Alright, Clue Crew, here it is- the villain ranking nobody asked for! This was harder than expected, and I tried to make a logical way of ordering things, but who am I to judge who was the best ne’er-do-well? If you have any questions about my ranking, want an explanation, or just want to yell at me, shoot me an ask.
HERE WE GO:
33. SCK- Mitch Dillon
Do I remember much about this guy? No, no I do not. I remember that he was a drug dealer and wasn’t in most of the game, so I never felt anything towards him. That being said, he did kill a high school student, so I wouldn’t mess with him. As far as character development goes, I give him an F. Sorry not sorry Mitch.
32. MED- Sonny Joon? Or Kiri??? Who tf knows???
The real culprits of MED are the people who thought this game was a good idea. All jokes aside, I don’t know if I want to list Sonny Joon as a villain, because he’s been such a cool character that has reappeared (but never actually appeared) throughout the games. I don’t like how they introduced him- a game show? Really? It sounds fun in theory, but it doesn’t logically lead to finding that Annunaki shit he was looking for, in my mind at least. He could have easily found Nancy (they have enough mutual friends by now) and been like “Hey what’s up hello I wanna find this shit help me out”. Anyway, I think his character design for the game was sloppy- they spent so much time hyping this guy up over the course of the games, and then we meet this purple-haired guy who only speaks in riddles that try to make him sound edgy? That’s like half of the people on tumblr (no offense to tumblr lol). This game lowkey pisses me off, and they could do better with Sonny’s character. As for Kiri, she was just kinda there until the end when she was like “lol okay i’ll be the bad guy in this competition” no thanks.
31. SCK: R- Detective Beech
I was hesitant to put this game into the mix, but it’s only fair, because it has a different ending than the original SCK. Detective Beech seemed weird from the get-go, but I wasn’t ready for him to pull a fucking gun on Nancy. And if you choose the wrong things, he will legitimately kill you, and it’s extreme. It was cool that they changed the ending, but let’s get real here, when they said there would be a different ending and then Detective Beech showed up, did anyone not think “yeah it’ll probably be him”. There were enough turns to get me to doubt a bit, but it was pretty obvious. So, yeah, points for pulling a gun on Nancy, deductions for being obvious.
30. TRT- Lisa Ostrum
Oh, Lisa- what a chatty character. She literally never shuts up in the final tower scene, and then decides to momentarily incapacitate Nancy for her big escape instead of trying something more permanent. That pepper spray had the most extra name ever, like you could have just said “pepper spray” to get the message across. Also- since everyone is snowed in, she wouldn’t have anywhere to go once she got away. Flawed plan aside, she always bugged me. Sorry Lisa, take your catchphrases and bobblehead somewhere else.
29. CLK- Jane Willoughby
CLK is fine as a game, and I love the aesthetic, but it’s not one of my favorites. I thought Jane was an okay villain, with identity theft and attempted robbery and all that jazz, but she doesn’t really stick out in my mind, save for the plethora of “you betcha”s. The endgame was also weird to me- I wouldn’t expect a game set in the 1930’s to end in a car chase that causes a pie explosion, but less believable things have happened to Nancy Drew. I don’t hate Jane as a villain, but this game came right after some really stellar games- some of my favorites (DDI, SHA, and CUR)- so I can see why this one felt a little flat to me. Jane’s plan was actually pretty good, and it’s something that couldn’t be pulled off today as easily as in the 30s, so props to her.
28. STFD- Dwayne Powers
I honestly have mixed feelings about Dwayne because of everything that has transpired with his character, but attempting murder out of jealousy? That’s extreme, and I feel like it was a well-done crime, all things considered. Plus, I didn’t notice until after playing the game a few times that Owen W. Spayder is an anagram for Dwayne Powers. Very sneaky, HeR. While I’ll cover Dwayne in RAN later, I do think that he would be one to seek revenge, so his return almost made sense to me.
27. SSH- Taylor Sinclair
This guy seemed overly nice from the beginning. Cookies from Oaxaca? You know he’s hiding something. He was too nice to make me feel comfortable when talking to him, and locking Nancy in a grave with a corpse? Eek, no thanks. I’m kinda peeved that we never got to really catch him, because while we were trying to get out of that stone death chamber, Taylor was captured, Henrik regained his memory, AND all the other characters decided to get all chummy with each other. Pretty convenient ending, if you ask me.
