Do you ever look at your body sideways in a mirror?
Sideways isn’t just the angle but the mindset, a skewed confusion circling around and around til you’re dizzy and sick.
Instead of an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other, I have a body-positive feminist on one side and a health nut model on the other.
“You need to learn to love your body, it’s the only one you have so you must be kind!”
“You used to be as skinny as me, go back to eating once a day and filling the rest with water.”
“All women have a little bit of tummy, it’s okay, it’s normal!”
“All you do is indulge in chocolate and now your stomach looks like you’re two months pregnant.”
“Scars and stretch marks remind you of the pain you overcame, like the stripes of a proud tiger.”
“Scars and stretch marks and blemishes and you should be ashamed of every single one.”
Back and forth like a tennis match set in Escher’s staircase painting. I’ve started avoiding mirrors, avoiding sugar, avoiding eating after the sun goes down.
I want to be proud of my body and myself in ways, but sideways is such an ugly angle.