striking matches

Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

some very very good vimes facts™ i have picked up while rereading jingo
  • absentmindedly strikes matches using sgt. detrius, who is made of rock, on multiple occasions
  • murmurs sarcastic clapbacks under his breath during official city council meetings, while vetinari glares at him. the saltiest bitch in the game
  • allergic to paperwork, apparently solely because he can’t stand his coworkers spelling and/or punctuation from hell
  • thinks “so are we gonna have a war or what” is appropriate diplomatic dialogue
  • literally so noir that he takes extra unofficial patrols to stand in the rain at 3 in the morning and brood 
  • and fucking loves it
  • honestly doing his best to work against a lifetime of ingrained prejudices. not perfect but t r y i n g
  • fluent in latatian (discworld latin) or fucking close enough for a guy with presumably no secondary education
  • doesn’t give a shit about the laws of space and time, just the good old laws of ankh morpork. get that supernatural shit outta here 
  • can toss his sword high enough to spin three times and still catch it by the handle
  • “a watchman is a civilian you inbred streak of piss”
  • will only eat food which Sybil has burnt beyond recognition cooked over the flame of a live swamp dragon
  • so in love with his wife, gets really flustered every time she speaks
  • a knight, but incredibly embarrassed about it
  • by the end of this book pretty much the second most powerful man in the city, being a duke in a kingdom with no king, and still really embarrassed about it
  • ghost rides the whip piloting a boat through a deadly thunderstorm on not one but TWO separate occasions (here and in snuff), still doesn’t know how the fuck boats work
  • calls the prow of a ship ‘the sharp part’
  • i can’t let this go by without mentioning this sonofabitch also ARRESTED TWO OPPOSING ARMIES and then his OWN TYRANT in order to stop a war like how incredibly Extra–
  • fuckin made me cry again guys ive read this book like ten times

merry christmas from nina and benny!!!

(((alternatively, if youre not celebrating, heres benny using a seasonal plant to get kisses from his favourite lady)))

Fashion shoot During A Strike Of Metro in Paris, Friday, October 28, 1966, the metro is on strike, causing major traffic jams in the streets of Paris. Two Swedish Models Barbara and Guje, riding bicycles on the Champs Elysee. Photo by Philippe Le Tellier (Paris Match magazine)

No Promises (m)

“God,” Jungkook spits out, “We told you we worked at a club before, why are you so surprised?”

You roll your eyes at his statement. “You never told me it was a strip club. What were you guys thinking?”

Synopsis: You never thought that your two closest friends would work at a club one day, especially as strippers. Now all they want to do is give you a private show.

[cr.]

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader x Yoongi // stripper!jungkook & stripper!yoongi

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 7.5k

Includes: sub reader, switch jungkook, dom yoongi, daddy kink, dirty talk, strip tease, oral & face riding, exhibitionism/voyeurism, masturbation, blowjob/throat swab, multiple orgasms, orgasm control, frottage

A/N: for @itsrainingmin and her thirsty ass… happy birthday hoe. the sin for this is toned down a few notches, huhu. thank u @addictedtonamjoon & @seoulscapes for dealing w this dilemma and keeping me on track LMFAO

tossed in some mxm action for u as well booboo ,’:^)


“You guys are… what?” You take a moment of silence to yourself so you can process the newfound information, mind dazing with lucid imagery of your two friends being…

“Strippers,” Yoongi clarifies nonchalantly. “Why are you so surprised?”

Keep reading

Playing the New Event as Pharah

Is like living out Pharah’s dream from when she was younger: being in Overwatch and doling out Justice alongside a strike team ~possibly~ filled with her heroes.

We’re actually playing through what she always wanted to do.

Part 1

Fine part two here. 

For hours and hours, Rowan and Lorcan had traipsed around this Gods-damned castle, for hours and hours he had been searching for any sign of his wife. Nothing had snagged his attention, not a whiff of her, nothing. Lorcan to his surprise had not complained once about the long hours of searching for his fire-breathing bitch Queen, perhaps out of fear of facing his wrath, or perhaps he truly wanted to help.

As they continued down another corridor - they had all began to look the same hours ago, and Rowan was sure they had been down certain corridors multiple times. But this one seemed different, he couldn’t exactly place what difference he had noticed, but the air, the walls, the floor, everything felt different, but it did not look different. They made sure to comb every inch of that corridor, alas they found nothing.

“Let’s try another one-” Lorcan tried.

“No,” Rowan growled. “There’s something here.”

Then it hit him, the scent so strong it nearly knocked him off of his feet. Lorcan looked up alarmed, it seemed as though he had noticed it too. They tried each door, all were unlocked and lead into unused private chambers. Only one was locked. Rowan pounded and kicked at the door like a savage, Lorcan ripped him away from the door so he could try; ramming into the door with his shoulder, the door forced open. It lead to a staircase made of stone that lead undergroud. Without hesitation Rowan had launched himself down the stairs, there was hundreds upon hundreds of them. Lorcan was moving cautiously down the stairs in case anyone found them and attacked Rowan who was so very vunerable right now.

At the bottom of the stairs, far undergroud, there was a room - no not a room, a dungeon that was so very cold and dark, the room so small there was barely enough room to spread your arms out. There was an outline of a body that was lying in a heap on the floor. The smell of blood in the room was so strong that Rowan thought he could taste the tang of metal in his mouth. They both stood there for a moment, breathing heavily, waiting - for what they weren’t sure, perhaps to wake up from something that felt like a nightmare. Rowan heard Lorcan strike a match to light the torch beside his head.

Lorcan cursed. Rowan collapsed to his knees, the pain that shot up his legs was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. It felt as though his entire world had been knocked from under his feet, he couldn’t breathe, the room was too tight, there wasn’t enough air-

“Rowan,” Lorcan growled as he shook him, bringing him back to reality.