26. RAN- Dwayne Powers (again)
Oh god, here we go. RAN is not a loved game by most of the Clue Crew (there are some outliers who like it, no shame to them), but in all honesty, I liked that they brought back an old villain. I don’t like this game at all, and I think they could have done something waaaay more creepy with a returning villain (it’s clear Dwayne has been tracking Nancy- he could have played so many mind games with her regarding past cases), but yeah, bringing back Dwayne wasn’t a terrible idea at all, they just went about it wrong. His nefarious acts were more villainous to me in this game for whatever reason- maybe it was his hiding in plain sight (or hiding Bess in plain sight for that matter), or his strategic planning that showed just how far he’d go to get revenge. It makes sense that he got away tbh- I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw him again. If we do, can I ask HeR to make that one extra scary- he could set up a series of events that play out like all her past cases leading up to that one, and make references only she could know about, and damn this is a good idea someone hire me.
25. HAU- Fiona, like kinda
Can I put Fiona down as the culprit here? Like, yeah, she kidnapped a guy and pushed Nancy down a hole and caused some havoc, but she’s also a feral old woman on a jet pack, so is it her fault she’s this way?? Who’s the real culprit of this game, a society that will accept this and say “ah fuck it she’s a banshee that dude’s gone pass the non-alcoholic drinks”? Anyway. While I like HAU and it’s quirky puzzles and charming atmosphere and gorgeous music, that ending is so out of left field it’s kind of funny to me- like suddenly the game just goes “HERE HAVE AN OLD WOMAN GIVE YOU A JUMP SCARE THEN SOLVE A HARD CHEMICAL PUZZLE”- it seems so out of place to me, but it made for a relatively pleasant ending for all, so no harm done, I guess?
24. TRN- Lori Gerard
Lori is another villain that doesn’t stick out to me, because I honestly see her as an accidental villain. I don’t think she wanted to hurt Nancy, I just think she wanted to prove everyone wrong and show herself as a smart and capable woman. However, the way she went about it wasn’t cool, so yeah, villain status for her. I thought her disappearing act was clever, and her character as a whole is hilarious to me, so she’s not on the rotten side of villains in my perspective. Lori is dramatic as hell and super spoiled so that always makes for an entertaining character, and it wasn’t SUPER obvious that they would make the hostess the culprit, so she’s not too high on the list, but it doesn’t make her bad. Honestly, she and Tino Balducci deserve each other.
23. CRE- Mike Mapu
Big. Island. Mike. The man, the myth, the legend. The Clue Crew’s fascination with this character will never cease to amuse me. And yet, while I think he’s a fine character, I’m not thrilled by his role as a villain. His reveal at the end just seemed so…anticlimactic? And he seemed to quickly change his mind? One minute he was all “we have angered Kane Okala oh nooooo” and then the next he’s like “y’all can die for all I care” and peaces tf out of the volcano or wherever they were. This whole game was just very “eh” for me. Big Island Mike is a great meme, and good on him for going all “fuck you” to capitalism and whatnot, but I wasn’t thrilled by his ENDLESS parade of chores and the random-ass snowcone guessing game annoyed me more than Fox & Geese (hard to believe). Still, I’d stay at Mike’s resort if I went to Hawaii, because I think he’d be a fun guy.
22. ICE- Yanni Volkstaia
Now, I don’t want to come right out and say that ICE was made in the Cold-War era as a thinly-veiled anti-USSR game, but nobody’s believing that Yanni is really from “motherland Fredonia”, amiright? All jokes aside, I like ICE as a game (with the exception of fox and geese jfc), and the ending had you believing there was a different villain every minute (or like, every five minutes), but I was kind of disappointed that one of the wisest, most intriguing characters in the whole game was the villain. That being said, if you go back and play the game, you can see how Yanni is constantly talking about how wolves are bad omens and this one is a sign of evil aaaaaaaah and it makes sense that he’s trying to get people away from the lodge that way. Also, this guy is a pro athlete. Do you really want me to believe that Nancy Drew can run him off the snow and force him to confess??
