stop the whaling

anonymous asked:

Tell me about your weird elves

they start as little anglerfish babies until they’re thirty and their skin sloughs off and their teeth fall out and once they’re done molting they can walk on land with small bodies and long tails and long ears and teeth still sharp but not quite so drastic until tailfall when they’re seventy and they finally start looking like humans - shorter ears and squarer teeth but eyes still black and unsettling - and those are their wandering years, the century they can travel among men until they start to grow horns and have to go back into hiding in the secret cities of elves.

they age like lobsters, getting bigger all the time, getting slower, until they’re so big and so slow that plants grow on them and they barely move at all. they reproduce by stealing away genetic material to keep in storage in weird organs near their throats and when an elf gets in a fight and licks the blood from their knife it means something very different and when an elf is aroused they can’t eat and pretend it’s because they don’t like the food. then when an elf gets big enough all the material they’ve collected over their lifetime goes into outgrowths that burst from their skin as horrifying little merfolk.

a human finds elfspawn and the elves say “yeah that’s a weird mermaid” and the humans find a hissing little tailed elf and the elves say “that’s a gnome” and the humans find someone breaking into rooms to drink the blood of pretty women and the elves say “that’s actually just a weird dead human” and the humans find a huge horned elf and the elves say “that’s an orc” and the humans find an even bigger one and the elves say “probably a troll” and the humans find an elf so big they’re covered in plantlife and the elves say “that’s an ent” because humans breed so quickly and there are so many of them and they kill so much and they have such strange rules about when it’s okay to kill people and there are so few elves by comparison that they have all agreed en masse that humans must believe that elves are just like humans so that they can be friends.

elves aren’t allowed to be wild and feral and any elf who breaks the rules is considered fair game whether they knew the rules or not, because they put every other elf in danger. elven cities are massive with great big towers but each tower holds just one huge elf and no human is ever allowed to enter and discover that the population is under one hundred instead of the thousands they assume. elves don’t laugh because the laugh is the hardest part of the accent to get rid of, laughing like dolphins long after they’ve managed to stop singing like whales. elves don’t touch, because humans have rules about how siblings are allowed to touch but the way elves breed makes it hard for them to understand what kinds of touching are acceptable in what contexts and it’s easier and safer to just never do it than risk letting humans think elves are breaking their taboos. elves put on airs, because if they do it just right then humans will defer to them in the same way they do their own upper classes and they won’t ask too many questions or look too closely. elves have undertones of blue or of green but if they don’t look enough like what an elf is supposed to be they’re called half-elves because it’s easier than explaining the truth.

they trade in magical reagants that grow on their elders and wear sleeves over the tips of their ears and collect momentos of their travels like charm beads and never teach their language to outsiders so outsiders never know when they’re talking shit. they’re foul-mouthed and violent and like to eat crickets and sometimes they start wars because the alternative is explaining to their human allies that actually their city was destroyed because grandpa decided to try to go for a walk and they had to eat him, and it’s always easier to blame other different humans that the friendly humans already hate.

tl;dr they’re awful

If only he knew that there’s literally millions of girls out there who’d do anything to ride his dick. 🙄😂

A whale of a breach! 

Weighing 40 tons doesn’t stop humpback whales from being incredibly acrobatic. Each winter, more than 10,000 humpback whales journey to Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary to mate, calve, and raise their young. While in Hawai‘i, they fast, not eating until they return north for the summer. 

These graceful whales are a blast to watch, but make sure to always give them plenty of space! 

(Photo: Ed Lyman/NOAA, under NOAA permit #14682)


Humpback whales | Drone footage off Maui


A Family Addition for Captain Swan

A Canon Divergent set sometime in the future after Emma and Killian are married.   A series of one-shots centering around a CS pregnancy.  Pregnant -Emma’s POV - here, Pregnant - Killian’s POV - here, First Doctor’s Visit - Emma’s POV - here, First Doctor’s Visit- Killian’s POV - here, Heartbeat - Emma’s POV - here, Heartbeat - Killian’s POV - here ; First Movement - here; Ultrasound - here.   Cravings - here

Pregnant - Emma’s POV   AO3

Word Count - ~3700              Rating - K

There are some things in every woman’s life that she just knows.  Things like if it’s going to be a good hair day if certain pants make your butt look big, or when the only thing that will hit the spot is a piece of chocolate.

There are also certain things about a woman’s body that you know when they are off and when you need to start asking yourself questions and no longer blame the fact that they are off because of the magical disarray that is your life.  Questions like how long have things been off?  Or how careful have you and your pirate husband been about protection?  And most importantly asking yourself when you are going to get the courage up to just take a test and get the answers to said questions?  All of this and more were running through her mind as Emma showered, dressed, kissed her boys goodbye and drove away from their home by the sea.