Rowan once again focused on the body that lay in front of him - his Fireheart, his wife, his mate. Aelin lay there broken and bloodied, her body and face so swollen she was nearly unrecognisable.

Rowan slowly crawled towards her, and attempted to gently pick her up, but a whimper that escaped Aelin’s lips had him retracting his hands.

“Aelin, Fireheart,” Rowan’s voice broke.

At this Aelin’s eyelids fluttered open and he could once again see her turquoise eyes ringed with gold, he had to bite his lip to choke back a sob.

“Buzzard,” Aelin rasped. Rowan released a half sob, half chuckle.

Rowan picked up Aelin, slower and gentler this time. She whimpered again but she kept her arms clutched around Rowan’s neck.

Rowan placed a kiss atop Aelin’s forehead, “I will get you out of here if it’s the last thing I do.” he croaked.

braveten  asked:

Victor, Yuuri, and Yurio are looking at colleges when Victor sees a sign for a marathon and decides to join it with Yurio. Yuuri is holding a sign labeled 'kiss me i'm a skater' on the sidelines and Victor gets very distracted during the race.

RETIRED 5-TIME WORLD FIGURE SKATING CHAMPION TO ENTER 2018 ST LIDWINA MARATHON
Viktor Nikiforov, retired 5-time consecutive World Champion of Men’s Figure Skating, has recently announced that he will be participating in the 2018 St Lidwina Marathon on April 16. Nikiforov reportedly has taken up long-distance running as a hobby alongside coaching his husband, 2017 World Champion and Grand Prix Winner Yuuri Katsuki as well as 2016 Grand Prix Winner Yuri Plisetsky. Plisetsky is also running the marathon alongside Nikiforov, while Katsuki will be cheering at the halfway mark on the St Lidwina University campus. [MORE]


The screaming at the St Lidwina University Thunder Tunnel is, for lack of a better word, thunderous. 

Yurio had been looking at the university as a prospective applicant, and they’d lined up the visit so that they could get a campus tour and attend an admissions info session alongside participating in the marathon the next day. They were even staying at a small Airbnb just off-campus, tucked above a cosy little cafe called Charlotte’s Corner. St Lidwina was a sweet little New England college town already beginning to be warmed by spring, and Yurio had loved it.

Well, at least, he was scowling a lot less than usual. Puberty had hit Yurio like a truck, and as a consequence he liked to act extra surly to compensate for his sudden lack of grace on the ice. But when the blond had looked up at the red-brick and marble-pillar majesty that was Founders Hall, the admissions and administrative building of the liberal arts college at the university, none of that surliness had been on his face.

That had been yesterday. Today, a different sort of energy hums in the air. Yuuri is convinced most of the students piled up on the metal barriers by the main road are already well on their way to drunk if not already there. Their screams are deafening, and the bright colours of their signs flash wildly in the mid-morning sun.

Viktor and Yurio would be coming by in one of the middle groups, Yuuri knows, so they’ll be here sooner or later. He elbows his way into the crowds gathered at the barrier until he’s managed to squeeze himself up against the metal, between a girl holding a sign that says “Live Long and Prosper” and a boy with a sign that says “Kiss Me, I’m from Texas”. 

Yuuri has his own sign, of course, and he has it up just as another wave of runners begin to appear around the bend.

The screaming gets louder

Yuuri almost drops his sign in an attempt to cover his ears. Had he ever been this loud while at Wayne State? Maybe he should have had something to drink before coming out here. The girl next to him is jumping up and down now, offering high-fives to the marathon runners as they go by. Someone has come by and planted a solid smooch on the cheek of the boy from Texas. 

Yuuri himself offers a couple high-fives to passing runners who recognise him. He shouts some encouragement to them as they go past, but his voice feels oddly drowned out in the overwhelming sound.

And then he sees them both rounding the bend, and his heart picks up a little at the sight.

Yuri is wearing a loose black tank and short leopard-print shorts, his hair tied up and his expression determined. He high-fives a couple people, and offers a quick peck to a girl waving a sign that says “Kiss Me, I’m a Cat Person”. But for the most part he’s focused on the road ahead.

Viktor, on the other hand, is craning his head every which way for a sign of Yuuri. And he’s running shirtless, the white t-shirt he’d started with now uselessly draped over his shoulders. His hair is clipped out of his face and he seems to be covered in sweat, but there’s an intoxicating flush in his cheeks that has a lot of people surrounding Yuuri clamouring for him to come over and kiss them.

And Yuuri’s not about to let that happen.

Viktor!” he shouts, waving his sign. Viktor looks over, his expression lighting up at the sight as he jogs by. 

“Yuuri!” he breathes. He looks like he wants to say more, but is too exhausted to do anything else other than grab Yuuri by the back of his head and bring him in for the hottest, sweatiest, and most disgusting kiss they’ve ever shared in their life. The world falls away all the same, all the noise and screaming around them narrowing into a tunnel of sound surrounding the two of them.

Viktor’s shirt tugs a little. Yurio is dragging him away. Yuuri is dimly aware that he’s now halfway over the barrier. His sign has dropped away somewhere.

“You should go,” he breathes absently against Viktor’s lips.

“Don’t wanna,” mutters Viktor.

“You need to finish the race,” Yuuri says. “We can pick this up later.”

“Promise?” asks Viktor.

Yuuri nods. His fingers linger a moment longer on Viktor’s cheek after he’s pulled back, and then his husband is racing away, sunlight glinting off his ring. Just before he fades from view, Viktor turns back and blows him a kiss, and Yuuri catches it with a grin.

“Wow.” He hears it just to his left, and turns to see the girl staring at him, wide-eyed. He can feel the eyes of everyone nearby on him, now, striking a match to the fire spreading rapidly across his cheeks. 

“That was adorable,” someone remarks. “Can’t wait to see it break the internet.”