21. TOT- Scott Varnell
TOT is kind of a breath of fresh air as a low-stakes internship simulator where you can run stoplights and take pictures of clouds and trap mice a thousand times. That being said, I don’t feel threatened by Scott, so he seems like a more casual villain to me, if that makes any sense. Nancy kind of inadvertently saves his life, right? Like kind of? So I’m pretty chill with this whole game and with Scott- at the end of the game, it really feels like nothing big was lost, but nothing big was gained, which is honestly a nice break from the mindset of “do this or you DIE BY THE HANDS OF THE VILLAIN”
20. FIN- Joseph Hughes
Why does Nancy trust this guy so much throughout the game??? It annoys me to no end that she tells him e v e r y t h i n g. But really, I couldn’t help but feel bad for this guy. You find out that his brother died, so he might be in denial or in the early stages of dementia. Still, he kidnapped Maya, and almost got her and Nancy killed (whether that was intentional or not), and that last scene with him when Nancy was trying to tell him what was really going on was terrifying to me when I was younger. He seemed sorry though, so he’s not a ~hardcore villain~ in my eyes.
19. DAN- Minette
I feel like making Minette the villain was a really predictable move, but there needs to be a predictable character every once in awhile, right? I loved her erratic and aggressive character, but the endgame was so weird to me that it kind of spoiled the game for me. However, I liked that HeR made Minette a designer for plus-sized women, and that plot to bug the First Lady’s dress? Clever. The ending with blocking Minette’s attacks will forever confuse me- it seemed very out of left field and honestly, I want Nancy to beat someone up, not just block their sound-specific hits. I was also disappointed about Minette’s reason for her mask- they couldn’t have tried a little harder and made it some botched plastic surgery or something??
18. WAC- Corine Myers
The roommate trope! Love it or hate it, it’s here. I have mixed feelings about WAC- I generally like it, but the characters’ oversized eyes bug me to no end, and I feel like there could be a little more Edgar Allen Poe mixed in there, but overall it’s a solid game. I can’t stand some of the characters- Leela is so fucking annoying (I think it’s her voice that gets to me), and the twin reveal makes absolutely no sense (how’re you gonna live two lives if you only have documentation for one person??), but they’re not the villains, so I’ll gloss over that. Corine had a well-thought-out plan and stuck to it, even though she came close to killing a few people. She’s a wickedly smart girl, and she knows it, and I think that’s what made her so dangerous. Also, did Corine not go to jail for what she did? I get that she’s a minor, but she caused some real damage to these people. Whatever- I don’t think she’d come for Nancy for revenge, but I wouldn’t want to room with her again.
17. TMB- Abdullah Bakhoum
I’ve loved learning about Ancient Egypt since I was little, so TMB was really fun for me. I liked Abdullah as a villain- it certainly made sense why he did what he did- but again, it felt a little obvious. He’s too self-centered and abrasive to let anyone else get that much attention, even an unnamed villain. Anyway, I think TMB gets a lot of flack for being forgettable, and yeah I can understand that, but it’s a solid game and that end puzzle was really fun for me, so I’m still rooting for this game!
16. MHM- Louis Chandler
Louis is a pretty tame villain, in my opinion. I love MHM, but I never felt like the villain in that game was out to hurt me. If anything, I was more worried about the mansion itself, because I still believe that it was actually haunted (fucked me up as a kid). Still, he did a good job of trying to steal the treasure, so props to him. He did kind of creep me out, and it always bugged me that he kicked Nancy out of the mansion for literally reading the same book he read.
15. ASH- Brenda Carlton
Brenda Carlton is so fucking annoying to me, let’s get that out of the way. She’s such a slimy reporter that will do anything to get the story she wants (she is willing to dress up as Nancy and set a historic building on fire just to ruin one person’s reputation jfc). I’m starting to notice a theme of pettiness with these villains, tbh. Anyway, I commend her dedication to her cause, that’s something I can always respect, but if Nancy Drew can solve your crime from a jail cell, is it really that airtight of a plan?? Tbh I think the reason why I dislike Brenda so much is that she somehow gets everyone to turn on Nancy, a girl that has helped countless people and has a shining reputation. Also she takes advantage of Ned, who is a naive sweet boy and he doesn’t deserve that!! I really like ASH, and bringing down Brenda is so satisfying, but I can’t rank her much higher due to my bias.
