stock portfolio

Why the Types Will Die Alone

ISTJ: You were somehow roped into a relationship once but ended that nonsense right quick once you realized they wanted to talk about their feelings. You live a lonesome, tranquil life by the river now, whittling calculators and stock portfolios from driftwood. They are your only friends. 

ESTJ: You had a great life, perfect partner, and tons of friends for many years. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Jk, your best friend and the rest of the Senate stabbed you repeatedly in the back and you bled out alone on the floor. “Et tu, Brute?” were your final woe-begotten words you tyrannical dictator, you. 

ENFJ: Your partner got sick of trying to decrypt your real feelings about everything every other second. It’s okay though, you still had a pretty fulfilling life never saying no to any person’s request. You eventually died when your body spontaneously combusted from the stress of trying to make everybody happy. 

INFJ: You tried to act ethereal and distant for so long that nobody wanted to put in the effort to get to know you, Star Man. Except for Linda. But once she saw that all of your “deep, mystical” thoughts were actually just crippling anxiety about people’s approval of you, she jumped that ship pretty quickly. 

ESTP: You took all of your friends skydiving and pushed all their scared, pansy asses out of the plane as a practical joke. You turned around and saw the parachutes they were supposed to be wearing still hanging on the wall, but you didn’t think much of it. Anyways, you convinced the pilot to do a sick flip between some buildings and died in a fiery explosion, just like that old, Romanian woman said you would. 

ISTP: You were too busy being the douchey frat boy bully trope in every teen movie that you forgot to make friends. As you lay dying in a pile of cigarettes and empty liquor bottles, you smile, believing wholeheartedly that Fonzie would have been proud of you. He wouldn’t. 

ISFJ: You were baking a casserole but got distracted by youtube tutorials on how to make friends and burned your house down with you in it. You could’ve escaped, but…there’s people outside…so like, screw that, y'know? 

ESFJ: Your son got so tired of you telling him how to live his life and inserting yourself into his romantic life that he snapped at the “Please Date My Son” mixer you threw for him and came at you with that expensive bottle of Chardonnay you got for yourself while you scrutinized all of the potential daughter-in-laws. None of the girls came to your rescue, as they had recently learned that you’d been gossiping about every single one of them since you’d met them. Let’s be real though, you always knew patricide was the only way you’d go out. 

INFP: You drowned your first partner in the bathtub that you filled with your own tears because they had a weird inflection in the way they said hi to you that one time in August 2011 and you never really got over that. All of your friends got so exhausted trying to console you that when you got trapped in ISFJ’s burning house while helping them make the casserole, they all just assumed your bitter passive-aggressive inferences to the fire’s failure to be a good friend would save you. They did not. 

ENFP: You couldn’t stand the idea of being normal, so you moved to eastern Europe to be different and start a charity or something, you’ll figure out the details later it’s whatever, but you forgot to mention it to, like, all of your friends. Also, you forgot your passport. And your keys. Also, you left the stove on. 

ISFP: Everybody got tired of you staring languidly at the rain so they left you. Like, we get it, you’re deep and thoughtful. Also, they couldn’t stand that you were still into SuperWhoLock, like, that stopped being popular 6 years ago, please move on. Anyways, your pet horse gets so tired of you talking to him about your feelings that he kicks you in the chest, killing you instantly. 

ESFP: You told all your friends you were too busy for them and couldn’t commit to the friendship and floated to some neon rave party and thought trying ecstasy would be a fun experience. You tried proving you were a badass to the bouncer and took like seven and pretty much died on the spot ‘cause your pansy ass would barely have been able to handle one. 

ENTP: You pitted all of your friends against each other to see what would happen for like, the twelfth time, so they all turned on you and forced you to work an isolated office job. They watched through a two-way mirror as you went insane and chewed off your own fingers. They felt that justice was thoroughly served and so do I. 

INTP: You emerged from your garage after weeks of isolation to find that everybody is gone, as they went to the Florida Keys for vacation, but didn’t invite you because they thought you were too busy working on your project that has no real world value. Instead, you assume it’s the zombie apocalypse and retreat back into your garage indefinitely. You die when the roof collapses on you while you’re eating Flaming Hot Cheetos. 

ENTJ: Your coup fails because none of your friends liked the way you kept bossing them around and the government publicly executes you for high treason. In your last moments, you feel a strange sense of camaraderie with ESTJ’s fate, but it doesn’t last long because you could have done waaaaay better than them if you were in that situation. 

INTJ: You’re too proud to admit that you feel things on occasion and shove them all down until the emotions rot away your insides and you eventually have an ulcer, a stroke, and a heart attack all at once in a GameStop parking lot and die, wishing you could have told just one more person why they were wrong about something.

If you can squat on a property for 5 years in California, while acting as though you legally live there - paying home owners fees, taxes, attended neighborhood meetings, etc. You can take over that property and there is little the original owner can do about it if done correctly.

It’s also important to recognize California is going through an extreme housing crisis. It’s estimated that the required joint income to live comfortably in a 2 bdr apt here is well over $100,000. Lots and lots of people are being forced out of their neighborhoods by gentrification, and with rents that high cannot afford anywhere else to go. Which is not to mention the foreign investors (and other rich fucks) who buy property that they never plan to use, that literally just sits as part of stock portfolio that they’ll eventually sell at a premium in a few decades. They purpusfully refuse to rent such properties because they wear and tear caused by families that could be living there.

I really hope this becomes a movement. #occupyhouses

We need to get organzied, set up a system for figuring out what properties are vacant and start moving people in systematically. More people need to have the knowledge and skills to pull this off.

Standard Level - Reblog up to 5 and like up to 10 of my posts a week. No speaking to me. $5/Month

Founder’s Level - Reblog up to 10 and like up to 25 of my posts a fortnight. You may reply to 3 posts. NO REPLY GUARANTEED, no inbox messages. $12/Month

Private Label Level - Reblog up to 50 and like up to 75 of my posts a month. You are allowed 10 replies and 1 inbox message. I will consider a follow back. $40/Month

Silver Level - No limits on likes or reblogs! You can send me 15 messages in one lunar cycle. I will begin following back at this point. $95/Month

Gold Level - No limits on anything! Follow back. Access to my personal blog. Promos. $200/Month

Diamond Jubilee Level - No limits on anything, follow backs, promos, personal access, weekly newsletter, dividends payed out quarterly, receive stock portfolio tips I get from a crystal ball, 24/7 GPS coordinates on me from a tracker in my thigh, I make my own shitty postcards but I put a LOT of heart into them so it’s the thought that counts, you got a “human-shaped problem” that you need to “take care of”? I’ll do it. I’ll do it for you. If you’re DTF I will fly out anywhere and have sex with you. $550/Month

Villainy Insurance

Villainy insurance is one of the many services Evil Supply Co. provides professional villains in the Netherworld. Keeping the wicked protected ensures a darker tomorrow for us all. Policies include:

Prior Global Destruction So many want to destroy the world, creating significant financial unrest. This policy will help your investors sleep easier knowing, should your plans be usurped, not all is lost. Evil Supply Co. will cover the damages to your portfolio.