And then they return to the screaming, and Yuuri hopes (in vain, he knows) that Phichit won’t find any videos of him and Viktor by the end of the hour.


CHECK OUT THIS ADORABLE COUPLE AT THE 2018 ST LIDWINA MARATHON!
Rick Martin for BuzzFeed

Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki continue to be #relationshipgoals as Katsuki was spotted giving out some, ahem, encouragement as a spectator of the St Lidwina Marathon this past Monday.

The St Lidwina University Thunder Tunnel is a longstanding tradition of the Marathon, being located at the halfway point on the route. It offers runners a significant milestone as well as encouragement to continue the route. Katsuki was spotted at the Thunder Tunnel at around 11:30AM holding a sign that says ‘Kiss Me, I’m a Figure Skater’ and offering high-fives and encouragement to the runners that passed by.

Well, until his husband, retired five-time consecutive World Champion Viktor Nikiforov showed up with their son (in all but name) Yuri Plisetsky.

Nikiforov clearly read Katsuki’s sign and decided to take him up on the offer.

Very enthusiastically.

And of course Katsuki was very enthusiastically reciprocating.

I mean, can we blame them? Nikiforov was running shirtless by that point in the race. #thethirstisrealfolks

Eventually Plisetsky pulled Nikiforov back to the marathon at hand, and the two managed to complete with the rest of the runners.

Nikiforov repeatedly beat his personal best time by six minutes despite having been distracted by his husband along the way.

We’re sure they celebrated this little victory in their own little way afterwards. 

HEATHERS THE MUSICAL LYRIC STARTERS.

  • I believe I’m a good person.
  • I think there’s good in everyone.
  • I look around at all these people I’ve known all my life and I ask myself… what happened?
  • This ain’t no high school, this is the Thunderdome.
  • Hold your breath and count the days.
  • We’re graduating soon.
  • College will be paradise.
  • I know life can be beautiful.
  • If we/I changed back then, we/I could change again.
  • Hey, are you okay?
  • Things will get better.
  • Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze.
  • What did you say to me, skank?
  • We were kind before, we can be kind once more.
  • We on for movie night?
  • What can I say? I’m a sucker for a happy ending.
  • He is the smartest guy on the football team, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.
  • I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?
  • You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen.
  • Why do they/you hate me?
  • Why don’t I/you fight back?
  • Why do I/you act like such a creep? 
  • Why do I cry myself to sleep?
  • Send me a sign, God!
  • She is a mythic bitch.
  • I would give anything to be like that.
  • Maybe you should see a doctor.
  • For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.
  • You could stand to lose a few pounds.
  • I don’t want any trouble.
  • Don’t you dare touch me!
  • Who could survive this?
  • I think I’m dying.
  • Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick?
  • I’d normally slap your face off and everyone here could watch, but I’m feeling nice.
  • If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls.
  • You just gotta prove you’re not a pussy anymore.
  • Why when you see boys fight does it look so horrible yet feel so right?
  • I shouldn’t watch this crap, that’s not who I am.
  • Could you be seen with me and still act proud?
  • It’s fine if you don’t agree.
  • I would fight for you if you would fight for me.
  • Happiness comes when everythings numbs.
  • The world doesn’t owe you a cent.
  • You’re planning your future, ____. You’ll go to some college and marry a lawyer.
  • The sky’s gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls.
  • Drink, smoke, it’s all cool.
  • Let’s get naked in my pool.
  • Let’s rub each other’s backs while watching porn on Cinemax.
  • It’s time for big fun!
  • So wait, it’s lime, then salt, then shot?
  • You’re doing it wrong!
  • You’re looking good tonight!
  • Woah, a hot guy/girl smiled at me without a trace of mockery!
  • Stoned. Zoned. I should quit.
  • Hey, is that weed? I want a hit.
  • I’m not afraid.
  • I feel like Bono at Live Aid!
  • Way to show maturity!
  • Quit it jackass, get off of me!
  • I didn’t need your help.
  • You need a jello shot!
  • I can’t believe you actually came.
  • It’s exciting, right?
  • Showing up here took some guts.
  • Why do you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn’t hate you so much if you acted normal.
  • There’s no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me?
  • I’m in your yard.
  • I’m a dead girl/man walking.
  • What’re you doing in my room?
  • Sorry, but I really had to wake you.
  • I decided I must ride you till I break you.
  • Tonight I’m yours.
  • Lets go, you know the drill.
  • I’m hot and pissed and on the pill.
  • You say you’re numb inside but I can’t agree.
  • So the world’s unfair, keep it locked out there.
  • How’d you find my address?
  • Let’s break the bed!
  • I think you tore my mattress!
  • Believe it or not, I knew about fear.
  • I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes.
  • The world, it held me down, it weighed like a concrete prom queen/king crown.
  • No one thinks a pretty girl/boy has feelings.
  • No one sees the me inside of me.
  • Jesus, you’re making me sound like Air Supply.
  • No one thinks a pretty girl/boy has substance. That’s the curse of popularity.
  • I am more than just a source of handjobs.
  • Call me when the shuttle lands.
  • I weep for all I failed to be.
  • You’re very quiet. What’s on your mind?
  • I’m bigger than John Lennon!
  • You got a left hand? Use it.
  • Don’t talk mean like that.
  • You make my balls so blue.
  • You are the only thing that’s right about this broken world.
  • I was a frozen lake, but then you melted me awake.
  • You’re not alone.
  • Our love is God.
  • We can start and finish wars, We’re what killed the dinosaurs.
  • I worship you.
  • I’d trade my life for yours.
  • I was hoping you’d rip my clothes off me, sport.
  • Ger off the fence! Get off the damn fence!
  • I don’t understand.
  • Stop being a dick!
  • What does that mean?
  • What the fuck have you done?!
  • My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
  • I can’t believe that you still refuse to get a clue, after all that we been through.
  • Fine, we’re damaged, really damaged but that does not make us wise.
  • We’re not special, we’re not different.
  • Don’t you want a life with me?
  • If you could let me in I could be good with you.
  • Don’t stop looking in my eyes.
  • I wanna be with you.
  • Hold me tighter. Even closer.
  • I’ll stay if I’m what you choose.
  • You’re the one I choose.
  • Deep inside of everyone, there’s a hot ball of shame.
  • Everyday’s a battlefield when pride’s on the line.
  • Our love can knock our walls down.
  • Tried to change the world, barely made a dent.
  • I have struggled with despair.
  • I prayed, but God’s not there.
  • There’s nowhere to hide.
  • You don’t deserve to live.
  • You’re pathetic because you whine!
  • You’re gonna die alone.
  • We’re all grown up and we know better.
  • I believe any dream worth having is a dream that should not have to end.
  • Oh my God. Is she/he dead?
  • Keep it together.
  • I’m so sorry.
  • Where have you been?
  • You wouldn’t understand.
  • You don’t know what my world looks like!
  • Sorry to come through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know.
  • You chucked me out like I was trash!
  • You left me and I fell apart.
  • You changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside.
  • I was meant to be yours.
  • Don’t give up on me now.
  • Society churns out slaves and blanks. No thanks.
  • Open the door, please.’
  • Please, can we not fight anymore?
  • You’re scared, I’ve been there.
  • Don’t make me come in there!
  • No one here deserves to die except for me.
  • I wish your mom/dad had been a little stronger. I wish she/he stayed around a little longer.
  • I wish your dad/mom were good.
  • I wish we met before they convinced you life is war.
  • I am damaged, far too damaged.
  • You’re not beyond repair.
  • You look like hell.
  • Hey! What are you doing?!
  • I miss you.
  • I’d be honored if you’d let me be your friend.
  • If no one loves me now, some day somebody will.
  • One day we’ll change the world, but let’s kick back tonight.