14. CAR- Elliot Chen
Right off the bat- being strangled by Elliot was traumatizing, like holy shit are these games really intended for children??? Now that I got that out of the way, I liked Elliot’s subtle actions that sent Nancy off the case- helping her with Joy’s different riddles so she wouldn’t look into the accidents both played into the plot and supposedly threw you “off the case”- although it ended up helping you in the end. Also, props to Elliot for using his talents to make forged art- I’m not saying I agree with it, but if I were a starving artist (and with my major, I’m on that track) I would get where he was coming from.
13. VEN- Helena Berg
It’s always the fun roommate with these games, isn’t it? Anyway, I think it’s cool how Helena gets all chummy with you then turns out to be il Dottore, but in all honesty, it didn’t come as a surprise to me. It did seem kind of weird that in a game set in Italy, the German is the culprit- I don’t see where they were going with that one. And that final chase scene on the map was soooooo pointless- it could have tested some actual skill picked up in the game, like dancing in a cat suit. Nancy and Helena could have had a dance-off, but nooooooo. Also, the puzzle at the end. No. Tbh Helena wasn’t that memorable to me, but good for her for having a crime ring, sothereyougo.
12. SPY- Ewan Macleod
Right off the bat- who in their right minds takes a letter a dead woman wrote to her only daughter and takes notes on it??????? That makes Ewan at least five types of rude. Anyway, I liked how you start the game on his side and he’s all “oh I’m just here to help tell me what you find and we’ll get this together” and at the end it’s like “haha SIKE BITCH I work for the other group”. That being said, I don’t think Ewan is very high-up in Revenant because Nancy could have easily killed him (though idk if she would kill anyone… that’d be an interesting concept to look into in future games). Still, I like Ewan as a character and a villain, but maybe that’s because I like SPY so much. It’s an emotional game- she’s literally looking into the death of her own mother- and while I don’t like parts of it (Nancy was like 3 when her mom died okay not 10 don’t tell me otherwise), I think Ewan was just enough villain for a game so invested in the past.
11. CRY- Renee Amande
One of the few villains that is truly completely off their rocker, I didn’t realize until my second playthrough that Renee probably killed Bruno Bolet with some of that voodoo hoodoo whatever you call it. I love CRY and it’s ambience, and I think Renee fit right in with the aesthetic. Also, you can eat all her chocolate and make Nancy hella sick, which is always a plus in my book. The way I see it, tbh, you can play CRY one of two ways: either you can believe that Renee is completely crazy, or you can suspend your disbelief (which is fun for a few of these games) and believe in this crystal skull magic, which makes Renee far more powerful and terrifying. Either way, she was willing to lock Nancy in a crypt and throw away the key, so this woman was willing to do whatever it took to get this damn crystal.
And heeeeeeere’s the top 10!
10. SEA- Soren Bergusson
Poor, sad, villainous Soren. Nobody likes him so he plans to steal some treasure and possibly kill some people in the process. In all honesty, I liked Soren as a friend and suspect, and I understand why he hates everyone in Skipbrot: they all hated him first just because he grew up a bit out of town. While I sympathize with him, he was willing to let Nancy and Magnus just kinda die- like I don’t think he really cared what happened to them. That’s not the way to make friends, Soren! He had a solid plan going- he essentially let Nancy do all the puzzle-solving and hard work, which kind of happens in every Nancy Drew game when there’s treasure involved. I really like SEA, even the sideplot about Ned and Nancy (attack me all you want), so I think Soren is an understandable and solid villain. I especially like how you can choose if he gets a hard punishment or a more gentle one. Also, is it confirmed that Soren was the cause of that screaming heard in the ice caves? Does anyone have an explanation for that? Pls let me know k thx.
9. DED- Victor Lossett
Most phone characters stay in the phone, but not this guy. He feels it necessary to arrive on the scene halfway through gameplay and turn Nancy’s suspicions on their head. Iconic. Honestly, Victor had the right idea by subtly hinting that other suspects could be guilty, and I love that HeR made the very guy that hired Nancy be the culprit. It was a refreshing twist on the games! Victor straight-up is not against frying Nancy to a crisp at the end there, whereas some villains try to kill her in less painful ways or even just incapacitate her. While I can’t forgive him for killing Niko Jovic, one of the raddest characters we never get to meet, I applaud his villainous works. You go, Victor. You go.
