Sit down, witches young and old. I have a story to share.
So, in late Summer 2014, I was held at gunpoint and my car was stolen. Without going into too much detail, I was out at night running errands and two masked men cornered me in the parking lot of my apartment complex. (The Mister was not with me at the time; he was in the apartment.) In the trunk of my car was my witchy box, which contained ALL of my most important craft materials including my book of shadows, my tarot, and my most beloved trinkets. (I had taken it on a witchy retreat the weekend before.)
When they stole my car, they used it in a bank robbery and then ditched the vehicle after use. I was DEVASTATED. I couldn’t sleep or eat for days (trauma can be an absolute bitch); I was terrified to go out on my own, even on our porch. I lost my job because I no longer had a means of transportation. And to top it off, I ended up having a miscarriage around the same time.
Guys and gals, I went to a very dark place after this. The police, as helpful as they were, told me that the likelihood of finding the vehicle was slim-to-none. In fact, it is common in most places (and especially my state) that stolen vehicles are dumped in rivers or ravines, never to be found again. What made matters worse was that I had JUST PAID THE CAR OFF and SWITCHED MY INSURANCE TO LIABILITY ONLY. (For you bebes out there that don’t know, this means that your insurance company won’t replace the car if it is stolen.)
For months, I tried to dig myself out of this hole, but I felt like I couldn’t really connect with my craft because I was missing important elements to my spellwork. Some of the things in that box were passed down for generations in my family. They were absolutely priceless. I felt so…lost.
The following May, I was visiting Tulum, Mexico. A tropical storm was brewing off the shoreline and everyone else was drunk at one of the all-inclusive bar. I watched from my balcony as surfers took to the turbulent waves and something came over me. I felt a literal pull in my chest. Something kept telling me to go to the water.
My family, friends, and the Mister all told me I was crazy when I went to the beach. There was thunder, the waves were insanely high, and even the experienced surfers were having trouble. On the lifeguard stands, black flags were posted (one of the signs that swimming is absolutely ill-advised) and for even an experienced competitive swimmer (that’s me!), it would be dangerous. But something told me to get into the water.
Nothing could have prepared me for the power of the ocean. It pulled me when I resisted; it dragged against every limb and I became frightened. But instead of thinking about the fact that I could possibly drown, I kept replaying those guys and their guns pointed at me, one shoved into my forehead. I became angry; I kicked harder, pushed myself further until I felt the sand at my toes again.
I was crying and so angry. I stood still in the water and called out into the wind. I beat my fists against the surface of the sea (I probably looked insane, but no one was out there) and felt all of my pain seep away. I begged the water for one thing: even if the car didn’t run, could my precious things be returned to me. I bartered with the sea.
The sea giveth and the sea taketh away, as they say. All of the hurt and terror and anguish I had felt over the previous year disappeared. I was embraced by the water and somewhere so very deep inside me, I knew everything would be okay. There was finally a sense of calm and clarity inside me, replacing the tumultuous emotions I had been feeling.
The morning we left, after the storms had passed, I went back to that secluded part of the beach and promised that I would dedicate my life to helping witches around me. I had never made a promise like that in my life.
A month after that, the state police found my car. It wasn’t in working condition at all, but everything remained intact in the trunk. They brought it to my parents’ house and I rushed outside. I sobbed when my dad opened the trunk and saw the box waiting, looking the exact same way it did the night the car was stolen. Everything was in it, untouched by the elements. (Eventually, I repaired the car enough for it to run another two-and-half-years, too!)
Magic is real. Against impossible odds, there is power in every wish and desire. I will never regret the promise I made that day. I will never take for granted the gifts that have been given to me. And when people scoff when I say that I am a witch, I inwardly smile and know that my magic is true and real. I have all the proof I need.
just remembered about a week ago I had a dream where ronan dreamt himself up a bunch of ronans, and he basically excommunicated himself from the gangsey (because he just knew they would Disapprove) to be the head of all-ronan hooligan gang, where he could do whatever he wanted and no one told him what to do. and, for whatever reason, blue looked at this spectacle and said “is there room for one more”
Jemma: I woke up underground and my clothes were filled with dirt and this woman kicked me out of her car and then I went to a coffee shop and NO ONE HAD CELL PHONES APPARENTLY then I got attacked and I stole their car and went to our spot and you weren’t there and I wasn’t going to wait in the open so I went to see Coulson and he was Hydra and refused to remember me and he took a child away and some kid tagged my car -
I just survived a mob hit and swam a mile down a river just to escape them so no, I’m not in the goddamn mood to play nice-–give me your fucking car or I’ll blow your head off ok?
and, what the f–why are you laughing? tHIS ISNT FUNNY GIVE ME YOUR CAR–YES I KNOW IM NAKED ALRIGHT AND ITS COMPLETELY IRRELEVENT
you shoved a giant bag of cash and drugs in my arms while running from some people and tracked me down later to take it back but oho boyy fuck that I’m not givin this back. serves u right to thinking I’d be too innocent to do anything with it
I stole ur car to outrun these assholes but we got t-boned and now both of us are staring down 7 gun barrels-–don’t worry babe ok I totally have this handled
all I’m trying to do is capture this fucking guy but you just busted in here like such an ass to try and kill the mofo and I swear to god I will shove my foot so hard up your ass if you kill him—
I apparently pissed of the ‘fate committee’ by not dying when I was supposed to so now I’m stuck in some fucken final destination shit by avoiding all these attempts to off me–🖕🏽 fucku you’ll never get me
I have searched for years, gone through seven disguises, and am LAYERS deep in lies, ALL to get to the bottom of this mystery and claim my reward and here you come fucking EVERYTHING UP-–either you leave and wipe that goddamn grin off your face or I blow your brains out, go ahead and choose.
*freezes when they say youll have to kill them to get rid of them*
*sees them smiling at it* aight fuck yuo—
*record scratch* yes, some might wonder how I got in this situation: me, here, with a broken nose, few fallen teeth, my entire apartment complex on fire, lipstick all over my neck and ten cocked guns pointed straight at my head, but let me tell you– it’s actually a funny story.
yes I am gonna be fucking bitter about being stranded in space with an alien army chasing after us, I signed up for space rocks and neil degrasse tyson not the spacetime fucking oddessy
Crazy lady lit my buddy's land on fire, so he burned down her world.
Buckle up, this one’s long.
I was visiting a friend who owns and operates a trailer park- basically his house is the main office. A couple had just moved in to a lot with their mobile home. The dude seemed fine, and him and his girlfriend had just had their first kid. Well, at 3 AM just a few hours after I arrived, the boyfriend showed up at my friend’s house (the main office). Apparently, he had a DNA test done, and he found out the kid wasn’t his. So while the girlfriend was still in the hospital he started f*cking around on her to get back at her.
Well, earlier that day, she got released from the hospital, and he refused to go pick her up. So she walked from the hospital to the trailer park (easily 20 miles), and found him f*cking this girl. She went apeshit. She started trashing their tiny mobile home while he and his mistress quickly got their clothes on, and the boyfriend opted to drive the mistress back to her place.
When he got back, his soon to be ex-girlfriend locked him out of their mobile home. So, at 3 AM he showed up at the front office to call the police. My buddy woke me up, filled me in on the situation, and I went out to his living room to keep the dude company. I explained that if the kid isn’t his and he signed the birth certificate, he has 60 days to remove himself from the birth certificate- otherwise he’ll be on the hook for child support. I also explained that while calling the cops is a good idea, they likely won’t be able to remove her from the mobile home since she had established residency.