anonymous asked:

I've been rlly stressed lately and could use a pick me up could you PLEAAASSEEE write a wolfstar proposal? 😘

I LOVED WRITING THIS.


Sirius wasn’t one for nerves. He’d been reprimanded for fidgeting at any time as a child, courtesy of Black household, and so his fingers usually rested still on his lap, on the table, wherever they were— perhaps unnaturally so. Not today. Today his hands were relentless; fidgeting, picking, scratching, but most of all fumbling with the small gold ring. His eyes glanced at the door every two seconds, waiting for the portrait hole to swing open. Waiting for Remus.

He’d been off and on about this plan for months. He wanted a second opinion, needed someone to know… but he didn’t want anyone to talk him out of this. He wanted this. He wanted Remus to want this…

He glanced down at the slim band of metal. It wasn’t very special. It wasn’t even really that shiny. He knew, if Remus said yes, there was no way he’d wear it anytime soon anyway. Not around the halls. Not at school. But they were graduating in just a few months, surely then… Nerves pushed their way up and Sirius set the ring on the table. He picked it back up and set it back down. He ran through the different scenarios in his head again. There were only two, really. Remus said yes: Happiness, pressure off, possibility of sex (not that it mattered). Remus said no: Awkward, apologize, Remus would feel guilty, Sirius would tell him its fine, they’d move on.

They would move on, right?

“Fuck.” Sirius ran a hand over his face, dropping his head to the table and bringing the ring almost to his nose. He didn’t know. He really didn’t.

“What’s that?”

Sirius’ fingers fumbled and he only barely managed to hang onto the warm metal, closing it in his fist as his head whipped to his right, only to see Remus dropping into a chair and looking at him curiously.

“What? What? What- What’s-“

Sirius’ brain failed him, panic swirling in his chest. He wanted to crawl into the fireplace and have someone strike a match. Jesus, he’s messed this up.

Remus snorted, “Want to say that one more time?”

Sirius let out a much too breathy laugh, squeezing his fist tighter, “Right.”

Remus waited, raising an eyebrow when Sirius didn’t elaborate.

“Oh. It’s-“ Sirius reluctantly allowed Remus’ fingers to pry his palm flat, displaying the ring fully, “I… found it. On the floor. Was just looking.”

What?

“Oh.” Remus seemed unfazed and he nodded at it as he pulled his potions textbook from his bag at his feet, “’s nice.”

“Yeah? Really?” Because it’s yours. Merlin, it’s all yours. I’m yours.

Remus sent him a questioning look again, half laughing at him, “Yeah. Sure, Pads.”

Sirius sat back in his chair, pushing down pride. He sent Remus a fleeting grin, “Right.”

As Remus looked back to his textbook, Sirius suddenly wished he wasn’t. He wished Remus hadn’t given in so easily. Fuck, he wished he hadn’t lied. Because how stupid was he going to sound now? Just kidding, marry me?

But it had to be now, didn’t it? Hey, remember last week? Yeah, just kidding, marry me? sounded even stupider.

Sirius closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the chair and took a deep breath, swallowing what little pride he had left.

“Yeah. Okay, hey Re?”

Sirius heard the ruffling of pages stop but he didn’t open his eyes.

“Are you okay-“ He was sure Remus was smirking when he said it.

“I didn’t find the ring on the floor.”

Sirius opened his eyes a fraction, peering at Remus, embarrassed.

Remus’ eyebrow was arched and he was definitely smirking, “No?”

Sirius groaned, falling forward, head resting face down on his arms on the table, “I didn’t find it. I bought it. I bought it weeks—months—ago, and you weren’t suppose to see it like that and now I’m- fuck, I’m so embarrassed and- and please tell me you’re catching on because I don’t think I could bare to even say it. Not like this. I- fucking hell.”

The silence that followed Sirius’ little speech was made even worse by the fact that Sirius couldn’t actually see Remus’ face. He slowly lifted his head, expecting the worst. Expecting to find Remus sitting there, confused, or horrified, or embarrassed or anything.

