stormtrooper mask


«The black mask, with its slittled forehead and thick, snoutlike breathing apparatus, covered the face of the man he knew as Kylo Ren. Once, he had known the face behind the mask. Once, he has known the man himself. Now, to Lor San Tekka, only the mask was left. Metal instead of a man.»

One of the things that’s always bothered me about TFA is the continued treatment of Stormtroopers as cannon fodder by the creators, despite having a former Stormtrooper as one of the leads.

I can understand Finn killing his former brothers as an instinct, and a natural desire to live. But they didn’t have to make him be happy about it. I expected a moment of reflection, an ‘it could have been me’ moment. But that’d be too serious for a kids’ movie, I suppose.

And they didn’t have to use the happy and heroic music when Starkiller blew up. Not when one of their leads, awakened by chance, could have still been on the surface, blissfully working in sanitation.

I can understand this approach in previous movies, where Stormtroopers were nameless and masked goons. But not when they actually bothered to write a movie humanising one of them.

Zaggar/Zanerva?, G
Modern AU, but Zarkon is still a giant turtle man because anytime i tried to conjure a mental image of him as a human I literally drew a blank. The Target thing… I have no explanation or excuse, and no regrets.

For @eatyourgrapes who’s been feeling down lately, which is unacceptable. Hope you feel better soon, dear. <3

Honerva didn’t believe in fate.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t believe in things she didn’t see; she believed in subatomic particles, in string theory and the multiverse, things she could examine with the scientific method or mathematics. She had never visited the stars she’d studied, but that didn’t make them less real, or make the content of her dissertation less valid. Astrophysics implied that one had faith in things one could not see or touch, and Honerva believed in them. But she didn’t believe that it was fate that had put her on a path to studying astrophysics, which had led her a friendship with the CEO of Altea Enterprises, which had led to a job heading the orbital division of Daibazaal Incorporated and a meeting with its CEO, which had led to one date and then another and then a third. It wasn’t fate that had led Zarkon to decide it was preferable to stay the night her one-bedroom apartment, rather than both of them going back to his luxury penthouse downtown. It wasn’t fate that had led him to trip over Kova (the cat just had a talent for knowing when and where to be to cause chaos) and spill red wine all over the carpet on the exact day she ended up running out of paper towels. It was simply the motion of the universe.

But, standing in the Target down the street from her apartment with a six-pack of Up&Up paper towels under one arm and no sign of Zarkon anywhere, Honerva wondered if perhaps there was a force known as fate acting upon her life. If so, she had obviously caused a major disturbance in it at some point, because not only had she looked at the nearly-empty roll of paper towels and thought it’ll be fine, I’ll get some this weekend about five minutes before Zarkon had called to say he was on his way over, but she’d been gifted with the unique experience of having a significant other who had never before in his life set foot in a Target.

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Suddenly Helpless {Kylo Ren}

Anon asked: Can you do a oneshot/imagine where someone very skilled tries to kill you in your sleep, but kylo ren saves you and tells you that he loves you? Thanks

Anon asked: Could we please have an imagine where Kylo Ren sees you, a respected stormtrooper, without mask for the first time and is amazed by your appearance?

A/N: IDK how I feel about the damsel in distress trope, but for the record, I think y’all kick butt, no matter who you are or what you do. Also, the ending’s cheesy but eh, it’s cute.

Warnings: Violence, talk of kidnapping and slavery. It doesn’t seem like it should go in the warning, but there is a super uncomfortable character that paralyses and tries to manipulate [Y/N].

“I’m here to submit my weapon for inspection, Captain!” A young - far too young - Stormtrooper was all but bouncing on his heels, presenting his weapon for you to scan. It would be a tragedy for him to have a body count, you think, or you would if you weren’t completely desensitised to the concept of death, yourself. Being a Stormtrooper tends to do that.  His gaze held something akin to revere, as many of them did, or perhaps he was simply admiring your jet black armour, made as an homage to the Empire’s Blackhole Stormtroopers and now served as a symbol of your power.

