” your boyfriend studies your reactions, intrigued.

“That’s nice… it almost sounds like you love me or something,” you tease, cozy on the fluffy pillows.

“I doubt it,” he furrows his invisible eyebrows, uneasy.

“Tell you what, baby: after I die, if you miss me so much it hurts it means that you loved me; if not, you should be fine,” the simple explanation is fast to follow and the abrupt reply makes you whimper:

“It already hurts…”

“Well,” you manage to stay strong and not burst into tears,” now that we both found out the answer to this crucial problem, I think we can rest, hm?”

“I’m so tired…” is the only thing he says before electing to inform you: “I have a meeting with him again tomorrow night.”

“NO!!!” you jump up, shaking J to show your disapproval. “NO!! Don’t go!! Stop meeting him! Stop going! It will be an ambush or something, you’ll get captured and locked away and I will die alone! …I-I can’t die alone!!!” you scream, alarmed.

“We are meeting on neutral ground, he won’t try anything. Never did before. And Princess, I’ve set forces in motion you can’t even imagine,” he tries to calm you down while you shake with anxiety. ”I know he might have something for you that I can’t get my hands on. This time, he’s the one that requested the meeting so I think he’s going to use that as leverage to negotiate some kind of terms about his precious Gotham and all the poor souls he has the audacity to believe he protects.”

“No, no way! He’s bluffing, he has nothing for me! Don’t go! Please! He just wants to catch you and take you away and I… just can’t die alone…” you nervously bite on your nails, hopelessly trying to make him change his mind.

“Kitten, you know I don’t leave anything to chance. I’m going and you can’t stop me!!”

“No, please don’t go!” you keep on imploring, scared for this new plan he seems very decided to carry on. “What if it’s a trap? I can’t afford to lose you, I can’t…I just can’t die alone…please?”

“There’s no trap, and even if it were, I’m prepared. Don’t worry, I got it all covered. When do I ever put myself in danger for no reason?”

“Like…all the time!” you gulp, scratching your arm in denial. “Don’t go…”

J signals you to place your head on his chest and you comply, being so worked up you’re wheezing; it’s so difficult to breathe and this doesn’t help.

“Don’t stress out, Pumpkin…I won’t let you die!” The Joker reinforces his declaration, wishing you would unwind and go back to sleep.

*****************

He’s been gone all morning and you have no idea where he went; no answer to your texts or calls, probably getting ready for tonight. You hear the sliding glass door and turn towards the patio, guessing it’s him. You take a few steps and freeze, confused: he walks inside holding a girl’s hand. She is very pretty, well dressed and seems nervous.

“Who is this?!” you narrow your eyes, baffled.

“This Doll, is my future girlfriend. After you die, she’ll take your place. Wanna look around, honey?” he winks at the girl and you resentfully gasp. “All this will be yours after Y/N is gone from the picture. Lovely home, you’ll enjoy it,” he gropes her and you crack your neck, walking towards them with a menacing demeanor.

“Get her out of my fucking house!!” you mutter through your clenched teeth, grinding your jaw so hard it’s painful.

She tries to escape J’s hold but he keeps her near:

“Don’t move!” he commands, pissed when she whines:

“Mister J, I don’t want to be here…Please let me go…”

You are getting closer.

“Get out or I’ll break your neck! I might be weak but I can still do it! GET OUT!!!” you shout at the woman and J tightens his grip on her.

“Don’t move!” he warns and as she struggles to escape. “My current girl here,” the Prince of Crime nods his head towards you,” has it ALL figured out for me: she plans to die and I’m supposed to get a new girlfriend, have kids and leave happily ever after. I’ll even inherit her fortune, which is substantial, I assure you,” he turns his icy glaze towards you and you almost can’t hear: your heart is beating so fast and loud it’s deafening.

“Get out or I swear I’m going to kill you!!!” your voice alerts in such a threatening way she finally uses all her strength to yank her hand away from his and backs out, taking advantage of the fact that you stopped in front of J as the perfect moment to escape the house.

“What the hell are you doing???” you yell at him on a verge of a nervous breakdown; this is the last thing that you need.

He smiles in such an eerie way and has the nerve to pretend it’s the most normal question when it comes out of his mouth:

“Are you jealous?”

“Wha’……????” you are taken aback, not understanding what’s going on. “What is the meaning of all this ??”

“ARE. YOU. JEALOUS?” J pronounces each word in a strange manner and you can tell he’s mad. And so are you.

“Yes, I’m jealous!” you blur out, wanting to slap him so badly. “What games are you playing??!! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You know why you’re jealous?” he continues, disregarding your justified tirade.

“???!!”

What’s going on? you think, completely out of it.

“Let me enlighten you, Princess,” he grumbles, annoyed. “You are jealous because you’re still alive, do you even understand what it means anymore? Stop making plans for me, stop talking about dying and give me a break! I’m sick of listening to all of it! You’re still here!” and him charging at you and kissing you passionately like he didn’t see you in years takes you by surprise. You respond to the kiss, unable to hear your own thoughts or react in any other way.

“Did you feel that?” he breaths on your lips and you moan a faint yes. “Great! It means that you’re alive!” he pushes you away, annoyed and heads over to exit the backyard, not before kicking a few bottles with your meds on the floor.