What he didn’t expect was to see Remus there with the slyest of fucking smirks on his face, biting his lip and cheeks pink.

“Well…” he started softly, “you don’t expect me to let you ask like that, now do you?”

Sirius melted.

His shoulders sagged, he dropped his head briefly back onto the table and let out a relieved laugh, “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to let me ask at all.”

Remus closed his book, resting his elbow on top of it and his chin in his hand, “Well?”

Sirius bit his lip against a grin, hands reaching out to lightly tug on Remus’ until he got up. Avoiding the table, Sirius pulled until Remus fell right into his lap. Remus let out another soft laugh,

“I do believe you’re suppose to be on your knees.”

Sirius grinned, “Don’t worry, I can do that later.”

Remus’ hand slapping over Sirius’ mouth only made Sirius grin more, “That is not how you start a marriage proposal!”

Sirius laughed, hand coming up take Remus’ and kissing his fingers gently, right over where the ring would rest soon, “Would you like to do it then, since you’re so clever?”

Remus’ mouth formed a little ‘o’ and then he ducked his head bashfully, shifting slight in Sirius’ lap, “No…” He smiled at their intertwined fingers, adding quietly, “No, I want you too…”

Sirius felt his heart pull at that, relief flooding his system. It wasn’t that he hadn’t known Remus wanted this, but hearing him say it aloud… It sent images of their future flicking through his mind.

“Okay.” Their voices had dropped to a whisper, and they were both smiling softly at each other. Sirius could feel the heat of the fire against his cheeks, could feel it warming the soft cotton of Remus’ sweater. Everything felt more romantic, more intimate, than it had only a few moments ago, “Jesus, okay…”

Sirius held the ring lightly between his thumb and finger, watching the way it took on the fire’s warm colors, watching the way Remus’ eyes did the same, “Re…” His speech (had he had a speech?) was gone, his mind replaced with everything and anything having to do with this boy in front of him. He laughed softly to himself, and Remus shushed him, pressing their foreheads together briefly, silently telling him to go on.

“I’ve been carrying this around for me for the last… I don’t even know, but it wasn’t out of hesitation. I- I love…” Sirius looked at Remus’ bitten back smile and groaned, head falling back against the chair once again as Remus let out a loud laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

“I’m trying to be romantic, Christ, Remus!” But Sirius was laughing too.

“I know,” Remus gasped through his laughter, hands coming up to cup Sirius’ face, fingers in his hair, “I know, I’m-“ He kissed Sirius, “I’m sorry, you’re so romantic, I promise.-“ Another kiss, “I promise, I-“

“Will you marry me?” Sirius said it right against Remus’ lips. He felt Remus’ intake of breath, his smile. Sirius smiled, “Marry me, Re.”

Remus’ breathing had turned slightly heavier, hands slightly tighter in Sirius’ hair. He was grinning and breathless and washed in firelight. He was beautiful. “Say it again.”

Sirius laughed, holding Remus tighter against his chest, feeling the way Remus’ back arched into him, “Marry me.”

Remus pressed their foreheads together, “Once more?”

Sirius really laughed this time, “Remus-“

“Yes. Merlin, yes-“

Remus didn’t even feel Sirius slip the ring on, he was too busy kissing him, long and heated and blissful kisses. He would forget about it, only noticing it the next morning when Sirius rolled over and kissed the cool metal and then his lips.

Luxury Demesne (m) // Part 1

To be the best means you have to know the best, but what if you are the best?

Synopsis: Taehyung, your boyfriend and the once lavish heir, falls to an average status after losing every ounce of his wealth. Within that same scene, Jimin’s family name rises in the affluent sphere. Thing is, you never expected that your arranged marriage with your boyfriend would shift to your best friend, Jimin.

[cr.]

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader x Jimin // Wealthy!AU, ArrangedMarriage!AU, ChildhoodFriend!AU + a love triangle

Genre: Fluff, Suggestive/Light Smut, Drama

Word Count: 8.7k

SERIES: Part 1 || Part 2

Includes: a little fingering

A/N: more like obnoxiousRichBastards!AU with dashes of satire. kiss kiss fall in money everybody // re-upload! i’ll have part two up after i look over it one last time :)


Everyone knows that money comes first over everything; well, in your world that is.

The world of flashing lights and shuttering cameras turning your way since you are the cynosure of attention, average citizens freezing up cold to the bone from a mere glance at your deluxe self or anyone you associate with. Your upscale family name circulates the world like wildfire, equivalent to the most polished of extravagant celebrity statuses.

It is given that your family is sitting close to the top of the notable social hierarchy, close proximity behind the Kims and the Jungs — the wealthiest of families who have the title of worldwide money bags; oh, and “crazy rich bastards.” With mellifluous voices and a luxuriant way with words, strikingly good looks as a cherry topper, they associate with their own kind: the sumptuous of it all. Of course, in your world, tying with the middle-class is a complete sin. The wealthy leisurely tosses thousands of dollars out daily for the sole purpose of making headlines and believe it is a heinous crime to wear the same outfit twice. People that fall under the category of “crazy rich” is also said to have an endless thread of luck.

Though, like everyone else, you can only press your luck too much.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What did dylan have around his wrists in the picture of him and eric dead was it bracelets

Those silvery gray ‘bracelets’ were functional match strikers which the boys’ ingeniously cut from the side of a box of matches and taped together with silvery grey electrical tape, each bracelet had two strikers. They could easily light the fuses of their pipe bombs and other incendiaries in a very consistently accessible manner. In the boys’ usual symbolically contrasting yin/yang, aesthetic, Dylan being left-handed, wore his striker bracelet on his right wrist and Eric being right handed wore his striker on his left wrist.  The ingenuity of their amateur invention was considered ingenious by the authorities.