Mutiny Contingency When the lead villain is an obstacle in the
path of progression, the temptation for your henching crew to remove them from power is mighty. Should this happen to you, we will avenge you. Purchase our Necromancy Claws Clause and we will bring you back from the dead as well!

Hero Hangs Up Their Cape — To effectively destroy a hero, large amounts of time and effort are necessary. Plans are made, spells developed, giant robots built and tested and then reprogrammed because they run amock. So what would happen if your opponent… simply… gives up? Gets a mundane job, maybe a stock portfolio? Goes on a vacation, has an existential realization that “saving the world” isn’t for them anymore? Without a backup plan, you’d be in terrible shape. We’ve seen this sort of thing before, we are here for you.

WHY DO WE HAVE THIS BUTTON — The inclusion of a “self destruct” button is controversial — you wouldn’t want your carefully crafted lair to fall into an enemy’s hands should you lose, but the inclusion of such a device gives them the ultimate weapon. The choice is forever yours. Should your needs demand this doomsday contingency, we can help protect your surviving assets and then help you rebuild.

HACK ATTACK — Killer robots are prime targets for cyberheroes. Encrypt your software, keep guards on your hardware, lock your WiFi, and use strong, unique passwords. Turn off your robots when they are not in use to save energy and add an extra layer of protection. Insure against the unexpected and unplannable.

HEALTH CARE — Providing quality health care for your hench crew is critical for an effective villainy strategy. Unhealthy minions, and healthy minions not confident in the ability to get care as necessary, cannot do their jobs effectively. Plus, they will be miserable! A failure to serve the needs of your crew as they serve your needs will destroy you as effectively as any enemy. In Hollywood, the villains always treat their minions terribly, they kill them for the slightest infraction, and yet still wonder why they are constantly being betrayed. Fascinating.

3

fe fates terrarium charms now available for pre-order!

$14 regular price - $11 pre-order price!
Pre-orders end 3rd week of January.

These charms are 2.5″ tall and have a unique design on each side.

You can find them in my Tictail shop!

anonymous asked:

It's not okay. None of this is okay. Having no friends is not okay. Having no experience of being in a relationship when you're nearly 25 years old is not okay. Watching life pass you by whilst you're in your room on the two days you get to be off in the week just crying all fucking day because you have no social life or anything interest to do is not okay. It gets tiring to wait for things to get better when nothing actually changes and all you've got is your.... emptiness

Hi, 
Thank you for reaching out to me and being brave enough to share a little bit about who you are and your struggles. Never underestimate the power of making yourself vulnerable and being honest with what you face. You never know who you could inspire by making someone else feel a little less alone in their own battles. 
Finding purpose and finding meaning in your life isn’t easy. Finding your “reason why” is damn near the most difficult question you will ever have to answer in life. In your specific situation I see a pattern. I’m only getting a single shade of your complex life, but in this shade I see someone that craves more. Someone that wants more. You have the introspection and emotional intelligence to be honest with who you are and tell yourself that you want to reach higher than you are. Being unsatisfied is often the first step to creating something truly great, or embarking on a remarkable mission; whatever that may mean to you. 
There is something that is keeping you from reaching this potential. As humans, we instinctively compare ourselves to others. We use our peers as a benchmark for our own success. It’s a more than a common practice, however it is grossly inappropriate to use another person to measure your worth and gauge your success as a person. You see, people are infinitely different.
I remember in high school, I felt so self conscious for not ever having kissed someone. And it wasn’t until my senior year that my lips ever touched another person’s. That’s enough for any one of my classmates to qualify me as prude and relentlessly poke fun at me. But it was me. I was just different. I still am. 
As are you. 
You are different and are on your own path. This is your life and it is and will only be what you make it. This is beautiful because it gives you the power to be and do anything you want. But it is you who needs to be the one to make the change in your life. It will be you that has to search yourself to find what it is that makes you happy. If you do not know, it is on you to search and build the courage to put yourself out there and try the things you never thought you would so you can find something you never thought you’d have. These are not easy things to do, but these are things you must be willing to try. 
Pursue life and invest in yourself. I promise, no stock or mutual fund portfolio will give you as high of a return on investment as the time and energy you put into yourself. 
xoxo,
Cwote

✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts starters. ❜

‘  plot twist: you let someone in and they don’t fuck you over  ’
‘  you would not believe bill nye… if ten million Science Guys  ’
‘  the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting  ’
‘  why was shrek’s soundtrack so incredible like who sat down and decided that a movie about an ogre would have a beautiful rufus wainwright ballad followed by a smash mouth/eddie murphy cover of i’m a believer and how can i thank them  ’
‘  i justify my impulses by the fact i’m going to be dead one day and none of it truly matters in the grant scheme of things it’s that “treat yo self” nihilism  ’
‘  all i do is listen to music really loudly while i walk in circles and daydream :/  ’
‘  but you are an entire universe and i am a bigger cooler universe where everyone skateboards  ’
‘  my insecurities have destroyed so many opportunities   ’
‘  maybe you and i exist together on a different wavelength than the rest of the world. perhaps, we are on a separate frequency.  ’
‘  will u still love me when im no longer young and ok looking  ’
‘  ʸᵉᵃʰᶜᵃⁿ ᴵ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵘʰʰʰʰʰʰ some fuckin physical affection  ’
‘  stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.  ’
‘  concept: me traveling the world alone, figuring myself out, taking tons of cute aesthetic pictures, befriending kind strangers, drinking a cup of tea on a cute cafeteria, and trying out things for the first time.  ’
‘  holy shit thank god vine is gone like can you imagine all the vines about fidget spinners  ’
‘  me: reads the bad reviews of a book i didn’t like to seek validation  ’
‘  if you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an “uncharacteristic purchase”  ’
‘  i’m a dumbass and that’s just how it is  ’
‘  y'all actually seek validation from people that don’t give a fuck about ur feelings??? LMAO bitch me too why are we like this  ’
‘  special thanks to all the 10 year olds out there for making all those music lyric videos on youtube  ’
‘  i am so gentle and kind hearted… and stupid  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she i mean me  ’
‘  just letting everyone who’s ever told me a secret know that its safe with me (and my mom)  ’
‘  me n my eyebrows…………we been thru a lot  ’
‘  i wanna jump off a building and not die just relieve stress by slamming onto the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something  ’
‘  all I want is vintage lingerie and good skin  ’
‘  nsfw: nobody’s safe from wonderwall  ’
‘  do you ever wish you could unmeet someone…. like,, we had fun times,, but it’s time for me to wipe my memory Sorry Bud  ’
‘  date a boy who reads. or better yet date a 37 year old recent divorcee with a highly diversified stock portfolio who’s looking to feel young again and can treat you to what you deserve  ’
‘  if you knew me in 7th grade i’m sorry  ’
‘  *cha cha’s real smooth away from academic responsibilities*  ’
‘  anyone else feel like they’re inherently worth less than everyone else  ’
‘  be open with your love and loud with your laughter. life is so much brighter when lived genuinely.  ’
‘  i really wish i could get a refund for all the love i’ve wasted on people like! repay my emotional labour your bill is in the mail  ’
‘  i’m such a tease. i’ll tell you how bad I want to fuck you and then probably fall asleep.  ’
‘  i’m crying my best  ’
‘  i want to be known as someone who’s full of love and radiates light  ’
‘  i’m in philosophy and were talking about how you can doubt everything’s existence except for your own consciousness and the guy that sits in front of me just turns around tears streaming down his face and goes “i am on so many drugs”  ’
‘  how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit  ’
‘  some kid just skateboarded down my street crying  ’
‘  do you ever get in an “i don’t know” phase in your life. where you literally don’t have a solid answer to anything. you. just. don’t. know.  ’
‘  which of the three pillars of modern music is your favourite, burnin’ up by the jonas brothers, beautiful soul by jesse mccartney or lucky by britney spears  ’
‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’
‘  there is no doubt in my mind i’m really that bitch  ’
‘  after you hit 21, you start forgetting your age cause ain’t nothing else to look forward to, besides sweet death.  ’
‘  why am i not currently in the italian countryside with a fruit plate wearing a light linen dress? unacceptable  ’
‘  hands are weird because one of them can do absolutely everything without a problem and the other one can’t even hold a spoon  ’
‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’
‘  is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?  ’
‘  mATH, deATH – wake up america  ’
‘  does anyone else have a resting bitch face™, but kinda enjoys looking intimidating  ’
‘  time flies when u take a 2hr depression nap in the middle of the day  ’
‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’
‘  u know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. and ur entire life. everything is awful bc my hair is greasy  ’
‘  i’m just so glad the word “ugh” was invented  ’
‘  just another day of loving with all my heart and believing in the universe  ’
‘  you know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm? that’s how I want to feel always  ’
‘  come into bed and listen to the rain with me  ’
‘  people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel,   ’
‘  can someone please be proud of me like fuck i’m trying  ’
‘  concept: a really nice Italian restaurant but it’s spelled “spagooter” on the menu and the waiters won’t take your order unless you pronounce it like that  ’
‘  just found out neanderthal passed on the dna for depression and now we know why they stayed in caves and painted horses all fuckin day   ’
‘  i want kids but i’m scared they’ll blame me if they’re ugly  ’
‘  does anyone have any tips for not thinking about it  ’
‘  “what’s a queen without her king?” well, historically, better  ’
‘  i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol but has a lot of alcohol in it  ’
‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep  ’
‘  i’m alive out of spite  ’
‘  not to vent but: fuck  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot  ’
‘  can’t wait to be balls deep in love  ’
‘  why are there so many days?? i feel like we just had a whole day yesterday… they don’t stop  ’
‘  i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”  ’
‘  *adjusts my tinfoil hat* y’all are crazy  ’
‘  do raccoons have people hands or do we have raccoon hands?  ’
‘  mark your territory by crying on things  ’
‘  any size titty is lit  ’
‘  love lemon trees! i too am bitter but growing  ’
‘  my only constant is the black hair tie around my wrist. no mans gonna be there for me like this hair tie has. no ones presence is gonna be as reassuring  ’
‘  me???? tired???? sleepy??? yes constantly  ’
‘  the box says “four servings” but my heart says one  ’
‘  the lengths i would go to to both get attention and avoid it….astounding  ’
‘  i hope everybody is doing their best even tho we’re all doomed  ’
‘  young adult things: washing your colors with your whites because you don’t care you JUST don’t fucking care  ’
‘  I just want to help out all the people with no money but i am people with no money  ’
‘  bricks are just domesticated rocks  ’
‘  being nice is so easy just do it  ’
‘  lets start wearing cloaks and swords again. its time  ’
‘  classes are like a high level dora the explorer episode. person up front asks a question, stares at you blankly for a few seconds, and then answers their own question.  ’
‘  the average orgasm is 7 seconds. keeping a feral hog in your basement lasts for 5-16 years depending on your ability to care for it. the decision should be clear  ’
‘  will i ever have my shit together  ’
‘  i live in a time where a major selling point for food is that it uses “real” ingredients.  ’
‘  “what the fuck” is an emotion now and its the only one i have  ’
‘  it’s not a real party until you sneak away to the bathroom to question your existence as you stare at yourself in the mirror haha  ’
‘  every hard day you make it through makes you one day closer to stranger things season 2  ’
‘  assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student i.d. number  ’
‘  i feel like each year has progressively gotten worse since the year of luigi ended  ’
‘  um that’s u’re* not ur  ’
‘  i wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. the heroes are always sprinting, always running. you ever seen darth vader run? hell no. and I ain’t about to either.  ’
‘  i have nothing to say but will i shut up? No  ’
‘  i cannot believe another week is like beginning we just finished one  ’

twindoodle  asked:

For the I love you prompts, 10. Not to Me and Ladrien?

10. not said to me; accepting prompts


Adrien isn’t sure how this exactly happened, but here he is at an animal shelter with Ladybug. As himself.

How in the world did he get so lucky with his school volunteer project?

Now, under normal situations, he’s learned how to be a cool and suave guy when LB is involved, but plain ol’ Adrien? Well, have you seen her smile? It’s better than a million bucks and he’s pretty sure that was the total sum of his stock portfolio last month.

Ladybug bops and weaves from puppies and kittens, dogs, and cats, before letting out a girlish squeal and pushing her face against a clear plastic cage. 

“Oh my goodness, don’t I just love you!” she happy squeaks. 

Snapping his attention back to the moment and trying not to be dweeb, he peeks over her shoulder to see a silky black cat blink lazily at her. It doesn’t escape him that said cat also has very deep green eyes. 

“Here kitty, kitty,” she coos as she opens up the cage.

“Meow.” 

Ladybug scoops the fat cat in her arms, much to the cat’s pleasure, before squeezing it. “Oh, I’m totally in love with you. I want to take you home!” 

Adrien chuckles quietly to himself before taking a step forward. “Like black cats, Ladybug?” 

She smiles fondly at the kitty before grinning wildly. “Well,” she starts with a laugh. “I might be quite bias, but black cats are my favorite.” 

He smirks and digs his hands into his pocket. “Oh? Got a certain Chat on your mind?”

Ladybug wrinkles her nose with delight. “Shhh, don’t tell him. If he knew, he’d never let me forget it!” she says. Giving a little sigh, she happily scratches the cat’s chin. “But yeah, I really do love Chat. He’s the best. Just like this little guy!” 

