strangely weird

Off the Rails AU

Character A rode the train every day and never really thought about the people who sat across from them - or, more specifically, PERSON. They seemed normal enough from what Character A could tell and just went about their day.

The thing that really caught Character A’s attention on that rainy Tuesday was the tentacle they saw dart out from their trench-coat.

For “Humans are weird”

(Remember, please, English is not my first language)


The Captain of the ship looks at the few humans who showed up to his announcement (he needs to hire humans, every other Captain says it’s necessary!). So he looks at them and, well, they look like every other human.

But.

There’s a but.

He and his crew have a dangerous mission to face. The Captain doesn’t want normal humans. He wants the very best.

“You,” he calls the first one. She introduces herself as “Francesca”.

“Human Francesca,” the Captain says, “I heard a lot about your world and your… Kind.”

“Yes, sir?”

“I need you to call some of your people, I want to hire them. I have their names.”

“Sure thing, sir. You found them on a list or…”

“Beeks.”

“Beeks, sir?” Francesca asks, frowning.

“Yes, Human Francesca, be-oh wait. Books.”

“Books, sir? As in… A guide?”

“No, they were history books. And video sources. So, can you contact the humans I want or not?!” he becomes impatient.

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

“Good. The names are: mr. Harry Potter - I read his story, I want the Chosen One for this mission!”

“Oh,” Francesca finally understands. “Sir-”

“Don’t interrupt me. Eragon and his Saphira, I want them too. I can pay them a lot. I also heard about a man, a scientist, very smart, who can turn into an incredible, green…”

“Hulk?” Francesca mutters.

“Yes!” the Captain nods. “You know about him too.”

“Well…”

“I’m not done. There’s a girl, they call her “banshee”? Red hair, from a place called America. She’s in another crew at the moment, I think… A “pack”. I don’t know the name, but I’m sure you’ll find her. And a man who can move metal. He’d be very useful, they call him “Magneto”.”

Francesca doesn’t know if she’s going to laugh or to cry in frustration (no alien will ever believe her if she tells them those people don’t exist).

“And Stormborn.”

“Who?”

“Mother of dragons. Find her. I want her in my crew.”

Francesca is going to need a pizza and a beer to chill, after this.

“And the last two are men. I heard the first has fought alone and won against a lot of enemies. I need someone like him. His name is Rambo.”

“Of course,” Francesca murmurs. It’s going to be an awful conversation.

“The last one is probably the most important of the entire group. Everyone says he’s the greatest human who ever lived. He moved Earth with a kick!”

Francesca doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. “Sir? Listen, sir, it-”

“This human is called…”

Basta, per favore. Sir! Those people…”

“Chuck Norris. Bring me Chuck Norris.”

Francesca shuts up… And nods.

She’ll have to change ship, there’s no other way.

3

Located in Wellington Mill, Australia, lies “Gnomesville.” Over 20 years ago, this bizarre collection was born due to a protest. A roundabout was scheduled to be built in Ferguson Valley and the residents weren’t too pleased about it. Nevertheless, the roundabout was build and shortly thereafter, the first gnome appeared. The collection grew and grew and now there are well over a thousand gnomes. If you visit Gnomesville, make sure you bring a gnome to leave behind!

Humans are strange creatures

So I’ve been binge reading all of the ‘humans are space orcs’ ‘humans are weird’ posts and decided to contribute to it all, so I wrote a little short story and I hope you guys enjoy it!


The cave was cold and damp, mysterious light coming from somewhere unknown barely touched the stone walls. I wasn’t alone, thank god. I had Nicklas, an alien member from our crew. He had a sweet smell to him, like bergamot oil and a cold winter breeze. I always liked hugging him for that reason.

He looked rather human, but taller and more blue, along with an extra set of arms at his disposal. His eyes mostly where what captured me, green and vibrant hues grasping my full attention. His face was littered with light freckles and his features were similar that of a human. His body had stripes of black mostly on his back, but they peeked around the sides of his torso and up the length of his tail, ending with an obsidian barb. Exotic. Extraordinary. He looked at me.
“Are you ok?” He asked, confused as to why I was staring at him. “If you’re worried that we might not make it out of these caves, I swear to you that we will.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, a sincere look on his face. His tail swished from side to side.
“I’m not worried, I was just looking at your stripes. You usually cover them up with your suit. I didn’t mean to stare.” I looked down, my cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment.