Below: match striking strips cut from the side of a match boxes.

There were only a few principles I knew I had to keep to—principles, not Rules—and the first of these was and is:  you have to be responsible.  By that I don’t mean not having kids strike matches.  I mean that somewhere, somewhen, someone is going to read your book at a time when such things stick for life.  And you have to make it the kind of book that is worth remembering that vividly for that long.  You have to make it an experience in its own right.  That’s the first principle.
—  Reflections:
On the Magic of Writing
by Diana Wynne Jones

anonymous asked:

hi!! can i request a daddy kink smut w namjoon and reader? she posts provocative selfies on her instagram while namjoon is on tour,and once he comes back from tour he punishes her for it. blasian reader please ❤❤ thank you!

WARNING ORGASM DENIAL/HEAVY BDSM/ YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Busted:

“Namjoon- “Your shaky voice was cut off by a loud cry once the whip hit your flustered skin again. Your bound wrist twisting behind your back as you looked around in the darkness.

“What’s my name?” Namjoon asked harshly jerking your head back with his fingers threaded in your hair so tight you knew you would have a headache. Not answering him quickly enough you received a slap on the clit by the black riding crop that he had.

“Master! Or sir.” You whimpered out feeling your clit throb from the slight pain.

“And did master tell you that you could talk?” He asked playing the crop between your chest and the chair only to let his finger slide down and pinch your clit not letting it go.

“NO! NO NO I’M SO SORRY!” You cried out trying to move from him.

“Stay still!” Namjoon commanded his voice booming and you flinched pressing yourself against the chair as more tears fell from your eyes and soaked up the blindfold that was on your eyes. “You’ve been such a bad slut. I wasn’t even gone that long and this is how you act. It looks like you won’t be cumming at all tonight.” Namjoon growled pulling his fingers back from your clit only to grab at the crop and strike your clit again. Whimpering softly, you bit on your bottom lip to stifle your cries of protest not wanting to anger the male anymore. “Now. What did you do?” Namjoon asked you once again for what seemed the tenth time or so that night. His middle and ring finger plunging back into your wet pussy. He thrusted them fast and hard against your G-spot curving his fingers and making a come hither motion inside of you that had your bound legs shaking against the chair. Chin resting against the chair you tried to find your words in your muddied mind but all you could think about was how good it felt and this was the worst punishment ever. “You better fucking start talking or this pussy is going to be so sore you won’t be able to sleep any other way but on your back.” Namjoon threatened and you snapped out of it nodding your head.

“I- I posted provocative pictures on Instagram while you were away and that was very naughty.” You whined out squeezing around his fingers. Namjoon jerked your head back biting harshly on your shoulder blade causing a silent cry to fall from your lips.

“Did I tell you to squeeze around my fingers?” He questioned swirling his fingers inside of you and you shook your head as much as you could.

“No sir!” You cried brokenly feeling your body become weaker from his ministrations.

“Then why are you doing it?” He questioned pulling his fingers back, as much as you wanted to react you knew it would only be worse if you did.

“I’m sorry sir! I wasn’t thinking. It won’t happen again.”

“Good slut.” Namjoon let your hair go to slap you across your cheek moving to stand in front of you. His hands reaching forward to pull on your nipple clamps causing your body to make the faintest of trembles that you covered up because you knew he hated when you moved without permission. “Now, once again. Why did you do it?” Namjoon asked in his cold cryptic tone. You hated this side of him the most because despite his harsh treatment you were fucking dripping against the seat and this shouldn’t be happening.

“I didn’t think…” You searched for answers but you didn’t want to say the truth to him or he would punish you more.

You couldn’t believe you were in this position right now. It felt like you had been in this chair for over hours, your pussy felt sore already from minor slaps and touches. He picked you apart and ruined you bit by bit. Why? Because you were a bad girl that’s why. Namjoon had went on his wings tour and you were happy no doubt you were always so proud of the boys’ success but you were needy and you both had barely had time together. But you tried to bear it all for him. It started off innocent of course, one night when you were needy you went to Instagram posting a picture of yourself in a sports bra and shorts with the caption ‘missing daddy’. You were a natural beauty, you had a lot of followers based off your looks alone and then the others came to look at you for the amazing art work you did because you were an inspiring tattoo artist. And a lot of people replied of how they would take care of you and be your daddy or even mommy if you were into those kinds of things. It had made you feel wanted. Craved. And some part of you felt like you were being sneaky because Namjoon didn’t have an account. Or so you thought. You ended up posting more photos, first over the course of weeks and then every few days and every day. Shedding more and more clothing until you were showing a bare thigh or a full mirror photo of you with wet hair and a short towel around your body showing the full curves of your breast and your hips. Sometimes you showed pictures of you in lace panties or see through shirts that showed some of your nipples but not your full breast. And Namjoon, sneaking on his Instagram account that only his members knew he had, he saw everything you did. You didn’t even make your page private and that is how you got caught. No one suspected you and Namjoon to be dating so the comments didn’t piss him off that much because you said you had someone. But it was how you teased him, how you tried to talk down on the male while he was gone. Namjoon had been full of rage on stage. He couldn’t do anything to you and that pissed him off. He just wanted to fuck you in the most sinful ways that should be unspoken.  The fact that he couldn’t put you in your place but his cock throbbed every time he saw your photos it drove him up and down the walls. So, maybe yes, he did lie to you as if he had a flight delay due to weather. Why ruin the surprise? He even went so far as to pay off people who saw him and told them to keep the hush down even his loud mouth friends and managers. Once he got home you were completely oblivious to what was going on. Dancing around in your thigh high polka dot socks and pink tank top that belonged to him. Namjoon had packed a bag and he knew on the ride over there what he would due to you.

