Important things I’ve learned from fanfics:

- Pay close attention to the local coffee shop’s barista, chances are they are the love of your life

- Pretending to be in a relationship to make someone jealous will probably work, just maybe not in the way you expect it to

- If you are going to listen to people’s conversations behind doors, LISTEN TO THE WHOLE FREAKING THING

- Make sure the person you are talking in your way to a job interview is not your future boss

- Shower sex is actually possible

person A: *has a black eye*
person B:*looks at him sternly* WHAT DID YOU DO?! NO, DON’T ANSWER THAT. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. BUT! LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! YOU-
person A: i-i’m sorry!
person B:
person A: *is super sad*
person B:
person A:
person B: *clears throat* did you win?
person A: *perks up* fuck yeah!

Au where Person A lives in a haunted house but like? Isn’t fazed by anything? They don’t even think their place is scary. Footsteps? Do ghosts know nothing about being quiet I’m trying to sleep. Voices? I don’t have time to ne ominously warned I need to study. Actual black sludge coming out of the pipes? I don’t have the money for a plumber u rats.

Then Person B shows up, somehow being able to See the ghosts, like “ dude ur house it literally full of demons and ghosts” and A’s just like “ya I know the demon in the bathroom keeps clogging the toilet somehow. Also the ghost in.my room keeps waking me up and that’s not cool cause I’ve got college I gotta focus on not this”

The demon/ghosts just hit their heads against the wall cause this MORTAL is literally fazed by nothing.

you’re having a really bad day and look up and kinda say, “please, please, please, someone help me”, and one minute later a guy with little horns pops up from NOWHERE and just goes, “man, you don’t know how fast angels are. like, daaaaaamn. can you believe I am feeling the tiniest bit exhausted? WOW”
apparently the Devil’s son heard your request and had to fight several angels just to arrive first and be your helping “guardian” because “you’re cute”.