story to my life

I love talking to you but we should stop. Because you’re always happy and it makes my heart hurt every time you smile at me because you have the best smile I’ve seen in a long time- possibly ever- and the world can’t afford to lose it. But you need to stop because all I can think about when you look at me like you love me is how much I really really don’t want to hurt you and how much I’ll hate myself when I do.

Oh, whatever you do
Don’t come b a c k for me (x)

“Let me tell you a secret,” Her smile was a little vicious, the kind of smile that simultaneously scares and enchants you.

“Not everyone in this world deserves to know you, they do not deserve to know your secrets, to see your struggle, they don’t deserve to stand by your side.” Her lips puckered as she took a deep breath, the wisp of smoke leavening her mouth from the pipe enthralled him further.

“So if he leaves, then he wasn’t meant to know you in the first place, and whatever he did see, was too good for him to begin with.”

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

I think the biggest problem is, that we’re always in love with the idea of love. And the
idea of love is everything we want it to be.
Everything but real.

Because no matter how much we try to deny it, love is truly love - and nothing more, nor less - when it hurts your heart, your soul and shakes you a little.

—  // F.F. - About love
i’ve made a promise to myself; from now on, i will only let my tears fall in the shower, so that they will mix in with the water running from the shower head. but now the shower is flooded, and i haven’t even turned on the water.

1. You are here. Only here. At this moment. And you are here alone. You have to take care of yourself. No one else will. No one else cares about how much you hurt of if you even do. So do whatever your heart needs.

2. Talk to everyone. Even the people you hate. You will see the beauty inside of them. You will understand only by listening. Talk to the one you never once spoke a word to. I promise it will clear up the sky.

3. Nothing is what it seems. Absolutely nothing. Not even the clearest thing. Remember that. Hold on to that. Let it make you wiser.

4. Everyone holds a galaxy full of pain inside of them. So some will smoke. Or do drugs. Or drink. Others will smile as if nothing is wrong. Or kiss and hug and laugh. We all deal with pain in very different ways and we do everything we can to forget.

5. Never regret experiences. Even if it leaves bad memories. You learn so much. You grow. You become someone new. Just look at where you once were and where you are now. I promise you will be thankful if can’t see it now.

6. Love yourself. Be on your own side. Defend yourself. Don’t let people break you down. Because they will take advantage of you, if you do not see your own worth. You are important. And yourself is what you should focus on.

—  ck.writes (on Instagram) // 6 things i learned the past month
Stupid piece of shit
This is an ode to you. An ode to time lost. An ode to tears wasted. An ode to
The shivering crawl up my spine
The line between love and hate is thin, practically non existent.
At least, when it comes to you
Have you ever loved out of guilt?
It’s a sad situation when we both know you don’t deserve me.
It’s sick. It’s pathetic.
Honestly? It’s an ego boost.
I’m sorry I ever loved you
But I’m not sorry I hate you
Stupid piece of shit
—  SPOS - Sirena ~ @pugsandprose

I was tagged by @haraldrharfagri to do a selfie thing featuring the photos from years past with a little backstory behind them.

This is the oldest I could find.. From 2007, I look fucking angry.. Can’t believe I am showing this. But my “style” back then. I used to spend hours at the library, just to escape.  

From 2011 when I got my student hat (??) (what we call it in danish) and finished HG (business school) I was so happy that I passed with decent grades.. Everything went downhill after that and I became nothing.

In late 2011 I was forced to move to a shelter for women, where I lived for almost a year in a tiny room. I had to give up everything. I met so many damaged women and children there, you wouldn’t believe the stories I heard. It was a really hard time of my life, just thinking about it makes me cry. There was usually a lot of children living there as well, this boy really wanted to be my friend for some reason. 

From 2015, let’s end it on a positive note, this was taken in the old town in Tallinn (Estonia) she thought I was so cute :D it was so sweet. If you ever go there visit Olde Hansa (medieval restaurant), it’s so beautiful and cozy

Recent pictures of me can be found under the tag “me”

“Don’t worry about her.” he said.

I won’t worry about it. 
I trust him. 
I won’t worry about it. 
I trust her. 
I won’t worry about it. 
I won’t worry about it.

I won’t wor-

“Don’t worry about them.” My friends told me.

—  k.r.m | #9 | stop 
I’m like a cast: there binding you together when you are broken, but the minute you’re healed I am thrown away and you forget I was ever there.
—  not the most poetic of metaphors but still valid
“I just don’t feel the same way,” she said “I’m sorry” she added before she left him hanging. He then wondered “What did I do to deserve this,” and then what he did came crashing into his mind. That moment he left his lover hanging with no explanation. How he broke her heart. How he slept without thinking about her while she probably stay awake, wondering why she was not enough. He then realized that the universe gave him what he deserved as his grief slowly swallowed him.“
—  imprinted words // karma

The month of April has been really good for me, and it’s a nice contrast to all of the hardships I’ve had over the past couple of years. So I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about all the positive things that have been happening, since I don’t usually have this many good experiences close together :)

–about 3 weeks ago, I found 5 videotapes of “The New Adventures of Winnie The Pooh” at a yard sale. This show was my very first obsession as a kid, and I hadn’t watched it since the last time it was on Disney Channel/Toon Disney. I almost cried while watching the first tape, because it felt so good to be able to see my favorite childhood show on my tv again (and let’s be honest, the theme song gives you feels anyway. There’s no avoiding that). Also, I have realized that I apparently still have some scenes and quotes memorized after all these years. See? I’ve never known how to be just a casual fan of things.