Watching you prance around and how your body moved he couldn’t help feel the same anger that slowly wound up in his system from your latest post of you in that outfit shirt lifted up by the inside of your thigh with the captions ‘daddy will be gone for one more night. Who wants princess to entertain them?’. Growling to himself and to your shocked figure that turned around way too late he pinned you down not saying too many words. You could sense his anger rolling off his body so you tried to fight him away but it didn’t work. He wrestled you on your stomach, dragging his bag beside him to place the blindfold on your eyes. Next, he started to undress you though you squirmed and tried to get away from him. He bound your wrist together behind your back. Letting you squirm on the floor he went to get the punishment chair from the corner of the closet pressing it down to the middle of the floor. He picked up your squirming body making you straddle the chair with the back facing you. He pressed your legs on either of the back legs of the chair binding them down as well. That was how your torture started.

The only words you are allowed to speak are sir, and no or yes besides explaining yourself when I ask a question.” Yeah, he was pissed but instead of you listening you were disobeying talking to him and telling him you didn’t know who he thought you were but to let you go and how you didn’t do anything. He didn’t talk back, moving to grab at some toys in the bag. Whipping you and playing with your wet pussy he made sure you got broken back in line. He had placed nipple clamps on your breast, hitting your skin with the riding crop he marked your light skin with bruises.

“Y/N.” Namjoon said your name and that was enough to make you jump out of your jumbled thoughts.

“No?..” You questioned not knowing what he had said and that was a wrong move on your part. Clicking his tongue Namjoon bent down grabbing at one of his favorite ruby red candle. He moved towards the bathroom shutting the door so that he could run the water and strike the match in order to surprise you. Letting the candle melt a bit he stayed in there for some time causing you to become nervous. Your tears were drying up against your skin and your breathing was becoming regular once again. Until the door opened.

Out came Namjoon with slow steps towards your body. He walked behind you trailing his finger down your spine slowly causing you to shudder and groan in pleasure. He grabbed at his belt from his black bag folding it and striking it across your ass cheeks. Yelping out you quickly stifled your cries once again drawing blood as you bit down on your bottom lip. “You know your safe word.” Namjoon reminded you. Though he was punishing you he didn’t want to break you to the point you were terrified of him or in extreme pain. He just wanted you to obey. You shook your head no telling him that you could handle what he gave to you. Namjoon chuckled it was one of the reasons he loved you, because you were able to handle anything he gave you. Licking down towards your ass crack he circled his tongue around your puckering star before he pulled back groaning at your taste. He tilted the candle against the top of your back pouring the wax on your skin. You bit your bruised lip harder to keep down the crying pain of the stinging from the hot wax on your skin. He poured it in a straight line letting it run down your back. And then going back over the lines he started to mark his name with the wax across your shoulder blades. He moved back walking around on your right side, pouring the wax onto your right thigh and then your left thigh. Once you were covered with wax, he blew out the candle sitting it down on the dresser.

He gripped at the whip rolling his neck flicking his wrist to crack the whip against your skin. He broke the hardened wax across your body causing you to become sticky and full of red whelps. He cracked the wax on your thighs dropping the whip onto the floor before he grabbed his belt standing behind you. “Count.” He commanded as he started to strike your ass cheeks one by one.

“One. Two. Three!” You cried out arching your back, your pussy was leaking and soaking out the chair under you because despite the pain shooting up your back you loved it. Namjoon kept it up spanking your ass until he reached twenty licks on each reddened cheek. He got on his knees kneading the warm skin. He bit into each of your cheeks spreading your ass wide with his large palms. Licking from your clit up to your ass he repeated that step twice. He moved to lick up and down your slit flicking your clit harshly. He moved to bite on your pussy lips gently. Instead of going for your pussy he went to your ass shoving his tongue into your tight asshole he moaned stretching you out. His tongue sliding in and out of your hole he tongue fucked your hole until it was wet and you were trying your hardest not to clench around his tongue. He pulled back rubbing your ass cheeks not praising you though he wanted to.

“Since you want to clench so much. I got something for you.” He moved to grab at two weighted balls watching you with hooded eyes. He had to pat his erection slowly trying to calm it down. He moved to crouch behind you, pressing one ball against your pussy he slid it inside of you slowly. Once it was inside of you he grabbed the other to press it against your asshole sliding it inside of you as well. “If you don’t clench around these they will fall out and I will punish you more.” He warned smirking as he bit the inside of your thigh.

He stepped back looking at your body all red and abused for him. It was such a beautiful sight. A canvas to paint after a long tour and he knew after this you wouldn’t be misbehaving for a while. He slowly stripping himself from his baggy skinny jeans and lose fitted V-neck dropping his boxers last. He moved in front of you petting your head he slapped his cock against your face rubbing it over your lips before his hand slapped your left cheek and his free hand gripped your hair. “Mouth open.” He commanded and you followed instructions opening your mouth for him. Namjoon gripped at his cock giving it a few pumps until his precum was oozing out. He let It press against your tongue and slid down your tongue into your throat and disappear. He moaned out sinfully dimples popping out as he gritted his teeth. Slowly he slid himself into your warm wet mouth moaning once again at how it felt to be in the space. He grabbed at your hair tighter rolling his hips forward slowly. Your tongue moved up and down his shaft and against every vein you could find. Your mouth being stretched out by his warm thick cock that was sliding up and down your wet tongue. He built up his speed every few thrusts until he was pounding into your mouth. He groaned looking at you, he pushed as hard as he could squeezing his ass cheeks to bury his cock into your throat. He slapped at your cheeks turning the skin red smiling down sadistically at you taunting you.

