stop it those are my ovaries

Just venting more abt the disconnect between what terfs think being trans is like and what its actually like:

“Bullying/assault based on effeminate behavior is just redirected homophobia!!!”

Ok then why did the boys (and girls) harassing and sometimes assaulting me throughout school make especial note/observation about the fact that I “acted/walked/etc like a girl”?

“You faced bullying as a GNC male sweaty : ))) transphobia isnt real. i know that, as a gay cis women. haha reblog, syster, i felt that burn from here : ) )”

The key bit there is “gender non-conforming”. Almost like….. Being bullied for rejecting the gender assigned to me….. Almost like…. Being rejected for behaving/existing in a way that contradicts gender. If only it had a better name. One that actually described it…. Like…. Transphobia.

“But we’re trying to abolish gender! We’re actually working FOR your goals as well, you just don’t know it!! If only you stupid genderist mogais actually had critical thinking haha!! well once we abolish gender by making snarky thinkpiece articles about not shaving our legs, and shooting down other marginalized people trying to tell us about their experiences by constantly referencing some of THE most oppressed people in the world (ie, women forced into sex-trafficking or who have experienced genital mutilation), while doing absolutely shit all to help them at the same time, and only actually bringing them UP in the first place in order to downplay the marginalization and oppression of transwomen, particularly nonwhite, non-American, poor trans women, you’ll have to thank us!! Because you’ll be free of gender haha!”

Oh boy that’s great. Except it solves absolutely none of my issues whatsofucking ever because even the completely hypothetical and largely unrealistic concept of “abolishing gender” does shit all about the massive amount of bodily/sex/sex-trait dysphoria I suffer and have suffered from since, uh, like, 4. Same for every other dysphoric trans person, which is, uh, most of us.

“I’m so sorry the medical system is capitalizing off of your dysphoria like this. If only there were… Other solutions available.”

You’re right. I am being capitalized off, as is pretty much fucking everyone else on this hellish shitplanet. Are you going to take on and abolish the privatization of the medical system or maybe capitalism itself, too, or is this just another “I’m bringing this up so I can look smart and fit as many critiques of society into my praxis as possible while arguing with people, without actually EVER bringing them up on their own outside of the context of using them as conversational tools to make myself look good” things? Seems like the latter, but, y'know, what does a dumb genderist know?

By the by, what are those other options? Are you going to try to talk me out of my dysphoria? Because I tried doing that for the first 17 years of my life, and it kinda just made everything worse and sorta fucked me up/delayed my development as a human being.

When that doesn’t work, what are you going to do? Are you, perchance, maybe, just going to go full-circle with your hypocritical bullshit and start giving conversion-therapy to dysphoric trans kids to try to brainwash it out of us? Maybe I’m reaching here, but “other options” sounds a tiny bit sinister to a deeply dysphoric gal who’s dysphoria is rooted heavily in her own body and not some bullshit societal standards, like y'all seem to always think.

“Always arguing and trying to force your opinions on womyn/lesbians. What typical male behavior. Male socialization is never, ever admitting you’re wrong in an argument while women are forced to walk away frustrated.”

Oh, you mean like how you constantly hardline when your ideology is challenged, purposefully and spitefully misgender any trans women who has the godawful, stubborn gall to disagree with you, and keeping bringing up and rebranding the same tired, twisted bullshit to justify your transphobia even after it’s disproven, over and over again? Like that? God I’m sorry wanting basic respect/the correct pronouns is so horrible and aggressive of me. Wanting Terfs to stop running off at the mouth about issues surrounding trans women they have no knowledge or understanding of is just,,,, god, guys, I guess they beat me. The terfs one. We can all go home now folks.

“Well, regardless, womyn are still oppressed for their biology/reproductive role in a way that a dumb male tranny male like you could just,,, never understand.”

OH, you mean like reproductive organs? Like, uh, the uterus, or maybe the ovaries and endometrial system? The kinda ovaries I have? The kind of ovaries I possess inside of my stupid fleshbody as an intersex trans women? THOSE ovaries? I want to outright make a reference to the “the poison for Kusko” line here but this is dragging on long enough.

“Ok!! But!! Unlike crippled sex slaves from X third-world country I just now googled to have a leg up in this argument, you were never OPPRESSED for having those organs so uhm, checkmate. Also, I guess now I’m going to have to carefully avoid gendered terms when referring to you and address you in tones of thinly veiled pity because regarding you, an intersex person, as anything other than a negative exception, an aberration, and a mistake of nature would compromise my hard-line position of sex being a rigid, immutable, unchanging, and entirely binarized system where everyone has one exact experience in life or another!! It’s gonna get, like! Really bad! To the point where I’m being an ableist piece of shit and basically insinuating you have less worth as a human being than most other people, because you lack a reproductive role!! Haha. Its not hypocritical of me at all though just so you know!”