You took the weapon without any preamble and logged it into the data terminal, analysing his statistics through cold, calculating eyes. “Satisfactory.” Your tone was clipped as you handed his weapon back, considering whether or not to berate him for his lack of helmet, however you had seen a few others nearby without helmets and guessed that his commanding officer was the one responsible.

“Is that good?” He asked. You had to fight your urge to sigh.

“It is satisfactory.” You offered, but he didn’t seem deterred, much to your exasperation. Unfortunately you couldn’t send people to reconditioning simply because they got on your nerves.

“Could I be better?” he was getting far too close for comfort, leaning forward, eagerly. “If I wished to speak to you about improving when you’re not on duty, could I? Where would you be?” When his hand touches your armour-plated arm you lost any pretense of patience that you had so far been cultivating.

Through gritted teeth you managed, “My quarters are off limits.” You wrenched your arm from his grip, raising yourself to your full height in order to garner an air of authority. “All training is overseen by a supervisor; refer to them if you must.” Your words were a low hiss, but you felt no guilt when seeing the ashamed look that crossed his face. “Report back to your commanding officer, immediately.” You informed him. Thankfully, he seemed placated, trooping away with the most ridiculously straight-backed posture you had ever seen, trying his hardest to impress you, it seemed..

“It appears you have quite the admirer.” Voice cool and observant, Phasma wasted no words on greeting. The two of you were equals, in skill and authority, and had built a friendship upon mutual respect. “How long did it take you to break him?” Phasma’s tone easily conveyed her smirk and you rolled your eyes in kind. She gestures for you to follow her and you do without question; Phasma’s trust was hard won, but always mutual.

“Is that jealousy I hear?” Pace brisk in order to keep up with her, you can’t help a witty retort. “what happened to your legions of followers?”

“Training, I trust,” there was an air of confidence in her voice, a note of pride that wasn’t usually displayed, as the two of you walked through Starkiller Base’s halls, heading to the lower levels. There was something utterly terrifying about the way the two of you walked with such purpose, which sent Stormtroopers skittering to get out of your way, averting their gazes lest they be called upon for some unknown reason.

“It’s not a competition.” You chided, softly, but couldn’t help adding, “But if it were, my troops would win.” Phasma let out a huff that was as close to a laugh as she would ever get, and the rest of your trip was spent in comfortable silence. It was only upon reaching Supreme Leader Snoke’s conference room that you became intrigued enough to ask.

“Why have you brought me here?” Stopping outside of the door, you looked to Phasma, vaguely confused but also rather unsettled. Snoke had never sat right with you, and you weren’t certain why.

“Kylo Ren would like to speak with you.” It became abundantly clear, upon your first meeting with Phasma, that she often enjoyed being vague for her own amusement, and it was something that continued to infuriate you to this day. This was no different, and with no further information, she left.

No matter; you turned to the door, expecting it to open with a hiss, instead, you unceremoniously smacked face first into it. Grumbling under your breath, you crossed your arms, resting your forehead against it, trying to block out the muffled voice on the other side. If Kylo Ren had asked for you specifically, it was best not to disobey him, you knew from personal experience. You had known Phasma for years and Ren was no different; the two of you could even be considered whatever the equivalent of friends was in the First Order’s upper ranks. Friends, though you had always secretly considered it to be something more. He was kind to you, as kind as he could be that is; he took notice of you as you rose through the First Order’s ranks, and even though your attempts at friendly banter were met with silence in the beginning, those times were now few and far between.

You were yet to see his face, however, and he was yet to see yours; the downside of constantly wearing helmets, but that hadn’t damaged your relationship, if anything it had strengthened it. During the few times the topic had come up, you both took the opportunity to complain about the somewhat limited field of vision it granted you, but praised the impeccable hearing the helmets afforded you.

And now, as it so happened, it appeared that the voices on the other side of the door weren’t as muffled as you had previously thought, Snoke’s loud yelling jolting you out of your trance-like state and your drifting thoughts.

