While we’ve been selfishly worried about human rights and the economy, everyone forgot how truly terrible the Trump presidency must be on Trump himself. Luckily, I’ve managed to compile a definitive look into our brave new POTUS’s hour-by-hour struggle. Prepare for the seriously researched, definitive schedule of Donald Jamillah Trump that is in no way designed to antagonize him or his supporters.
6:00 a.m. - 9:00 a.m.: Watch TV, Rage Tweet, And Physically Fall Apart
Considering his documented love of stool-loosening Lay’s Potato Chips, our president no doubt rouses with an aggressive BM. And for the sake of simplicity, let’s just assume that Trump spends the rest of his day in a lightning war with his bowels. #TrumpHasPotatoShits
While campaigning he was famously a Twitter monster (and regular monster, depending on your ethnicity), but President Trump is surprisingly more restrained with an average of five tweets a day (only slightly more than Obama). As the Boston Globe detailed, the prime Twitter window is between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. – giving us a clear idea of when Trump sleeps and what he does immediately after waking up.
i. i love you at the bar with a beer in each of your hands, pupils glassy, ecstasy making the hair on your arms stick up. i love it when you sit next to me and our legs brush against one another in bar stools until you work up the courage to reach over and clutch my thigh in your palms. i shiver when your knuckles reach my fingertips and fill the spaces between them.
ii. i love you on the first date, mumbling “just friends” to the wasted old guy who asks if we’re engaged. i love the way you avoid eye contact and smile when i laugh. now when your friends ask me if i’m your girlfriend, you say, “not yet.”
iii. i love you shushing me in your bedroom at 2 a.m., knocking paraphernalia off your nightstand, clothes all over your bedroom floor. i love you jaws aching, throats closing, heavy breathing. i love you tattoos poking out of your t-shirt and hickies lining your rib cage. i love when you say my ass is at least eighty percent yours at this point.
iv. i love you half naked, arms tight around my torso, telling me about all of the girls you slept with. i love you counting your exes like stepping stones, voice heavy with guilt. i love thinking about how we got from there to here. how i don’t regret a single thing. how it was worth it. it was all worth it.
v. i love you tired, calling me babe at 4 a.m., kissing me goodbye from underneath your covers. i love disappearing beneath your stairwell and sneaking out your front door, footsteps gentle against the hardwood floor in your hallway. i know this isn’t love, not yet at least, baby, but whenever you doubt yourself, know this: i love you here with me.
Errugh…! How do the humans use such archaic technology?! It’s even worse than the hunk of junk of gem tech here! Ugh… Hello? Is this thing on?
A preview of my Halloween costume… sewn by my wonderful mother! It was her first time sewing a costume, ha ha! I was surprised she managed to put it together before Halloween! I’m so grateful and so proud of her ~ and I can’t wait to show it to you guys on Halloween! :3c