Well, Tiffany Rose Anne Terf Bangs, I guess you aren’t experiencing too much maiming or oppression yourself, right now, if you have time and inclination to be an asshole on a blogging website.

“How DARE you make light of-”

Hold up. Freeze-frame. I’m arguing more, like the evil, violent male I am.

How come, uh? How come, whenever you bring up the plight of abused/circumcised/sex-trafficked, non-white women? How come it is that you almost ALWAYS bring them up EXCLUSIVELY in the context of using them as a source of leverage in petty discourse with “genderists” on tumblr? I see maybe, like 1 post freely and independently discussing the plight of non-white, non-western, heavily-oppressed women for every 8 I see using them as a rhetorical tool to outdo trans women trying to tell you that we, y'know, oftentimes get shit on too.

That’s just kind of funny to me. Kind of odd.

Mind you, I don’t pretend to be some incredibly intelligent, educated, massively intersectional feminist praxis godhead. I’m white as hell and first-world and most of the time, just far enough above the poverty line to pay for the essentials.

I have privileges many people don’t.

But at least I have the common DECENCY to let my arguments stand or fall on their own legs.

At least I just make my own fucking points without dragging in marginalized groups I otherwise demonstrate that I give absolutely no shits about in order to one-up other people.

At least I don’t hide my spite for “genderists”, particularly camab women, behind really thin veils of feminism I really only preach when it’s convenient to tearing those same fucking people down.

I’ve got my privileges and I mostly only focus on my own issues, or issues relevant to people like me in areas where I can reach, because that’s about all my pathetic, poor, mentally ill ass can handle, but at least I don’t fucking pretend to care about suffering people when it’s really, really, really obvious I only see them as a discourse foot-stool to stand a little taller and look a little better on.

If you actually gave a SHIT about the people you’re bringing up, I sort of doubt you’d have a blog devoted to whinging about trans people on Tumblr. You might, at the very least, have a blog devoted to actually discussing those peoples’ issues and ways to help them, and invest your time there instead.

But what the hell do I know?

Not much, probably. I don’t pretend like my praxis and beliefs are the end-be-all, unlike some.

There’s a lot more I want to shriek and shake tree branches and rant and run in circles about, but I think this individual post is big enough, and I need to sleep.

Bad Girl Ch 8: Five Words

This chapter mentions torture

“Kim. Joo. Young.” Baekhyun sings songs.

My head hurts. Everything hurts. My mind is fuzzy as I try to figure out what is going on, why is Baekhyun here? I try to piece together the foggy pictures I’m calling my memory of the last few hours. I was at Haneul’s, Taemin showed up, I was under the table, I ran away. After that I’m pretty sure Haneul and I had lunch, we told our love stories, I went to the bathroom, I ran into Sehun and Kai, we fought, and I ran into Baekhyun.

“Are you ready?” Those words echo through the large room we are in. Where the hell are we? I open my mouth to ask only to realize there is a rag stuffed into my mouth. My eyes are opened wide as they scan over the unfamiliar room. The four from before are there, everyone but Baekhyun looks as scared to be in the room as me. The suddenly psychotic boy is taking up most of my vision, his fake blue eyes are staring intently into mine. “How are you feeling cupcake?”

I let out a string of curse words that only come across as angry mumbles. I look down and see that I’m tied to the uncomfortable metal chair with rope that is already digging into my wrists and ankles. I’m in the dungeon, oh my fucking god they actually put me in the dungeon! Tears prick my eyes, my shoulders shake with muffled cries as the realization sinks in. What did I do in a past life to deserve this?

“Hyung are you sure about this?” Sehun whimpers softly, it gets my hopes up, maybe he’ll convince the others to stop this madness! But that is very short lived when I see his hand clenching a hunting knife so tight his knuckles are white.

“I’m just evening the scale,” Baekhyun quickly defense himself, “He took our baby away from us so I’m taking this thing away from him. If we don’t get to have her, he doesn’t either.”

My heart drops, I’m going to die in here. I hang my head as I let that sink into my mind, they are going to kill.

“Maybe this is too far,” Kai begins to pace, never taking his eyes off me.

Stop giving me hope.

“Too far?” Chanyeol scoffs, “Hyung is right, we can’t just let him get away with taking our baby away from us, he has to pay.”

