strike the root

Forgive me

Written for @leiascully xf writing challenge: forgiveness

Set after “The Truth”

It rains the first night they’re on the road. The raindrops pelt angrily against the windshield and the wipers do their best to give Mulder a clear view of what’s ahead. Their scratchy movement contributes to the peculiar symphony they’re listening to; their silence, however, is the loudest participant.

Things they want to talk about, really should talk about now after all this time, they’re swallowed in kisses, in moans instead. Here in the car, though, the distance between them seems inexpugnable. Mulder considers taking her hand in his, the need to feel her soft skin against his is almost painful. But he doesn’t reach over. Despite their desperate love making last night, he is not sure where they stand. Their bodies remember each other flawlessly, as if never having been apart. The distant look in her eyes, emotions playing on her face he’s never seen before, they remind him that she lived through a hell he did not walk through himself. Just like his hell is his very own. They’re both burned, but their wounds no longer match.

And Mulder’s secret, he fears, will make it only worse. Cause newer, rawer pain.

His eyes wander over to her small body, slumped in her seat, her head leaning the window. She’s fast asleep, still trusting him enough to know he’ll get them there, wherever, safely.

“Forgive me, Scully,” he mumbles, “I am so sorry.”

The words come easy now knowing she can’t hear them.

*

“Where are we?” Scully wakes up with the sun, her voice as warm and gentle as the weather.

“We just passed Tucson.” Mulder adjusts his sunglasses, preparing himself for her next question.

“Where are we going, Mulder? Mexico?”

“No.” She waits for him to elaborate, tell her, and he just can’t find the words.

“I’m sorry, Scully. It’s just- let’s just drive, all right?”

She doesn’t answer; she leans her head against the window again, her eyes trained on the bleak landscape surrounding them.

“Don’t be sorry, Mulder. We’re in this together, remember?”

He nods. But she doesn’t know. She just doesn’t know.

*

They eat at a shabby road side diner, just like in old times. Mulder grins at her remembering mornings and afternoons spent together discussing cases. He misses it. Scully smiles at him softly, nodding to herself as if she, too, wishes they were still these people.

A few miles later Scully tells him to stop.

“You need sleep, Mulder.” She doesn’t offer to drive and he knows she’s right. They check in as Mr. and Mrs. Hale paying in cash with crumpled up bills. The room is clean enough, he figures. Silently he strips down to his boxers as Scully shuts the blinds.

She watches him get comfortable in bed.

“You’re not joining me?”

“You should sleep, Mulder. I’ll be fine.”

“You know, I can behave myself. Come to bed, Scully. I’ll be a gentleman.” She takes off her jacket, her blouse and finally her skirt. Mulder keeps his eyes on her face, determined. His cock betrays him, throbbing gently, tightening his shorts.

“But who says I can behave myself?” She whispers and Mulder lets go, lets her take the reign for the moment. When he comes, her walls clamping down on him, guilt surges through him, reminding him that he doesn’t deserve this. When she kisses him after with a smile on her face, he tastes bitterness.

Her eyes begin to flutter and her breath evens out.

“I love you,” Mulder whispers into the room where the air conditioner gently hums, almost like a lullaby, “I love you so much, Scully.”

There is no answer and he is glad.

“Forgive me, Scully. Forgive me.” And he, too, sleeps.

*

When Mulder changes the direction north, Scully shoots him a look but stays quiet.

What did they used to talk about on these drives? Mulder doesn’t remember. In his memory, they’re always talking, quarreling. Cases, theories, ideas but nothing he could pinpoint. It was a time before his death, his resurrection. Before there were new partners assigned to find him, to have her back. A time when there was no baby boy; no regrets on either side why he isn’t with them now.

“We could stop in Las Vegas, make it official.”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but Scully’s silence and her somber face tell him it was the wrong thing to say. He doesn’t apologize. Not for this.

As the scenery changes, the mood in the car remains the same.