“Who’s that girl?” you raise your voice and he is already out, barely bothering to satisfy your curiosity:

“How the hell should I know?! Just a dancer at the club!”

You have no clue about what got into him, but you stood there petrified for a good 30 minutes.

*******************

11:30pm- neutral ground located behind the abandoned highway 205

“Finally! You’re 6 minutes late!” J jumps off the hood of his purple Lamborghini when he notices Batman emerging from the shadows. “Do you have it?” he stretches, pretending to be indifferent but in fact very alert.

“I do,” the distorted voice lets him know as his nemesis stops at a safe distance, only a few feet away.

“Does it work?” The Joker wants to know right away.

“It does. And I’m the only one that has access to it. Experiments showed amazing results, not certain if it will ever reach the medical market. If it does, it will be at least 5 more years,” Bruce Wayne explains as fast as he can.

“My girl doesn’t have 5 years!” he barks, straitening his back. “I assume you wanted to meet because you want to bargain? What do you want in exchange?”

His silver teeth glisten under the flickering neon light, the shaved head giving him even a more psychotic aura.

“Every month you stay put and don’t cause trouble, you get a month worth of the medication. Plain and simple,” Batman replies.

A vague cackle, then a louder laugher followed by full blown temperamental outpouring of lunacy:

“Awww, such a good deal!” The Joker claps his hands, faking his happiness. “But I have even a better proposal !” his blue eyes get big with anticipation. “I’ve been reeeeeally busy in the last 2 months; let’s say Gotham may or may not be under an imminent attack. Certain people may or may not have placed explosives all over the place: residential homes, bridges, schools, hospitals, anything you can think of. You will never be able to find all of them!! Something happens and I don’t get the med, it all goes to shit ! Would you prefer your precious city goes down in the same time or piece by piece?” he snickers with an evil grimace.

“Don’t push it !” Bruce Wayne snaps, tossing a vial containing your much needed remedy towards his adversary and J catches it mid air, placing it in his pocket.

“Don’t make me!!!” he growls, retreating back into his car and driving away into the night while The Batman debates if The King of Gotham is bluffing or not. Knowing him, probably not.

******************

“Go tell your mom she’s needed for important paperwork in the master bedroom after you fall asleep tonight, OK?” J urges his 4 year old son to go outside in the garden where you sit on a blanket under the tree, reading.

Kaden runs over, stumbling with anticipation, eager to give you the news:

“Moooommm!!!!” he screams up a storm and lands in your lap, excited: “Dad said you have paperwork tonight!”

You and The Joker love to use him as a messenger; he’s absolutely adorable and even if the poor kid doesn’t remember everything he’s supposed to say when he runs from one parent to the other, it’s still awesome and it makes your day.

“Go tell Daddy that’s fine,” you smile, kissing his cheek and he gets up, rushing inside to communicate the update:

“Daaaaddd!!!!!” he almost staggers and falls on the carpet, “Mommy said OK!!!”

“Goody!! Hey, com’ere!” J signals him and Kaden giggles, jumping up and down until he gets picked up and sat on the table. “Now go ask your mom if she wants another baby, don’t let me down, alright?” The Joker puckers his lips, winking at the little boy. He reaches for the nearby drawer, takes out a piece of paper and scribbles on it, then hands it over to his son. “Give her this too, ok? Us, guys, have to help each other, hm?”

“Yes, dad!” the little boy passes his fingers through his father’s green hair, enthusiastic he has such an important task. 

Once he is put back on the ground, Kaden races over to you:

“Daddy wanted to know if you want another baby,” he sniffles, covering his mouth with his small hands.

You roll your eyes and look down at your 4 month pregnant bump, mumbling:

“Soooo funny… Anyway, mommy’s too old so after your brother is born, that’s it.”

Your son snickers and pulls on your hair that now reaches down to your shoulders, making you pay attention to the paper he’s giving you.

“From daddy,” he explains and you take it, unfolding the note. You gasp when you realize it’s your old Bucket List, now having a “check mark” symbol by “- a family” wish. You take a deep breath, looking towards the house to see if J is in sight but you don’t notice him. You get teary and fold back the paper, hiding it between the pages of your book. The Joker is actually behind the curtain, sipping on his whiskey, savoring your reaction.

“Go tell daddy I already have 3 kids, so we’re good,” you whisper in Kaden’s ear and he darts inside, yelling:

“Daaaaad, she said she already has 3 kids!!!”

“What??!! 3 kids?!” he frowns, aggravated. “That’s rude! Tell her she’s rude!” The messenger runs for it.

“Daddy said you’re rude,” the little one pants, snorting when you start laughing.

“Whatever,” you make him sit down, struggling to keep him still in your lap so you can apply the purple hair mascara on a few strands of his hair. J goes crazy for it so you try to do it daily since it’s being washed at night. “Go show your dad how cute you are! And tell him he’s my favorite poison. Give me a kiss before you go!”

“Muahhh,” he pecks your lips and flees. After a few moments J shouts:

“Hey Doll, is that a pickup line?!”

“Yeesss!!!!” you yell back so he can hear you.

“That’s a good one!”

“I know!!!!!”

You read for 5 more minutes when they both come out: Kaden is holding a bottle of water and you know what it means: time to take your med.

“Here Princess,” The Joker opens the vial, giving you one tablet. “It’s that magical time of the day.”

