story tapes

anonymous asked:

Can you recommend some podcasts for me? I liked The Morified, My Dad wrote a Porno, My Favorite Murder and Welcome to Night Vale. I'm looking for something is very dramatic like Welcome to Night Vale or even anything similar to the podcasts listened above. Plz help! xx

Don’t worry, anon, we got this!

If you’re looking for dramatic things, definitely check out the Spooky Scary Podcasts recommendation list, as well as some of these other asks we’ve answered. I especially want to recommend Wolf 359 (!!), The Black Tapes, and The Penumbra.

Also, if you like long audio dramas with a lot of action, check out We’re Alive (flawed, yes, but certainly dramatic!)

If you’d rather listen to something lighthearted and fun (like My Dad Wrote A Porno), there are some great suggestions on this list.


Since you also list My Favourite Murder, here are some more true crime (-ish) podcasts you might want to check out:

Hollywood & Crime: 

Docu-drama about the Black Dahlia murder in 1947 - and a dozen other murders happening at the same time in suspiciously similar circumstances …

Serial:

Sarah Koenig investigates the murder of a young girl, and the circumstances of her boyfriend’s arrest - and conviction.

Unsolved Murders: True Crime Stories:

Highly immersive true crime podcast that sometimes feels more like a old time-y audio drama.

Last Podcast on the Left:

Aliens, murders, conspiracy theories, and more!
Warning: not all their language is what we’d consider politically correct, and the humor is rather … crude … maybe a bit harsh sometimes? Also there is swearing, sometimes a lot. So if that’s something you’re not sure about, proceed with caution.

You Must Remember This:

All about “the secret and/or forgotten history of Hollywood’s first century”; not a true crime podcast, but due to the nature of Hollywood’s first century, there is quite a lot of crime in it, like the Black Dahlia case, or a whole season about Charles Manson!! (I couldn’t stop listening!!)


Hope you’ll find something you like!

Elisabeth/Lizz

Podcast Roundup

I have a confession to make, I think I am most definitely addicted to podcasts. I actually have a rotation of at least 20 of them to cycle between depending on my mood, though they tend to lean into the creepy and surreal. Here are my personal favorites on my list at the moment, in rough order of my immediate compulsion to listen:

1. Welcome to Night Vale: My first brush with the unknowable and standard for judging podcasts

2. Serial (DUH!)

3. Dear Hank and John: Vlogbrothers <3 and the inevitable condition of mortality <3 in a comedy podcast 

4. The Black Tapes Podcast and TANIS: Two podcasts, both from Pacific Northwest Stories, one about demons and cursed sounds and the other about whatever Tanis is…? Both are perfect for my walk home through either the cemetery or the woods, depending on my mood and how quickly the demons are pursuing

5. King Falls AM: If Night Vale felt more like a call-in radio show and less like a news ballad led by Cecil

6. Lore and Limetown: My next set of creepy stories (at least one of them is factual) that make me look over my shoulder at night. The mythos brought out by lore in telling stories and the story played out in limetown are both delightfully terrifying

7. Kakos Industries: Take Night Vale’s Strexcorp, add some kink and darkness into that evil and you have yourself these delightfully seductive shareholder announcements. This one is definitely not for the more delicate ears out there

8. Pleasuretown: Old-timey western and campfire ghost stories with some paranormal flare

9. EOS 10: Because every single character makes me feel things with their adorable sci-fi antics

10. Invisibilia: Because perception is a beautiful thing to explore…will be higher up once the new stuff roles around. Also, fair warning, the hosts of the program are right when they say that both of them sound alike but in time you will tell them apart :)

11. A History of the World in 100 Objects: My interest in museum studies brought out this little gem that I just discovered and have enjoyed as it delves into a new treasure from the British museum in each episode

A few others: The Bunker (Post-apocalyptic Britain…lots of tea and existentialism), Israel Story (Israeli This American Life), Codebreaker (Is any technology ever evil?), and This Anthropological Life (Brandeis University Anth students like myself talking about our research)

Hope this list brought at least one person to something new <3 

Feel free to reblog if you like any of these things

Hey! I’m starting over and need new blogs to follow! If you like these things please reblog this and I will check you out (and probably follow you). I will be posting about this stuff too so if you want to follow me back that’s cool but 100% not necessary.

