anonymous asked:

How would you describe your sexuality? I remember you mentioning you're "not straight". when did you notice that? What sorts of people do u find yourself drawn to? I luv talking bout this stuff so I'm curious

i’ve been drawn to women since i was a child. i always used to draw them and i think it was because i thought they were so beautiful. i’ve had crushes on women here and there but nothing has ever happened. i’ve only felt strong feelings for men. i have always dated musicians. i like creative people. people who are probably a little fucked up in some way. kind people. people who hold something in their eyes that they don’t talk about easily. 

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.