“I really am sorry, Scully. For all of this.” When she doesn’t answer, he believes she’s asleep again. He doesn’t question her exhaustion, doesn’t ask why.

“Stop apologizing, Mulder. There’s nothing to be sorry for, nothing to forgive.”

“You heard me.”

“I did. It’s just- I sent you away, Mulder. To keep you safe and to… if there’s anyone who should be sorry it should be-“

“No, Scully. Don’t. Just… don’t.”

Silence takes over after this and Mulder feels it deep inside himself; the guilt manifesting itself inside, striking roots. You don’t know, Scully. You don’t know.

She’ll find out soon and then… and then.

*

They arrive with the sunrise. Orange flames lick at the sky as Mulder steers the car onto the graveled path.

“Where are we?” Scully’s voice is still thick with sleep. She runs her hands through her hair automatically.

“Mulder, where are we?” He stops the car, the house still small there in the distance. Mulder turns to Scully, who stares intently at him. There have been moments like this before in their long partnership; Mulder running off, leaving her with merely a sliver of the truth. Once she did it to him, too. This, he knows, is a different betrayal. One she might not forgive him.

“We’re in Wyoming.” There’s no reaction on her face. She has no idea.

“Scully, I couldn’t, I-…” Mulder trails off; he can’t do this. He starts the car again, Scully’s blue eyes burning into him, never once looking anywhere but his face. It takes maybe another 20 seconds, 30 tops, before the house comes into focus. Scully’s eyes leave him someone walked out the door. Mulder slows down the car and it finally stops in clear sight.

“Mulder…” He doesn’t recognize the emotion in Scully’s voice. He listens to the click of her seat belt, the soft close of the car door as she steps out. The woman on the porch holds her baby tightly, fastening her grip involuntarily.

Mulder takes a deep breath. He couldn’t have told her. He doesn’t have the words for it. Opening the car door, soft air hits him, reminds him of a place somewhere, of something he can’t put his fingers on. The baby kicks gently, like happy children do when they’re excited, and Mulder looks at his son for the first time in over a year.

“Mulder, why…” Scully’s voice breaks.

“Forgive me, Scully.” He pleads.

He needs her to forgive him because he can’t let go, can’t forgive himself and partly her, for giving up. For giving up their son.

“We’re taking our son home.” He says, determination in his voice. 

Believe it or not, but none of this happens just because it has always been this way. None of this happens because there’s always some people who feel like doing it. But meanwhile, no one is safe when there’s money to be made.

Everything that people think is wrong with how we treat animals simply wouldn’t happen at all if we’d refrain from supporting any use of animals in the first place. The only solution to these problems is to go vegan and to help others to go vegan as well. No matter how hard you try and protest against one or more of these issues in particular, as long as there are people funding animal use, we will see what is referred to as animal abuse. If we have learned anything, it is that neither governments nor laws nor large animal protection organizations will change a thing about this. The cause of these symptoms is the demand for animal products. And here again veganism strikes at the root.

Radical action, direct action and actions that are neither.

The big buzz words of anarchism are that all should be radical and direct action. But often calling actions direct is just seen as identical to ‘anarchist’ or ‘if it’s illegal it must be radical’.

Radical means 'from the root’.
And to know if things are radical we do not need to ask ourselves how illegal, unusual, loud or aggressive our actions are.
We need to ask 'are they nurturing the roots of things we want and striking at the roots of things we want to destroy?
Often the opposite of radical action is Reformist action, aimed at making bad things less harmful without uprooting them.

Direct action means 'creating direct change’ in a way that does not require a change of opinion on someone elses part
Again something is not direct action just because it is illegal, looks edgy, takes place in the street, etc. Something is direct action when it creates a change (which can also mean stopping something from happening).
Often the opposite of direct action is 'raising awareness’ aimed at changing opinions rathet than realities.