You swallow the pill and he crawls on the blanket, resting his head on your tummy. Your son is playing around with his toys, preoccupied with a butterfly that landed on his bike.

“I thought the magical time of the day is going to be tonight when we have to fill out all that tedious paperwork in the master bedroom,” you elbow him and he purrs.

“Certainly; so much paperwork, that’s why I need your help,” he softly bites your wrist and you pinch his arm. “Hey, Y/N, besides being sexy and pregnant, what do you do for a living?” he turns on his side, facing you. “Wow, are you blushing?!”

“No way, hot flushes from my treatment,” the defensive answer comes.

“Lies, lies, lies,” J bickers, kissing the bump.

“You have the worse pickup lines,” you shake your head, teasing him.

“Got you pregnant twice, didn’t I ? So if you have a complaint, you should file one tonight with the rest of the paperwork,” the smug reply follows.

You stare at each other for a few seconds before smiling:

“Shut up, J,” you kick him with your knee and go back to reading while he closes his eyes, relaxing in the shadow.

Definitely her knight in shining armor, The Joker thinks before snoozing. No other losers in line for the job…which…makes me the loser, I suppose. Oh, well, could be worse, he reckons, snuggling by you even more.


Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

I have nothing to do, so I’m making this list of Drarry fics I loved

(The Piece) I was Missing All Along by lauren3210 (31K)

Author’s description: Draco and Harry have been flatmates and best friends for years, and Draco thinks life is just perfect that way. But when something comes along and threatens to take all that away, Draco has to decide what it is he really wants, and just how hard he’s going to work to get it.

This one is amazingly written and easily one of my favourites! Angsty but lovely. 

On The Last Day of Our World by Libby Drew (erin_myecourt) (85K)

Author’s description: During a detention, Harry and Draco get locked in a strange room together overnight. When they escape the next morning, they discover they are alone. Love, angst and adventure abound as they struggle to survive in an empty world.

Can I just say: THIS ONE!! If you’re a Drarry shipper you’ve got to read it. It’s beautiful and amazing and you’ll cry but be happy and ohmygod. Angst basically.

Nightmares by 101fingertips  (83K)

There isn’t really a description but I’ll write one. Basically Harry was hit with a curse while alone, and is in constant pain. Until Draco comes along. 

this one was really good and I normally don’t read fics from fanfiction.net so yeah. Angst at its finest.

Muggle Beasts and Where To Find Them by ashindk (8,1K)

Author’s description: Two single fathers choose the same day to take their children on an outing.

This one is just lovely and cute. It features Scorpius and Teddy which is great. Definitely something else from the previous 3 fics I’ve listed. 

Okay my dudes that’s it for today, I’ll rec some more when I have time or if in the future someone asks but I have my own fics to write at the moment. 

Don’t wanna dance alone (Peter Quill x reader)

A/N: This is the last part of this series unless you can convince me to do more. I mean it took one demand to prompt me to start writing this in the first place so I guess I’m easily swayed, but yeah for now I want to leave it at this and focus on getting the rest of the stuff I’ve written edited and posted. Ugh my resolve is already breaking and I haven’t even posted yet. Okay just enjoy the thing and let me know what you want next. My ask box is more available than me circa 2008-2011.

Part uno, dos, tres, cuatros, cinco

Warnings: language, Groot cuteness, the guardians being the best bros in the galaxy, no violence this time, other than that just the inference of sex

Originally posted by food-oriented

“That is not her power, fool. She is in a stasis. She has to…” Gamora looked at Peter for the words.

“Grow?”

“I thought it was more like transformation.” Rocket was scratching his head and using the butt of his gun to poke the chrysalis.

“So we break her out then.” Drax stepped forward.

“No!” The others shouted except Groot who just said “Groot.”

“She breaks herself out?”

“I guess we wait?” Peter looked to Gamora.

Keep reading

so looking at both Boruto chapter 12, and Boruto episode 5 at the same time I gotta say I’m really upset. Shino was my second favorite character from day one. I love that boy and when the epilogue came out I was like ‘well at least now he will finally have a position where he will never be forgotten’

Then we had this shit!

Like it’s not funny, I don’t see the joke. It’s really upsetting because he’s trying so hard and all the kids just openly mock him and even Iruka is like ‘yeah, I gave you the problem children…what? You are struggling and feel lost? I’ll just give them to Anko then.’ Like he was so depressed this episode and in the chapter special he even said he was crying.

Now he is possessed by that snake like thing and you know, I’m actually happy about that! I want him to put the fear of God in those children. To remind them all just who the fuck he is.

He is the guy who blew a persons arm off in an exam! He’s the guy who put his own life on the line to keep Hinata and Kiba from running out of chakra during the fourth ninja war! He lead the Aburame family in battle! He is the head of one of four noble clans in the hidden leaf village. Even Kiba said during the chunin exams that out of EVERYBODY there, which included Gaara, Sasuke, Naruto, Neji, ect. Shino was the one he DIDN’T want to go against.

So please please please let this be an experience where the kids respect him after wards! He freaking deserves it.