8. DDI- Andy Jason
And here we see another wonderfully-made double persona in the form of Andy. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t try to kill Nancy on that whale-watching tour, but his front as a marine life geek who yells “Whales rule!” at you is pretty convincing. I was also impressed at the lengths he went to in order to frame Katie (he even tied her to a chair to make her look evil!!), and his nefarious acts hide as three separate mysteries. I hope that hit to the head messed with his memory, because he’d definitely come for Nancy if he got out of jail imo. I like Andy, although he kinda acts like in the end he sold his soul to the devil to run this crime-rig. Also, he got this orca from the Russian military- I wanted more on that, that’s wicked! I definitely think DDI happens when HeR is figuring out what makes a good villain, and while they miss the mark in later games, I think this one was pretty appropriate for its time- and I love replaying it, the atmosphere and villain and endless clam chowder really tie together nicely.
7. DOG- Emily Griffin
DOG wasn’t a scary game in the typical sense, because there really weren’t any jump-scares that made you freak, aside from the dogs in the beginning. However, the ambience made me feel like someone was watching me, and knowing that one of these nice, quirky people was trying to kill me shows the psychological games DOG played. I really think this was the beginning of HeR unlocking their potential for terrifying sequences, and they begin to show off in later games. Also, while MHM and TRT had some ambience, this was the first one that really gave me ~vibes~ that added to the game. FIN and SSH kinda did, but still. With all of that in mind, Emily is super creepy to me- knowing that she could do all of those things and keep a facade of a chipper shop owner shows how two-faced people can be. That endgame was so terrifying- how did Nancy manage to get a picture of Emily coming after her with a random-ass bone?? Also, I loved her little cameo in DAN.
6. CAP- Anja Mittelmeier
Alright. I’m not crazy about CAP, but someone recently pointed out to me that it echoes past games (not sure how, but it makes me want to give it a second look), so I like it well enough. That being said, I really think Anja is a great villain here. She poses herself as a “let’s talk about guys and I can give you advice” kind of person, someone Nancy can relate to, especially with her guy troubles in this game. Not only that, but Anja purposefully piques Nancy’s interest by feigning concern at first, being all “oh, I don’t know if I should tell you this” to make her more interested. A+ psychology right there. While I’m not totally sure most people would go to this much trouble over one guy, I applaud Anja’s pettiness and readiness for revenge. Speaking of which, I have a sneaking suspicion we haven’t seen the last of her. Her last line was ominous as hell and I loved it. I’m here for more Anja screentime (gametime? What’s the phrase here?)
5. LIE- Literally everyone in that dang museum
I love Greek mythology, so I have a bone to pick with LIE. FIRST OFF- there was no Labyrinth in the story of Persephone, y’all are thinking about the fucking Minotaur. SECOND OFF- that stage made no sense (I made a post about it earlier, salt salt salt). I’m not gonna spend this time talking about my problems with LIE, so I’ll leave it at those two examples. Problems aside, I thought having all the suspects be a part of the art theft rig was… kinda cool? And I like the characters by themselves: Niobe is sweet and unsure about her part in the group, Grigor is a classic narcissistic actor (I can relate to that 100% lol), Thanos is intimidating but under the surface… he’s still intimidating, and Xenia HOLY SHIT. Like in that last part with the throne in the underworld won me over for her. She could come to my place of residence and beat me up and I would thank her (honestly same for Thanos too). I like the mix of less into the crime-y stuff (Niobe and Grigor) to a whole ‘nother level of criminal (Xenia and Thanos). Also you know Thanos is coming back with the people that helped him escape- I’m looking forward to it. So, yeah. Not my favorite game, but I love the villains here, and I think they did a pretty stellar job.