When Emma opened the door to Granny’s the smell of frying bacon and percolating coffee hit her in the face, causing her throat to tighten and her stomach to roll.  “Breathe deeply, in through the mouth, slowly out through the nose,” she murmured softly as she made her way to the back booth where her mother waited for her.   "Get something into your stomach fast,“ she continued just as she reached her mom and baby brother and slid across the seat.

"Emma, I’m so happy you could meet me this morning.”

“Sure, mom, I’m starving where’s the waitress?”

Snow frowned at the anxious tone in Emma’s voice, “Here she comes now. Go ahead and order honey.”

Emma looked up into the expectant face of Candy or Mandy, one of the Hubbard twins, she wasn’t sure which as she could never tell them apart.

“Good morning ladies, what can I get you?”

Instead of ordering her usual, Emma looked down at the menu, “I’m starving.  I’ll have a three- egg omelet with ham, cheese, peppers and mushrooms, a glass of orange juice, a short stack of pancakes with butter-rich maple syrup and a bowl of strawberries with whipped cream.” She finished her order, shut her menu and looked up into the face of her mother who was sitting there with her mouth hanging open.

“Emma,” she hesitated, “did you just order for the table?”

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Lex Luthor Imagine

A lot of you wanted a Lex Luthor smut imagine so here you go. Hope you like it.


-In this imagine Lex and [the reader] are married and already have kids. They just moved in to a new house.


-Contains SMUT

“Look at this, Lex. My underwear looks sad I really need to go shopping for new underwear.” You comment staring at your reflection in the mirror.

“Well, yours is sad and mine seems to be very, thanks to you.” He giggles.

“Dork.” You say to him and throw yourself on the mattress.

“Dork?! I’m the dork? Excuse me ma'am but you’re the one with the “sad underwear” problem.“ He complains playfully, resting his body on top of yours.

“Shut up and take those pants off already.” You laugh at him.

He kisses your neck and starts pulling off his pants when suddenly the door bursts open, revealing your 6 year old son, Alex.

“Woah, woah, woah! Hang in there, son.” Lex says, rapidly putting his pants back on and you sit up.

“What is it, sweetheart?” You ask Alex.

“There’s a monster in my closet, mommy.”

“Stay right here, babe. I’ll be right back.” Lex says and leaves the room.

Once they’re inside your son’s room, Lex checks underneath his bed and his closet, letting him know there was nothing in there.

“There’s nothing to worry about, buddy.” Lex shakes the little one’s hair.

“But daddy I can’t sleep alone. Can you stay with me?” He asks his father.

“Of course, big boy.” Lex says, picking him up and placing him on his bed before drifting into sleep.

-The Next Day-

“Hey, I’m sorry about yesterday.” Lex tells you.

“Why, baby?” You ask him, confused.

“I told you I was coming back but I fell asleep.” He admits covering his face with his hands, embarrassed.

“It’s okay sweetie you were tired and you did it for Alex.” You smile, placing your hand on his cheek.

“Do you like it here?” He asks you.

“Yeah, I’m very happy here. What about you?”

“You know if you’re happy I’m happy.” He answers pecking your lips.

“I’m kinda worried about Alex, though.” He adds.

“Yeah, I don’t think he likes it here, but he’ll get used to it. You know changes can be difficult for kids.”

After a couple of seconds, he finally breaks the silence.

“Well, the kid’s at school now and there’s a couple of things we could do…”

“Like, what?” You ask, biting your lip.

“Oh, you know lik–”

“Like, this?”

You cut him off by pushing him gently onto the bed and climbing on top of him. You take off your bra and kiss him slowly, savoring each other’s mouth while grinding on him as he caresses your breasts. Lex lets out a groan and you smirk.

He flips you over forcefully, instantly attaching his lips to your neck. You let out soft moans as he bites and sucks down your collarbone to your breasts. He sucks one of your nipples while massaging the other with the tip of his fingers. He takes off your panties with his teeth and you help him take off his boxers. Lex reaches into the drawer to grab a condom. He tears the package open with his mouth and slides the prophylactive down his erection. Lex spreads your legs and runs his finger up and down you slit a few times before ramming his dick inside you.

“Fuck” You cuss, grasping his long hair as he goes deeper.

“Ugh, you feel so baby girl” He kisses you hungrily. And after a while his thrusts become faster.

“Oh Lex, I’m gonna-” You yell, digging your nails in his back while Lex grabs your hips as the overwhelming feeling of pleasure takes over both of your bodies. He lays down next to you on his back and you snuggle your face in his chest. He kisses your forehead and starts playing with your hair.

“I love you so much Y/N.” He tells you lovingly.

“I love you more.” You answer and kiss his chest.


I’m so in love with Jesse Eisenberg fml