When you get overwhelmed you just need to stop.
I see so many people blogging about their life doing 101 things and I think wow they are so impressive. Right now I’m studying for my masters full time (40-45 hours a week), working part time (20 hours a week), volunteering once a week, trying to apply for a scholarship for funding my Bar course next year and still trying to go to the gym and feel good. Yesterday it all got a bit too much, I want to post this because maybe you need the reminder that we are not superhuman and we can only do so much.
I am currently trying to get my references together for my application and I emailed my old boss yesterday and he basically said no, HR only give out generic references. I was walking home from a long day at uni and basically just cried when I got in. I’ve been feeling so inadequate and overwhelmed lately that was the last thing. i just questioned how hard I had worked for him last year and how it’s so irrelevant to him because I was just a commodity. Stressing about my references, in addition to everything else I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
I am so lucky to have some wonderful people in my life and I called them and they just listened and talked through it with me. I woke up today and I cleaned my flat, washed my sheets and sat down to write this post. I need a good, clean environment in order to be productive especially if my mind is a bit of a mess at the moment.
To anyone balancing work and life and friends and working out, whatever you are doing please remember that firstly wow amazing that you are doing so much but also give yourself a break. I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself and stressing myself out talking to other students (who are juts os fucking impressive I can’t even) and that is making me worry more. Remember to recognise how much you’re taking on and always consider your mental healthy before anything else. Yes like can test and challenge us but we need to keep ourselves in check and if things are getting to much walk away from the table and take a break.
My friend sent me this quote and I thought it was so beautiful ‘I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me’ - Joshua Graham.