story of my life penny

And again... Mister Kinnear

After starting a new job two weeks ago I eventually have time to write again. And I’m not so tired anymore. Getting up at six o'clock every morning is rather tough after some months of laziness. But I’m getting used to it again. And I have to earn money to feed the cats. Nothing else matters. At least, that’s the opinion of my two spoiled beasts. My obsession with Penny Dreadful is not getting any better. I really can’t explain what this did to me. But I always loved the Victorian era and its literature. Even as a child I was fascinated by this era. From Frankenstein to Jekyll and Hyde, all these gothic stories were always a big part of my life, long before Penny Dreadful. I worked in bookshops and for a big german publisher. So books were always on my side. If you look into my apartment, you would see. Books everywhere. I think, Mister Clare would be very happy about it. But there is no poetry unfortunately, I prefer novels. Well, speaking of Mister Clare. Good heavens, Rory Kinnear drives me crazy. His amazing voice haunts me even in my sleep. I’ve always had a weakness for men with beautiful voices. But his voice, gosh… most of the time so soft, and when he gets angry (“Where Is Lily???”) like a thunder. I ordered the whole lot of DVDs I can get of him. Tomorrow I will start with Casual Vacancy, I’m really curious about this. And the first season of Count Arthur Strong is on its way. Somehow I feel a bit like a teenager having a crush. Heavens, I’m over forty (three years older than Mr Kinnear) and I start hyperventilating when I see him. Propably I’m not 42 but 24, at least in my mind. But I think, why not? Just because I’m getting a bit older, why should I become a boring little fart? When I find something or someone that fascinates me, I’ll give myself to that completely. The real life is so hard sometimes, why not giving yourself into another state of mind. I know, some people think that’s a bit crazy, but the ones that can’t handle with my character should go and find someone else. My friends​ and my family accepted my little insanity, and these are the people that really count.

Originally posted by coffinwitch

anonymous asked:

"He's in love with you"

“He’s in love with you, you know?” She said to me, sadness laced her eyes.

I felt bad, because I know he loves me. And if I really let myself, I could love him just as much. But I can’t let myself love him because my best friend loves him.

“He does?” I ask, feigning innocence. If I pretend I don’t know, will that spare her feelings?

“I’m glad,” she started, throwing me off guard, “if there was anyone he could love that wasn’t me, at least it’s you. At least it’s someone who’ll care for him and love him.”

The sadness was still in her eyes, but there was hope behind her words. She was as sincere as she’d ever been, and that’s why she is my best friend. She’s caring, compassionate and wonderful.

And one day, I think he could love her more than he could have ever loved me.

anonymous asked:

Could you write about someone not being loved back?

Let’s be real for a second

Love sucks
But I’m not talking every kind of love
I’m saying the unrequited love sucks.
The “I love you’s” that never get returned.
The calls that go straight to voice message
The texts that get left on read.
That’s what is gut wrenching and shitty about love.
Tossing and turning at night because you can’t help but wonder where you went wrong.
The what-if’s and maybes keep you up till the early morning dawn.
It’s the unrequited love that makes a person feel worthless and clingy.
Because after all this time of thinking our feelings were reciprocated, they weren’t.

I’m going to be real for a second here;
It’s not my fault that your love for me was not reciprocated, but it’s my fault for believing that you could be even remotely capable of feeling such an emotion. I’m just being real, kind of like you told me to do when I told you I liked you.

“Oh get real.” You said. Well….

Is this real enough for you?

anonymous asked:

bad timing

It was bad timing. I loved him, but it was never reciprocated. He was in a relationship with her. He was in “love” with her. But late at night, he would text me cute nothings. He would tell me that I was beautiful and that if he were single he would be with me. But that’s the catch isn’t it? He could’ve broken up with her, he could’ve made us happen, he could’ve kept his promises. Because that was his decision to make. Instead, he broke my heart. Told me he never really meant anything he said. And told me that, maybe in another life, we were supposed to end up together. He said “maybe it was just bad timing.” And I think he’s right. It was bad timing. And he’s the best thing I never had.

anonymous asked:

After all this time I still think about you

“You want to know what terrifies me?” I voice.

We were only seven feet apart, but my voice carried and made it sound like I was yelling.

He looks up from his plate of food, and furrows his eyebrows. He nods.

“It scares me that after all this time, I still think about you.” I laugh, humorlessly. I’m sick of longing for a love that he gave up on a long time ago.

“Why do you laugh like that?”

“Like what?” I ask.

“Like I don’t do the same?”

“Because you don’t. Because you’re engaged. Because we’re sitting here, at this stupid fucking restaurant so that you can tell me you’re getting married and that I need to move on. I laugh with no humor because I don’t find this situation fucking funny,” I speak, “this is my life; and I never thought I’d have to be in this position telling you such things.”

He nods, but I know he doesn’t get it. I know he doesn’t care. He nods because he wants the conversation to be over with. Little does he know, this conversation is never ending because for some damn reason my love for him is never ending.

anonymous asked:

Two people who want to be together but can't.

“3,000 miles.” He announces.

It’s so silent after he speaks that you can hear the sound of my heart breaking as it echoes through the cave.

The cave has been our spot for years, and it always brought good memories but today that ends. Today is the day he decides to tell me the worst news I’ll ever hear.

“For how long?” I ask, drawing symbols in the sand not daring to look up at him.

“Two years; it could be more.”

The love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate is going to be gone for 2 years. And I’m just supposed to be okay with that? 3,000 miles away?

“No.” I say sternly. “No way in hell am I waiting for you for two years.”

There was only two steps in between us but it felt like he was already 3,000 miles away from me. He tensed. I could feel the air around us shifting, and suddenly, for the first time ever around him, I felt cold.