BigBang Reaction #12 - His idol ex cries onstage while singing a song they had written together

anon asked: Could I get a Big Bang reactions when his ex gf crying while performing a song he helped write like they broke up not long ago and she misses him. I really love your blog and enjoy your reactions! They’re really good 🙈☺❤


Jiyong: He would feel a mix of sadness and awkwardness. He would watch you and remember all the times you’d comforted each other before, but now knowing he couldn’t do that again and that it wasn’t his job anymore left him uneasy. He sat there awkwardly, looking just about anywhere but you trying not to get emotional.

Originally posted by s-tttop

Seunghyun: Unlike Jiyong, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of his ex. It takes a lot for Seunghyun to truly open up to someone so when he and his ex broke up it would take a long time for him to recover. He lost someone so close and dear to him and now they were on stage crying during a song they had written together…

He would get super emotional and even though he tried not to, he woud start crying and have to excuse himself.

Originally posted by militarytabi

Youngbae: I feel like Youngbae would be really good at hiding his emotions. It might even come off like he didn’t care at all. Inside though, he would feel crushed. If his ex looked at him he would only nod solemnly at them.

Later his conscious would catch up to him and he’d feel so terrible for not being able to do anything and acting like he didn’t care that he’d send them an anonymous gift. He didn’t want his ex thinking he still had feelings for them romantically, but he still did want them to be happy.

Originally posted by fantastic--babies

Daesung: This poor man would instantly start tearing up. He would try everything he could to stop from crying but he was still obviously struggling. Even if he was the one who broke it off with his ex, I think when he gets close to someone like that Dae would have a really hard time letting go. He’s the type that just needs to never hurt those he loves.

Taking a deep breath after making it through the performance (he would make it through barley thanks to the camera’s all pointed at him) he would give a standing ovation to them. He couldn’t be with them anymore, but he still wanted to support them regardless.

Originally posted by y0226d

Seungri: Ever the professional entertainer and the one that always has to make others happy, Seungri would put on a facade and start cheering for his ex, which started the entire audience cheering and clapping in support.

He would be torn apart on the inside but wouldn’t let it show until he was finally alone and away from the prying eyes of those who knew he had dated the singer. He didn’t want anyone worrying about him and he knew just how to avoid that no matter how sad he really was.

Originally posted by fantastic--babies


A/N: So I’m super shook right now about the whole thing with T.O.P… please anyone with ANY information at all, PLEASE keep me updated. Thank you.

anonymous asked:

Hi your tendou soulmate post was so beautifully written! I'd been saving this request for so long! Could you do a scenario for tendou having a crush on his school's idol who everyone sees as charming and happy but she struggles with depression and tendou finds her crying and comforts her and afterwards she develops feelings for him? I've been having a really hard time dealing with depression and how people perceive me lately. Thank you for your time even if you don't get around to this request!

《If you ever need anyone, I’m right here. My dms are open 24/7 and I literally do nothing with my life. I wish you the best ♡♡♡》


Perfection was nothing but deception. That’s what Tendou Satori thought, at least. Issues run fruitfully through the veins of anything to ever take a breath of air, and to Tendou, a flawless being is a being that doesn’t exist. That’s why he found __ __ to be so interesting.

She was definitely out of the ordinary but nothing extraordinary, either. Although, she did walk the halls of Shiratorizawa academy like she owned the place and truth be told, she probably did. She had the face of an angel, the generosity of a saint and the grades to get her a one way ticket straight to a PhD. If Tendou knew anything, though, it was that you can’t be nice, smart and pretty all at once, and if you are, you’re a fake. __ was a fake, and a convincing one at that. Convincing enough to trick Ushijima Wakatoshi into befriending her. When Tendou had gotten the news that Ushijima, the emotionally closed off, socially distant captain himself, spent a two hour study session in the library with her after practice, he was anything but baffled. He reckons that was when he started taking an interest in her, Shiratorizawa’s princess herself.

According to Semi, anyone who spends three seconds around __ will instantaneously fall in love with her charisma. It’s what she was infamous for, apparently, yet for some reason, Tendou could never find himself striking a conversation with her. He figured it would be utterly pathetic and not worth risking his dignity for. He imagined it would be a one way conversation of her asking him pointless, small talk questions and him red in the face, blubbering responses like like a toddler. That was the last situation Tendou would like to be caught in, especially during the most stressful time of the school year. He really didn’t mind not getting to talk to her, though. As a self proclaimed introvert, he much rather liked sitting by the sidelines and watching her interact with other people, except himself. This ‘hobby’, as Shirabu liked to call it, might get him deemed as a stalker, but Tendou disagreed. He was simply just dismantling her for now, taking the puzzle apart piece by piece until it was shattered on the floor. Only until then, would he make a move and piece it all back together.

Tendou really didn’t know much about her yet. He knew she liked music quite a bit. Earbuds always hug out of the pocket of her bookbag and the face of it was covered in band pins. She attended all their home games but never stayed to talk to anyone afterwards. He reckoned she had a knack for the fine arts since she always seemed to linger in that wing, which brought him to the conclusion that she was taking several fine arts courses to compensate for a void in her schedule, most likely lunch, since he never saw her in the cafeteria. The only time he’s ever seen her in casual clothes was in the library after hours. She wore a t-shirt with a funky octopus looking animal on the front which made him realize she wasn’t as cool as she wanted people to believe she was. He made an inference that she came from a rich family, because as smart as she was, grades alone couldn’t get you into Shiratorizawa, not without a prominent extracurricular activity, that is, and she did none. Although she was the poster child of the dance team, but the whole fine arts department was gravely outshined. With all the minimal information Tendou had stockpiled, he came to the conclusion that this tragic hero’s flaw was undeniably depression.

