1-WHERE ARE YOU?
In L.A., which is roughly 9000 miles west of Rawtenstall. You can’t miss it.
2-WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 YEARS AGO?
Planning 15 more Smiths albums
3-WHAT WAS THE WORST THING ABOUT BEING 15?
Being emotionally sodomised by “teachers” at St. Mary’s School in Stretford
4-DID ANYTHING GOOD EVER HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE 15?
Yes, I stopped crying for half an hour
5-WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO NOW?
Viva Hate by Morrissey. What a lovely voice. Why doesn’t he have his own tea-time telly show?
6-WHAT’S THE BEST RECORD OF THE LAST 15 YEARS?
Oh stop it, you’re making me blush. Otherwise, I loved Born To Quit by The Smoking Popes, and When I Was Born For The 7th Time by Cornershop
7-WHAT’S BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE LAST 15 YEARS?
Foot and mouth. We told you so. You wouldn’t listen. Watch BSE become the new AIDS. Otherwise, watching Elton John publicly metamorphose into Christopher Biggins. Our sympathies go directly to Christopher Biggins.
8-WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 15 YEARS TIME?
Sitting in a pub saying “I could’ve been Elvis”
9-WHAT’S THE STRANGEST STORY YOU’VE EVER HEARD ABOUT YOURSELF?
That I’m racist. It’s a bit like the notion that Tony Blair is a worthy Prime Minister - it could never be substantiated
10-WHAT’S YOUR PERSONAL MOTTO?
Why put off today what you can wiggle out of tomorrow?
11-HOW DO YOU KEEP BUSY THESE DAYS?
I have a very demanding cat
12-DO YOU THINK THE SMITHS ARE OVERRATED?
Probably. But are you going to tell me that the Rolling Stones aren’t?
13-DID YOU HAVE ANY SAY IN THE RELEASE OF THIS YEARS’ THE SMITHS’ GREATEST HITS?
None at all. I’ve never been involved in any post-Rough Trade UK release, so it’s distressing when people attribute those awful WEA sleeves to me - the hellish things I’m forced to suffer… this latest one must really be the final nail: horrific sleeve, title misspelt on artwork, wrong publishing information… I had to buy the CD on import in order to hear the remastering! I cried. Remarkably, no one at Warner Music was sacked! I believe it reached number 31? Too high, if you ask me.
14-IS ROCK MUSIC CRYING OUT FOR A NEW SMITHS?
No. The past is dead boys.
15-HOW ARE YOU WEARING THE HAIR THESE DAYS?
Fashionably close to the head
16-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF RADIOHEAD?
I don’t know why they don’t just call themselves The Edgar Broughton Band and get it over with
17-CAN YOU SUM UP THE LAST 15 YEARS IN ONE WORLD?
18-CAN WE EXPECT A NEW MORRISSEY ALBUM SOON?
Yes. Can I expect a dreadful review from Q? Yes, oh the rhythm of life… (x)