“But do you honestly think you could do this?” Sehun snaps gesturing to me. “Can you look at her and do the same things we’ve done to the people we bring in this room? Can you tear her apart bit by bit? Listen to her scream for help? Look into those fucking eyes and not feel yourself dying inside?”

“We are dead inside,” Kai reminds him with a sad smile. “We were so ready to throw ourselves off of that building a few months ago because we felt so guilty and so lost without her. We thought that maybe if we able to apologize that it would make us feel better but it won’t. They are just empty words to hallow ears. This, could make us feel better. We could get our revenge, not just for us but for our baby.”

“She wouldn’t want this!”

“How the hell do you know?” Baekhyun snarls.

“Because I know her, she hated this kind of stuff and no matter how wronged she was, she wouldn’t want this,” Sehun defends me like I’m not sitting right here, like I’m dead. “So stop using her as an excuse to torture this girl. Be honest Hyung, the only reason you are doing this is because you can’t handle seeing her. You can’t look into her eyes every time we run into each other and be forced to remember that we let her die.”

The room goes silent.

Baekhyun uses the long sleeves if his sweatshirt to wipe away tears that manage to find their way down his cheeks. He screams. It’s a heart wrenching sound, he wraps his arms around himself as she begins to tremble. “We didn’t just fucking let her die! We didn’t have an option to save her! There was no ransom, not single fucking demand for us to meet, just those tapes. So don’t you tell me that we let her die, there was just no option for us to save her! And don’t you dare think that me killing this girl will ever be enough to get rid of the ach in my heart. I can never forget my sweet baby.”

“We could just keep her,” Sehun suggests hopefully.

“She isn’t our baby,” Chanyeol growls, glaring at the younger for even suggesting such a stupid idea.  But once the idea is out there I see all of them raking their eyes up and down my body, considering it more than they would want to admit. I don’t want to stay though. I lived this life, fearing which day could be my last with them, I don’t want that ever again.

“We could train her to be,” Kai hums as his eyes continue to scan me.

Sehun nods eagerly, “Our baby didn’t really like the idea at first either but after some time she got used to it. We could be stricter this time though so there won’t be any mishaps.”

“Before we consider that,” Baekhyun grins, his bubbly personality returning, so different from the shattered boy I saw moments before. “How about we even the scales just a bit, even if we don’t kill her, we can torture her love,” He pulls out his phone and quickly dials a number.

“What the hell could you want?” Jiyong snarls on the others line.

My heart jumps, I try to yell his name but only muffled screams are heard.

“Hello to you too, Hyung,” Baekhyun muses, his eyes are on me as he speaks, “We are calling about a lost kitten that might belong to you.”

Jiyong is quiet for a moment before he murmurs, “Kitten?”

“She’s a pretty little thing with silver hair and a dangerous mouth, maybe I have the wrong person, what a shame, guess we have to keep her brothers.”

“Jooyoung!” He yells desperately.

Oppa! I want to scream for him, Jiyong, please, please, come save me!

“Sort of, close enough I guess, close enough for you to forget about the real thing,” Baekhyun snaps.

The real thing?

“Please let her go, you will regret it so much if you hurt her,” Even though it is worded like a threat I can hear his desperation.

Baekhyun chuckles, “Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise. Now Baekhyun, let her go, I will come get her as soon as possible.”

“On no, no, no, we aren’t giving her up that easily, we might keep her for awhile to see if she really is so amazing we could let her replace our baby. If that doesn’t work out we can just bring her back down here, but it her time won’t be as nice as it is now, that is something I can promise.”

“You brought her to the dungeon! Are you fucking insane? Get her out of there now! I swear to god if you hurt a single hair on her head I will slaughter the lot of you!” My love roars.

“Afraid we are going to skin her alive or something? Don’t worry, Xiumin hyung isn’t down here and he is the only one who can do that. It’s just me, Chanyeol, Kai, and Sehun, so nothing too horrible can happen. She just might be missing her tongue, non needed organs, a couple fingers, since Chanyeol is here you know some teeth are going to be missing,” He chuckles.

That horrifying nightmare from all that time ago appears in my mind. No, no, no, I can’t do that, that can not fucking happen. I thrash wildly in my seat, making the chair rock and almost fall over but Sehun is there to catch it.

“She’s getting a bit crazy, I guess she doesn’t like the idea.”

“Please stop this,” Jiyong begs, “You don’t understand what you are doing!”

“This isn’t my first rodeo, I know how to tear people apart. But since you seem so desperate I’ll let you pick, what finger? Are you two a match for kidneys? Should I leave both of those? That just means something else is going to have to go, how about the ovaries? Were you planning on have kids?”