It had to be, there was no way it couldn’t. It was a mischievous little devil that was easy to hide but quick to come out and just by staring at her, he saw its dead eyes in hers. The dark rings underneath the sockets, the glossiness, the agony. Tendou thought it was silly to judge a person based on their eyes, for all he knew she could just be tired all the time. Although, in this case, he knew she wasn’t just tired. There was so much more, a forest full of secrets and lies that she kept flourishing. Tendou couldn’t wait to chop all the trees down. His teammates would tell him he was being creepy, that his crush had become a full blown obsession, but he couldn’t disagree. At this point, he knew it was far too early to say that he was in love with her, but he was definitely intrigued with her. He was intrigued enough to spy on her, sometimes. Well, he wouldn’t call it spying, per say, more like uncomfortable one-sided observing. He found himself spending a lot more of his free time roaming the arts wing. He found out she was a marvelous dancer, a ballerina, much to his amusement, with movements that sent shivers down his spine. He reckoned that she had to have noticed him at this point, even for a second, at least. In the matter of three months he had become her biggest fan on the sidelines, and he kept mindlessly hoping that one day he’d get to talk to her.

And that day came.

But not like how he wanted.

Everyone imagines their first conversation with their crush to be something picturesque. A James Dean and Audrey Hepburn moment, if you were to get into specifics. Although, Tendou clearly wasn’t receiving that in this very moment. It was fourth period lunch and since he had nothing better to do than ramble with Semi, he found himself getting lost in the arts wing. Even if __ wasn’t down there, the school had some remarkable violinists he had never known about, if they were even violinists, that was. Although when he got there the hallway was barren, except for a dark, looming corner at the end of the hall. The lights were off somehow, but through the light of closed classrooms he could still make out the figure hunched over and bawling into the crevice of its sleeve. It was her.

Half of Tendou wanted to book right then and there. He was an incompetent emotional wreck himself and barely knew how to cope with his own cranial calamity. The other half wanted to approach her and comfort her in her most vulnerable state, knowing he’d never get a chance at this again. Although, all of him was absolutely thrilled. He had guessed right yet again. He stood there for a moment, frozen in his tracks, watching her with a blank face as she sat there and screamed. If Tendou had never seen this same situation played out in front of him before, he might’ve been horrified.

But he wasn’t horrified, and that was all the motivation he needed to approach her. She didn’t hear his footsteps, as boisterous as he tried to make them. She only noticed him after he was hovering above her for a solid three minutes, when he cleared his throat abruptly. She looked up at him, wide eyed, and screamed, making haste as she gave him an impromptu kick to the shins. He shot her a feared look, she shot him a feared look, and everything went dead silent until one of them dared to open their mouths.
“I uh… Are you okay?” Tendou ended up muttering, breaking the looming, dead silence.
“Do I look okay?”
“Well you kick okay, that’s for sure.” She shot Tendou another glare. He did nothing but shrug. “Do you want to talk about it? Instead of, you know, screaming your lungs out by yourself?”
“I’m sorry for kicking you,” Was her reply instead. “I get really anxious when people surprise me.”
“Nah, you’re alright. I can take a blow.” Tendou shrugged again, waiting for any positive reaction, or any reaction at all for him to sit down next to her against the wall. She sniffled, and he took that as his queue for him to slump up down in a ball at her side.
“Aren’t you on the volleyball team?” She inquired. She had reburied her head in between her knees, but Tendou knew she had stopped crying. The cracks in her voice had smoothed out, though the tremble of pain was still there.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Why do you care about me, then?”

Tendou really didn’t know why he cared about her.

“I don’t really know. I, uh, I see you around a lot though, I mean, everyone does but-” Tendou paused. He knew what he wanted to say but didn’t know if he should say it. He was already the weird kid who approached her in a dark hallway, he didn’t need another title. Her hands were gripping at the fabric at her knees. She had lifted her head up but refused to look at him, even when he was talking. He didn’t care, she was coming out of her shell. “-but I figured you must be hiding something the moment someone first mentioned your name. I hate to say it but…”
“But what?”
“But nobody’s flawless. Even people who think they can try to be flawless, people like you, they still have flaws. It’s like foundation for the mind, you know, you can use so much but the blemishes are still there.”
“I thought…” __ peeped, looking up at him, finally, for the first time that day without a menacing look in her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the funny one on the team.”

Tendou snorted, and without thinking burst, out laughing. She kept giving him an odd look, but didn’t move. “Did I say something funny?”

“No.” He replied, shaking his head in the midst of giggles. “But see here, everybody has a reputation they’ve built up. Mine, I guess, is the funny guy on the volleyball team, or whatever. You, you’re the schools idol. The chick everyone’s parents are like, ‘Why aren’t you more like that __ girl! She gets good grades and dances!’ No matter who you are, everybody faces the same demons sometimes. If you really want my opinion, which I’m guessing you don’t, Look, look at your face. Do you know what kind of face you’re making at me right now? You look like you want my blood.”
At this, she cracked a smile. Something inside of Tendou had burst.