- Harry Potter
- Buffy/Angel (+ other whedonverse things)
- PNWS
- WTNV (+ all night vale presents podcasts)
- Horror podcasts in general really
- Marvel (esp Jessica Jones + Luke Cage)
- Some DC stuff (I’m mostly a Superman and Supergirl kind of person)
- Stranger Things
- Musical Theater
- Music (I’m a flautist)
- Feminism
- Probably other stuff but its really hard to think of this stuff off the top of my head

Have you read “Dad’s Tapes?”

My girlfriend Allie is missing and I think it has something to do with the “Dad’s Tapes” entries on this site.  Anyone normal would call me insane for thinking all of this, but I have to try. I know something isn’t right.  I can feel it in my bones.

My name is Haruka.  I live in California with my girlfriend Allie. We’ve been together almost five years.  We were planning to get married this spring (before the crazies in office can take that right away from us).  There isn’t much exciting or unique about me.  Just your average Japanese-American lesbian.  I work in marketing.  I want children but haven’t been able to justify the expense yet.  My parents moved from the US back to Japan when I started college.  It’s really just been me and Allie, no one else.

Allie is eccentric, to say the least.  She is the kind of woman who changes her hair color weekly.  She likes morbid things.  I had to convince her to get a cat instead of a tarantula.  Her family died when she was young.  Maybe that’s where her interest in death comes from? She’s in school to be a mortician. But the thing I love most about her is her passion.  She never does anything half-assed.  It’s inspiring.

She is the only reason I even know about Nosleep.  Allie is obsessed.  She used to spend a good hour every night lurking on the page.  I didn’t really get it.  It’s just scary stories, right?  I’m not a huge fan of horror.  Plus, Japanese horror stories are very different than American ones.  I never saw myself or my culture reflected in American scary stories so I wasn’t interested.  But Allie – she adored the words.  If her favorite authors didn’t update soon enough she would complain all night.  I just wrote it off as one of her quirks.

But the Dad’s Tapes series pulled at her in a way I hadn’t seen before.  She drank those stories up like water.  Allie talked about the characters all the time.  She lost sleep worrying about the protagonist and his situation.  I pretended to be interested but the whole thing sounded too odd for me.  When the series ended, Allie cried.  I think it was a combination of her favorite stories being over and the outcome of the plot.  I held her as she sobbed against my shoulder.

I remember vividly lying in bed with her a few days after the finale.  I was snuggled under her arm, my head on her chest.  She was clearly restless.  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“It’s nothing,” she said sadly.

“Is it still about that story?”

She sat up, almost offended. “It’s not just a story, Haruka. It was an experience.  I really felt for those characters.  They were like…I don’t know.  Like they were my friends.”

“I’m sorry!  I just don’t understand.  You know I’m not the creative type like you.”  I rubbed her arm.  She leaned into my touch.

“I feel so bad for Sam.”

“The character?”

“Yes!  I’ve only mentioned him a hundred times.”  She sighed.  “His life was so terribly lonely.  He never really had anyone except his dad, who was basically lying to him his entire life.”  A tear fell from her eye.  “He was just a sad person who never had a chance.”

“Sounds like a kid I knew in middle school,” I said offhandedly.

Allie looked at me.  “What do you mean?”

“Sorry, it just sounds like this boy I knew.  His name was…Timmy, maybe?  I don’t remember.  But he basically had no friends and his dad was really over protective.  I actually wanted to be his friend but his dad didn’t like us to hang out.”

Allie nearly flew off the bed.  “Was his dad a police officer?!”

