stokes

I’m in a long line at the drive-thru and to keep from blocking the parking lot’s intersection, I leave a little space in front of me. Trying to be courteous. That said, anyone with at least one working eye-ball could tell I was in line.

I’m sitting there watching the rain, thinking about whether I should get grilled chicken or just go for the double burger, when a work truck cuts in front of me.

I raise my arms in sheer disapproval, and he has the nerve to flip me off.

The bird.

Not cool at all.

Since it’s raining, I realize the indoor line is probably short, so I pull into a parking space. I jog into the restaurant to find that the line is only two people long. Super stoked. After a short wait I have a yummy grease-bomb burger in hand. I get back into my car and see that truck dude is still in line. That alone feels good, but I really want him to know I got my food before him. Out of principle.

So I time out blocking him in as he exits the drive thru. Innocently, you know? Heh.

I should tell you that when I’m really happy in life … like really content in the moment, I laugh uncontrollably. I let it out like a suffocating pig gasping for breath. It’s a spectacle even without the sound effects.

I laugh that hard in front of this guy – the frowny-faced truck fucko – for about 15 seconds. His look of anger turns to confusion and settles into acceptance. I’ve had my moment – I’ve seen all shades of defeat – so I carry along and enjoy my goddam double cheese burger.

JIB8 - Jared M&G story

So, like last year, I was once again lucky enough to have a Jared Meet&Greet, and got to be close to a tired yet focused Jared Padalecki (who’d just woken up from a nap in between his autograph session and his M&G).

Before anyone began asking questions, there was a knock on the door but no one entered. Jared looked at a staff member and asked her “Is it Ackles? Is he fucking with me again?“ - then laughed. Apparently, it wasn’t Jensen who then joined us for Jared’s M&G, but Jensen’s stunt double. Why he was at the convention I have no idea, but he just sat down and observed the M&G (as well as a few panels, I noticed later that day) - and confirmed a few facts when Jared asked him about something.

Jared’s chapter in ‘Family Don’t End With Blood’ was mentioned and whether or not he would consider writing a book. His answer was no. He said he’d spent a whole year writing that chapter and, besides not having a lot of time on his hands, he’d had some anxiety writing it (I guess because he was afraid it wasn’t good enough). However, Jared said he felt like he owed it to us to be honest about it all. I admit I was struggling not to tear up at this point, having not only read his chapter but had been in Rome during JIB6 when Jared had gone through his breakdown.

A woman mentioned her reason behind telling Jared a funny story during his solo panel (the beenie/penis story - I’m sure there’re videos of it if someone doesn’t know what I’m talking about), that it was because people often tell Jared sad stories and she therefore wanted to make him laugh instead. She also said that he took on too much on his shoulders, that he was not alone in this, and that we were all there to carry some of the weight with him. Jared appreciated that.

He also got some questions about his love for watches, his ‘Venatore’ wine (Jared said he could talk forever about his love for both watches and wine) and his favorite author.

By then, the M&G was almost over but Jared luckily picked me to ask the last question. My question was: “When you do emotional scenes on the show with Jensen, do you think of something sad? Or does the emotion come natural to you after working together for so long and being so close in real life?“

I got really distracted by the fact that Jared was looking straight at ME and answering MY question, but this is what I remember of his answer:

Jared said it was a great question. He said that he, in the beginning of the show, did think of sad things to bring out that kind of emotion, but proceeded to say that he doesn’t do that anymore. Jared said that he hates when the script says “Sam cries“ (which is something Jensen also mentioned in his solo panel) because he doesn’t wanna cry unless he feels like the scene calls for it. So if someone writes that in a script or if a director tells him to cry, he’ll say “I appreciate you saying it but I’ve known this character for 12 years, so please don’t ever tell me that again”. Jared mentioned the scene in 12x22 where Dean and Sam had to break through the wall in the bunker. It wasn’t supposed to be an emotional scene, but he and Jensen had felt like the scene called for it. Jared then said that he couldn’t remember if Sam cried during that scene, and I remarked “Well, I did!“ which made Jared laugh.