“But __, I think you’re going to be just fine. Whatevers going on right now in your life, it’ll pass. You got decades ahead of you, and you’ll find your paradise along the way. If anyone can do it, it’s you”
“I really don’t know what to say. I’m a bit shaken right now, to be honest? But, um, thank you, thank you so much. You must’ve gone through a lot too, I’m guessing?”
“Yeah, but that’s for a different time.” Tendou shrugged, faking a smile down at her. He sighed and got back up on his feet, helping her up with him with a little bounce in his step.

“Listen to me now, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like you just hopped straight out of a horror movie scene. Go wash your face and get back to class. School’ll be over in three hours, and don’t try to push yourself to be lively. That’s not who you are today, and that’s okay. If you need me to beat anyone up, I gotchu. Tendou’s the name, okay?”
“Tendou…” she bowed, eyes pointed at her feet. “For someone with such an odd reputation, you’re quite the character, you know that?”
“Well, I’ve been told. It depends, do ya mean character in a good way or in a bad way?”
“Good, good for sure. Um, will we ever talk again?”
“Depends, do you wanna talk again?“
“Definitely. Maybe next time we don’t have to talk about my crippling mental state?”
“Sounds like a deal.”

What Happened

A male friend said something to me about my weight that triggered me into feeling very inadequate. I tried not to let it get to me, but when they pick the one thing that is your biggest struggle and you feel like this is why you aren’t enough, it’s just so hard to bounce back.

I spent half my study day crying. It was really hard to concentrate and shit always seems to go down the day before two major exams.

But… I fucking did it. I’m pretty sure I got an A on the micro exam too, I’ll find out next week. Two final grades are A’s for sure. Still going by the skin of my teeth on Nutrition and my labs though. I’ll spend tomorrow doing all my extra credit and calculating my grades and needed grades on the finals to make a 4.0.

It’s almost over guys. After finals and my entrance exam, I can apply to nursing school.

So damn close.

Originally posted by chicastrology

Sum tips for if ur parents r a lil crazy

from someone who Knows

-if you wanna get around the house quietly, wear socks or go barefoot, learn to take light steps, pretend ur a ninja if it helps (it helped me when I was younger)

-if you get grades they don’t like, just tell them you’ll do better next time. Don’t defend yourself, don’t try and offer any kinda excuse or explanation, they don’t want to hear it, it will rile them up faster, just say you’ll do better n wait for it to be over

-if they hit you, try as hard as you can not to cry, it’ll just provoke them more (it’s not your fault at all if you end up crying, this one is REALLY hard, and I still struggle with it)

-additionally, try not to look defiant, I know you’re angry, I know you want them to know you’re ANGRY and not sad, but please, try to keep your face blank/apologetic

-if they’re weird about eye contact, don’t make eye contact and especially DONT HOLD EYE CONTACT UNLESS EXPLICITLY ASKED (I learned this one the hard way lol)

-it’s tempting, but try to keep detrimental info off social media as much as possible. If you’re in a homophobic family, try to keep it off the internet that you’re queer. Try not to post your face on any blogs unless you’ve double and TRIPLE checked that you can’t be linked back to those blogs. Change your blog name as often as possible. Delete “incriminating” photos as soon as possible. Try not to get Tumblr famous lol

-always keep your voice steady, not too loud but not too quiet, again, don’t make we contact unless asked (adjust all of these tips to your specific situation)

-this may be obvious but STUDY THEM. Learn what sets them off, what makes them mad, what gets them relaxed, LEARN THEM

-present the way they want you to present (tweak this defendant on the amount of leeway you’re given but if it is dangerous to dress how you want while you’re around them then DONT DO IT KEEP YOURSELF SAFE WAIT UNTIL ITS OK TO DRESS THE WAY YOU WANT)

-if you secretly smoke (cigs or pot), my best advise is either do it when they’re not home, or do it when they’re asleep, either outside if that’s available, or in the bathroom (towel under the door, insence is your best friend, always air shit out, and BE SMART, if it’s safer to go cold turkey then do it)

-don’t feel bad about the moments they show you affection, you’re allowed to enjoy it, even if you know it’s only for a moment (but also remember that that moment of affection doesn’t mean you made shit up, and keep in mind they may be doing it to guilt/manipulate you, stay woke and aware, always expect the unexpected)

-you’re allowed to let them give you shit like money, food, gifts, but also know that they WILL bring this up to discredit you and it WILL come up when they’re being violent or angry, be prepared for this

-have someone you can talk to, even if it’s just one person, I can’t tell you how important it is, whether to have someone who can account for all the instances of violence/abuse, or just someone you can have “normal” fun times with