The ropes dig deeper into my skin as I try to pull away and cover myself, I’m screaming past the rag, anything but that. I can live without my fingers, my tongue, hell take my eyes but not my future babies, I’d give up my freedom for them. Sehun comes around the chair, his hands holding mine, and he shushes me.

“Don’t you fucking dare! Kill me, rip out every organ I have just please don’t take that away from her. I will give you anything you want just please don’t take that opportunity away from her. She wants babies,” He chokes the last words out. I can’t breath, I’m crying too hard to breath through the rag still stuffed in my mouth.

“I want my baby back,” Baekhyun snarls.

“You can’t have her back!”

“Then you will never have her back either. Why do you get to have the happy ending when we are left over here suffering? Why does this girl get to be happy when our baby is gone? I should make it fair, right? We will never be able to see our baby walk down the aisle or have a baby of her own. I’ll never see that diamond ring on her little finger that I put there, how is this fair?”

“It’s your own fault,” Jiyong blurts out.


“I said it’s your own fault. You should have treated her better.”

Chanyeol snaps this time, “We treated her like a princess!”

“She isn’t a fucking princess, she is a queen and should have been treated as such. She is not some fragile little doll she is stronger than any of you would know. You locked her in that house and babied her until it basically drove her insane, you can’t keep someone that strong in a bubble for long until it pops. I showed her our world and all of the things she could do in it; after that I gave her the whole world! I protect and love her, at the same time I give her freedom and space. That is why I get to hold her at night, kiss her in the morning, cook with her during the day, and eat with her every evening. I make her happy without making her question herself and her value no matter little or big she’s feeling that day. That is why I have her now.”

“You make it sound like this is her, this is not our baby,” Kai whispers as he takes a few steps closer to me to see pass Sehun.

“You are all idiots for not realizing it! That is Jooyoung, that is the only love of my life, my soon to be wife, the future mother of my children, and yes, she used to be your baby, but not anymore.”

“That isn’t true,” Baekhyun whispers. His eyes are wide as he stares into mine that I know are swollen and pink from crying. “That isn’t true! We watched her die. I watched as she begged for her life! Our baby is dead!” He drops the phone on the floor before he pushes Sehun and Kai away and grabs my hair by the roots, craning my neck back he forces me to look up at him. His eyes study me.

Stop looking at me like that. His blood shot eyes, that reflect my own, burn into my soul and squeeze my heart until I feel like it might burst. Why can’t he see it’s me? I didn’t die! Why would they think I was dead? What the hell is going on? Jiyong, help! I need him to explain this to me, I need him to hold me a calm me down, I can’t do this right now.

“Stop lying to me, this isn’t my baby, she wouldn’t act that way to us. She loved us,” Baekhyun’s grip on my head tightens. “You are just lying to us so we don’t hurt her.”

“And risk the chance of you trying to keep her? I’m not fucking lying! That is Kim Jooyoung, the one and only! My love and your baby.”

Chanyeol shakes his head so hard I’m afraid he’s going to break his neck, “You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Hyung look at her! He’s telling the truth that’s my baby!” Kai yells as he tries to push the older boy away but stops when he pulls a knife.

“Stop lying! All of you just stop lying! She wouldn’t have run from me! She wouldn’t have fought with Sehun and Kai.”

Sehun tries, “She was scared!”

“I want you to prove it! Prove to me that she is my baby!”

“Take that fucking rag out of her mouth and she might be able to defend herself,” Kai snarls.

“Will that prove it to me? Huh?” Baekhyun sneers at me. I gulp when he places the blade in his hand to my throat, “You have five words to prove to me that you are my baby, if you can’t you know what is going to happen, right?” He puts more pressure on my neck, enough for the blade to break skin, a few drops of blood start running down my neck. “Remember, five words, ready?”

I nod, tears pouring down my face I prepare myself. Five words, five words that will prove to them that I’m me, that I’m their baby. I can’t think of just five words that will not get me killed. I want to cuss, I want to scream every single insult that I know, I want to ask him why, I want to tell him to stop looking at me like that. I want to tell him to stop making my heart feel heavy again, I want him to tell all of them to stop looking so broken. There is too much I want to say to him. I have five words, five words.

I love you daddy Baekhyun.

I hate you daddy Baekhyun.

Why are you doing this to me?

Five words.

He yanks the rag out of my mouth and they all crowd around me, waiting on pins and needles for whatever is coming out of my mouth.

I have just five words.

“I’ll be a good girl.”

anonymous asked:

Do you ever ust think, "Holy shit. Stephen Amell is so fucking hot i cant even.." cuz like I do. All. The. Damn. Time. Or I randomly think about the perfection that is olicity and openly (and maybe weirdly) grin, smile, or laugh in public. A lot.