Adrien feels warm inside. His lady loves him! And thinks of him and–yeah, he’s kinda really in love with her. Like totally in love with her. 

Despite that he feels a flush coming, Adrien reaches out and pets the cat too. “Don’t worry, Ladybug, I won’t tell a soul.”

(Because the person who would want to know already knows.)

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian: A Translation

This is a translation of the Gnommish written at the bottom of the pages of the novel Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian, written by Eoin Colfer. Punctuation and embellishments such as hyphens, apostrophes, and italics have been added. The English translation is as follows:

The last will and testament of Artemis Fowl the Second.

Being the final wishes of Artemis Fowl in the event of his death at the hands of the pixie Opal Koboi.

Should he survive for forty-eight hours after the date of writing, this will becomes null and void and shall have no weight in any court, human or fairy.

I, Artemis Fowl the Second, being of exceedingly sound mind and reasonably sound body, bequeath my estate and advice as follows.

To my father, I leave the three hundred million dollars in bearer bonds that are hidden, believe it or not, under my own bed, the last spot anyone would think to look, and possibly the most booby-trapped place on earth. Butler will know to disengage the security measures.

To my darling mother, I leave my stocks portfolio, including my shares in ethical funds and registered charities, which I know she will manage with the usual moral determination, and I also bequeath to her the department store on New York’s Fifth Avenue, which I had planned to give to her on her birthday.

I wish my brother Myles to inherit my laboratory and all its equipment, with access to the special projects room to be granted on his eighth birthday, when he will be mature enough to deal with other dimensions, alien, and time travel.

For my brother Beckett, I have purchased a lifetime’s supply of slime, so he can coat himself in gunge as often as he pleases. I also wish Beckett to have the ant farm, provided he promises not to eat any of the ants.

My faithful bodyguard, Butler, is of course entitled to his generous severance package, and is under no obligation to stay on, but it would be greatly appreciated if he renewed his contract and remained in the employ of the Fowl family. Apart from his pension, I wish Butler to become legal owner of the apartments in which he has lived since I was born, and the dojo where he tried to teach me to fight.

To Juliet Butler, who has protected my brothers so faithfully, I leave my sound system, which is based on gel speaker technology, and which should make even her collection of modern music sound reasonably non-offensive. I also leave to Juliet the three sports cars, and a lifetime subscription to the wrestling channel.

To my friend Captain Holly Short of the Lower Elements Police, I leave the thirty-seven solid gold bars that were the price of her release when I kidnapped her all those years ago. I know that I can never make up for that crime, but hopefully you can think of me as a friend, when you do think of me.

To the dwarf Mulch Diggums, I leave the refrigerated warehouse in London Docklands that is stocked with enough frozen chicken to satisfy even his appetite for several decades.

To the centaur Foaly, I leave the blueprints to an interstellar craft that is so advanced, it makes his spacecraft look like hot air balloons. I have hidden the designs inside his own system, where he would never think to look for them. To find them, Foaly must open his own security file to me, blink eight times, and say the words, “Artemis Fowl is smarter than I am.” I this does not work, then at least I will smile in the afterlife.

This is repeated as many times as the number of pages in the novel permits.

hiatus fun ☽ nadim the brown penetrator

for @skampoc who submitted the prompt: nadim + questionable life decisions (why is he with these penetrator demons. i kno cis dudes irl are trash but is he just in it for the laff in parties?)


hello, my name is nadim khoury and i am the token brown penetrator.

i get asked often, at the mosque, at school, on the street, “yo, nadim. you can’t legit like those dudes. what’s your agenda?”

and you know, they’re goddamn right. i don’t legit like these dudes.

first of all, they all fucking look alike. i swear to god there are five sveins, all the same lego-headed, stringy blonde hair type. and to be honest, i can barely tell chris apart from justin bieber on a good day. but look, this is norway: if i’m going to choose from being a token for some racist losers or some racist rich bastards, i was raised smart enough to choose the rich bastards.

well, i thought i was smart and shit until all of a sudden i’m getting my ass beat after justin bieber decides to pick a fight with some fucking randos. yamasaki, yasaka, yakuza or whatever the fuck culturally appropriated bullshit they named themselves. so now, i got a black eye and my mom asking me about ten thousand questions per hour. cool. and you know all these white kids don’t have parents who love them enough to care, so add that to the list of problems they don’t have.

but i was in it for the long con. i was too deep. you wanna know my agenda? here’s my agenda: every thursday, friday, and saturday since year one, i would volunteer to get the alc for whatever stupid party they were throwing. i told them my older brother had the hookup. i don’t have an older brother. but creepy uncle samir was more than happy to hook me up with the most shit booze he could find.

then you know what i did? i replaced the stickers on that shit and upcharged them by 2000 krone every weekend. every weekend for three years. do you know what that means? i’ll tell you what that means, people of the internet: i scammed the penetrators out of 312,000 kr and these dumbasses were none the wiser.

so my deepest thanks to william magnussen, christoffer bieber, and the 15 sveins for funding my graduation trip to greece and the beginnings of my stacked stock portfolio. and for the rest of you: get that white coin. nadim, out.

SUBMIT YOUR PROMPTS HERE!

anonymous asked:

Scully's thoughts on discovering Mulder's headstone and learning about his brain disease?

She couldn’t believe it.  She just couldn’t believe it.  She mulled over the last few months in her mind, thinking there had to have been signs she missed, but she couldn’t think of anything.  They’d been so happy.  Happy with the new development in their relationship from friends to lovers.  She’d never seen him laugh so much and she’d felt lighter too and that whole time he was dying?  It didn’t make sense.

The headstone was a slap in the face.  When it arrived at the office, Skinner tried to keep it from her, but as she sat down with it and stared at his name etched into the front it really hit her.  He was dying and he knew.  He told her he loved her, trusted no one but her, would do anything for her, and yet he didn’t bother to share this vital piece of information with her.  That sonofabitch.

She leaves work and heads to his apartment, ostensibly to feed the fish, but truly to tear the place apart from top to bottom if she has to, looking for some sort of clue to help her understand why he would do such a thing.  She finds a floor safe in his closet and considers asking the gunmen to break into it for her, but not until she’s spent several minutes trying different combinations: his birthday, her birthday, Samantha’s birthday, the date of Samantha’s abduction…the date of her own.  It works.

Inside, there’s a folder full of papers and a leather-bound journal.  She opens the folder first.  The first document is clearly labeled THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF FOX WILLIAM MULDER.  The folder slips from her hand as she runs to the bathroom and empties her stomach to lose the contents of her stomach.  She’d like to blame the baby for that one, but it wasn’t morning sickness.

The papers are strewn across the floor when she comes out and she gets down to pick them up, one by one.  There’s the will.  A deed to a house on Martha’s Vineyard.  A stock portfolio.  And there are papers for a trust account in her name to be transferred upon his death into her control for her own use or for any heir she may produce.  There’s also information for a fertility specialist - not the one she used last year - but his own, and for her legal use of his sperm being stored by their facility.

