stressed me

When you get overwhelmed you just need to stop.

I see so many people blogging about their life doing 101 things and I think wow they are so impressive. Right now I’m studying for my masters full time (40-45 hours a week), working part time (20 hours a week), volunteering once a week, trying to apply for a scholarship for funding my Bar course next year and still trying to go to the gym and feel good. Yesterday it all got a bit too much, I want to post this because maybe you need the reminder that we are not superhuman and we can only do so much. 

I am currently trying to get my references together for my application and I emailed my old boss yesterday and he basically said no, HR only give out generic references. I was walking home from a long day at uni and basically just cried when I got in. I’ve been feeling so inadequate and overwhelmed lately that was the last thing. i just questioned how hard I had worked for him last year and how it’s so irrelevant to him because I was just a commodity. Stressing about my references, in addition to everything else I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. 

I am so lucky to have some wonderful people in my life and I called them and they just listened and talked through it with me. I woke up today and I cleaned my flat, washed my sheets and sat down to write this post. I need a good, clean environment in order to be productive especially if my mind is a bit of a mess at the moment. 

To anyone balancing work and life and friends and working out, whatever you are doing please remember that firstly wow amazing that you are doing so much but also give yourself a break. I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself and stressing myself out talking to other students (who are juts os fucking impressive I can’t even) and that is making me worry more. Remember to recognise how much you’re taking on and always consider your mental healthy before anything else. Yes like can test and challenge us but we need to keep ourselves in check and if things are getting to much walk away from the table and take a break. 

My friend sent me this quote and I thought it was so beautiful ‘I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me’ - Joshua Graham. 

Longing

(Based on Supernatural 13x01: Lost and Found)

***

They keep making mistakes. They can’t help themselves.

Some are simple mistakes born out of habit. Things like, “Hey, call Cas-” before they remember and quickly look away, not meeting each other’s eyes, hurriedly moving the conversation forward.

Some are more complicated. Things like waiting for Cas to walk into the kitchen in the morning. Things like making a note to tell Cas something later. Things like waking up in middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking they could have done more, should have done more.

Neither of them mention the nightmares. They can’t help those either. Their dreams have been invaded by twisted paths, glowing orange cracks in reality, the brightness of death shining out of their best friend’s eyes, the burned imprint of black wings scarred onto the ground. And the body. The body that should have been able to spring back from anything. Lying on the ground.

Not moving.

The disturbed nights filled with fear and rage and hate and sorrow continue for days, then weeks. They meet every sunset now with an uneasy sense of growing terror, knowing what the oncoming darkness has in store for their dreams. As the last of the sun’s bleeding scarlet light disappears, a creeping gloom settles over the two brothers. Those deepening shadows will cling and whisper to them all night, twisting the nightmares into never-ending grotesque scenes of horror.

Every night, the instant they close their eyes, they are plunged into the hell of watching loved ones die, and not doing anything to save them. There’s no end in sight to what will soon drive them both mad with longing for what has forever passed away.

They find themselves wondering if their dreams will make their way into reality. Suddenly every shadow holds a menacing threat. No place is safe from the nightmares prowling around the edges of their minds. 

Then they start seeing the bodies. Everywhere.

In the kitchen. In the car. On the bed. Not just Cas. Now it’s all of them. The beloved dead of their pasts seem to have returned solely for revenge. The brothers try to ignore them, but the hallucinations don’t stop. Varying amounts of blood begin appearing with the corpses, trickling down a leg, smudged on a neck, pooled on a table. They start finding themselves with unexplained bruises that mysteriously vanish before anyone else can see them. Once they start hearing the voices, the two brothers feel close to giving up. 

There will never be an end to it, they think.

Not without Cas.

Keep reading

okay so I’ve been pretty inactive recently bc of coursework deadlines and uni applications @ college (hardest rip) and I’ve realised my kids have so few threads AND also I’ve done so little that’s tour based so far, so like, like this post and I’ll drop you a starter/s from some of my kids? :)

Witchy tips for stress relief
  • Close your eyes. Breathe out your frustration. Feel your feet on the ground and center yourself with the earth. Keep eyes closed until your heart rate has settled.
  • Light a lavender candle. Let the scent fill your room/office. 
  • Make yourself a cup of chamomile tea
  • Take time to clean your room/office. A clean physical world translates into peace for your mental world. 
  • Keep rose petals in your freezer. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, lay down and place the cold petals over your eyes. Rest for 15 minutes. 
  • There is something to be said for the simplicity and effectiveness of writing a list and checking it off as you complete each task. When your mind is cluttered and overwhelmed with all your conflicting responsibilities, sit down, and write a list of everything you need to do. Tackle your first item, then move on to the next. When you’ve finished your list you will feel cleansed of your worries. 
  • Go for a hike, or a swim in the ocean or lake. Reconnecting with mother nature reminds the soul of the truly important things. It will relax you and allow you to revisit your obligations with fresh eyes.
  • Take an epsom salt bath.
  • Allow yourself to be creative. Daily tasks can get daunting and run you down. Allow yourself to indulge in your creativity. Your work will benefit from your brain switching on its creative edge. Doodle. Sing. Dance. Knit. Write. 
  • Meditate
  • Find a sleep spell and encourage yourself to get 8 hours of sleep