“I have no idea.”  

“Oh my god, I knew it was real!”  Allie started to dance around the room.  A red blush rose in her skin.

“Allie, come on.  What you read was fiction.  I bet there are millions of weird kids with overprotective dads.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Sure.  You’re probably right.”  She got back into the bed with me.  “You grew up in LA, right?”

“You know I did.”

“Yeah.  Yeah…”

I fell asleep but I got the feeling that Allie stayed up late that night.

The weeks passed and Allie just kept talking about Dad’s Tapes.  She wouldn’t stop bothering me to read it.  She said I had to give it a chance.  I avoided it.  The way it affected her was disturbing.  She would giggle to herself and whisper about her ‘friends.’  She told me she finally reached out to them.  She was waiting for a response.  It was getting really weird.

Fast forward to a few months ago.  Allie received a letter in the mail.  I didn’t think much of it but she was overly excited.  She ran into the bedroom and closed the door.  I went to follow her but she had locked herself in.

“You okay?” I called.

“I’m amazing,” she responded.  “Be out soon!”

That night we had the best sex of our relationship.  It was like she had unleashed a part of herself neither of us knew existed.  Her touch was fire.  We rose and fell together in a chaotic harmony of bodies.

“That was incredible,” I told her, still sweating.

“It will only get better,” she whispered.

She kept getting these letters and running off to the bedroom alone.  After each letter she would reemerge hungry for me.  Our sex was becoming monumental.  She played me like a violin.  I was sand between her fingers.  I would do anything she asked of me.  The passion between us was indescribable.

But even with this new intense part of our relationship, I still couldn’t get over the letters (which never had a return address).  I mentioned it to my mom and she warned that Allie might be having an affair.  At first I laughed it off.  We were amazing together.  We were weird in all the right ways.  Hell, we fucked like caged animals.  But I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was keeping something from me.

That’s when I snooped on her computer.  I feel like a creep even admitting it.  I knew all her passwords and it was easy to guess any security questions.  We didn’t keep secrets from each other.  There was nothing off about her emails or social media. I couldn’t find any of the letters that had been sent to her.  But I noticed a youtube channel on her search history that she was viewing quite often.

I realized quickly it was her channel.  Every thumbnail was an image of Allie, sitting alone.  I watched the first video.  Allie sat in the dim light of the bedroom, staring at the computer camera. She wasn’t smiling but there was excitement in her eyes.  In a monotone voice she said, “I am a clever friend.  I am a foolish friend.  I agree to the violent things to come.”  Then the video cut out.

I felt sick.  The next video was called “Violent Trial #1” but before I could click it Allie barged through the door.

“No,” she screamed, hurling herself at me and the computer.

“Allie, I just-”

“You ruined it!  You ruined it!”  She grabbed the laptop and threw it on the ground.  The screen split.  I jumped at the sound.  “How could you?”

“I’m sorry!  I was just afraid…”

“You should be afraid.” She walked right up to me and nearly pressed her nose to mine.  “You have no idea what forces you are dealing with.”

“Look, I’m really sorry. I made a mistake.  But can you please tell me what those videos are about?” She was scaring me.  For the first time in our relationship she was truly terrifying me.

Allie cracked her fingers. “Those videos are about you, Haruka. Can’t you tell?  Can’t you see?  You are special too.”  Without warning she slapped me across the face.  I grabbed my cheek, shocked.  “Stupid Friend.”

“Allie, what the fuck…”

“Ask your friend Timmy.” She turned around and left the house. I haven’t seen her since.  This was four days ago.

I debated going to the police.  Something is clearly wrong with her.  But I felt stupid.  What would I say?  “My girlfriend thinks a reddit story is real and disappeared?”  I thought about reading the series but I can’t find it anywhere. I know it was popular…did it get taken down?

Anyway, I would have kept all this to myself except a few hours ago I got a package delivered with no return address.  It is a huge cardboard box.  It was initially addressed to Allie but someone crossed out Allie’s name and wrote in mine.  