My brain totally fried after “Holy shit. Stephen Amell is so fucking hot i cant even..”. Fangirl down!

You mean like when he does this thing with his face?

Or when he does things with his forearms? Like seriously who the fuck has sexy forearms?

Or when he does things with the suits he wears? And did I mention that face? The mention of the face and the neck and the veins and the eyes is default from now on.

Or the suspenders?

Or are you talking about the way he keeps tugs those drawstrings up?

Nah! You must be talking about this cruelty.

Or maybe this?

Or was it this?

Words fail me, I tell you. When it comes to this man,

It’s only because he can be doing something like this

or this (which is just heavy breathing for goodness’ sake)

And it would result in this. 

Every single time.  God was sipping the best wine when he created this man and unleashed him on us mere mortals. And the moment I decide I need to stop for a second, he’ll decide to look like this.

And this is a torture scene, for heaven’s sake! 

How is a girl supposed to live?

So I got my first Jawnlocker troll review on *throws confetti, watches a ‘Congratulations, You’re a Real Sherlolly Author Now’ banner drop from the ceiling* and since they were too much of a coward to use their account to do it, I’m going to reply to their comment here.

“ What is it with you thick fucktards shipping Molly with a gay character? Molly deserves better than to be shipped with a gay man who treats her with contempt unless he wants something.
Fgs ship her with someone who actually thinks she is hot -i.e. Greg Lestrade, who also happens to not be gay?
All I can say is your obviously only watched the show with one of your two brain cells. Now piss off and stop writing this homophobic crap.
From a gay man who is sick of people straightwashing Sherlock.”

Well, first off you ableist piece of garbage, no one will ever take you seriously if you don’t believe in your convictions enough to back them up with a signature.  It’s, not the DMV; you don’t have to give them your real name.  Use your fic writing/reviewing handle and stand tall and proud!  Unless, of course, you’ve got something to hide (*coughnotactuallyadudeasyouclaimcough*); but really, sock puppet accounts are not that difficult to make.  Put some effort into your trolling.

Second, I’m going to assume you stopped watching the show somewhere around the first Series so I’ll go ahead and help you out.  When Sherlock knew the crap was about to hit the fan with Moriarty, who did he go to for help?  Oh, was that Molly?  Who did he need the night before the fall?  Molly again.  When Sherlock took Molly on their special little crime solving fun day, he didn’t do it out of contempt because he wanted something; he did it out of gratitude because she was the one who counted.  He didn’t ask her out for fish and chips in contempt, it was to continue the day.  When he went to her for help to figure out the optimal alcohol intake for John’s stag night, it was because he had respect for her skills and he trusted her to help him get the details right because the stag night was important to him.  Those are just some of the interactions you probably missed since you obviously haven’t watched the entire show run. 

Third, you can take your Demi invalidation and erasure and shove it (or did you not actually read the fic you reviewed in your rabid attempt to “educate” authors in the Molly/Sherlock categories?).  My headcanon Sherlock is and always has been Demisexual.  But I’m going to guess you’re one of those people who likes to erase any sexuality other than the Big Two, and that means if there’s a vajayjay within three feet of Sherlock then Sherlock can’t be gay therefore OMG hetero cooties. 

In short, stop being an ignorant ableist douchecanoe and stay in your own lane.

Why I'm Addicted to Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

This has been rattling around in my head for a while, so I will attempt to get it out and into coherent words. Here’s hoping. And I don’t know how to put it under a “read more”, so here it all is.

FIRST, and most importantly, I WANT TO BE PHRYNE. I’m not saying that I want to live in the 20s, or be fabulously wealthy, or have servants, or even be a detective. (Okay, fabulously wealthy and having servants would be okay) Those things aren’t the heart of Phryne.

I want to be a woman who gives exactly no fucks what anyone else things of her. I want to see a challenge and be able to face it without fear. I want to not feel the need to apologize for my intellect and opinions because I happen to have ovaries.

Those things are not easy for me. For whatever reason, and to varying degrees throughout my 43 years, I have often let fear stop me from living fully. And sometimes depression, that’s been a thing too. But I know in my heart that I am strong, and wicked smart, and sassy, and funny. I hold myself back from expressing those things, for all sorts of different reasons.

Phryne has no time for that fear shit, and that’s amazing. Phryne is amazing.

Specifically, I find TV Phryne to be especially inspiring, even more than Book!Phryne. (Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Book!Phryne - I’ve read them all twice now!) But TV!Phryne has been through more of life. She has a very deep heart, and she’s been hurt. Essie Davis has done an AMAZING job bringing this character to life. Her eyes sparkle with the joy of her amazing life, and shine with her concern for those she loves.