“Your foolishness proves to know no bounds! She is nothing! A stormtrooper!” Your heart was in your throat, hair of the back of your neck rising out of paranoia. You didn’t for a minute believe Snoke was referring to you, but you had always believed that it was a in good practice to be on alert around angry Sith. As his voice dropped to a dangerous purr, you found yourself pressed against the door in order to catch his words. “And yet, you feel… compassion towards her.” Snoke’s voice was slow and measured, his distaste for the emotion not subtle.

“You are wrong. I feel no more compassion for her than I do Hux.” It’s the desperation, the obvious lie in Ren’s tone that catches you off guard. Kylo Ren, infamous and terrifying Knight of Ren had feelings - compassion Snoke said, like it meant something more - for another, a Stormtrooper, no less. You wanted to hear more - hear who. You tried (and failed) to convince yourself it wasn’t out of jealousy, that you didn’t have anything to be jealous about, but you listened anyways and tried to ignore the little, green demons in the back of your mind.

“Do not contradict me, Ren, and do not pretend to lie. You haven’t the ability, I know.” There was a languid pause and you waited with baited breath, hanging on to Snoke’s every word. “We have… company.” Your heart rate quickened at the realisation that you had been caught, to which you frantically dropped to one knee, fully prepared to face Snoke’s wrath and potentially grovel for your life. Instead, to be greeted by Kylo Ren towering over you and an empty conference room was rather a shock, but not an unwelcome one.

“[Y/N].” He sounded different, somehow, almost pained, even through his vocal apparatus.

“You wished to see me, sir?” You asked, trying to keep your voice level, as if you hadn’t heard his conversation with Snoke, and he was quiet for a moment. Silent prayers run through your head at the thought of him going through your mind, and though you remained tense, his hands thankfully stayed by his sides.

“I did.” He conceded, voice quiet, before he took in a breath and cleared his throat pointedly, “But that has passed.” Your heart fell, glad for the mask on your face to hide your disappointment. He could barely look at you, his gaze drifting up and to the hallway behind you. “Go, rest. Hux would like you to conduct an evaluation for the FN squadron, tomorrow. Do not keep him waiting.” Almost forcibly calm in the way he spoke, it occured to you that his encounter with Snoke had affected him more than he let on, though your own poor timing certainly hadn’t aided the situation.

“Why could the General not give me this information himself?” Grasping at straws with your words, you rose to your feet. Ren meets your gaze again, but this time there’s something unsettling about it.

“Why waste his time when you’ve already wasted mine?” He responded, coldly. If he meant for his words to sting then it had worked, you flinched, taking a step back and straightening your posture, your own voice echoing his cool, neutral tone.

“I see.” Remaining calm and collected as you walked away was easier said than done, your shoulders wanting to slump and your head wishing to dip, but you refused, raising your chin and squaring your shoulders. Even so, Ren’s words haunted your thoughts upon returning to your quarters. Heeding his advice, you take the opportunity to rest. One of the few choice perks of gaining the rank of Captain is a your own private quarters, and while they were small, they were infinitely preferable to the overcrowded barracks that housed the other Stormtroopers.

It was nice, having somewhere to call your own, a place to hang your armour and take a breath without being disturbed, a bed that’s mattress is actually comfortable, walls that weren’t constantly under repair from accidents, or not-so-accidental-accidents, or Kylo Ren. Tossing and turning, you spent the next few hours at the mercy of the ship’s ambient noise and your own thoughts, Ren’s words being replayed over and over to the infuriatingly regular beat of someone’s footsteps in the hall just beyond your door. You just kept thinking, his scathing remarks and conversation with Snoke going back and forth in your mind, anger mixing uncomfortably with speculation until you felt ill. Your first and most logical thought was of Phasma, statuesque, a shining beacon within the First Order. Tall, impeccable and an incredible shot, she was easily admired and greatly feared; perfect for Kylo Ren.

What little sleep you managed was uneasy at best, mind saturated with worries and jealousy, though you tried to deny them. It was with a start that you awoke to the horrifying grin of a helmet-less Stormtrooper, looming over you while you were unable to move. Heart racing at the realisation that all your muscles were frozen, locked up, your eyes zeroed in on the syringe in his hands and you tried your best to scream, but no sound made its way past your closed lips.