“Oh my God,” Scully says.  “Mulder…”  She touches her flat stomach, pressing her hand deep into her flesh.  They’d never talked about the in vitro after it had been unsuccessful.  Well, she didn’t.  She remembers once that he’d tried, but she’d quickly shut it down.  What was done was done.  To know that he’d prepared for an eventuality even in the face of failure was…she didn’t know what to think.  Had he known something she didn’t?  Did he know the baby currently inside her was possible?  Was his life the price he paid for it?

Scully’s lip catches under her teeth as she shuffles the papers together and puts them back inside the folder.  She unwraps the strings tying the journal closed and opens the first page.

Scully - 

There are some things I probably should tell you, but you’ve been so unfathomably happy lately - we’ve been so unfathomably happy, I should say.  I can’t bear to look at you and say this to you, so I’m going to write it down and you can read it when I’m gone, or you can just accept it for what it was.  These last few months have truly been the happiest of my life.  Getting to know the sides of you that you’ve kept hidden all these years has been a saving grace for me.  I only wish I could have left you with more of me than what fits into this little box and in these pages.  I’m hoping it’s still possible because I haven’t given up hope for a miracle.  Even when I’m gone, I still won’t give up.  Anyway, the rest will unfold as you keep reading.  If you keep reading.

I love you.  I think I’ve always loved you.  If you ever look up sometimes, and a star winks at you, think of me.

-Mulder

Scully closes the journal, unable to catch her breath.  She puts the papers and the journal back into the safe and spins the dial.  She’s not ready to give up hope yet.  She just got one miracle, why not try for two?

The End

A Familiar Face

Klaroline Infinity Day 7 - Ideal Endgame Scene

A year, a century, what was time to an immortal? For Caroline, forty years meant love, laughter, fear and grief. With her daughters grown, she’s ready to stop playing it safe and to go looking for the adventures the world once promised.


She had forgotten how lonely it could be, the fate of a vampire. At home, the girls knew exactly who she was and what that meant - but they couldn’t possibly understand the weight of outliving such a phase in her life. Humans went through a handful of these complete shifts, but Caroline was realizing she would have to do this over and over again until she met the wrong end of a pointy stick.

Having buried both Stefan and Alaric years before and signed the Bennett School over to Josie and Lizzie, Caroline decided to take a well deserved retirement trip around the world for her sixty-fifth birthday. She had left a week earlier, kissing the girls at the airport. “I love you, call me every day.”

“Every week,” Josie promised sternly, onlookers probably confused to see a young woman asking her mother to call every day.

Because Caroline didn’t look her nearly sixty-five years; she didn’t look a day over seventeen, and she never would. It was a realization that came in waves, one that hit her again as she flew over the Atlantic to South Africa. The list of postcards and souvenirs she had planned to buy was much too short for someone of her age, but everyone had died or moved on with their very human lives.

The girls, obviously, would receive the brunt of her gifts. Matt never cared for her messages, and Elena didn’t even know who Caroline was anymore. Some of the school’s students kept in touch, but it wasn’t the same.

She was always missing the people she loved, and she wanted someone to miss her.

Shaking her head, Caroline glanced around the plane to distract herself from the morose thoughts. Brass curls caught her attention, but she turned to her book before she could let herself wonder why.

Keep reading

Motivated

Just wanted to put this out there. Writing it softened the blow of tonight’s episode. Wow, what a ride.


When there is something that motivates a person, rather it be a cause or a person or a goal, something that drives you to make a difference not only in your own life but in the lives of an entire city, that motivation defines you, it makes you a better person, a better friend or lover, a better husband or wife, a better man or woman. It makes you a better hero.

Oliver recognized this the first time he stepped away from his father’s list and saw that the whole city needed saving. It wasn’t just about stock portfolios and bank accounts,(as Felicity pointed out to him) it was about giving the citizens of Starling City the comfort of going about their daily lives without the threat of harm or darkness.

**

On the island, Oliver was motivated solely by surviving. Every day was a challenge for him. He went from a person who always had everything given and explained and resolved for him, to someone that was completely thrown into chaos and violence and the uncertainty if he would live or die. Basics needs like food, water, shelter and rest—they were luxuries he felt would never be a part of his life again. He experienced real loss, perhaps for the first time, when his father killed himself. Because of the shock and grief from that act, Oliver could not have imagined then that Robert’s death would be the first in a long line of traumas ahead for him. Also, for the first time, Oliver was completely alone, with no skills to survive.

That first year on the island, Oliver reminded me of Moses wandering in the desert, stripped of his humanity and privilege and purpose. The island was Oliver’s perdition. He was any empty vessel searching for a reason to keep living.

He needed motivation.

**

In that first year, key people came into Oliver’s life—Yao Fe, Slade Wilson, Shadoe; and later, Anatoli the return of Sara.

Yao Fe taught Oliver the concepts of loyalty, of when and what was worth fighting and dying for. He taught Oliver about survival, the ultimate kind. Oliver took that lesson and began to teach himself how to survive in harsh conditions.

Slade Wilson taught him how to fight physically. He taught Oliver the idea of brotherhood and camaraderie, how to work together as a team. The irony of these lessons would come back to haunt Oliver a few yearslater , birthed by the Dr. Ivo events.

Shadoe taught him how to use a bow, the discipline and practice it takes him to aim and shoot straight (he slapped a lot of water to learn this.)

She also taught Oliver about love, the romantic kind. It was compassion and tenderness and heartfelt—all the more when experiencing it in a pond on tropical island.

Anatoli taught Oliver about perseverance and comradeship. He taught him gratitude and the price of favors and promises.

And Sara? Well, when they met up again, she had developed her own burgeoning survival skills. She taught Oliver that sometimes making hard choices can be impossible. The choice Oliver made in saving Sara instead of Shadoe was purely instinct. Or maybe he was just standing closer to Sara. When Ivo pulled the trigger and killed Shadoe, everything Oliver had been taught up to that moment died with her. I think it might have been the first time he thought to himself—what is the point of being strong, of being a fighter and a lover and a brother, if I can’t protect those close to me. A few years later, Felicity asked him what would be the point if he lost himself in the process? In that moment when Shadoe died, Oliver was already lost, not just in the process but in his life. The morality and personal growth and voice of conscious that Felicity was talking was a dead body lying at his feet.

But out of that tragedy, Oliver felt a new motivation.

Anger.

**

Sidenote: For the life of me, I could not remember the names of Masao’s wife and son. I drew a completed blank. I didn’t have time to look them up. I apologize for this discrepancy.)

The next stage in Oliver’s search for motivation was Hong Kong. It was there he learned about the importance of family.