I don’t just want to be Phryne - I want to be Phryne like Essie shows her to be.

SECOND, I have a complete fan-girl crush on Jack Robinson. I have a slight crush on Nathan Page, but really, my heart belongs to the character of Jack. Because, unlike in real life, where the people around me often reinforce my fears, or expect me to constantly prove myself, Jack accepts and cherishes Phryne for EXACTLY WHO SHE IS. That’s the hottest thing about him. (The more I learn about NP, though, the more it sounds like he shares a lot of this quality with Jack. /swoon)

It doesn’t hurt that the production team has very deliberately set him up as a classic screen idol - his hair, makeup, costume, lighting, and camera angles are all deliberate choices to show him as a classic hero. So, yes, I can obsess about his hands, and his jawline, and NP’s amazing acting choices, but that’s not why I crush on this character. There’s a lot of handsome actors out there that I don’t give a crap about. But Jack, he gets my motor running. So to speak. Not just physically sexy, but emotionally and intellectually sexy. /fans self

He’s the dream partner for the dream of who I wish I was bold enough to be.

THIRD, it’s my dearest wish that whatever happens next for TV!Phryne (and I WISH for more!) that they let Phryne keep being herself. I LOVE that she asked Jack to follow her, but never promised him monogamy. It’s still WAY more than she’s ever allowed a man into her life, but what she’s really saying is “If you want me, keep up with me, because I’m Phryne Fucking Fisher, and I’m not slowing down for ANYONE. But if anyone can keep up with me, it’s you, Jack, and I DO want you.” What an intoxicating attitude for a lady to have! I still want the show to be about Phryne, with Jack as her strong support who comes along exactly two seconds after she’s rescued herself.

Please take from this what you will. I know that everyone perceives the show and the characters from their own perspectives and with their own needs/dreams. So this is how MY dreams color my perceptions, and I have a lot of respect for the other perceptions out there as well. :-)

Soccer Masterpost - Niall

Welcome to my Niall Soccer Masterpost! This has been a long process to make. I do not own any of these pictures/gifs (they’re probably all from google). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this masterpost! <3 Rea

Niall and a quasi-rainbow to get the ball rolling (teehee)

Niall and Louis at Newcastle United:

Hot damn.

Yummy <3

A little Narry action for your enjoyment ;)

The gang @ Newcastle United:

Supporting his besties:

And playing like a pro:

Literally my favorite gif ever:

That right there…is a sex face :*

What a lovable goof:

I’ll give you a header, Nialler ;)

Good try, boys. Sorry you can’t bag all the goals and the babes like me. 


Soccer Yoga?

Now he looks like he’s playing B-Ball. This is FOOTBALL!

Another sex face?

I wish he would look at me like that. 

Nouis teamwork ;)

Hello, peasant. Watch the master carefully. 

Stop Harry, no swag for you. I’ve got it all.

I need some oxygen, don’t know about you guys…

Niall @ Wembleton:

Super sex face! <3

Those are some Irish shoes!

Oh, how I would like to be that shirt. Touching those beautiful lips:

Wow, look at that focus. So dedicated…to me ;)


This is my favorite gif ever. I had to put it in here twice. Sorry for your ovaries.

Aww! Poor Nialler! It’s okay, I’ll get you some ice and fix you up real good ;)

We’re so fancy, you already know:

Mr. Horan is very proper:

Once again, I wish he would look at me like he does soccer balls *sigh* 

Kiss my Irish arse, ball.

Mmmm what a jawline <3

Spread those legs, babe.

Getting a little up close and personal:

Oh, to be that ball…

I’ve said it twice before, HOT DAMN, CRAZY MOFO.

Making them look sillayyy:

Honestly, I don’t know who any of them are except for Niall… And isn’t he the only one who matters?

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought about this! Should I do more? Thnx, Rea <3 xxx

Astoria -- My jumble of thoughts

Let me just start off by saying that I have been a Marianas Trench fan since 2006 when I was about 12/13 and saw “an emo kid wearing skinny jeans sing “Slap you like a bitch and you take it like a whore”. I know. Riveting. I am now 21. I fell in love with them when they released Beside you and Masterpiece Theater just resonated so well with me as did Ever After. I was hooked. They are my favorite band alongside The Script.

