my favourite thing ever in the history of this universe is the misogyny speech. i love it. i love it so much.
for those who don’t know what the misogyny speech is: australia’s PM julia gillard was our first female prime minister and was bullied relentlessly throughout her career by sexist politicians saying that as a woman she was unfit to lead. and then. then. one day, julia gillard snapped.
the resulting three-minute speech, known simply as the ‘misogyny speech’ in australia, was possibly the most epic smackdown seen in australian political history, surpassed only by “i wanna do you slowly”. it was incredible. students memorised it and marched through the streets yelling it. a national australian choir arranged it as a five-harmony piece. even hillary clinton went out of her way to meet julia gillard and tell her how fucking awesome the misogyny speech was.
i, personally, have the misogyny speech memorised. because i live in tony abbott’s electorate, and my dream of dreams is to see him at the shops one day and follow him while yelling it.
- we all refer to the prime minister by their first name. we know them well, and they know us. all of us.
- there’s a man on the street corner who never leaves. “just waiting for a mate,” he says. you realise he is on every corner, of every street.
- you are swooped by a magpie in the same place, at the same time, every single day. “it’s swooping season!” says your neighbour. it has always been swooping season.
- sometimes you hear a woman whispering late at night - or early in the morning. “rage” she hisses. “rage”.
- the prime minister never seems to last long and often disappears through no discernible democratic process. one of them eats a raw onion in an attempt to assimilate. he is gone by morning, replaced by another.
i love australia because it has a really diverse population, strict gun control, near-perfect separation of church and state, a relative absence of political extremism, great memes, and beautiful natural wonders
i hate australia because the government refuses to legalise gay marriage, our political system is highly unstable and every time we replace our leader it causes mass confusion, a coal mine is currently being planned practically on top of the great barrier reef, and any refugees who attempt to come here by boat are locked up indefinitely in offshore concentration camps with a total media blackout in place so no-one knows the extent of the human rights violations that are happening there
It’s the Australian Solution to every problem! Imagine how much better off countries around the world would be if they applied the Aussie method; political turmoils? Racial tensions? Weather events? Don’t worry about them! You don’t want to sound like a fuckin’ whinger, do you? Just relax, mate ;)
why are bunnings sausage sizzles always so much better like you hear Daveo’s having one down the street and it’s ‘okay whatever’ but as soon as you find out bunnings has got the snags out you start doing the Kel Power Walk to be first in line