Cilan, Chili, and Cress

The triplets who run possibly the most unique Gym seen in the series since Tate and Liza. The Striaton Trio are known for their distinct culinary talents as well as their battling skills. Trainers in the anime must battle all three in order to recieve a badge while in game the player only battles one of the brothers, decided by the starter Pokemon they picked. The hot headed Chili specializes in Fire Types, while Cilan’s specialty is Grass and the graceful Cress uses Water Types. It is worth noting that the brothers stepped down from their titles of Gym Leaders during the two year gap between Black/White and Black2/White2, converting the gym into a regular diner. However, battles are still welcome and common.

*Gif not mine*

A breathtaking piece of imagery, the conceptual illustration for Striaton city evokes a sense of wonder, beauty, and the thrill of open adventure, look at that archway, it’s as if it’s inviting you into the open, verdant arms of that open fields, waiting for you to challenge the wilds and continue onward toward your Pokemon journey in Unova. This is so far one of my favorite pieces, very gorgeous imagery, a far cry from the map layout for the actual city ingame, isn’t it?

007: Butts

A note for all you knuckle-dragging, perverted little thunder-cunts. Stop staring at my butt.

Yes, I have a nice ass. Yes, my jean shorts comfortably hug it in a noticeable way. And yes, when I throw a Poké Ball my rear end thrusts out ever so slightly as if to suggest an invitation to a very sexy and exclusive butt party.

But you are not ready for this jelly. This baby’s back is not for you. I wear shorts because I like shorts. And it’s hot. TEMPERATURE HOT. I throw my pokémon out like an enthusiastic stripper because it achieves the greatest velocity for the minimum effort - and it looks badass. And most importantly, I’m like 14 years old. Probably. Maybe. Do you know what they do to paedophiles in Unova? No, me neither. I bet they put them in some sort of prison made of robot pokémon. Anyway, something bad. With robotic penises. Yeah.

Striaton City Gym is weird.

The whole thing looks like one of those terrible family restaurants. And all the trainers are waiters. Everyone keeps coming at me like they’re serving the pokémon as side dishes. Do you want me to EAT your fucking pokémon? Do you? Ugh.

It has three gym leaders, but you only fight one of them. They decide who you have to fight based on the best way to dick you around. Because I chose a Tepig I  got to battle some dandy assbite called Cress, who has hair made of disgusting blue worms.

Cress went on about being super awesome at water pokémon like a wanker, then sent out… a Lillipup. I set it on fire.

Then he sent out a Panpour. Panpour look like blue monkeys with giant puckered sphincters sprouting from their heads. And they are water types, so Pigface was shit out of luck. I sent in Broccoli like a champ, and he promptly fainted. Devil was no help at all, and Citizen K barked.

So Pigface was recalled, and used his “being a pig who don’t take no shit” attack. Victory! But it was a close one. Brute force told strategy to go and sit in the fucking corner. Pigface also learned Flame Charge, which I hope involves sending an army of fire towards the enemy, while playing a bugle.

And I got the Trio Badge, which makes a great impromptu shiv if I ever get in a bar fight.


3 Unova cities have their English names released. Why’re they all based on clouds? o_O

Striaton City (Japanese: Sanyou City): Corruption of striation, a series of parallel grooves in cloud formation that reveals presence of rotation.

Nacrene City (Japanese: Shippou City): From nacreous cloud. Also from nacre (mother of pearl) and nacreous (having iridescent luster).

Castelia City (Japanese: Hiun City): From castellanus, a cloud species. Also, from the Latin for castle.

Then again they all have double sources. Lol

006: Welcome to Striaton

Arrived in Striaton City and the gym leader isn’t there.

Decided to kill some time wandering around the city and I found some weird place called the Dreamyard? Sounds shady. Looked interesting to explore, except some cunt planted a fucking TREE right in front of the entrance. Who does that? The Society for the Preservation of Balls in Your Face and Laughing at Your Pain.

Took out my frustration on some wandering trainers. And then I fought their pokémon. GET IT? IT’S LIKE I BEAT THEM UP. No, but seriously, I might have punched a girl in the back.

Someone gave me a Pansage. Seriously, just handed it over like it was a piece of gum. I have called it Broccoli:

Happy little bouncing bastard.

Back in the city I checked in at the Trainer School for Idiotic Morons and found Cheren. Then Pigface reached Level 13. The events might be connected. Time to head to the gym and kick some assbutt.