But here’s a thing: anarchist actions do not need to be radical or direct to have value or to be truly anarchist. Anarchists do reform their own communities as well as groups that want to become more anarchist, and we do raise awareness when we feel that is needed.
We just know what we can’t and won’t reform and must destroy (capitalism, the state, cops, prisons, nations, borders, etc) and we know that raising awareness is useless if it is not followed by direct action.

  • what she says: im fine
  • what she means: That’s right. I am Kira. So what? Are you going to kill me? Listen, yes, I am Kira. But I’m also the god of this new world. In this world, I am the law, I am the one maintaining order. Kira is justice- mankind’s only hope. You’re going to kill me? Is that really the right thing to do? Capturing Kira might have been the right thing to do in the past, but now it’s obviously evil, the people of this world are changed. Or, perhaps, you’d like the world to go back to the way it was before? This world is still evil, and the world must be rid of them. Humans have a right to be happy and to pursue happiness. However, because of the few evil people in this world, those people are unable to be happy. When I first obtained the Death Note- No, even before that- the world was rotted. People had sunk as far as they could sink. Evil can only produce more evil, and the more evil people, the more the evil will spread through the earth. The weak people will learn from the evil, and they will become evil themselves. Evil people, despicable people- those are the ones who should be done away with.I must strike deep at the root evil that exists today. The evil, as well as those who would harm others- those are the ones who must be done away with. People will begin to change, and they’ll learn the proper way to live as human beings. The right to be happy- all of us have that right, we are entitled to it. It can’t be gained by attacking, or hindering others rights to be happy. And so, when the world changes, people begin to change. They become kinder. Those who will not change have no place in this world. As the most gifted beings on the planet, humanity is meant to move forward, but we’re actually regressing!A rotten world, rotten politics, justice, education… What makes this world right? Someone has to set it right! When the notebook came into my hands, I knew I had to do it- No… That I was the ONLY person who could do it! I knew that killing people was a crime, but that was the only way to make the world right again! I had no choice but to act as Kira! That was the destiny given to me! I was chosen to bring about true utopia and peace! Using just a notebook, could anyone else have come THIS far? And continue doing it? Could anyone, with just a single notebook, lead this world into the right direction? Only foolish people of low caliber would use it for selfish reasons! I never once considered my own interests! I am nothing like those who would use it to impose their thougths upon the weak, and profit from them! Those type of people are the one who are ruining this world! That’s right… Only I can do it… to be on top of the new world, and to guide it correctly.

as hopeless as i felt when i was reading that martinot & sexton essay, i can’t help feeling like there are really important things we could be doing, if only we could imagine strategies of fighting white supremacy and subverting anti-blackness that do strike at the roots and don’t ‘just stop at making demands of the state (which cannot give us justice because injustice is what holds up the state; racial violence is what provides the false order that is the state; to make the state no longer anti-black would be to create an entirely new way of thinking and relating to one another). but we’ve been stuck in this way of thinking for so long it’s hard to imagine anything else. and i don’t know what’s out there either, but i think with writing one of the things i have to do is at least ask questions and try to come up with something. and i don’t understand what other people are doing, i can’t believe there are nonblack people writing fiction about relationships or family issues or science fiction futures without feeling a deep concern about all of this and including those concerns in their books. we’re talking about some of the fundamental concerns of the past five hundred years, the very stuff that structures the way we live and relate to one another. and anyone who ever wrote about cops or government or any community/alienation or just simply used words like “civilization”, “progress”, and “history” should have come up against these structural concerns and started to interrogate them somehow, even if poorly. perhaps the worst sin a writer can make is to use language carelessly, to include an empty phrase or a vague term that which can only detract from the text, but that’s exactly what we do whenever we take for granted the things that rule our lives and write about them as if they are natural forces, neutral, inevitable, nothing more than the very air we breathe. you’re living in a fascist police state, living in a deeply segregated country, you’re part of an imperialist war machine, and you have nothing to say about it? in that case, you’re not writing literature, you’re not making art - at most you’re doing subtle, moving pieces of propaganda that aid in genocide…

Diamond
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heilith || imagine from imaginexhobbit

To my dear sweet Averil with much love. Thank you for trusting me with this. :)

“Imagine having the ability to communicate telepathically with Thorin, usually discussing details about the quest, and one night he confesses his thoughts about wanting to make slow, long, passionate love to you.” 