–I finally bought my first car! I’m very proud of myself for saving more than enough money for it. This is my first big grown-up purchase, and it’s a huge step toward me being able to move out to the town I’m hoping to move to in the next couple of years. It also means that if I get hired for my new job next month, I won’t have to worry about not having transportation, since it’ll be my first time working at a place that neither of my parents work at (I applied for the Receptionist position at the local veterinarian office!)

–I got to see my crush best IRL friend for the first time since last November! He lives about 3 hours away (we first met at a convention last spring). My parents actually like him, which is rare, because they normally don’t like my friends, but they actually let me meet up with him while we were on a mini road trip a few weekends ago, and I’m super thankful for that. We went on a “date” to Barnes and Noble bookstore and talked about fandom stuff :3

–My college had an Easter egg hunt, and I found one of the three $20 prize eggs! I’ve always been a master at hiding/finding eggs, but I really didn’t think I’d solve any of the clues for the prize eggs. But somehow I did! XD

–My 21st birthday was on the 19th, and I got some really cute presents! I LOVE 80s-style graphic design, and my parents found me that cute shirt and got it for me. I bought the Perry Tsum Tsums and the Hey Arnold socks as presents for myself, so I guess that’s sort of cheating? But I’m proud of myself for making it another year, so why not treat myself? I found the Hey Arnold socks at Books-A-Million, and the cashier (who was probably about my age, maybe a couple years older) told me they were a nice choice! He also asked if I knew about the Jungle Movie, and I had to resist the urge to start fangirling and infodumping because OF COURSE, I’M SO EXCITED FOR IT, I’VE BEEN WAITING YEARS FOR THIS! We both agreed that Helga is the best character (and we also talked about the spin-off that never got picked up). It was just such a nice conversation, because usually I’m afraid to get all nerdy in public, but lately I’ve been crossing paths with people who are just as nerdy as me, and it’s nice.

–I GOT THESE COOL LITTLE POSTERS/PRINTS FOR MY BIRTHDAY TOO. While on our family weekend road trip, my sister and I found this cool-ass store in a mall, and it’s essentially nerd heaven. They have old arcade games you can play, you can buy/trade in video games and comic books, and they have a ton of prints and other collectibles, at super affordable prices too. My parents let me pick a few out for them to give to me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW RARE IT IS TO FIND CLARENCE STUFF? I was so excited to see those. Also, yes, I realize that my interests are very…eclectic and random.

–My college had awards night, and I got three certificates! This is so important to me, for a big reason. From elementary through high school, I was always one of the top students; I’d get pretty much every award the school gave out. But during my last year of high school and my first two years of college, I struggled and suffered severely because of my mental health issues. When I left my first college after freshman year, I had failed a class and gotten a C in two others, my GPA was literally a 2.0, and I lost scholarships and therefore my mom made me withdraw from that school and transfer to the community college in our town. I felt like shit about it, even though I couldn’t make myself care about or focus on school. That summer, I even tried to kill myself.  Some of you guys were there for all of this, and you told me to hold on and that things would get better. I’m proud to say that, through medication and determination, they have. Now, I’m a 3.7 GPA student about to graduate college with an associate’s degree next month, with only one relatively small student loan to pay back. To anyone reading this who might be going through something similar, I promise, it can get better. There are people who care and will help you get back on your feet.

–This week, I got my acceptance letter to the college I applied to for the upcoming fall semester. I’m incredibly happy, because this signifies that my accomplishments have made me worthy enough to get accepted into a “real” 4-year college again. However, I think my fate lies elsewhere now.  Over the past month, I’ve found several jobs. The first one is in my town, and I plan to work it until I’ve rebuilt my savings and can afford to move to the city where my friend lives. I’m already planning on applying to two workplaces in that city, once it gets time for me to move. One is a position as a percussion instructor, and another as a worker either in a craft store or bookstore. I plan on working on my crafts in the meantime, and someday opening up a cosplay/dress alterations shop in that city as well. I’ve discovered that I don’t want to be anything extraordinary, I just want to do what makes me happy and also brings satisfaction to others. So I figure, why waste at least 2 more years putting myself in debt for a degree that I only somewhat like, when I can go ahead and work instead? With all the jobs I’m looking at, I’ve discovered they value work experience over any degree. My passions are sewing, crafts, and fandoms, so why not work in a craft store or bookstore while eventually working towards making my own alterations business? I just want happiness, and I think I’m finally finding it.  :’)

do you know that feeling when you want to write a story/update your pending story and at first you’re like “yes i can do this!” but then when you started to forget the ideas and the plot and it leads to you not writing anything except endless profanities for your lazy self

So as y'all know today was my first day of work, yay!! I work at Justice League Battle of Metropolis but I don’t work in the ride just the store. Anyways I was fixing up some stuff when this kids runs over to me saying he wants to buy a “wonder woman cape because I don’t care what people think” and the mom doesn’t question it she just asks me the price and I tell her that the one he picked with glitter is $10 but then ones without it are like $8 and she just goes and gets the cheaper one for him. And he just super exited jumping up and down and telling me all this little facts about Wonder Woman like that “she doesn’t actually have a cape”. So yes, day 1 was a success.