-this isn’t forever, they’ll die or you’ll move out. Remember that this is about OUTLIVING them, surviving, like you’ve been doing since you were a kid (you’ve most likely been doing this since you were like 9, and you’ve come this far and you’re AMAZING), this isn’t your fault, NONE OF IT, and you WILL get through this, it’ll just take some…finessing

anonymous asked:

byakuran and dino trying to win back their woman

Byakuran
‌• Byakuran isn’t going to try and win you back right away. Cause no matter what it is he did, even if it was something as horrible as cheating, he doesn’t see why you had to have a piss fit and leave him like that. So at first he’s gonna be having the mindset that he shouldn’t have to go after you, cause you’re the one in the wrong here. And there’s another part of him that’s also like, hey, whatever! I don’t need you! I can get any other woman I want, you don’t mean anything. But really, he just expects you’ll come back on your own. You’ll soon realize you’re kicking a fuss for nothing and you miss him so you’ll just come back and apologize on your own. And then he can forgive you and everything can go back to normal.
‌• But as more and more time goes on and you still haven’t come running back to him he starts to have doubts. Maybe you won’t actually come back. Maybe you’re waiting on him. Maybe you’ve found someone else. Just the thought of you with another man or woman sets his blood to boiling. He’s thinking about you almost every moment of every day, wondering what you’re doing and why you still aren’t here and he just doesn’t understand what’s going on. He needs you to come back. You’re ruining every day of his because he can’t focus on anything wondering what you’ve been up to without him.
‌• Byakuran has to see you. He contemplates just trying to call you or text you or Skype you, but there are too many chances for you to just not pick up, and he doesn’t have the time for that. Besides that he wants to see what you’re doing, what you’ve been up to, and if there is someone new in your life he wants to be able to get them the heck out right then and there. So he shows up uninvited to your house, stops you from slamming the door in his face and forces himself in. And then, instead of offering up any apology, he just goes “Alright, ______-chan, you’ve played this silly game of yours long enough. Don’t you think it’s about time you came home?”
‌• And he had always just expected you to nod and go along with him. But of course you didn’t. And instead you’re yelling at him, telling him that you can’t keep putting up with whatever it was he did to make you leave in the first place, and that you won’t go back unless he decides to change, which you know he’ll never do. And he keeps up arguing back that he didn’t do anything wrong and you were being a baby. And then you push him out of your house and slam the door in his face.
‌• He’s just confused. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong. He stomps back home in a temper and just paces his room as he tries to work through everything you said and figure out what’s wrong here. What the heck did he do? He doesn’t understand. He can’t sleep, tossing and turning in bed, mind running a hundred miles a minute.
‌• And then the most extravagant of gifts start showing up at your door. He especially loves sending flowers. You’ll get enough bouquets in the next week to fill your entire living room. He’ll send you your favorite candy, these beautifully expensive dresses, jewelry, anything and everything you could ever want. None of them have any notes on it, and you don’t see anything of him during this week of gifts. You don’t even think you see any spies he might have watching you, and you’ve been looking for them pretty hard.
‌• The last bouquet he delivers himself. And this time you don’t slam the door in his face, mostly because you’re just so surprised. And he tells you, in the most romantic way he can think of, that he loves you, every bit of you, and he’s incredibly sorry about what he did and that he will change. All he wants is for you to take him back, because he can’t live without you.
‌• There are a lot of things he could’ve done to push you away, but if you were annoyed with him for something silly, like you didn’t like how childish he could act sometimes, or you didn’t like how he killed people so often, he won’t actually change. That’s just a part of who he is. He’ll just try to tone it down or hide it when you’re around. But if it was something big, like he cheated on you, then he will probably legitimately not do it again. Because he had hid it the first time and you’d found him then, so he probably can’t get away with it again. And if he messes up like that again, he knows you’ll be gone for good. But honestly, with Byakuran, he’ll probably forget all about this incident. So maybe 5, 10 years from now he’ll forget all about it and might, just might, cheat again. In which case you find out and leave him just like he should’ve expected, and this time he can’t find you.

Dino
‌• Dino will feel like absolute shit. No matter what it was that made you leave, he knows it’s his fault and he hurt you really badly and he never wanted to hurt you like that, he loves you. He’ll really just wallow, at first. He won’t even think of trying to win you back, because he feels he doesn’t deserve you anyway. He’ll end up drinking a lot, and even going to the club or bar and picking up random chicks. It only makes him feel 100x worse, though. He’s only thinking of you, and this person is definitely not you. He’ll throw them pretty rudely out of his house if he took them there, though usually it’s either his car or even the restroom at wherever he found them. He’ll still throw them out really rudely. And he starts to cry afterwards, because he feels like this is just reinforcing the idea that you left him because he’s a pile of trash and you deserve better anyway.
‌• So he’s really conflicted, he wants to go after you, because he just really can’t live without you, but he doesn’t think he deserves you. So in the end he doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t go after you. He just hopes you have a better life, that you’re happy without him, because he certainly isn’t happy without you.
‌• He really can’t seem to keep away from you, though. He needs to see you. He knows where you’ve been staying recently, so he hides outside your place and waits for you to leave. He watches you walk to the grocery store. You stop and talk to this woman with a dog, and you just look so happy when you’re petting that puppy; he forgot how much he loved your smile. He almost follows you into the store, he has this almost overwhelming urge to run up to you and fall on his knees and apologize, he just wants you back, but he doesn’t. He leaves instead. He was too nervous, and he really didn’t want you to see him like this. 
‌• He struggles like this for a while. He really convinces himself he shouldn’t see you, that he should leave you alone and that you were better off without him. But it was so hard! You were on his mind every second of every day. He was getting near to no sleep, and the bit he did get he was plagued with nightmares of you. It was you with other men or woman, so happy without him. Or it was you crying alone in your room after finding out he’d cheated on you, regardless of whether that actually happened or not. It was you leaving him. He hated going to sleep. He hated his dreams. It only made him feel worse about himself, a reminder that you were gone and he didn’t deserve you and it had been him that pushed you away.
‌• He starts to put his everything into his work. He gets pretty ruthless, too, often taking upon himself jobs he’d usually relegate to one of his subordinates. He needs something to take his mind off things, and it only helps for a little while. As soon as he’s alone again he’s thinking of you. It’s difficult. He’s trying so hard to forget about you.
‌• One night, he just falls apart. He can’t do this anymore. He can’t live without you. He knows he’s being selfish but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care if you’re happier without him, if he’s a pile of shit that doesn’t deserve anything happy in his life, he needs you. It’s late, and he surprisingly hasn’t even had much to drink that night, but he doesn’t care. He goes to your house, and knocks loudly at your door. As soon as you open the door, rubbing sleep from your eyes, he falls to his knees and starts crying. He begs for your forgiveness. He tells you he can’t live without you, that you’re his everything, and he’ll never, ever, do anything to hurt you like that ever again. He’ll make sure you’re cared for, he’ll buy you anything you could ever want, he’ll never hurt you again. He repeats that bit quite a few times. And he repeats often how sorry he is. He won’t stop talking until you kneel down in front of him and touch him. Maybe you grab his arm, pet his hair, touch his hand, just get his attention somehow. And he’s surprised, and he looks up at you even though he can barely see through the tears, and you tell him calm down, it’s okay, I forgive you.
‌• You have to pull him into your arms for a hug yourself, cause he’s too shocked to move. He would’ve never dreamed you’d actually take him back. He doesn’t stop crying, or telling you how much he loves you. You were the only good thing in his life, he’ll say, and he just can’t bear to continue without you.
‌• He never again in all his life do whatever it was that pushed you away. He couldn’t bear to have you leave him again. Because if he did, and you did leave him again, he really didn’t think he’d be able to go on living. He won’t take the chance. And he shouldn’t have hurt you like that to begin with.