“Noooo! No! Kili!”

The lightning tore up the boiling black clouds above you. You clawed into the crumbling wall, wishing you could strike roots on the place. The wobbling of the wet rock under your feet was making you nauseous.  

You had to hold on.

“Thorin, he’s fine. We’re fine. I’m watching him.”

Keep reading

4

What if this storm ends, & leaves us nothing, except a memory, a distant echo. I want pinned down, I want unsettled, rattle cage after cage, until my blood boils. I want to see you, as you are now, every single day, that I am living. painted in flames, all peeling thunder, be the lightning in me, that strikes relentless…

2

Trees are the soul of this world. Striking their roots deep into the ground, they take in the entire wisdom of earth and whisper its mysteries in their strange leafy language. That’s why in folklore trees are often considered to have their own consciousness, to think and feel just like we do. If so, the wisest of them must be oaks. Endowed with great strength and energy, they live for centuries witnessing historical events andmemorable moments.

crocordile  asked:

What's your favorite scene from FMA 2003?

As I rewatched it this summer that changed a lot, but I think right now my favorite is Ed and Roy’s conversation in the car in “Goodbye” with that hand clap (or whatever you’d call it) at the end.

It lays out really well what the series is about, and Ed and (especially) Roy’s character arcs are about in particular. It gets misinterpreted a lot, especially by FMAB fans who see the thing about Hughes as Roy admitting he’s being “consumed by the revenge” he had to get over in FMAB. But Roy doesn’t say it like a man consumed by revenge. Hughes’s death caused him to realize that he can’t “work within” that system after all, and has to strike at the root of it to really change things. He “gave up” his goal to take over the country, because he realized his real one – making Amestris better, getting rid of what in it allowed for Ishbal and the Rockbells’ deaths to happen – required sacrificing that. Both Ed and Roy, in the end, have to sacrifice the more selfish parts of their goals for their more selfless (and genuine) bottom lines.

This articulates it really well IF you take it for what it is instead of comparing it to the other canon with completely different themes. It also ties it in very well with Ed’s line later about how the world is intertwined (“even when our eyes are closed…” I think). You have to be constantly aware of how your personal choices take place within larger systems you can’t as easily control.

It’s also just a great moment for Ed and Roy’s relationship (meant in a completely platonic sense here: as much as I enjoy some fanfic shipping them, I don’t see any “support” for it in the show). It’s when they finally are able to see each other as equals. It’s very cathartic to see these two very similar (in many ways) people, who’ve been fighting with each other forever, finally step back and really see each other – and themselves. At least, it was cathartic to me.

(4:34 pm CDT: Added tags and fixed phrasing/punctuation weirdness caused by originally posting this on mobile)

2

Trees are the soul of this world. Striking their roots deep into the ground, they take in the entire wisdom of earth and whisper its mysteries in their strange leafy language. That’s why in folklore trees are often considered to have their own consciousness, to think and feel just like we do. If so, the wisest of them must be oaks. Endowed with great strength and energy, they live for centuries witnessing historical events andmemorable moments.

rugrats au: goodbye kara

the original | halloween | clothing | the reckoning | the reckoning pt. 2 | martine | getting married | the office | anniversaries | root’s parents | a new family | john

