oh my god tell us please
hsgsghsgs ok fine. keep in mind that i live in hick redneck rural northern ontario so the party was literally in the middle of the bush behind an old farm. we had a bonfire, booze, and everything. it was pretty fun. canadian hicks lmao.
anyways eventually the cops came from what i assume was either a noise complaint or a fire report and three things ended up happening:
- the cops kinda stalked around in the bushes first before deciding to make their move.
- one of the other native dudes who was there with us joked about his Native Senses™ to have fun with the White Kids (its hilarious how much you can make white people believe that you have Special Senses just because you’re native lmao).
- said native dude stopped, turned around, saw the cops in the bush somehow, and screamed “COPS COPS SCATTER SCATTER!!!!!”
And we did. We all scattered like a bunch of roaches being disturbed from a meal when the exterminator comes. Cops didn’t really know what to do and neither did I. I have a real bad fucking fight vs flight thing where most of the time I choose fight.
Yeaaaaaaaah big mistake these were two 6 foot+ tall white male cops who were probably 300 lbs of pure beef each and both had weapons. And I’m a 5′9″ 260 lb beefy native american with street fighting skills
listen it’s a rough patch of Ontario we literally fight each other for fun out here who was actively sizing them up like a fucking cat with two very strong and overgrown rats.
So everyone but me ran and I mean two cops against 30+ teens scattering into the forest like something from Children Of The Corn… they didnt stand a chance catching us all but because I stayed behind, they kinda focused on me. Until I realized that me staying was a Mistake™ and that I should run. So I run and they do the classic “FREEZE STOP RUNNING” and I manage to jump over a wooden fence I may have bailed and landed straight on my face like an idiot.
They hop the fence too like they’re fit as fuck and just jump over that thing like it was nothin like they must have been working for the CG effects crew for Assassins Creed or some bullshit thats how easily they scaled it. I try to get up, they pepper spray me (not directly in the face but it was like against my neck and on my chest thankfully).
Lemme tell you what pepper spray does to you when you’re a slightly drunk and very aggressive native american with a very high pain tolerance let alone the fact that they missed your face and just hit your neck/chest with it: it just makes you angry and cough lots. I was a fucking raging choking asshole to them and i managed to bite the one who was on top of me in the nose pretty good before they tried to get the cuffs on me. That cop falls back on his ass like an idiot after I kicked him a few times in the nuts.
Other dude gets out his tazor. Now this tazor was the fucking old ass box style tazor that would shoot metal prongs that embed into your skin and then electrocute you in bursts of a few seconds before it recharges and then hits you again if the person presses the button to. Even I in my not-quite-in-the-face pepper spray rage could withstand a shock from one of these things.
But luckily for me it only lasted for a few seconds and i went down hard. I landed on my own hands and it was very dark for the cops so they couldnt really see what they were doing so when the shock stopped i may have booted one of them wherever i could hit (i think i hit him in the gut/solar plexus and then the face because he went down hard and wheezed a lot). Other cop who i had recently sacked recovered and attempted to pepper spray me again.
It was really dark so idk what happened but he ended up coughing so I’m pretty sure that The Wind betrayed him. It blew back into his face and just made him go down coughing and wheezing. Stupidest pair of white assholes I have ever seen. They couldn’t even take down a person who was smaller than them and who got injured multiple times.
So I ran then and got my ass out of there as fast as I could and eventually I made it back home sound but not really safe. The tazor box was still stuck to me and I had ran all the way home with this thing dragging behind me and I never noticed it until I got home. Adrenaline rushes are a bitch.
in the amount of time it took me to remove the prongs, i accidentally tazed myself when i tried to remove them from the box instead of my skin when my hand slipped (i admit i was a bit wary to even touch the prongs in my skin because i have a Thing with puncture wounds and issues dealing with stuff being under the flesh shghshh)
went down hard, eventually just sucked it up and ripped them from my skin (turns out my hoodie spared me having to deal with them going in too far), took a nap, and idc if you think this is a fake story because my dudes i had to go to the hospital afterwards for three days due to reoccurring convulsions that i thought were seizures as well as an infection that the prongs left in my side (not fun) so i think i know what i went through