“Oh,” he examined one of his arms, then looked at me. I, too, had to take off my suit due to the damage inflicted by the creatures we ran from. That’s how we got stuck in these caves, closing off the entrance with falling boulders to keep those things at bay. “You know, you didn’t tell me that you had stripes of your own, Human Ava,” he gestured to nonexistent lines on my body.

“What are you talking about? I don’t have stripes.” I looked down to where he pointed, seeing only my plain skin.

“Well I can see them. They glow darker than the rest of your body. They’re really quite beautiful.”
“Ok you must be hallucinating because I don’t glow, either.” He looked at me, confused for a moment before replying.

“You mean you can’t see your own markings? But they’re right there!” Again, he gestured to my body. Then, it clicked.

“Oh! You know, humans do have stripes on our skin but our eyes can’t see them. You usually would need a black light in order to tell the difference. It’s quite interesting, really. They form when the fetus becomes multicellular, which basically means they’re cellular relics from our development from a single cell to a fully grown human. As for our 'glowing’, it’s just our skin reflecting light but it’s too faint for the naked eye to see.” I smiled at him, pleased with my explanation.

Nicklas seemed to get what I was trying to explain to him, but his facial expression told me what he was thinking: humans are strange creatures.

Humans are allergic

I am currently laying down, slowly dying from an unknown allergy of Riscotta. who knew? Anyways, I have to wonder how an alien would react to this. So I came up with this:

Cri'leon had no clue what was wrong with human Hope. Nobody knew what was wrong with human Hope, but Cri'leon knew one thing: everybody was panicking. Human Hope was not their only human, but she was the ships mechanic, so she was important. That, and Human Hope is mated with a very pregnant Human Tricia, who is one of the ship’s many medics. Cri'leon’s ship mates all have hopes to keep Human Tricia’s baby with them, for they could use another human who knows both the mechanics of their ship, but also the many ‘records of shots’ Cri'leon’s human crewmates kept talking about. None of the medics knew what was happening or what triggered it.

Human Hope was sitting with Human Tricia, rubbing Human Tricia’s bulging stomach, which holds their…offspring? Cri'leon was never able to wrap it’s head around this, but as long as they did not lose a medic or mechanic, it did not care where their offspring resides. Off topic! Human Hope was eating, when she suddenly started to clutch her throat and heavily breathing. Human Tricia and a couple of other Humans carried her off to sickbay, while everyone watched in concern and fear.

If Human Hope, who has never been sick before has gone down because of the cafeteria food, who else will go down?

It has been many hics, or as our Human crewmates call hours, before Human Tricia came back, looking relived. “She was allergic.”

“Allergic?” One of the Cr'olas asked in the mist of the crowd that had formed around Human Tricia. Even Cri'leon's human crewmates were in the crowd “What’s allergic?”

“Uh-” Human Tricia said, before Human Nathaniel piped up.

“It’s a sensitivity to things that come in contact with us. I am allergic to pollen and it makes my eyes water, my nose runny, and makes me cough. Mine is very simple compared to Hope, who’s suddenly allergic to?”

“Uh, Shellfish.” Human Tricia answered.

“Shellfish. For Hope, is she ingests Shellfish, her throat, most likely, closed up. If we had not reacted so quickly, she would have passed out due to lack of oxygen and died.”

“That can happen for eating a certain thing?” Cri'leon asked in horror.

“Well, what happens is our brain tricks our body to believe that a certain thing is not good for us, so they create a certain anti-body to attack it, creating the symptoms of an allergic reaction. Most people grow out of theirs, but, I guess, Hope did not.”

“Will she be ok?”

“Oh yeah, she’ll be fine.”

That seemed to be all the humans needed before they went back to their stations or back to their food, leaving the aliens to stare at the humans in horrified awe.