“You know, there’s quite a price on your head.” To make matters worse, you recognised him. Your lips pulled back into a snarl involuntarily, a painful movement in your current state, but one that helped you gain some mobility, even if it was just your lips. It was the over enthusiastic admirer that Phasma had teased you about earlier. You couldn’t forget that grin, those wide, eager eyes; and now, here he was, fingernails grazing your throat as you worked to move your jaw, wiggling it, gaining a fraction of mobility. “It’d be a shame to sell it to someone who doesn’t appreciate it..” He sneered, before pulling out a comlink and swivelling on his heel. “Inform the Guavian Death Gang that I have the merchandise, and that the agreed upon amount will not suffice for what I’ve been through, you hear me?” He snarled into the comlink, and stuffed it back in his pocket..

“Who- are- you?” You managed, and he squatted down until you were eye level, dangerous glint in his eyes.

“I’m a bounty hunter, sweetheart, and you’ve made some very important people very mad.” His way of speaking to you, condescending and cruel all in one, was not nearly as unsettling as the needle still in his hands and the blaster on his hip.

“I wouldn’t classify the Guavian Death Gang as important.” You sneered, narrowing your eyes as if challenging him. If this man - this bounty hunter - was determined to take you out, you be damned if you went without a fight. He seemed undeterred.

“They’re just a middleman.” He assured you, before standing up, his tone suddenly nonchalant. “You’re harder to get to than I thought, what with your personal bodyguard Kylo Ren.” You frowned, momentarily forgetting your predicament as your thoughts drift to possible causes for Ren’s abnormal behaviour. “But he’s asleep, now; human like the rest of us, so it appears.” He smirked, knowingly, “Well, like some of us.” His skin shifts, the shape of his nose changes, and suddenly it’s seemingly a different person standing before you and his escape route became much clearer.

“Are you- monologuing?” You asked, what could only be disgust in your voice, buying yourself as much time as you could manage, hoping for someone to check the security sensors and see that something was amiss. It worked, however, as the Stormtrooper capped the syringe and put it in his pocket, clapping his hands together, enthusiastic glint in his eyes.

“Of course! I’ve caught [Y/N]!” He seemed to be addressing no-one, his gaze drifting up, grin spreading so wide you rather hoped it would split his face. ”Fearsome Stormtrooper! Crack-shot Captain! Kylo Ren’s own, right-hand Stormtrooper!” He clapped his hand over his mouth, mischievous smile on his face, “Whoops, best not to wake the Prince of Melodrama.” He stage whispered. A horrifying moment of solidarity passed between the two of you at his words and you were glad that it didn’t linger, the bounty hunter’s expression shifting until it became almost dreamy as he continued with his rant, “She’s frozen at my feet! Helpless…” His voice was a low purr and your breath caught in your throat.

“You want me to beg, don’t you?” You tried to keep up your menacing aura, but it was difficult. His gaze, hungry, predatory, focused back on you.

Nothing would give me more joy,” he murmured, there was a sick sort of sensuality in his tone, bile rising in your throat as he approached you, “I’m sure you of all people know how… satisfying it is to see fear turn to… well-” he snapped his fingers, smile wicked as he whipped his blaster from it’s holster, “nothing.”

He’s dangerous, fast and cruel, these things you know, but he’s nothing, nothing, when faced with Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. You hadn’t even heard your door open, but the bounty hunter dropped to his knees, torso sliding from his hips and landing with a sickly thud in two halves upon your floor.

Kylo Ren, your apparent saviour, stood in your doorframe, breathing laboured as he glared at the corpse, as if daring it to move, to see how far it would get. Unsurprisingly, the corpse didn’t respond; blood had begun to pool around his head where it had landed against the metal floor, but it’s smile was still frozen on it’s face.

“Were you waiting to make an entrance?” Those… were not the words either of you were really expecting to hear, but it appears that you speak before you think and you don’t seem inclined to stop. “You really are the Prince of Melodrama.” With a scoff, you dragged your gaze from the dead boy on the floor to the terrifying, rage-filled eyes of Kylo Ren, though you were too overwhelmed to be really affected.

