’My first instinct was to kill you. Quietly. Discreetly. But then, the more I learned about you, the more curious I became. Here, at last, seemed to be a mind that… that rivaled my own, something too complicated and too beautiful to destroy… at least without further analysis.’
imagine bucky not long after being found and brought back to new york by steve. he sleeps in steve's room, he just needs to know he's not alone. one night, bucky wakes in a programmed state and attempts to kill steve. steve has to gently defend himself and snap him out of it, making sure bucky knows it's okay, and that he can still sleep in there.
bucky blames himself and is upset about it for days - and steve can’t deny that it scared him, too, being woken up in the middle of the night with a hand around his throat - and bucky sleeps on the couch for a while, despite steve telling him he doesn’t have to, because he wants some space. some nights steve ends up sleeping on the living room floor after bucky has woken him up screaming, and most of those nights bucky slides off the couch to sleep curled up next to him.
“you know, it’s a little silly,” he says, glancing over at steve on one of the mornings they’ve both woken up on the floor. “you’ve got a perfectly good bed, and here we both are, sleeping on the floor.”
“just like the old days, but without the couch cushions,” steve agrees, smiling. he knows what bucky is trying to say.
And let’s not forget that when Sam realized what he was doing he stopped. Not that he was right to be choking Dean in the first place, but he came to his senses when he’d ensured that Dean couldn’t hurt him anymore and stopped before he could permanently harm him. And then he left. This is a stark contrast to all the times Dean has hit Sam or harmed Sam.
And this in no way shape or form endangered Dean’s soul or autonomy. Dean didn’t have to try to prevent Sam from doing what he needed to do here. When Dean tricked Sam into giving himself over to Gadreel, he helped an angel to completely take control over Sam’s mind, body and soul. Not the same thing at all.
literally all of this is horrible i don’t have an intelligent response
“…when he ensured dean couldn’t hurt him anymore” uh well sam threw the first punch and dean was on the ground and it didn’t look like he was gonna get right up like okay sure pin this on dean why not.
i think it’s truly terrible that people can practically excuse violence with “well there’s no permanent harm”
and are you referencing the gadreel stuff to make the choking seem ~not that bad~ because wow. WOW.
There’s a paralysing fear of creating rooted inside of me. A fear that makes me sit in front of my computer without moving for an hour, keeps me up at night, like a noose around my neck, but in the end creates nothing. It’s been hiding behind a façade of perfectionism when it is just cowardice. “If you never pick it up, you’ll never fail it.” It’s crap.
I want to stop being a coward. But right now I am still a bit scared.