strangulation cw

There’s a paralysing fear of creating rooted inside of me. A fear that makes me sit in front of my computer without moving for an hour, keeps me up at night, like a noose around my neck, but in the end creates nothing. It’s been hiding behind a façade of perfectionism when it is just cowardice. “If you never pick it up, you’ll never fail it.” It’s crap.

I want to stop being a coward. But right now I am still a bit scared.

anonymous asked:

imagine bucky not long after being found and brought back to new york by steve. he sleeps in steve's room, he just needs to know he's not alone. one night, bucky wakes in a programmed state and attempts to kill steve. steve has to gently defend himself and snap him out of it, making sure bucky knows it's okay, and that he can still sleep in there.

bucky blames himself and is upset about it for days - and steve can’t deny that it scared him, too, being woken up in the middle of the night with a hand around his throat - and bucky sleeps on the couch for a while, despite steve telling him he doesn’t have to, because he wants some space. some nights steve ends up sleeping on the living room floor after bucky has woken him up screaming, and most of those nights bucky slides off the couch to sleep curled up next to him.

“you know, it’s a little silly,” he says, glancing over at steve on one of the mornings they’ve both woken up on the floor. “you’ve got a perfectly good bed, and here we both are, sleeping on the floor.”

“just like the old days, but without the couch cushions,” steve agrees, smiling. he knows what bucky is trying to say.

from then on, they both sleep in steve’s room.

officially had the creepiest fucking dream in the history of creepy fucking dreams

i was like some sort of policeman or sheriff and i had to go with this railroad repair guy to check and make sure a certain bridge across a stream wasn’t gonna fall apart or anything

so we went to the bridge which was basically set up like this

and of course it was rotten as fuck and ready to fall apart, plus it was already nighttime

and basically my partner was like “ok you hang on to me and i’ll jump up and down on the bridge until it falls apart” which it did rather quickly, and he fell towards the rocks below but i caught him and he just barely dipped underwater before i could pull him out

at this point it was nearing midnight btw

out of nowhere i became utterly certain that my partner was a Union soldier and i was a Confederate one so i started to strangle him, but i realized at the last minute what i was doing and pulled away

for some reason we went onto the island in the middle of the stream

a mist had started to form, glowing slightly green, and the water itself was rimmed with bright blue

there was some dealio with people rising from the dead around the bridge but i don’t remember exactly what it was

anyways it was just about midnight and i was like “holy shit we need to get away from here” so i grabbed my partner, jumped across the stream, and started bolting away from the water with him just behind me, but just then something flashed brightly and i fell unconscious

when i woke up it was morning and my partner was nowhere to be seen, but the hand i’d been holding onto him with was scorched and burnt

i followed the path to a house where i had people to meet, but they had become incorporeal. i insisted they re-manifest, and they possessed their dogs. someone knocked at the door. it was the police with a big old st bernard. i said i was also the police but they asked if that was true then where was my partner. i said he’d fallen into the river back a ways and drowned last night, and they were welcome to go check it out - around midnight, preferably. they wanted me to come with them, so i killed them, i think

then i was in the basement which had a huge machine full of alchemical reagents in it, and we had to activate the reagents in a specific order to cast a spell

and then i woke up

It takes 7 minutes to choke someone to death. Sam and Dean, both trained in hand-to-hand combat, undoubtedly know that. This scene was fucked up in more ways than one but Sam didn’t come close to killing Dean and Dean knows that too.

are you listening to yourself

you’re essentially saying that sam strangling dean wasn’t a big deal because it was only for a few seconds

that’s really fucking gross