Inside are hundreds of cassette tapes.  Could this be related to the stories?  They all look like they’re labeled in Latin except for one, which was placed on top. As though the person sending it wanted me to see this exact tape.  It is identical to the others except the label is written in Japanese.  It says, “私たちはあなたのために来ている”

What should I do?

I feel really badly for the people in charge of Pacific Northwest Stories.

First you have Alex going after ghosts and demons with shady Dr. Strand (as much as I love him, he is shady), with missing persons and the possible end of the world.

And now you have Nic trying to find Tanis, a think that possibly makes people go homicidal, getting mixed up in the deep web (though I do love MK), some super House of Leaves type shit, and a break in at the office that destroys a lot of material. Oh, and the murders of course.

….

I can’t wait to see how their true crime one goes wildly out of control as well.  

Within The Wires is such a beautiful podcast. As with all other Night Vale Presents podcasts before it it’s super gay with amazing representation- and if you enjoyed Alice Isn’t Dead, you will absolutely love it. If you like dystopian stories and relaxation tapes, Within The Wires hits all those buttons and I highly recommend it.

Jerrod's Editing Horror Stories: Fuck Tape

Are you ready for the second installment of this string of stories I have about work? Well, neither was I. I now present:

Fuck Tape

So this actually takes place about two weeks after Spiked Testicle Clamps. My coworker tosses a packet on my desk and gives me a concerned glare before leaving.

Some backstory here: This coworker was the first person I told about Spiked Testicle Clamps and now we share our horror stories.

Anyway, I pick up the packet and read a sticky note on the front. “You have to read this,” it says. I forget the actual title of it and I’m kind of not allowed to share titles anyway, so that’s why I just call it Fuck Tape.

“So Jared (As everyone pronounces my name), what made you call this ‘Fuck Tape’?” One might ask. Well, fucking wait. I’ll get there.

So we start off with this dude, who we’ll call Sam. Sam is SO IN LOVE WITH HIS GURLFRIEND OMFG/ or at least that’s how the chapter seemed to read. I skipped over a few pages, picking out details I thought were important and eventually got to the second chapter. I was quite confused when the very first line for chapter 2 was “I awoke from my depressed slumber.”

WAIT, HOLD ON, what? First you’re talking about how happy you and your girlfriend (who we will call Lily) are and now you’re basically crying to My Chemical Romance? What the fuck happened?

So I go back and read through the first chapter. Turns out that Sam and Lily got into a horrible car accident at the end of the first chapter. It gruesomely describes of Lily just took a fuckton of glass shards to her throat. She’s on the fucking floor, because apparently she got thrown out of the car even though it was never explained he was. Sam apparently for impaled in the abdomen with with the stick shift despite the fact that stick shifts don’t just directly impale you like that unless you were above it. Sam was in the driver seat. It was just fucking bullshit.

So chapter 2 apparently takes place 10 years about Lily just ate a fuckton of glass and died. That was the second line. “It had been a decade since I watched Lily die.” Chapter 2 is just The Sadness™ except it’s like it’s written from the perspective of a fake-deep teenaged boy. So much “I just miss her so much!” that I rolled my fucking eyes.

“But Jared, you should really be more sympathetic. He lost the love of his life!” One might say. To that, I say that ten fucking years seems pretty long to still be a depressed fuck and act like she died yesterday.

And then I found out why this story is written like Lily died yesterday.

So, fucking… Ugh… Towards the end of about 9 pages of straight “I’m depression” we get to the part where it turns out that they’re having Lily’s funeral that day, TEN FUCKING YEARS AFTER SHE GOT SHREDDED UP. Apparently, the author just completely forgot that he wrote “It had been a decade since I watched Lily die,” and then just completely forgot he advanced the time by ten years while he was writing what were basically MCR and Papa Roach lyrics for 10 whole pages.