“My dirty little cum slut. My dirty little whore. Daddy’s fucktoy. Daddy’s dirty vixen. All mine. All fucking mine. Every ounce of you. This warm little mouth. That tight little pussy and asshole.” He looked down at you pinching your nose to cut off your air. He built up his speed slamming into your mouth balls hitting your chin. He could see the spit falling from your mouth and going down to your chest and your nipples. You were ruined and a slut and he needed you now. Namjoon kept pinching your nose pushing his hips forward he held himself down against the back of your throat. You struggled for oxygen and you felt your airway closing. Swallowing around him you choked lightly becoming light headed. He watched your body slowly go limp and he pulled out of your mouth letting your nose go. You gasped for the air sucking it in as your chest heaved for it. Namjoon bent down undoing your legs from the chair he picked up your body laying you on the bed. Moving to plug in your favorite vibrator he got onto the bed in between your limp legs pressing them down. “Sorry princess. No cumming.” He pushed your legs wider taking the weighted balls from your pussy and your ass but you had to relax and be still for him to reach deep and get them out.

You were dreading it already. Namjoon aligned his wet cock with your entrance pushing inside of you ever so slowly to get the feel of you once again. A soft moan left your lips as he felt you up and you could feel every inch of him inside of your tight pussy. He started to thrust into you with slow but harsh thrusts. Slapping his hips against yours with every snap. He gripped at your hips first, dragging you down onto his cock. He continued to snap his hips forward burying himself inside of you to the hilt feeling every ounce of your wet walls. He knew he was going to be close to cumming, just feeling you alone was enough to make him always loose his mind. Turning on your vibrator he pressed the messaging head against your clit looking down at your body as one hand kept a tight grip on your hips bruising the flesh.

“Who do you belong to?” He asked pounding harder into you.

“You!” You whimpered out.

“Who am I?” He asked winding himself into your pussy fucking you into the mattress pounding deeper into you.

“Daddy Namjoon! My master! Fuck my everything!” You cried out once again sobbing as the vibrator lulled against your clit causing your stomach to tighten up. It felt so good, your pussy hurt in a good way. Namjoon was fucking you thoroughly pushing against your spot your hips connecting as he got rougher. He leaned over you dragging the vibrator up and down your clit moaning as he watched your body quiver and your pussy tightened up against him. Namjoon was close to the edge but he knew if he came inside of you, it would tip you off and you would cum as well. Namjoon pulled out of you moving to your mouth opening it back up as the toy stayed against your clit and he took the vibrations higher.

“Daddy!” You cried out shaking as your orgasm got closer. Namjoon gripped onto his cock stroking it fast and hard over your mouth shooting thick white ropes of his cum on your face and into your mouth bucking his hips to ride out his orgasm.

“Swallow.” He commanded after he unloaded himself into your mouth pressing the vibrator harder against you and you nodded your head cleaning your lips and chin as best as you could swallowing the bitter cum. He moved back to turn off the vibrator watching you shake as you came down from your orgasm. You were sobbing against the sheets frustration and anguish welling through your body. Namjoon slowly untied you and took of the blindfold. He shut off the toy and put it beside the bed smiling down apologetically at you.

“I wish I could let you cum, but if I reward you then you will always be a bad girl when I’m away and people will always want what’s mine.” He said softly leaning down to kiss away your tears and then kissing your forehead. “Princesses that are bad don’t get cummies or kisses on the lips. Now, daddy is going to bathe you and clean up the room and tuck you in for the night while he sleeps on the couch. In the morning if you apologize correctly I’ll see what my tongue can do for you pretty pussy. Understood?” He asked softly rubbing your hips softly. And though you hated it you wanted to scream and cry you knew he would leave if you acted out more.

“Yes sir.” You said softly and he picked you up with a soft understanding smile carrying you into the bathroom.

transits

when you feel that for a day or two at a time, you just feel introspective and nostalgic, or there are some points in your life where you feel random bursts of productivity, objectivity, affection, and energy, where could this come from? 

transiting planets

transiting sun: the wheel of fortune to your ego being spun to bring focus to wherever it lands.

transiting moon: a unique hormonal cycle, stirring crests and troughs of your emotional state and rendering you forward- or past- thinking

transiting mercury: a pair of lightning rods for legs stirring up your sense of rationalism and thought to guide you to the ideas that will help you

transiting venus: cupid’s arrow taking its mark so that you cultivate a sense of beauty or attraction to where it pierces. 

transiting mars: a match to strike so that you are able to set ablaze a path with the passion to persevere. 

transiting jupiter: the lucky horseshoe landing upwards so that you are brought optimism and opportunity to pursue the chance to broaden your horizons. 

transiting saturn: the wise elder bestowing their knowledge from continuous life lessons so that you have a chance to see things objectively and for the long-term. 

transiting uranus: a mad hatter pulling tricks to spark brilliance but leaving the effect of a tornado, throwing a deck of cards at a wall to find an ace. 

transiting neptune: a quickly forming fog in a sea storm, so thick not even the lighthouse can be seen, so you must learn to traverse with your intuition

transiting pluto: a faerie godmother dressed in black who only appears when you’re at your most hopeless to tell you the lessons you need to learn have been in front of you this whole time and pushes you

houses

if a planet is transiting an angular house (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th), your way of being is immediately affected - how you define yourself, your past/home, your one-on-one relations, or your public self. 

if a planet is transiting a succedent house (2nd, 5th, 8th, 11th), your resources are affected - your values, what you give to others, private matters, or what you receive from others. 

if a planet is transiting a cadent house (3rd, 6th, 9th, 12th), your experiences are affected - your communications, your improvement, the expansion of your horizons, or your self-undoing. 

aspects 

if a transiting planet is sextile/trine a natal planet, there will be a more natural energy forming between the planets. 

if a transiting planet is square a natal planet, there will be difficulties as one planet wants to overpower another. neither want to lay down their arms. 

if a transiting planet is opposite a natal planet, you must learn to hone the energy to bring about the potential in the polarity as opposed to choosing one or the other. 

if a transiting planet is quincunx a natal planet, an evoking aspect that is a karmic lesson to be dealt with. 

if a transiting planet is conjunct a natal planet, the planets are working hand in hand for better or worse.