Masao and his wife and son were the fulcrum of this lesson. Amanda Waller and Argus furthered Oliver’s skills as a weapon by darkening his character with assassination and torture. Even though Masao worked for Waller, he was the first person in Oliver’s odyssey who started to believe in him. After Oliver shook off the trauma he went through on the island and started to get involved in the well-being of Masao’s family, Oliver learned another concept—having a purpose. We saw for the first time his attempt to not only save Masao and his family, but an entire city from the virus that dickhead General intended to unleash. Oliver risked his life for this purpose. But he also lost more of his humanity by torturing and killing dickhead.

After Masao’s son died, Oliver found another motivation.

Pain.

 

**

It is still to be shown the final outcome of Oliver’s time in Russia and whatever motivation he may have found before he returned back to the island, and then home to Starling City. But when he did return, all those things he was taught, they bent and forged and shaped him into a newer purpose—to right his father’s wrongs. He was a lethal weapon with a signature goal, to eradicate the criminal element that was corrupting his city. Yes, in that first year back, Oliver was dark and scary, but he had learned that helping people, no matter if had to kill, maim or otherwise, brought him the satisfaction of accomplishment.

Oliver found the motivation for that purpose.

Justice.

**

The final pieces to Oliver’s of chosen journey was John DIggle and Felicity Smoak.

They were the incarnation of those hard earned lessons Oliver learned while he was away. They were the finalization of those realities called brotherhood, camaraderie, team—and most importantly, love. They helped him to shape the angry, violent man born on Lian Yu into the compassionate, dedicated and focused person that instilled awe.

Oliver found in John a warrior, a hero and a lifelong brother. He found a morality that was at first alien to him, but became a compass he would steer by going forward. He found in John someone who would never lie or lead Oliver astray, someone who would provide truth, even if that truth is painful.

And in Felicity, Oliver found the kind of love that goes so deep, nothing could ever overpower it and take it from him. Her tech savvy, her charm and wit, her intelligence, her beauty and her great capacity to love completely—gave Oliver a look into the kind of man he could and would become. Felicity was the lesson Shadoe taught him about caring for someone—times infinity. Oliver might have to go hungry and thirsty again, he might not have shelter to protect him from harsh elements. He might even get so weary that not even rest would make a difference. But his love and trust and need for Felicity gives him the ability to survive. Like Thea told him—love, in spite of it all, is what makes life precious. Felicity is why he takes a breath. It’s why he opens his eyes each morning and appreciates being alive. She is his search for beauty and she is that beauty. She is the light in the dark and it will always lead him back home.

And that is Oliver’s lasting motivation.

Love.

*

So Oliver has come a long way on this journey. Sometimes he can get in his own way. He can still disappoint and hurt and even betray those he loves. He’s not perfect. But he can also bring happiness and strength and peace to those in his life who might sometimes lose their way. From the jagged path he started on to the light of survival and redemption and hope, Oliver Queen: the Man, the Mayor, the Green Arrow and the Hero; that is what motivates a whole city to be stronger and kinder and empathic, to have love for their fellow man/woman.

This is why he will survive Adrian Chase. This is why he will come back.

He is still motivated to make a difference.

@hope-for-olicity @louiseblue1 @almondblossomme @tdgal1 @dmichellewrites @scu11y22 @arrows-4ever @swordandarrow @jamyjan

anonymous asked:

do you watch friends? there was a scene where phoebe complains that she's 30 but still hasn't had the perfect kiss. joey runs out of the coffee shop, kisses her & then says "now you can say you've had your perfect kiss." it was quite sweet. can you write a mini klaroline prompt based off that?

Thanks for the prompt nonnie and I’m sorry this took so long to do, I actually had it half written then managed to delete it and have had trouble getting the motivation again. And yes I adore Friends and this scene : )

I also want to tag @thenerdyunhealthybrit who gave me a Friends drabble prompt AGES ago and I never got around to it. Hope this will suffice, luv : )

I’ll Be There For You

“Well, that’s three months of my life I’ll never get back,” Caroline sighed, flopping onto the café’s couch next to Bonnie defeatedly.

“And another one bites the dust,” Enzo murmured, not even bothering to look up from his newspaper as Kol began to hum the melody of the aforementioned Queen song.

“It’s a little too early for your poor excuse of a comedy duo sketch, isn’t it?” She scowled in their direction. “Urgh. What’s wrong with me?”

“Well…” Kol began.

“You’re not being helpful,” Bonnie chided, giving her boyfriend a knowing look.

“She makes it too easy,” he argued, poking out his tongue.

“I meant,” she replied tersely, choosing to ignore his usually childish behaviour. “Why do I always pick the wrong guys?”

“I thought James was perfect relationship material,” Elijah offered, mimicking her premature and totally unfounded predictions and calmly taking a sip of his tea. “If I recall correctly he’s a lawyer, Harvard Rhode Scholar, has an impressive stock portfolio and likes the opera.”

“You really should have known from that opera nonsense,” Klaus interjected.  

Caroline turned to give the middle Mikaelson a weary glance. When they’d first met the Mikaelson siblings after Kol and Bonnie began to date all those years ago, his crimson lips and dimples had disarmed her briefly but then she found out just what an arrogant smartass and womaniser he was and the spell was well and truly broken. 

“It’s times like these I wish you’d not listen to anything I say just like your brothers,” Caroline said to Elijah, while choosing to ignore Klaus. She figured that unusual perceptiveness he possessed was due to Katherine’s influence over the eldest brother since they’d recently begun dating.

“Well, he must have done something wrong,” Katherine observed, snatching the last salted caramel macaron before Enzo could get his greedy hands on it. 

“Oh yeah, he did.”

“Oh, let me guess,” Rebekah offered. “He couldn’t dance like that Max fellow with the two left feet? 

“Yeah, you had bruises for weeks from memory,” Klaus shared.  

“No, it has to be Sam and his questionable fashion choices,” Enzo observed. “But between you and me, I don’t mind a good turtleneck. It can get a little nippy in New York City in the winter, after all.”

“Turtlenecks haven’t been in fashion for a long time and anyone who’d pay so little for a suit needs to have his head examined,” Klaus interjected again. 

“No, it had to of been the laugh,” Kol chuckled. “Do we all remember Nathan and that weird noise he emitted that sounded like a dinosaur dying?” 

“How in the world do you know what a dying dinosaur sounds like?” Katherine baulked. 

“I concur with Kol’s comments, just this once.” Klaus mumbled. For someone who showed zero interest in her love life certainly had a lot of unexpected opinions.

“You have to admit, it was pretty bad,” Bonnie whispered, not quietly enough though to avoid a dirty look from her best friend. 

“Is my love life really that entertaining to everyone?”

“Well…”

“Kol, zip it,” Rebekah warned, slapping him across the head for extra effect and some sisterly revenge. “It can be very difficult to find a good man, believe me.”

“Well, when the woman in question is your bossy, big sister then it’s not that surprising,” Kol shrugged. 