So we get to the fucking funeral scene and despite what you might think, they have an open casket funeral. The author took the time to describe a very bloody scene. I recall one of the details being that a big chunk was lodged in her eyeball. Also, anyone who knows the slightest amount about anatomy will know that having your neck cut open is a grizzle site. Author just describes her body as “flawless, almost as if she were gently sleeping.”

I don’t know, mate. I’m more concerned about why it’s ten years later and she looks like she died yesterday. I know formaldehyde preserves the body, but I don’t have a lot of reasons to believe that it would keep her looking like the freshest corpse possible after TEN FUCKING YEARS.

I have two theories. The first is that the author totally forgot that he said it’s been ten years later. The second is that I possibly read it wrong and he meant to say “It felt like it had been a decade” but I fucking remember being going back to that page and reading “It had been a decade since I saw Lily die,” at least fourteen times.

Anyway, the other insane part is that he makes the body seem like nothing happened to it. No scars, no deformities, nothing to indicate that she died in a horrific accident. The funerals I’ve been to have only had open caskets if the person died of a heart attack or illness. The closed casket ones I’ve been to were closed for a fucking reason, thank god.

So we continue and towards the end, Sam meets up with Lily’s brother who we will call Milo. Milo’s first action in the novel is to give Sam a fucking bear hug. Sam finds that he actually likes this and I had a sick idea of where this was going.

Unfortunately, I was right.

Chapter 3, 4, 5, and 6 are all about Sam and Milo bonding and supporting each other after the death of Lily… Even though it was ten years after the fact. I’m going to keep bringing that up. Chapter 7 is where notable shit goes down.

In chapter 7, Milo invites Sam to a movie date. Yes, movie date. Sam doesn’t think anything of it when Milo straight up says “Let’s go in a movie date!” The movie they go so? A fucking Single Man. A movie that came out in 2009 about this gay professor planning on killing himself. Great movie to watch, Milo. As we all can tell, Milo is starting to fall for Sam. The next chapter discuses this.

Chapter 8 pertains to Milo admitting his developing attraction towards Sam. I immediately suffer a brain aneurysm. I was fucking right and I knew exactly what this would lead to. Anyway, Sam is bewildered and we find out Sam’s Deepest Loar™. Sam was raised by super hardcore conservative Christians who hammered the idea that homosexuality is a mortal sin into his skull from the earliest age. Sam leaves the restaurant immediately and returns home. Chapter 7 was actually extremely short. Like 5 pages short.

Chapter 8 deals with more of Sam’s Deepest Loar™ where we find out that Sam had was attracted to some of the kids at school when he was fucking 10. After an ass beating from his father, Sam ended up doing everything in his power to prove he was straight, such as getting a girlfriend at the young age of 12 and trying to maintain relationships until… ten fucking years ago where Lily just fucking died. It’s never explained how long they were dating for. Sam also reveals that every time he has a break up with a girlfriend, the main reason he is so broken is because he thinks his “sexual urges” from when he a goddamn prepubescent kid will SOMEHOW come back. How he fucking survived an entire decade without impulsively sucking a cock in the back alley is beyond me.

At this point, I texted my coworker. Me: “Hi, how are you doing? What the fuck is this bullshit you just gave me?”
Her: “I only read the first two chapters. Is it that bad?”
Me: “It’s hard to describe in detail…”
Her: “Well, keep reading and let me know. Enjoy yourself!”
Me: “Fuck you.”

So I think that was the last Deepest Loar™ dump. So Sam decides that maybe homosexuality isn’t that bad and begins to take thing slowly with Milo. So they go out some more, share a few drinks. Every time Milo talks about a time where he got it in the ass, Sam just freaks the fuck out. Me, I’m not surprised that Milo turned out to be a bottom. Anyone named Milo is destined to be a bottom. I’m sidetracking here. Sam and Milo have their first big argument, solidifying their status and boyfriend and boyfriend.

