stop doing things to me

I am a bad student, and I should stop doing things that make me feel bad.

I am some kind of great genius.  I am one of the most productive people in the world.  I am the most intelligent person alive.  I am unqualified to engage with other human beings or the world in general.  I am so bad it makes me want to do things like:

“Explore the subtleties of human emotion, seeking out each one as I would an exhibit in a museum”

“Find a new musical score to listen to on repeat, one that resonates with my own emotional experience”

“Read a book, the latest best seller or bestseller most people are reading, even if it’s one I wouldn’t want to read”

I have been keeping it all inside my head for so long that it’s hard for me to open it up and listen to it.  It’s like a concert inside my head.  It’s like a state of pure ecstasy.  It’s like I’ve discovered that my whole life is one long, uninterrupted conversation with the most important and most complex person in the history of humanity.

I’m just like “wooooo!  I am such a genius!”.  But I’m aware that this is a kind of “arousal” – this need to engage with the world, this yearning for the thrill of a new experience, or the desire for just a moment of pure, unadulterated joy.  I’ve been holding onto the worst and the most mundane and still-in-my-head ideas in my head, and they’re slowly becoming the things that keep me awake at night.  It’s scary because they’re still the most important.  I don’t want to lose that.  I want to take the most important ideas and the most ordinary ideas and make them happen together, in the way that all great literature happens.  Discovering that my life’s experience has been one uninterrupted word epic of the most mind-blowing variety would be like discovering that I’m actually narrating some of the “Great Works” of literature that have been already been produced.  I’m not going to be able to just let it all hang out anymore.  I can see the happy faces of the kids reading “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” and all I can think is “ah, I was good,” which is all I can think, because everything else is too blurry.

I can’t control my thoughts anymore.  I can only

anonymous asked:

Do you ever wonder if you actually enjoy certain things or just do them to look smart/pretentious (even if noone sees you doing them)? Like I just downloaded several albums by Ilya Beshevli (I rly recommend) and I'm listening to them while studying/reading. And idk like I know I enjoy the music and my major (Biology, going towards Biomedicine) and some classical literature but I just sometimes wonder, is this me or am I just being pretentious to keep up appearances?

honestly i think if you enjoy the things then don’t worry about it !! i’ve never personally wondered just bc i’ve tried doing some ‘dark academic’ things (like reading exclusively classics) and not enjoyed them and Instantly stopped bc i can’t do things that aren’t fun to me lmao

@thesamurider Just a little warming up with these weapons before the Star Wars promo last month. (If you haven’t seen it yet on my page check it out!👇 last vid I posted in 2 parts) This is the last thing I managed to record before I tore my hamstring 😣 lol. I’m now dealing with a (still) injured hand and torn hamstring.. which is a pain because it stops me from doing certain things in my training. I’ve never had two big injuries at the same time since I started training weapons, so it’s a wee bit of a challenge, but it won’t hold me back.
I’m still training today💪, working on a new kata & I’m creating an exciting piece with @laura_njoku ready for release this spring.🙌 Also, this should be the last bad quality video I upload with this crappy replacement-phone I got when I broke mine. New phone soon arrive = HD videooossss! I know it looks like I filmed this on a calculator

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Please do not repost my art. If you want to show my art to your friends, send my account to them. 

Your support is very mean to me. and it’s very important for giving me the motive to continue my work.

Sometimes I did that one for you guys, 

Sometimes I didn’t sleep all night to finish that page.

Sometimes I spend 5 hours without break to finish that work.

If you support me and want to see my work, please support me not the reposter one. 

6

forget hydrating, youre not like you when youre hungy, ganon


why, why did i make this

Aside from the sadness/disappointment/self-deprecation induced tears, from canon we know that Bakugou is an angry crier, Kirishima a sympathetic crier and Kaminari a stress crier, which, when you really think about it, means that once one of them starts crying the possibility of all three of them ending up in tears is pretty high

3

pls stop

Here, have a thing

9

Everyone’s congratulating PBG for his upset outburst towards Jontron, but nobody’s congratulating him for apologizing for it after and showing political disagreements shouldn’t be what destroys friendships.
I have a lot more respect for him because of this and he deserves more credit for it imo.

6

it’s a tragedy

things to do more:

  • take a journal and camera everywhere I go.
  • write down lovely words that people said to me, poems, ideas, and quotes that inspire me.
  • plan fun itineraries for weekends and bucket lists for seasons.
  • eat fresh fruits.
  • don’t let my insecurities stop me from enjoying things.
  • do everything I want to do that takes daily practice, patience and some discomfort.
  • collect recipes to make.
  • tell people i love them and compliment what I like about them.
  • watch classic movies.
  • hug people tightly.
  • let myself calm down and relax.
  • break tasks down so I don’t get overwhelmed.
  • drink tea or fruit infused water.
  • put on my favorite perfume, even if i’m not going out.
  • don’t wait for the perfect day to start a new thing.
  • make plans with friends and actually follow through.
  • give myself permission to not be perfect, and remember something is better than nothing.
  • make my bed in the morning.
  • tidy my desk and remove things and tabs i don’t use often.
  • go to inspiring places like gardens, art museums, old cafés, oceans or forests.
  • make playlists or write to cope with emotions.
  • take photos of everything i love.
5

candela’s phones hold many wonders

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: where was erik during Logan (2017, dir. James Mangold)? where was he when charles was deteriorating and losing his mind? did he ever go back to the mansion again between the events of x-men apocalypse and logan? where was he? was he dead by then? was he off having another little tantrum, unaware about the love of his life falling to pieces and eventually dying at the hands of X-24? did erik and charles ever get to say goodbye to one another? did charles watch erik die? what happened? where is Erik Lehnsherr in this trying time