“Enzo? Are you going to defend me here?” She baulked, looking to her boyfriend who was still immersed in his newspaper. 

“You let him get to you every time, darling. You know just saying,” he murmured, his hand finding hers comfortingly. 

“Don’t take any notice,” Katherine said. “He’s hopped up on caffeine. As soon as he’s coming down from his high we can all pester him incessantly and pepper him with retaliatory insults.”

Caroline wasn’t unfamiliar with their usual banter and while she mostly found it entertaining, today she wasn’t in the mood. When would she find the guy who was going to change her perception on things, challenge her daily and give her the perfect kiss she’d craved? Call her a pathetic romantic but she’d been waiting for that kiss for almost thirty years and right now wasn’t sure it would ever happen. 

Her birthday was coming up in a month and it had taken all her strength to stay with James to that point. Yes, he was perfect on the outside and she was pretty sure would kill any job interview or parental interrogation but she wanted more. She wanted her perfect kiss and couldn’t wait any longer. She was running against the clock, after all. 

“Care?” Bonnie interrupted waving her hand in front of her face. “We lost you there, which isn’t entirely unexpected in this crowd. What was wrong with him?”

“It doesn’t really matter. I suppose he just wasn’t right for me,” she mumbled, feeling the hot water welling in her eyes and dreading having to explain her sudden reaction. “I actually need to get to work.” Before anyone could object she left, pulling her coat across her chest to ward off the winter chill.  

“Caroline,” he shouted, she’d know that familiar accent anywhere given its ability to cause a few niggling sensations down below. Why did her name have to sound so good rolling off his tongue? “Wait up.”

“What do you want Klaus?” She growled, turning around on her heel quickly and somehow finding herself rubbing against his chest teasingly, those necklaces in full view peaking out teasingly beneath his familiar henley. 

“What was wrong with him?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t say, no doubt due to my brother’s lack of tact as usual.”

“Oh come on, it’s growing on me,” she shot back sarcastically. 

“That’s when I know you’re delirious,” Klaus joked. Caroline was trying to ignore just how handsome he looked in that charcoal, fitted jacket and dark jeans. 

“And you must be too wanting to know about my latest relationship, I mean you’ve barely batted an eyelid.”

“Not sure where you’ve been all this time, love,” he smiled. Moving closer and fastening a stray lock of hair behind her ear, surprisingly her slightly. “Now, what did that ass do exactly and should I kick his ass?”

She was momentarily winded, struggling to breath because he felt so warm against her body and his spicy aftershave so enticing as it filled her nostrils. 

“All I wanted was the perfect kiss before I turned thirty, let’s just say he couldn’t oblige.” She noticed a slight tugging at the corners of his mouth, afraid she’d summonsed the arrogant monster from within.

“I can’t promise perfect but I’d be willing to try and help you out?” She was frozen now, wondering exactly what this would mean for their friendship but his close proximity only made her want him more. She figured you were only thirty once and as his mouth covered hers she realised just how good it felt. 

His lips massaged hers, slowly at first, almost like Klaus was relishing in the initial contact as Caroline melted into his embrace. She felt his tongue slip into into her warm and waiting mouth. She groaned against his lips unable to stifle the unfamiliar feelings he’d caused from just one kiss. 

The sound of a car horn broke them from their reverie and moving apart, albeit reluctantly. They continued to stare, their blue eyes unwavering their breathing slightly ragged. 

“I suppose I should, uh, get going,” Caroline said, finally managing to find her voice. 

“I suppose you should then, love,” Klaus smiled, those dimples making a sudden appearance.  She managed to tear away her gaze and make her way down the sidewalk even if her legs felt like jelly and her heart was racing that much faster. 

Fast forward three years and her friends relished in telling that particular story at their wedding reception but both the bride and groom liked to argue who really was the one to make the first move and if in fact it was the perfect kiss. 

Caroline liked to play her cards close to her chest to avoid inflating that already impressive ego but Klaus figured he had the winning hand given she’d agreed to marry him at all. 

Jason: *in his late twenties* hang on, if your making all this money, where is it?

Piper: in a safe place.

Jason: what does that mean? Under your bed?

Piper: no, it means a diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds. I’m not overly conservative. I’m young so my guy said i could take some risks.

Jason: wait a minute, you have a “guy”?

Piper: don’t you have a guy?

Jason: why would I have a guy?! I don’t have any money!

Thoughts on beauty and the beast 2017

-Audra McDonald is boss, but that song is weird.

-prince Dan is super sassy.

Originally posted by n-barnes

-prince Dan does not deal in a plant based economy. 

- Honestly, I feel bad for anyone who just got a job there. I filled out my w2s, excited for new life adventure annnd now I’m a rug. Thanks Potts for recommending me.

*song Belle*

- ohhhhhhhh, emma can’t sing. Hopefully that won’t be too distracting.

-belle is mean 

-is those boys checking her out?is that lady checking her out?

-Damn LeFou! Mark your territory.

Originally posted by evytju

-so I guess in disney if you really think people are talking about you behind your back, they are not. They are singing about you behind your back.

-wow gaston gets distracted quick. Have fun with the ladies. Don’t get syphilis!

-ooo, belle asking her dad for a rose just like in the original story.

-Belle: I invented a washing machine to make your lives easier! 

               Towns people: witch!!!

Originally posted by gacktova

-Gaston, are you trying to guilt her for not having a baby? What are you her judgy aunt Edna, wondering why her sister’s not a grandmother?

- uggh the singing. why didn’t they just dub over her?

-Maurice in the woods. Just snow….in June. Perfectly safe. Totally normal.

- Phillip, the baller horse, saves his life,. MAURICE repays him by leaving him outside to be killed by elements and wolves. No stables huh?

- Pro Tip! When wandering into someones house, don’t eat their food. This might happen!

Originally posted by itadakimasu-letmeeat

- Maurice, run for your life, but there is always time to smell the roses.

-Beast smelling Maurice’s blood. Is the beast a vampire? That would explain the capes. And fangs.

- Yell at that horse, belle! Get a straight answer! POS Phillip. 

- God does Lumiere hit on everyone that comes into that house? Maybe that is why the Beast has crappy housekeeping.Wonder which object is his lawyer?

-Maurice “how did you find me?” that is a legit question, Belle.

-she’s either Sherlock Holmes or can talk to animals. Maybe that’s why she calls chicken “little people.”

Originally posted by all-things-disney-gifs

-Prince Dan has changed his mind about a plant based economy. Flower for a life. Sounds fair.

-Beast: you’re a fool. True looove?? At this point he’s gotten more action with her dad.

- Lumiere is giving belle a new room. belle has a vagina so that means you get nicer commodities. Also they don’t want another poor yelp rating. 

-is Lumiere hitting on her again ? “ oh you are very strong. this is a grreat quality.“ 

- is he priming her up so she won’t get crushed by the beast when they have sexy time later?

