It’s happening again. Shawn is asking you to move in. You tell him no in the most loving way you can. It’s been just over a year since you became an item. You’ve stay the night several times for several days. Shawn doesn’t understand when you say it’s just not the right time. You think this is the last time he will ask. That if you keep declining, he is going to break up with you. The thing is, you just don’t want him to pay for everything. Like he always does. You know he loves you, wants the best for you, gives you everything because “Nothing is too good for my girl.”
You always tell him “I don’t need that” and “Oh my god, Shawn, put it back!” And inevitably anything you spared a passing glance at ends up being yours. He always paid for dates too. The two of you talked about it a few times.
“Stop spoiling me, Shawn. I can buy stuff too.”
“I can’t babe. What am I supposed to spend this money on? More band shirts? I’d rather see you smile.”
In the end, you didn’t mind THAT much, because you didn’t let yourself get a big head about it. But when it came to living together…well…there were some things your pride just wouldn’t let him pay for. You knew if you moved in with Shawn, he would pay all the bills and it was just something that bothered you. It was the last thing you had, that he DIDN’T pay for. It was your last sense of independence, the last thing you actually had to spend your money on. If you didn’t have bills, what would be the point of working? You could just mooch off Shawn. You couldn’t let yourself do that.
“Babe, why don’t you move in with me?”
Shawn looks hurt. He steps forward, hands rubbing up and down your arms. “Talk to me. We agreed not to keep anything from each other, remember?”
You do remember. The late night talks. The pinky swear. Honesty was everything for the two of you. “Alright, I just don’t want you to pay for everything.”
“You just bought lunch last week.”
You laugh softly. “No, Shawn, not those things. I mean the bills. You’re amazing, loving, so giving and I love it. I love you. But as stupid as it sounds, paying my bills gives me a sense of purpose and pride.”
“Babe,” Shawn smiles softly.
He breaks out into a laugh. “If the only thing holding you back is paying bills? You can pay whatever bills you want, just not the rent, that’s all mine.” He pulls you into a hug and presses his face into your hair. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
You bring your arms up, fists clenched in the fabric of the back of his shirt. “Didn’t want to upset you.”
Shawn leans back and kisses your head. “Hey, no, I couldn’t be upset with you. Remember,” he brings his hand around between you and holds his pinky finger up. You hook it with yours and nod, “100% honesty.”