4. CUR- Jane Penvellyn
CUR is a favorite of mine- it gave me legitimate nightmares as a kid and I was scared to finish it for a long time. I love how there are miniscule clues scattered around the game pointing to Jane- the subplot about her deceased guinea pig proving her dishonesty (and I think the guinea pig might have died from Jane testing either the hair growth or the pills on it, but who knows), and Jane’s dialogue always trying to steer you away from an answer (she’s always like “I don’t want to talk about this” like okay let’s play skull and bones you macabre child). This is one of my favorite storylines because it’s so well developed and thought-out, and making the child a culprit was such a good move in my opinion. Jane’s got a bright future if she was clever enough to do all of that on her own. However, I think Jane should have gotten a punishment more severe than a strict talk from her father- maybe some family therapy or losing her game privileges or something?? She could have really hurt Linda like jesus don’t give people random-ass pills. Still, brilliant planning and performance on her part, and brilliant writing and execution on HeR’s part.
3. SHA- Shorty Thurmond
Listen, I love SHA so much- it was one of the first games I played, the book version will forever hold a place on my bookshelf, and the backstory of Frances and Dirk is iconic in the Nancy Drew world. So, since I had read the book, I knew that Shorty was the villain from the start of the game, but that didn’t stop me from liking him as a character. He gossips to invite suspicion about other characters and is generally a hilarious character to talk to. That makes the endgame so much more dramatic and urgent when he reveals himself as the culprit and actively comes for you. Also, I will never forgive him for the ENDLESS chores or the “heeeeere’s shorty”. It might be bias, but I gotta put Shorty high on the list just because I love SHA and his character is no exception. Excellent planning, quality execution, and he almost got away with it (I mean, all of them almost do). I kind of wish that it was more like the book tho, because he had a little group working for him and he could imitate animal calls that they used to pull off sabotage- still an excellent villain, but some more book stuff would have been cool too.
2. GTH- Clara Thornton
One of the many reasons I love GTH so much is that there’s no real clear villain. Sure, you can blame Clara for Charlotte’s death, but after looking into all the rich and subtle history of the Thornton family, I don’t think I want to blame Clara. And who’s to blame for Jessalyn’ disappearance? Jessalyn? But I digress on that point. Let’s say Clara is the villain- she is a fully-dimensional, multi-faceted character that has as many demons as any other character in this game. The ending of GTH is one of my favorites because you can choose what happens to the supposed “villain”- she can “disappear” and presumably die, making a full circle from Charlotte’s death, or she can be saved, breaking the vicious Thornton family cycle that took so many ancestors. I could go on and on about GTH and what it means to me, but I won’t bore you all. Let me just say: I don’t think there is a real villain in this game, I think the blame can be placed just a little bit on everyone, even Nancy if you’re not careful.
And drumroll please for my top villain thus far!!!
1. SAW- Rentaro Aihara
First thing, SAW still has me shook to this day- I will not look in a mirror at night because of this game and everyone here knows why. As if SAW weren’t creepy enough, replaying this gives me even more of the creeps because of Rentaro’s character. Part of me wants to like him, because he’s socially awkward and gives Nancy puzzles because he knows she likes them, but let’s break this down: he is pushing for Miwako to close her family’s business so she can move with him to the city, which she doesn’t like that much, and after he upsets her to tears, he gives her gifts to make her like him again. I’m no expert, but that is not what a healthy relationship should look like. Also, he tries to kill Nancy (more than once if I’m not mistaken), and his only punishment is that Miwako dumps him? Blegh, he’s a creepy guy who tries to scare you away and earn your trust. Try as I might, I cannot like this guy as a character- though he makes for a great villain. Rentaro- abusive boyfriend, tries to kill people, doesn’t really get punished for anything- shit, was he actually sorry at the end or was he faking it????? We may never know.
So there you have it, clue crew! Did I piss anyone off? Was I wrong? Will MID have an amazing villain that questions my tentative order of villains? Will MID ever come out? Let me know!
you were excited because today you and luke were going to disneyland. You’ve been looking forward to it ever since he came home from tour. You arrived and luke could tell you were excited for the day. “This is your day whatever you want to do babygirl.” All day you and luke rode rides, ate all kinds of food, and chased down disney characters because you wanted pictures with them. The day was winding down and it was finally time for the fireworks in the front of the castle. Luke pulled you in to him and you snuggled into his chest watching the fireworks display in front of the castle. He knew he didn’t want to be anywhere else then here with his favorite girl. Driving back home, at a stoplight luke took a picture of you asleep beside him exhausted from the day and posted it on Twitter with a caption: “@Luke5SOS: Spent the day with my favorite girl and I couldn’t have it any other way.”