He mentioned the church scene between Dean and Sam in the episode “Sacrifice“ and how it was originally scripted that Sam should be all tough about it and practically yell his words at Dean. However, that wasn’t what the scene called for. When they’d gone through the scene, Jared (as Sam) had felt the emotion and had teared up, so that’s the direction he had to go with the scene (and thank God for that since it’s one of my favorite scenes!) He continued to talk about how the brain knows the emotion isn’t real but the body doesn’t, so it’s tough having to do emotional scenes - especially when 5 minutes in a scene takes like 14 hours to film.

Jared then said something that had me struggling not to tear up again. He talked about how Sam is a tough guy who, nine out of ten times, tries to hold back his tears rather than show them because he wants to be strong. Jared remarked that crying is not a sign of weakness - that you’re also strong when you cry - but that Sam tries to hold it in. Which, Jared said, was also an emotionally draining thing to do. Both for him and Sam.

Note: During his talk about the church scene and how Sam always tries to be tough and not cry, I swear Jared’s eyes turned wet for a second (as well as my eyes did). Whether it was because of what he said or because he was just tired, I can’t know for sure - but I was sitting pretty close to him and he was looking straight into my eyes at the time.

Anyways, Jared also talked about how guest stars often get something (I don’t remember what he called it. Crystallized something) sprayed into their eyes to be able to cry. Jared has only tried that one time, and that was when he was in House of Wax. His character had to cry but Jared couldn’t do it because he had to sit completely still in the scene (where he’s been waxed) and couldn’t use his facial expressions. That was the only time he’d ever needed help to cry in a scene.

Jared then repeated that it was a really good question, but time had run out by then and he had to leave the room. I was more than a little stoked to get such a long and detailed answer to my question - and more than a little awestruck to have Jared’s eyes on me throughout almost his entire answer.

Not Quite Hiatus

So just a quick note re: my tumblr. I had a meeting today for a second job. I accepted it a while back without knowing *all* the details. It seems like it’s going to be a really rewarding experience, but it also seems like it’ll be a lot more work than I was anticipating. I initially thought that between this and my online class, it would be like two part-time jobs, but it looks like it’ll more a part-time job (the class) and a full-time job. So my point is, my blog may be inactive for a couple of weeks while I work things out (I need to get some admin stuff for the fall done over the next week because this new job is going to eat up a lot of time when THAT stuff is due–basically I’m trying to be smart and manage my time so I don’t get super stressed).

Anyhoo, I’ll still be around and liking all of YOUR stuff, I just might not be able to refresh my queue or post any of the tattoos I’ve been working on or anything for two or three weeks. This is what I get for being a responsible adult and accepting any job opportunity that comes my way so I can pay off my student loans. XD

on the run p.3 (snippet)

part 1 | part 2


He rounds a corner, his booted feet scraping dust off the sturdy concrete as he kicks a towering, wooden partition and slides it to the side. It served as door to a metallic elevator, the stark contrast of the two entrances seems like a portal to a whole other world.

Minho runs his thumb swiftly across a small trackpad by the side and the sleek doors slide open soundlessly. He steps in and feels a slight tug, her hand still clasped in his own across the distance that now stretched between them.

Minho says nothing, hoping that there is comfort in the way he looks at her, wanting nothing more than to assure her that the choice is up to her. She flicks her gaze away to everywhere but him, following suit as she enters the elevator but it’s the soft squeeze of her hand that soothes him a little.

The elevator drops down for a good moment, long enough to signal that they are no longer above ground. When the doors open to reveal a place that certainly didn’t belong hidden in the industrial abandonments they just scoured through, Minho had to block the doors from closing back as she is left rooted to the floor of the lift.

“We’re here.” He says, eyeing her with his nerves in a wreck.

W E L C O M E  T O  T H E  M A D N E S S

Yurio, you’re such a little punk. ilu.