  • perhaps surprisingly, root is more dangerous than shaw
  • sure, shaw is more likely to pop off in the moment. a kick to the shins when she’s younger, a quick jab to the shoulder when john annoys her, knocking randos out when they hit on root
  • but root. root plans. root schemes. root remembers everything
  • root holds on to things. lets them build up. shaw is a lighting strike but root is the entire goddamn storm
  • so when root says they’re gonna take a walk, shaw knows root is going to take the scenic route to plan this shit out
  • root’s mentally taking inventory. she has her switchblade that shaw gave her in her boot. mace in her bag. “shaw, you have a lighter?”
  • “duh”
  • shaw pauses. “wait. root. what do we need a lighter for?”
  • root heart flutters briefly at shaw’s “we”
  • “mace is highly flammable. i just want to get my point across”
  • shaw has never been more aroused. it shows.
  • root closes shaw’s mouth with the tip of her finger. “you
    can catch flies after we take care of kara”
  • they press on. find kara’s house. root boosts shaw over the gate and shaw pulls her up after
  • “lights are off. cars are gone. parents might not be home.” shaw notes
  • “they’re on a cruise. it’s their anniversary. won’t be back till friday”
  • “how do you–never mind. i don’t wanna know”
  • the door’s locked. root reaches down (shaw stares at her ass appreciatively) and grabs her switchblade. “let’s go say hi”
  • shaw is so in love. she grabs a pin from her hair and picks the lock
  • they slip in quietly. kara’s on the couch watching tv. they sit on either side of her. “kara, it’s so nice to finally meet you”
  • shaw loves it when root’s an asshole
  • “what the /fuck/ are you doing in my house?? i’m calling the cops”
  • shaw slips kara’s phone out of her pocket. smashes it on the ground
  • “what’s your fucking problem? you’re paying for–”
  • this is when root starts twirling her knife around her fingers. (she’s been practicing for weeks)
  • kara’s freaked out, she tries to get up. shaw grabs her arm, presses her back down
  • root just keeps looking straight ahead
  • root’s voice: quiet, deadly: “here’s what’s going to happen, stanton. you’re going to stay away from john. you’re not going to look at him. you’re not going to talk to him. and you’re sure as fuck not going to touch him. ever again. got it?”
  • kara still thinks she’s hot shit. “fuck you, groves. you think you’re so tough cause you’ve got your girlfriend here to back you up? you’re full of shit. i’ll do whatever I goddamn please.”
  • in a flash, root’s knife is pressed to kara’s neck. shaw chuckles. “listen, i’m not here to keep root safe, if you catch my drift”
  • kara whimpers
  • “so. kara. let’s try this again. three days after your parents come home on friday, your mother will get a phone call for a better job offer. she’ll hesitate because she won’t want to move you in the middle of the school year. but you’ll tell insist that it’s fine. a can’t-miss opportunity. and then five days after that, you’ll be gone. out of john’s life indefinitely. and if you
    convince your folks to leave even sooner, i just might decide to let you
    keep all your fingers”
  • shaw stands. “we done here?”
  • root grins, a terrifying silhouette in the light of the tv screen. “i think so, sweetie. i believe kara and i understand one another quite clearly”
  • kara is frozen in fear
  • shaw pats root’s ass on the way out. “i love to watch you work”
  • they set fire to the flower beds just because
  • kara is gone in four days. they never see her again
5 Ways Your Family Can Create And Build Wealth

Families who truly understand wealth tend to invest in their families with as much discipline as they do with their business.Here are five strategies for your family to use to create and keep prosperity:

1) Starting with a clear mission is the first step for businesses and families alike.

2) Determine your values and lead with them.

3) Get input from all family members. 

4) Set goals as a team.

5) Strategize to optimize.

Just like a business, create a vision for your family that strikes a balance between staying rooted in your principles and planning for future success. Read more.

Reality, Romance and Ash Lynburn

I have a spoilery question for Unmade after the cut, which is detailed (excellent smart detail!) enough so I put it under a cut… and took the opportunity to talk a lot about romance generally, and reality, and fiction, and the shapes I was playing with and the characters I was writing. 

Keep reading

“Love is like a tree: it shoots of itself; it strikes its roots deeply into our whole being, and frequently continues to put forth green leaves over a heart in ruins. And there is this unaccountable circumstance attending it, that the blinder the passion the more tenacious it is. Never is it stronger than when it is most unreasonable.”
― Victor Hugo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

(via Pinterest)