-# beast in the sheets

-"why should I be startled, I’m talking to a candle.” lols. OK, you got me movie.

- “whats in the west wing? Monologuing.” 

Originally posted by donnajosh

- the East wing, or as I like to call it, the ONLY wing!

 -does Lumiere know the definition of modest?

-Lumiere! Not in front of the kids! Keep it in your pants, if you want a PG rating.

-Belle talking to a brush. She may need some therapy after this.

- did the wardrobe just fall asleep? Does the humanoid objects need sleep?

- Lefou has got it bad.

Originally posted by theunknownaura30

-spelling is hard. Poor baby.

- uh oh. Maurice is raving again.

Originally posted by nerdywallflower19

-when prince dan enters the room, he makes an entrance.

- Prince Dan does not like hanging with the common folk. Ewww. She better not touch his cloak and make it dirty. Her father is a nobody!  (seriously maybe he should have kept Maurice around)

#Always warm in Beasts bed

-Lumiere: show me the smile!

Originally posted by andsowewalkalone

-I’m so sorry I lost my train of thought.

-Prince Dan does not think mental health should be a laughing matter. You should not call people crazy. He gets Bimonthly visits from his therapist couch.

-Go starve! Be my guest! And don’t even THINK about having an elaborate song and dance number with all my staff based on this same title! (runs off to the west wing and can’t hear fireworks due to another great speech by President Bartlett)

-*petal falls, castle shakes* flower based economies can not save your crumbling infrastructure! 

Originally posted by perfectmentalityballoon

-*belle is trying to escape* so she’s an active heroine because she’s trying to run away? Lets be honest, I don’t think this movie could pass the bechdel test

-Lumiere: they are fighting, oooh so hey must be in love. Umm does Lumiere have a problem?

*Be our Guest*

- yay you’re hungry, so your food will dance in front of you but you can’t eat any of it. seriously he gives her food and then takes away her fork.

-Side Note: I used to have the biggest crush on Ewan Mcgregor when I saw Moulin Rouge in High School. His singing can make me feel so many things. 

However, singing in a fake french accent is just making me cringe.

- Mrs. Potts: you can change him! Great advice. that totally works. 

Belle wanders into beasts bedroom and is surprised he’s upset. Actually think he’s in the right here.

-Hey wolves, you don’t mess with Phillip!

-What are the wolves waiting for? The music to become more dramatic?

-Its a motherfucking growl off


Originally posted by teachingfeelslike

-Yep Maurice doesn’t know where he’s going. So Belle is definitely Sherlock or talks to animals.

Newsflash. In breaking news, Gaston is dick.

Belle and Beast arguing over her being in the west wing: You shouldn’t have been in the west wing. DUDE. You’re in the west wing now.

ANOTHER NEWS BULLET. This just in- Beast isn’t cruel, hes a brat

Originally posted by collegepsychexperiment

-Audra McDonald has the voice of an angel.

-WAIT A SECOND. WHAT the hell is this curse?! The prince gets stuck as a monster and everyone else DIES. Or stops existing. Boo freaking hoo, this prince has had a hard life but that doesn’t mean you have to die for him! where is the loophole. Agatha is a bitch to servants.

-Oh girl! Beast knows Romeo and Juliet. And he is mocking her. What is he going to quote his favorite Shakespeare Titus Andronicus? Or Fall out Boy?

Oh nice library.(Bitches love libraries.)

Originally posted by hakuna-tomato

The ice is thawing. SYMBOLISM! 

Ughgh the autotune.

So she’s not “glancing at you,” shes staring at your hairy ass. She’s wondering if the rumors are true.

Lumiere please don’t light the library on fire! its the only reason Belle is staying there. 

LOL. when Mrs. Potts says chip it sounds like shit.

The pep talk for the beast took a weird turn.

Like how they brought back the organ/harpsichord from the crap sequel.Tim Curry!

-Prince Dan: Do you love it here? How much time has past, a week? you can’t leave! do you love me yet? 

-Ok I know he has to let her go so she can save her dad but he’s condemning all of his people to death. I’m pretty sure if someone explained this loophole to her she would give a shit.

Oh, beast wants to love and be loved in return.

Damn Dan can sing

Ok belle put the phone down. Gaston thinks he can be a politician

Gaston is sounding horribly familiar. That beast is a bad hombre.

LeFou- Wrong “monster” is released. ehhem. 

Originally posted by ohheydiabetes

Wow they fortified quickly. Maybe one of the servants was a former military general.

Oh I think its the coat rack.

Reading is fundimental! Illiteracy kills!

Originally posted by bookbaby

Man, Lefou is fickle. Guess he’s  good guy now because he has a conscience and only tried to kill Maurice…for love.

Gaston, never look up your exs new boyfriends on facebook. You are only going to depress yourself.

The power of love will save you!

What is that, like the third time gaston shot prince dan in the back?

You came back? Oh course. You have a great library. And those rumors better be true.

Ok i am actually sad about the dog and chip, and Mrs. Potts.

Good job general coat rack. You were amazing. *getting emotional*

Originally posted by jenesuispasunefilleparfaite

Belle loves the beast but has to say it in front of Agatha. Otherwise doesn’t count.

Prince Dan is human again. Now change him back! He was hotter before.

Ugggh ewan in a french wig is not attractive. Nope can’t unsee that. and now neither can you. bleh

Originally posted by batbedits

Who tells their 6 year old they smell good? Like really?

Mr. Potts story is ridiculously sad. He always knew he was missing something, and that something was not right in his life. Turns out his family was taken away from him and he was forced to forget about them but never really could. Fuck you Agatha.

Oh and cogsworth had a wife? But he hates her? weird tonal change…

Yep, Dirty Dan get a beard. He looks fine with a beard

Originally posted by imanewrevival

And lefou hooks up with a cross dresser. All well that ends well?l

Moral of the story, invest in something other then plants. Diversify your stock portfolio..

Afterward (Week 2)

First read Day 0, Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3. Now we’re skipping ahead from the day-to-day to the week-by-week.

Originally posted by wentworth-miller617

The CIA-appointed lawyer hefted his calfskin leather double-gusseted law satchel onto Sara’s dining room table and popped it open with a graceful click. “I don’t usually make house calls from the city,” he told Michael, “but the Director made it clear that for the Scofields, I’d be on the 6 am train.”

“And we appreciate your time,” Michael said smoothly. He knew the type: $2000 suit, manicured fingernails, apartment in Gramercy or Dumbo. No doubt devoid of wit or human empathy. No matter, as long as he did his job. Michael was about to offer coffee when the front door opened. Sara strode in, dropping her purse on the table.

“All good?” Michael asked. Mike had started back to school two days earlier, and it hadn’t been completely smooth sailing.

“So far,” she answered. She turned to the lawyer and held out her hand. “Sara Scofield. Sorry I’m late.”

Keep reading