Just like the rest of the trenchers, the wait had been so unbearable especially because I’ve been going through things that resonate deeply alongside Josh’s journey and I knew that only he could put into words what my heart was feeling

Astoria. Oh Astoria. Where do I start? I guess I’ll start off with saying that I was a bit iffy of the concept, the whole film score situation and the Goonies and I wasn’t so sure how’d they integrate it but DAMN WELL did they do it. Somehow they’re always able to have such intricate concepts from a theater to fairy tales and now to film scores. And the little film score numbers added SO MUCH to the entire album all round. The orchestra, the violins, the harmonies brought me chills because they acted as such anticipated indicators. You knew the upcoming songs tempo according to how sad or upbeat the melody was and the second last one….with the violins ( Never Say Die ). That was so haunting.

Astoria. This song is seven minutes of heaven. My favorite thing has always been M trench’s ability to combine songs into one so you’re confused if you’re listening to 4 different genres in one and they do it flawlessly. It doesn’t hesitate to punch you right in the gut within seconds.

I’ll say whatever doesn’t make me stronger kills me
Buts its going to be a long year
Till the hospital can find hope in me
Tell me I survive

First song and the throwbacks were unreal. So unreal. The harmonies. The haunting sexiness of the

“ You can lay with me while you think of him
Drowning sorrows deep in each other’s skin
I touch your face while I think of her
I won’t raise my lips till the way we were
Bite my neck till you say his name
I will scratch your back to forget her face
I regret sweet, to a solemn cure
We can raise our lips till the way we were ”

That part was especially my favorites along with the interludes and changes in orchestra

As well as the

“On a good day I’m the bad news
To the right girl with the wrong wounds
On a bad day I’m the good news
To the wrong girl with the right wounds
Hey ever just say fuck it.”

No point in acting like we didn’t sing along like damn.

Burning Up and damn did I burn up. Every time I think Josh has gone into the highest vocal pitch he can go into, that boy proves me wrong. Just damn. I won’t even try to attempt his voice because…. no. His voice is so ovary exploding god damn.

“Don’t say you don’t miss me that much
Don’t say I don’t still make you blush
Cuz my ears are burning my ears are burning up
Sometimes you can’t yell loud enough
Sometimes a whisper’s just too much
My ears are burning my ears are burning up.”

Yesterday reminds me of a song that would be at the end of the movie. It just had that feel good vibe all over it.

“I got to say this right here now
Tomorrow is a day a way
Don’t let go tonight by tomorrow this will be yesterday
Yesterday yesterday its just a day a way
Its just a day a away“

This Means War is one of those songs that I am going to be blaring at full volume and having my private concerts to and dancing like no ones watching. The powerhouse was freaking unbelievable.

“I just wished you’d open fire on me
So I can see you still worry
If I care”

I think we have all felt this way one point or another. Those VOCALS HOT DAMN. Like calm down Ramsay and stop causing my ovaries to explode.

“And we can laugh some
Reminisce some
From the same old stories to the new ones
When the night’s done, I will just see you around”

But that’s not what I came here for, my amour
I hate to admit it but I miss the war
Gotta get you under fire quick
Brace for it
I’d rather be a riot than be indifferent
This means war, yeah
This means, this means, this mean this means war

Who Do You Love – IT HAS BEEN 65 YEARS since the snippet and we have been dying to hear it and it is a song that you can’t help but sing along to and the drums on it are fantastic. So distinctive and sad and just… I really love this song okay.

“God its been so long like
The way that I feel
Like someone else
I miss the way that you saw me
Or maybe that way I saw myself
But I came back to you broken”

“When I get back on feet I’ll blow this open wide
And carry me home in good health
Who do you love? Who do you love?
Who do you love? Who do you love?
Who do you love? Who do you love
Who do you love?”

While We’re Young is a song that really pulled at my heartstrings and crushed me good. The melody is haunting and sad yet so uplifting and the message he sends across is clear and it is easily one of my favorite on the album. The yearning is so palpable. And that throwback to stutter –

“Sing it back if you’re with me” – “Sing it back to me”

made me feel all the feels.

“And I’ve been so lost with you. Tell me are you lost without me too? – “God I miss, god I miss ya now and I can’t even say your name.”

Dearly Departed. Oh boy. This was a song that I had been looking forward to especially because of that one part. You know which part. The one where Josh crushed all our souls by combining the songs he had written for her in the chorus. I cried. There was such sad nostalgic feels in that one and the way he sang it was clear that his heart was on his sleeve with just his voice and the ukulele; completely raw and stripped.

“Every masterpiece I’d write again You’ll always be my porcelain I crossed my heart but I stuttered too So truth or dare was I good to you? And I had enough of you all to myself Still right beside you in sickness and health Forever after you will be my home And there’s no place like home" 

Aka my death.