“A ‘thank you’ would… suffice…” Its strange to hear his voice not being filtered through his mask, and now, as it trails off, you find yourself feeling exposed as his gaze roams your room, quickly spotting the telltale armour and blaster hanging against your closet. He’s… surprisingly pleasant to look at, you realise, this is the first time you’ve seen him without his helmet and he looks nothing like you expected. The vision built in your head was one of greying hair and battle scars, but here, seeing Kylo Ren before you in cotton pyjama pants and nothing else, he looks baby-faced, with big dark eyes and messy, soft hair. You could allowed yourself to take a moment to appreciate his shirtless physique before he took a step towards you.

“What are you doing here, Ren?” Voice soft and tired you could feel just how little you had slept, and how much your body was yearning for it. Snapping his lightsaber off, you could still see the scowl on his face as he searched the dead man’s pockets.

“Would you prefer that I hadn’t saved you?” It wasn’t quiet anger that was in his tone, but it was well on it’s way, and he kept his gaze focused on the corpse he was currently looting, so it seemed.

“No, I-” you spluttered at the accusation, but decided it best to simply drop your gaze and conceed your defeat, “thank you.” Hoping that it was loud enough to hear as you didn’t wish to repeat yourself, you then began to work your neck against whatever the bounty hunter had injected you with. Staying focused on your task at hand rather than Kylo Ren meant you completely missed the awkward shuffle he did, trying and failing to ignore the kindness in your words. “You were the one patrolling?” It was more a statement then a question, and you simply followed your train of thought. “So that was you who kept me up half the night.” You mused. Ren cleared his throat, louder this time, stifling tension filling the room, your face heating up with the implications of your own words.

“I found it.” Kylo announced, your eyes flying open at his triumphant tone. With one hand he wrenched a small object from the pocket of the dead bounty hunter, with the other he used the Force to open your door and send the two halves of the corpse flying, promptly closing the door behind himself. With a smirk, he presented a vial for your inspection.

“Would you like a medal?” You snapped, tone edged with bitter, faux-sweetness as your mind was flooded with thoughts of today, of what Snoke had said and how Ren had treated you.

“It’s the antidote to the paralysis.” He seemed confused, which was understandable from his perspective, less so from your own, and you narrowed your rolled your eyes, awkwardly jerking your neck while the rest of your body remained frozen. “Oh.” As if realising his mistake, he crossed the room in two large strides to sit on your bed, beside you and unscrew the lid of the vial. Unusually hesitate, he turned to you, as if confused as to what he was meant to do. Ren licked his lips as you opened your mouth obediently, both of your refusing to acknowledge the pink tint to his cheeks. He tipped the whole bottle into your mouth quickly, your face scrunching up reflexively at the citrusy sting of the liquid, followed by a frosty feeling that swept quickly through your body.

Slowly but surely your muscles began to relax, but the release after constant tension felt wrong and uncomfortable, so before you knew what was happening, you had sat bolt upright, suddenly finding yourself in Kylo Ren’s personal space. He rested a hand on your shoulder to steady you and your gaze is locked on his. You can feel your heart rate quicken.

His eyes flick to your lips and you can’t help but quirk them into a smirk. “You… do not look like what I expected you to.” He murmured, what could be called wonder in his eyes as he took in your features.

“Better?” You asked, your growing smirk matching his now devilish smile.

“I would say so.” He mused. Everything felt right and good, but in that moment, there was one thought that made your skin crawl, a doubt that you couldn’t help, that wouldn’t go away.

“Why did Snoke call you foolish?” Voice so quiet it was barely more than a whisper, Kylo’s face dropped at your words, at the mere suggestion of Snoke. With hunched shoulders he dropped your gaze, ashamed in the knowledge that you heard Snoke berating him.

“I had feelings of… compassion for someone.” He admitted, he fiddles with nothing, taking any excuse not to look at you, out of sheer embarrassment.

“Compassion?” You asked, tentative, curious rather than mocking; a welcome change.