10

#kdramawomensweek: day 3 // 40+ up women in stories that you adored

↪ dear my friends

Once I saw this category I immediately knew I would be choosing the Dear My Friends women. And as I was making this gifset and rewatching the scenes I started crying. That’s how impactful these women were for me and how deeply they touched me. They’re the kind of women you see and say, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” Their stories were so painfully truthful that after an episode, I felt a deep aching in my heart. Their sadness, joy, fear, and love was my own. Though I’m not at their age, they were still women who felt relatable in some way. Their friendship really added to my love for them, because you saw how much they depended on each other during uncertain times. Separately, everyone was interesting and watching them live their individual lives was a great experience, but together they were incredible and made watching the drama even more enjoyable. I really applaud Noh Hee Kyung for writing such complex women and this was only elevated by the amazing performances given by the cast.
Maybe it’s kind of cliche to say, but these women did teach me lessons. And the one I take close to my heart is: keep going. It’s something everyone tells you all the time, but with Dear My Friends, I felt the lesson really penetrate and stick with me. It was in the small moments, the way the women lived their lives, how they laughed hard after days of worrying and crying, and when they said death could wait, but their farm needed tending to right now.

“They have no shame but they’re not shameless. They had struggled to survive for over 70 years, I regretted being mean to them as if I understood them all. I wanted to tell them that I’d been ignorant & foolish.”

The signs as #JustPeriodThings
  • aries: when you bleed so much you think you're having a miscarriage
  • taurus: waking up 10 pounds heavier
  • gemini: going to bed with a clear face but waking up looking like a pubescent teenage boy
  • cancer: crying/getting angry over the tiniest things like dropping a spoon on the floor
  • leo: when you sneeze/cough/laugh too hard and it feels like the elevator in the shining opened in your pants
  • virgo: that "oh shit" moment when Mother Nature tricks you into thinking you're off your period when you're really not (it's like the calm before the storm)
  • libra: the eternal struggle of wanting to hook up - your heart tells you yes but your period tells you no
  • scorpio: cancelling all your plans because Mother Nature says so
  • sagittarius: going to the bathroom every 5 minutes to make sure you don't ruin your thousandth pair of underwear
  • capricorn: when you come off as a little moody and someone asks "are you on your period" and you're sent into a blinding rage
  • aquarius: when you have such bad cramps it feels like Satan is trying to claw his way out of your uterus
  • pisces: having your period arrive a few days late and going into an immense panic about being pregnant (even if you're a virgin)
loving someone with a mental illness is not easy. it’s hard. it’s really fucking hard. there are going to be days that I’m so sad that I won’t get out of bed, and I’ll be crying so hard for so long that I won’t be able to speak. at times I’ll be so anxious that I can’t eat, be around anyone, or make even the smallest and simplest decisions. it’s always a struggle to get myself to eat, and a bigger struggle to keep it down every time. it takes a lot for me to believe that people actually like me and they aren’t just being polite. i’m always going to assume that everyone is mad at me, and ask a million times to make sure they’re not. these are things that have controlled my life for so long. they are things that will never fully go away. but I deserve someone that’s going to stand behind me while I do the hardest thing I’ve ever done; fight it. breaking up with someone to give them time to “work on themself” is the same as saying that they’ll take you back when it isn’t hard anymore, when you’re no longer broken. it’s the same as breaking up with someone because they have a mental illness. and you don’t do that. no matter how hard it gets, you stay. at least that’s what I would do.
—  this shit fucking hurts (via @sophsmagotes