Shut Up and Kiss Me is that song that you’re gonna annoy everyone with by singing it obnxiously loud. I regret nothing.

“Say you’ll never date me, say you’ll mom’ll hate me
Or you can just shut up

Or you can just shut up
Shut up Shut up Shut up
Shut up and kiss me”

Don’t even try to lie about the fact that you didn’t try to harmonize with Josh and the background “Shut up’s”

Forget me not was another where we say Josh’s abilities to be so vulnerable about his mother and real and that melody left me c h i l l ed . Stripped versions of songs are my favorite for a reason. Especially at 1:08 where you can clearly hear him cry. This song is clearly an emotion filled one from start to end, filled with a desperation of not being ready for what he knows is yet to come because no one wants to imagine such – especially when it comes to their own parent.

“I’m not ready for what’s to come
Does that make me
My mother’s selfish son
But I wanted you to know
I still need you my friend
From the line to amend
To the cradle again
I’ll be your
I’ll be your
I’ll be your
Forget, forget me not”

“I know you’re not quite here
But you’re not quite gone
Sometimes the night gets dark before the dawn
Maybe life’s too short
But the end is long”

End of An era. Let’s just say that I went through a tissue box. From start to finish this is like Masterpiece Theater 3 on crack. It ties in the entire album with a sad nostalgic orchestra that crushes my core. Especially when you hear the throwbacks to the vocals on Ever After and the harmonies and the vocals from Porcelain and the music from Celebrity Status. That entire song made me feel like I couldn’t breathe because it just hurt so much because it WAS the end of an era.

“I feel so ashamed
Wish this was easy
I want you to know
This never was the man I hoped to be
By now
(How did we survive)
We went through hell in Astoria
(How did we survive)
We lost ourselves in Astoria”

Very rarely do I ever like every song on every album but Marianas Trench is always an exception and the tradition lives on but there were a few standouts

Standouts: Astoria, While We’re Young, This Means War, Who Do You Love, One Love, Wildfire, Dearly Departed, Forget me Not, End Of An Era (this one should just get a standing ovation on its own to be honest)

This album defied all expectations I ever had of them and that is saying a lot because I thought nothing could stop Masterpiece Theater which is my favorite album by them. I had been counting down the damn months and it has been so worth the wait. There is nothing more beautiful than when someone’s bares their soul and the way Josh sang his heart out and poured his heart into the words is so clear. And that is why it touched me the way it did because those lyrics resonate inside of me more than I’d like to understand. This band has a way with story telling and I have yet to hear anyone else so beautifully integrate past lyrics and harmonize as well as them. They know exactly what to say that will punch us in the feels . They function as a unit and what I love about MT is that you need not only Josh but Matt and Ian and Mike too. They all add to the beauty that is Marianas Trench. They made this album so special because it was like an ode to all the other albums… paying respect to all the other eras that brought them to today. Acadia is gone and so is Astoria. This has been one hell of a journey and even though this era has ended; this is the start of our new one Trenchers. Live long and prosper.

MM: Carolina Loving


Previous Chapter, Good Day Rough Night

“Remind me again why I’m coming with you to this interview?” Harry asked as he picked up his keys and pushed his shades through his hair.

“Because, I need support. If there’s going to be some in-depth cover story, tv special, blah-dee-blah-zay on me I have to be honest.”


“And you make it feel okay for me to be honest. I don’t feel as anxious and guarded when you’re around. You should take comfort in that.”

“I do. But you don’t need me, you know.”

“I don’t. But I want you. I’ll feel less vulnerable with you around.”


“Okay.” I replied, “Now where’s the Lass?” I asked as we walked out the front door of our house onto the porch. Pausing to look at my phone as Harry put on his hat.

“Layla!” I yelled and heard her break out into a giggle around back, running from around the house as I went down the steps and dropped my purse to squat and pick her up. Twirl her around before hugging her to me.

“Be careful. This is cobblestone, love.” I said.

“Where are you going?” she asked as she played with my necklace.

“Remember I have to talk to a lady today about work.”

“Daddy are you going, too?”

“Yup. But you’re going to hang with your Grams and Mimi until we get back.” Harry said referring to our moms who were set-up at outside, “Then we’re going to have a cookout.”

“Okay!” she said giving me a kiss and hugging her Dad. Going to run off as I put her down.

“Hey! Stop running!” I yelled as she turned the corner.

“Bye mama!” I heard her return.

“She doesn’t even care.” I moped as I opened the door to the car.

“She gets to do whatever she wants with her grandmothers. Why would she?” Harry replied putting his shades on as he put the key in the ignition and backed out of the driveway slowly.

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