I was so bored with the story… Then IT happened.

So Sam talks about how he hasn’t had sex in a few weeks, meaning that in the TEN FUCKING YEARS THAT HE HAD BEEN DEPRESSED AND CRYING ABOUT LILY, HE HAD JUST BEEN FUCKING GIRLS LEFT AND RIGHT, APPARENTLY. THE “It was a decade since Lily ate glass and died” DETAIL OF THE STORY REALLY THROWS OFF A LOT OF OTHER VASTLY IMPORTANT DETAILS IN THE STORY.

Ugh… Continuing… Milo then suggests gay sex to Sam. “No, I can’t! It’s a sin!” That’s when I screamed “YOU ALREADY FUCKING KISSED THE DUDE A FEW CHAPTERS AGO AND HAVE ALREADY AGREED TO DATE MILO BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY, THE FUCK DO YOU CARE ABOUT MORTAL SINS IF YOU ALREADY AGREED TI BE HIS BOYFRIEND.”

So after a few stiff drinks, Milo drives Sam to his place. Candles are fucking lit in the bedroom, I had my second brain aneurysm. Sam is drunk and Milo is taking off his clothes so they can fuuuuuuuck. Sam then remembers his “deviant urges” and how he craved to be “intimate with another man.”

I stopped and said bullshit really loud that my boss walked over to me and said: “What did you find this time?” I told her I would tell her after I’m done. She’s overly chill to be a boss, but she will tear you a new asshole when it’s appropriate.

Anyway, back to the story of Sam the soon-to-be Obsessional Homosexual. There’s a passage that’s dedicated to Sam describing how Milo is sensually rubbing the inside of his asshole with anal lube and he seems comfortable with it… Despite never having ever tried buttplay before…. And that this is implying that Milo, who is a bottom, is going to be the one fucking Sam.

The next part is where the title comes from.

Sam says he hears the sound of tape unraveled. He looks over to see Milo, stark naked, with serves pieces of RED DUCT TAPE in his hands. Sam, like myself, is really confused as to what’s going on. Milo then says one of the phrases that will haunt my dreams until the moment I die. In fact, the last moments of my life are probably going to be pure agony as I relive the memories of my editing horror stories. I will roll my eyes and then they will roll up to my skull as I die… God, how I really do not ever want to die. Anyway…

“It’s okay Sammy, this is special tape designed for sex. I call it 'Fuck Tape.’”

Brain aneurysm number 3. Also, I think his name was actually Sam because I remember that line saying that exact thing… Oh well.

Milo proceeds to rap the “Fuck Tape” on his dick. He has essentially made a condom out of red duct tape.

Brain aneurysm number 4..

The next page can only be described as a train wreck that I could not stop watching along with it ending with two plane crashes.

Milo jams it up Sam’s ass and Sam says that he has felt pleasure he has never experienced before… Unaware that God was an odd sense of humor and put the male G-spot up our asses. So now while Milo is rapidly thrusting in and out, he explains in coherent sentences about the prostate. I can understand that because Milo has his DICK wrapped in DUCT TAPE. I don’t see how that can feel pleasurable at all.

Side note: In this business, you can REALLY tell which authors have actually experienced sex and which just read fanfiction and try to go for shock value. This story was most definitely the latter.

So Milo finishes, despite what the fact he most likely felt nothing. He takes off the Fuck Tape which somehow does not rip apart his dick. I don’t know how tough a dick actually it, I don’t ever want to find out, but I always imagine them as fragile. Sam is just sitting there drunk with a hard-on. Basically Sam just got his ass rammed and that was it. Milo gets dressed and leaves. I think somewhere it was supposed to be implied that Sam orgasmed while he was getting thrusted, but there was absolutely no mention of it whatsoever. Sam then just falls asleep.