“Oh.” Everything comes back in full force, your fear, doubts, insecurities, and it must have shown on your face. You find yourself filled with awkward, uncomfortable disappointment, from the bottom of your feet to the top of your ears, weak, consolidating thoughts racing through your head at the prospect of being passed over for Phasma. Ren makes a noise of surprise; your thoughts are so loud without you even meaning to that it takes him barely any effort to hear them. He’s concerned. You can see it clearly when he goes to kiss you, and while you are confused, you won’t pass up the opportunity. Your lips touch his and you can hear his voice saying that it’s you, it’s always been you. It’s all passion and intensity, hands moving to pull each other closer, frantic gasping breaths stolen between kisses. Heart hammering in your chest, you take a moment to pull away, gasping for breath.

“If- if you love me, why did you treat me like a waste of time?” The question was unexpected and the way Ren cringes is more genuine than you were used to seeing - all of tonight’s activities were more; more genuine, more intense, more passionate - but the regret was clear and you smiled despite yourself.

“I was lead to believe that I was foolish, and I was; foolish to believe that Snoke would give me peace if I lied about my feelings, suppressed them.” His voice was low, contemplative rather than bitter, one of his hands still resting on the small of your back, securing you to this moment.

“It seems you had forgotten something.” You mused, and Kylo raising an intrigued eyebrow, smiling toying at the edges of his lips at the sound of your playful tone. “There is not peace, only passion.” You quoted, and you could see his eyes light up, startling a laugh out of him. You like his laugh, it’s warm and surprisingly kind. “I do listen, on occasion.” You begin, but your words are lost as he starts kissing you once more, not that you’re complaining.


Creating Art From Meaningless Trash with @elisainsua

To discover more of Elisa’s art, follow @elisainsua on Instagram.

(This interview was conducted in Spanish.)

Elisa Insua (@elisainsua) has a knack for transformation. The 25-year-old Argentinian has reinvented herself — from a business economics student to a visual artist — and she routinely transforms discarded objects. Elisa draws from religious and pop culture references to collage, using everything from plastic toys, beads and computer parts. Other times she covers three-dimensional objects, like, say, a Stormtrooper mask, in gold keys, chains and coins.

“Golden things have always fascinated me because they are closely related to the sacred and to power. Gold is the color that has long been synonymous with money,” says Elisa. “I think it’s the perfect color to reflect on issues such as ostentation and accumulation. I also associate gold and brightness with the aesthetics of American rap, which attracts and inspires me.”

Many of the materials Elisa uses are donated by friends and Instagram followers. “It’s that meaningless trash that people keep in their drawers and can be immortalized in a work of art,” she says.

Chapter Nineteen

A Conflicted New Home

Previous Chapter

Ship: Kylo Ren x Reader

Rating: M

You sat at the edge of your bed, watching Kylo as he quickly returned his clothes to his body. He pulled at the drawstrings of his pants, watching you as you quietly yanked your shirt back over your head. 

“I’ll be back,” he told you quietly, noticing your silence. “There are things that need attending to.” 

You hesitated, “Why do you have that scavenger-looking girl restrained? What did she do wrong?” 

Kylo turned to you as he slid his arms through his sleeves, “she has seen it.” 

“The map?” you asked astoundedly. “How?”

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Kylo Ren Imagine- Emotional

Falling in love with Kylo Ren was the easiest thing you have ever done, the hardest is watching him leave. Every day he goes about his business in the First Order, leaving you behind where he knows you are safe. Tears well in your eyes every time he fits that mask over his head, your heart drops as his ship flies off into the starry distance. Lately you have felt this growing ache in your chest as if a small piece of you is missing. 

You sit at the small table that faces the panel of a thousand flashing lights and buttons. Stormtroopers rush behind you, Hux’s helpers analyzing the data that is rolling across the screens. You twitch uncomfortably in the chair feeling completely out of place like a fish out of water. 

“(y/n).” General Hux turns toward you. 

“Yes?” You stand up. 

“Wouldn’t you be of better assistance elsewhere? I’m sure they could use you at the training station.” 

“I don’t really like it down there.”

“Whether you like it down there or not they always need help. You are just a distraction up here.” 

“Oh.” you sigh. 

