DAVE, smashed at 3am after his sisters wedding:
you know john the funniest thing me and jade ever did was think that you and rose were going to get together. yall were cute and maybe it woulda been cool but i dont even understand what layers hormone-jacked assumption that must have been because it should have been obvious from the get go that rose was gravitating to the first sassy lesbian she could find like shed refined her ecto-inherited gaydar to detect snarky horseshit
i dont know dave, all trolls like dating any troll right? why does kanayas sexuality even matter
come on dude i agree that labelling it doesnt matter for shit at this stage but you cant deny that kanayas gayer than a 1920s elf in booty shorts who doesnt understand modern terminology singing about happiness and friendship while he bangs a komina body pillow
ysee while trolls like to pretend their quadrants and culture are so alien from ours that wed eat dead babies without knowing theres more similarities than wed expect. we arent eating those dead babies unaware, humanity was using dead babies as burger dip since the first buttscratching caveman killed a cow while it was minding its business eating that grass on its friends body thank you very much
and like our society they cant seem to grasp the basic concepts that people would be Only attracted to groups that go outside of their preconcieved norms of whats bangable
its pretty interesting though that trolls consider variable sexualities a basic fetish that doesnt matter much while humanity has to make a whole big deal about it to the extent of gouging peoples faces off though both are at least partial in the basic erasure of personal boundaries therefore you see trolls dating people theyre not really interested in or caped douchebags flirting with innocent vampires who would rather strangle them but wonder if its worth a shot anyway
hell you know that vriska jerk you and her were flirting like there was no tomorrow but next time you see each other you want little to do with anything. whats up with that?
dave its getting pretty late!! and i dont really want to talk about this...
wait wasnt she also flirting with that guy who likes fire and then basically kicked him to the kirb in the most violently confused way possible and started fake flirting with my brothers dumb AI thing that nobody could love unless they are into irony in more ways than one
all this after hanging with another girl who none of us could drag away from her for the most basic of shitposting doing mysterious things together for three years and also vriska being told off by rose for sniffing her girlfriend
do you think vriska could be a lesbian john
TEREZI, on the next seat sniffing a suspicious looking red and green lollipop:
WH4TS 4 L3SB14N
terezi youre not really helping with the discourse here
a Homestuck / Sister Location AU where Dirk is the orange guy, who builds some animatronics and goes underground to solve some mysteries. He finds far more than he bargained for, and a lot of souls who want revenge.
(look up the rules if you don’t know them, it’s a fun game)
Rose plays it very carefully and is good at getting exactly the number of hands she bet, oftentimes knowing when to bet lower or higher based on her partner’s tendency to under or overestimate. She knows when to bet 1, as frustrating as that can be to do.
Jade likes to bet nil when she has few enough good cards, even if there are aces in her hand- she trusts her partner to pick up the slack. She and Rose are a good team, but John gets really flustered when she bets nil as his teammate.
John often thinks he’s going to get more cards than he actually can. He ends up in the negatives a lot while playing. These are times Rose bets 1.
Dave makes meaningful squints across the table while he’s playing. If Karkat is playing as his teammate, he tells him he has no idea what the fuck left eyebrow wiggle means. If Karkat is playing against him, he accuses him as cheating as if Jade is ever going to know what left eyebrow wiggle means. Terezi eyebrow wiggles back, and they both pretend that they have pulled off a good amount of cheating with their meaningless gestures.
Terezi bets blind nil all the time. All the time. She’s losing? Blind nil. She’s about to win the game by a good 100 point margin? Blind Nil. Vriska loses her shit every time. Sometimes she waves a hand in front of her eyes and starts hinting, and Vriska just inches higher and higher up out of her seat- she’s lost too many games because of Terezi’s blind nil escapades.
Vriska actually cheats, unlike Dave. A lot. They saddle her with Terezi as punishment. Vriska is pretty sure she just does the blind nils for the sake of justice, to cancel out Vriska’s cheating. They’ve all wondered for a while if Terezi can’t just sniff out all of the cards in everyone’s hand from her seat anyway. She shouldn’t lose as much as she does. Vriska hates the penal system.
Kanaya bets low often, gaining more bags than she intends to, and sails right away from victory in a moment as her many bags push her over the edge. When Rose plays as her teammate, she bets high. It worries Kanaya the whole time, but then Rose pulls an ace out at the last minute and they’ve hit their mark perfectly and Kanaya adores this woman.