“I figured you’d say that. I figured you wouldn’t wait,” he laughed bitterly, “what did you really expect to come from us if you weren’t going to wait?”

“I’m 17. I graduate in a year. I have my senior homecoming, my prom, I have my friends, and I have my life to carry on with. In my head when I picture all of those things, I picture doing them with you!” I yell, finally looking up at him, “I want to be with you, yes! I pictured a future with you, yes! But sometimes you don’t get what you want, and we don’t get to be together.”

I stop for a minute and consider my next words carefully, but they come out angry. “Sue me for trying to be realistic. Sue me for sparing the heartache a year down the line when I’m so fucking in love with you and you’re only a little in love with me. Sue me for trying to protect my heart!”

He walked away that day and we haven’t talked since. We wanted to be with each other but we couldn’t. The timing was off, I guess.

anonymous asked:

i miss you

I thought I had mistakenly fallen in love with you.
When I ended us, I thought I was dodging a bullet. But it’s been 9 months, and I still find memories of you everywhere I go. I still look for pieces of you in every boy I meet. I still remember our first date and the first time we said I love you. I can’t move on.
I didn’t dodge a bullet when I ended us; I think I might’ve lost the love of my life. I think I might have ruined the happiness that I long for these days.
You made me smile and you made me happy; but all I could focus on was the times when you made me cry or when you would make me angry. But 9 months of reflection and I’ve realized, the good outweighs the bad. It always has, I was just too dumb to realize it.
I thought I had mistakenly fallen in love with you; but I’ve been missing you everyday since I ended us. Now I know that I didn’t mistakenly fall in love with you, I purposefully fell in love with you.


I graduate in 126 days and I cannot freaking wait.

anonymous asked:

Write about a couple having to wait 2 years to be able to be happy with one another

It’s been 4 years.
That’s the amount of time we’ve been together.
It’s been five months.
I’ve written him a few times, I’ve only gotten two letters back.
It’ll be two years.
I’ll have changed immensely, but he will have also.
Hundreds of men.
That’s how many people he’s probably seen die.

It’ll be two years until the next time I get to see him, until the next time I get to hold him, until the next time I get to kiss those beautiful lips of his. It’s something I’ve dreamed of constantly. My baby, he’s in the military. He’s been gone for five months. But it’ll all be worth it, when I get to hug in those few minutes after he gets back. It’ll all be worth it, because he’s my true love and I am his.

Two years.
That’s how long I have to wait until I get to feel my heart beating again.

anonymous asked:

Can you do one about a boy and a girl, who are head over heels for each other but are happy with their friendship because they don't want to lose everything that they have together?

“You mean the world to me,” she mumbles, tucking her hair behind her ear, “but even so, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

The words come out of her mouth and it feels like I’ve had a bucket of cold water dumped on me. Even though I completely agree with her, pursuing a relationship would strain our wonderful friendship, it still stings to know we’ll never be more than this. Best friends, what a sham.

“I agree. We’ll stay friends, and we’ll push any other feelings aside.” I agree, unwillingly.

Sometimes the heart wants what it can’t have. Sometimes that thing just so happens to be your best friend.

—-

anonymous asked:

We weren't ever real. It was a secret and I attached myself way too fast.

We weren’t ever real.
The laughs were fake.
The memories are gone.
The months were a waste.

I’m alone at 2 in the morning
I’m alone at 4 in the afternoon.
I’m having breakfast by myself
And it’s hard making dinner for one

The promises you made
The future we saw
It was all a lie
And that’s heartbreaking

I invested time into you
I saw a future with you
But we weren’t ever real
To me we were
But to you we weren’t

anonymous asked:

Can you write about the girl who's secretly inlove with her bestfriend ??

Friends. I hate that dreaded word. Because I don’t want to be just friends with a boy like him. I get it, he’s my best friend. But he’s my best friend that gorgeous, funny, smart and kind. He’s always had my back and I’ve always had his. I smile and laugh around him more than I have anyone and more than I have in my 17 years of living. He makes my stomach flutter with butterflies. I feel alive around him. But it’s that dreaded fucking word that stops me, because friends… what are friends?? Do friends fall in love with other friends? Do friends want to kiss their friends and want to date their friends?? I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to lose him. So if that means that I’m always only going to be his ‘friend’, I’ll take that any day over being absolutely nothing to him.

My best friend. I love you, but I don’t know if you’ll ever find out that I do.

— love y'all! This was a cute one to write! I’ve always wanted a boy best friend to fall in love with, but I didn’t get so lucky. Hopefully you do!!❤️

anonymous asked:

Why did you never tell me

“Why did you never tell me?” He asked. Our hands were clasped together, and we were walking the downtown streets together.

It was our four month anniversary, but we’d been friends since forever.

“Tell you what?” I responded, confused as to what he was referring too.

He stops and pulls me to the side so that we don’t disturb anyone else walking. He grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes.

“Why did you never tell me that you loved me? All those months ago, when we were just friends… why did you never tell me?”

Confused, I looked away to gather myself before responding. This was the most random moment that he could’ve brought this up.

“Because every girl in high school has this dream guy that is so unattainable but she can’t help but have a crush on him. And you were my unattainable crush,” I blushed as I continued, “Plus you were one of my best friends, and I was afraid I would’ve ruined us. But I didn’t ruin us, did I?”

He shook his head, his radiant smile coming to the surface, “No,” he said, “you didn’t ruin us. If anything, you made us even better.”

Kissing my cheek, he grabs my hand and pulls me with him as we continue on our late night stroll.

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a few days. School is kicking my butt!