You can feel the tension in your face grow as the heat rises in your face. Your vision blurs as you wander down the dark hallway, your feet echoing with each step. All you want to do is go to Kylo, but you hate to have him see you like this. You are always upbuilt and cheery around him, even if he is hurting. As the tears continue to fall down your rose skin you shuffle down the corridor into an empty room. The room is small, a case of broken stormtrooper masks sits on the dusty floor. 

“Get it together.” you whisper. 

Your words swirl into the empty room. In a time of need you always shield yourself from the ones you love, when what you really need is for someone to mend your broken heart. Most of the time you feel as if it would be better if you leave, but then you make eye contact with Kylo and his ebony eyes bring you back together. Taking the time to clean off the blood and dirt off the masks, you become distracted for a while. You know that these helmets won’t ever get used again but knowing that they were fixed at least makes you feel useful. The pile of helmets slowly dwindles as you clean each one throughly, leaving no dust or scratch uncleaned. Finally, you set the last on down and with a sniff you get up and wander back into the hallway. You come across Kylo’s room, his voice flowing through the cracks. Hesitantly you grab the door knob and without giving it a second thought you swing the door wide open, entering which catches Kylo’s attention. 

“(y/n)?” he squints at you. 

“Hi.” your voice croaks. 

You avoid eye contact for as long as possible. You know he can see that your eyes are puffy from crying, and your cheeks glisten from the tears. He takes one step closer to you but decides against touching you. 

“Are you alright?” 

“What are you doing?” 

“Getting ready to leave. (y/n) what’s going on?”

“Gosh I’m so stupid. I should have known that you were leaving. I should have checked before I came here.”

“You look upset. Have you been crying?” 

That is what set you off. Your eyes finally locked when he said that and it’s as if someone unscrewed something inside of you and all your emotions went loose. You slide down to the floor, your skin hitting the cold tile. Tears once again fall down your face, but you block the sight by burying your head into your knees. 

“Hey now.” 

Kylo walks over to you and takes your hand in his, pulling your limp body up off of the ground. You burry your head against his shoulder as his arms snake around your back. Your body shakes in his grip, so he grips tighter to let you know that he is there. 

“I shouldn’t have come.” you whisper in-between sobs. 

“It’s ok.” 

For a moment you collect yourself letting the silence swirl around. Slowly your eyes run out of tears to shed and all you can do is breath in harshly. You take a step back and look deep into Kylo’s eyes, letting your emotions fill the air. 

“What happened?” he breaks the silence. 

“I just had a bad day.”

“This looks more that just a bad day (y/n).” he frowns. 

When he talks his voice is low and husky. His words are always so directed. 

“I don’t know anymore. I’ve just felt to misplaced here and then Hux told me I’m a distraction. I’m really sorry that I bothered you, I won’t do it again and..” you are cut off. 

“Hux told you that you are a distraction?”

You can see the anger growing in his eyes like someone lit a flame. The muscles in his jaw tense up as he grits his teeth in an attempt to suppress his temper. 

“It’s not a big deal.” you bite down on your cracked lip.

“Not a big deal? This is a big deal (y/n). Don’t you ever think that that is true!”

“But isn’t it? Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be here, like you would be better off without me.”

“What makes you say those absurd things?” 

“I just hold you back. Like tonight. You were supposed to leave and I impeded the process.  I got in the way of your mission. You should have just gone. I’m sorry.” you ramble on. 

“You did not hold me back. I stayed for you because I wanted to do. Now stop thinking like that. I will talk with General Hux.”

“Oh no please don’t! I don’t want him to know that I am upset. I didn’t even want you to know.” 

“(y/n) I want to know when you are upset. I’m here for you, I hope you know that.” He tucks a small piece of hair that fell out of your braid behind your ear. 

For the first time in a while you feel like your heart is all in one piece. You don’t feel like your emotions are on the cusp of exploding. Being in Kylo’s arms is where you belong, where you feel whole. You inhale deeply and let everything out, all of your inner turmoil now scattered about. 

“I am so lucky to have met you.” you smile up at him. 

“There is that smile that I fell in love with.” 

He presses his lips to the tender spot on your forehead. You grab his hand, sliding your slender finger in-between his.