The next morning, Sam wakes up in his fucking car. The catch? Turns out the last bit where Milo and Sam have “sex” was a dream of his. Sam checks his phone sees that he received a bunch of texts from Milo about last night. What actually happened was that Sam started screeching at Milo about how homosexuality and gay sex was a sin before he passed out for being drunk… Then Milo shoved him into his car and ditched him. Milo says that the relationship is over. Sam gets in the driver seat of his car and drives to Milo’s apartment… Or what he thought was Milo’s apartment from his dream.

Sam gets the the building to find it’s completely fucking empty. It’s a derelict building. This sends Sam into a crying fit and he drives home. Just as that happens, the author decides to throw in the detail that it starts raining as soon as Sam starts crying.

Ugh.

So that night, Sam decides he doesn’t want to live anymore. He can’t live with being an out-ed homosexual despite the fact that he never “came out” to really anyone but Milo… Then proceeded to say a bunch of homophobic shit to him while drunk. The last few pages are sort of a clusterfuck. Sam is all praying to God to forgive him for having impure thoughts about Milo, blah blah blah, even more bullshit.

It’s fucking stupid. It’s all really fucking stupid.

Anyway, when Sam thinks that God isn’t answering his prays and that he was abandoned by God, he decided that the only way out is to fucking kill himself. So Sam drives to the nearest bridge and jump off.

Now we have a bullshit perspective switch where now it’s in Milo’s POV. First words on this new chapter are “I can’t believe I was even interested in that bigot.” It’s just all about Milo reflecting on Sam and eventually going from “I hate him so much,” to “Aww… He was so cute and I miss him.” And then the bullshit starts. He fucking senses that Sam is in danger somehow someway. What does Milo do? He drives to the bridge that Sam wants to jump from.

At this moment, my coworker walks up to me and asks how the book is going.
“Milo and Sam are in a relationship now.” I answer. Then she fucking reminds me that Milo was the fucking BROTHER of Lily, Sam’s dead girlfriend. Like, not only did Sam switch from vagina to cock, he did so with his DEAD GIRLFRIEND’S BROTHER. YEAH, THAT’S FUCKING APPROPRIATE.

I really don’t know how I forgot that detail.

Back to the “story.” Sam is about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge apparently, revealing just now near the end that this all takes place in San Francesco. Suddenly a few things made a bit more sense. It’s just a really dumb scene where it’s fucking pouring, the waves are being extra violent, you get the picture. Suddenly, he hears Milo call out to Sam and Milo just fucking runs through oncoming traffic to get to Sam. Milo is begging Sam to not do it. Milo then pours his heart out and says that’s he hasn’t loved anyone like Sam since Lily, HIS GODDAMN SISTER. Then Sam says he hasn’t been happy since Lily died until he met Milo, which you would think that they would have met once before. So they both cry and Milo extends his arm to help Sam get away from the edge of the bridge. Happy ending(?) yay!

Except no. It’s not. In fact, this takes the stupidest fucking turn. Apparently the wind is so fucking string that when Sam moves his hand from the railing to Milo’s arm, he fucking slips off and it hanging on for dear life.

Brain aneurysm number 5.

Sam is screaming for God to help him as he slowly loses his grip. Then even more “I love you so much, you’re the love of my life!” bullshit is exchanged between the two! At last, Sam loses his grip and plunges to his icy death.

The very last paragraph is from Sam’s point of view. He says that he sees and feels nothing. Then he turns around and sees Lily’s ghost. Lily calls out Sam’s name and he walks to her. This awful story ends with one last sentence about how Sam and Lily are finally together once again… Never mind the gay guy you just confessed undying love to a few seconds ago. He never existed.

And that’s the end!

I walked over to my coworker and threw the packet on her desk.
“Well, how was it?” She asked.
“Burn it.” Was my exact response before I turned around and went back to my desk to shove five pills of Excedrin down my fucking throat.

So guys, what’s the moral of Fuck Tape? If your girlfriend dies in a horrific accident, wait 10 years to officially bury the body so you can meet her brother and be gay with him. That will cure your depression!