still very very comfortable of being with myself

My time in the otherkin community and how it harmed me

I’m submitting this to existing blogs instead of posting it on my own- I don’t want to be attacked, and I’m honestly scared of losing followers if I say this. With that being said, here we go. -KR

I’d like to share my experience in the otherkin community and how it has harmed me.

I used to identify as a red fox therian, dragonkin, and fictionkin of three characters, namely Peridot from SU. I identified with even more fictotypes at on each point, but luckily I was able to drop them. I had a blog that was pretty popular and respected at one point but I took it down. 

Early in fall 2015, my depression was worsening and I felt like a void. I felt empty as I was losing connection to myself because of developing anhedonia. I came across otherkin on YouTube at one point, and I related to their experiences of wanting to be part of the wild, walk in family-like groups, and play the role of animals I closely connected to. Heck, I still like the thought of that whole concept. Eventually I came across the Tumblr side of things, and everything basically became a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I started looking for “memories” via meditation, and because I expected to see them, alas, I found “memories.” 

I felt extremely connected to foxes and Peridot (I still do, but obviously no longer in a kin way) so those were my “main kintypes.” 

It was ignorant bliss for a while, using the kin identity as a comfort/coping mechanism, but slowly I had lots of self-doubt over my newfound kin identity, and I pushed it all away, ignored it, because I wanted so desperately to be my favorite characters and fill the void my depression had been leaving me. 

Repressing my doubt would only hurt me. I had a identity crisis over something that wasn’t even a real part of me. 

Trust me though, many parts of this whole phase felt very real though. I had “phantom shifts” (a result of my vivid imagination), “"physical dysphoria” (which I think is worth mentioning only happened once), and even "memories.” 

Let me tell you about those memories, by the way. There were vivid and spontaneous as hell, and I swear to you they felt very real. I felt some Deja vu  too and they were very well triggered by events that “reminded” me of said memory. Walking through the halls of the a gem spaceship as I handed some homework to my teacher, licking my lips at some very juicy looking blue berries when the smell of perfume smelled familiar to me, etc. I never had them before I started identifying as kin. And you know what? I never hadn’t thema gain after I dropped the kin label, either. As real as it feels, some things are just fabrications- you don’t need to be doing it consciously for it to be all in your head. 

I also took the smallest parts about me and used them as explanations for being kin, as traits brought over from past lives. I thought my affinity for the forest and eating meat was part of being foxkin, although they are very normal things humans can feel. Also because I share a lot of quirks with Peridot, I thought they were traits from lives before. When really, they were just normal things that I developed in this life- such as scratching my forehead where her gem would’ve been. I did this isnce I was a child, but it was actually one of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety, not because something felt missing on my forehead. 

Other excuses I used to “prove” my kin identity:

A strong pull to the forest (which is honestly pretty normal), liking to eat meat,  being able to predict what would happen in a certain series (most of the time, these are coincidences), my fear of fire and the dark (again, very normal), wanting to fly, relating to characters and feeling strongly connected to them, wanting to be a part of the fictional series I liked (honestly, who doesn’t want to be a part of their favorite movie, show or book?)

I would also make up things and overexaggerate certain memories or feelings in order to make myself feel more “valid.” When watching or reading “my canon” I forced myself to give myself anxiety during scenes my kintypes would be stressed in, and felt horrible over nothing. 

My time in the otherkin community started in September 2015. I got so deep into it that I couldn’t pull myself out until late spring of 2016, where I forced myself to give it up. I was legitimately very upset, as I was very attached to my delusion and surrounded my identity around it- like I said, I felt like a void. I barely had one at the time. 

I eventually started calling myself otherhearted instead. Otherhearted is just a way to say you feel very connected to a character and still feel special about it. I ditched that eventually, too, and just started collecting “comfort characters”- which, honestly, is more healthy than identifying as kin, hearted, or even copinglink will ever be. 

I’m honestly very proud of being able to get rid of this before it got worse. Unfortunately, it left some lasting effects.

Because of the whole kin phase, I lost trust in myself and started doubting myself on parts of my identity I knew were 100% true, but I couldn’t believe myself on what was logically and emotionally true just because I was wrong that ONE time. My anxiety increased in general, honestly. I think it’s safe to say that if I was never otherkin, my anxiety wouldn’t have made a comeback like this.

Before older and more experienced therein get mad at me and shout “just because you were delusional, it doesn’t mean all of us are” I’m not saying that all kin are delusional or fake, but I’m saying that VERY lightly. Maybe your memories are real and you really are a wacky dragon, elf, and Lapis Lazuli thing,  I don’t know.

But what I want people to get from this is: identifying as kin, using it as a coping mechanism, etc CAN be harmful, and is most likely a phase. If you identify as kin, I just want to look over your reasons for being kin and see if they are caused by something else, or coincidence. Did you have ‘traits’ of being kin before or after you started identifying as it? How did you start being kin- were you using it as a coping mechanism initially, had a desire to be your favorite animal or character, or feel special? Be honest with yourself. Honesty is the key factor to finding out if you are really kin. Instead of looking for things that might validate your kintypes, look for things that disprove it. 

Trust me, you could really help yourself in the long run.


anonymous asked:

Could you maybe talk about exercise a bit? I never used to have motivation for it because most people are so centred around the losing weight aspect of it, but this thought of "it makes you stronger and that's awesome" resonates a lot more. But I've never deliberately exercised, I don't know where to start, and I don't feel comfortable doing anything publicly apart from walking and maybe joining a class at uni next semester... There's a question in there somewhere, but I forgot what it was.

Being self-conscious about it is very, very common, particularly in people just starting out, like you. I still prefer doing it alone to doing it in a gym full of people, and I don’t give any shits about what people think of me 98% of the time. (I just find other people around when I’m doing my thing to be distracting, and workout time is sort of…me time, if that makes sense? Time to be alone with myself.)

Walking is great! If that’s what you feel comfortable doing, do that! Walking a couple miles a day is a wonderful way to get healthier and stronger. 

Cardio isn’t everything, though; strength training and flexibility is important too. There are LOADS of great videos on Youtube with beginner yoga and strength training routines, and watching and doing them is a great way to learn. 

Strength training doesn’t have to involve weights; pushups and crunches are old classics that work great and take NO equipment. 

I do martial arts as well, which is an excellent form of exercise, but it’s not for everyone. But that’s fine! If there are any activities that you’ve been interested in…dance, for example, or fencing, or swimming…find a class and sign up! 

As for specifics…I do cardio, either jogging outdoors or on my treadmill (or using my little mini-stepper elliptical) for perhaps forty minutes four or five times a week. Maybe an hour, if I’m jogging outside and it’s a nice day for a run. Twice a week for an hour I have martial arts class. Four times a week I do strength training, either with the Total Gym we got for free from a buddy or with a sword in the backyard. (It’s been the Total Gym recently, because it’s hot as sin outside). I do yoga for twenty minutes or so a couple times a week if I remember to and have time, but honestly I forget that a lot. (martial arts stretching at class mostly makes up for that, though.) 

This routine, though, is one followed by an already-in-good-shape person! If it seems like too much to you, that’s fine! Start small and manageable and work up. 

Oh. And these may help. 

I’ve been purposely crossing my legs the Stereotypical Man Way for so many years now and like last week I did it The Other Way and now I don’t wanna stop

anonymous asked:

Hey! Im a fan! I really dig your characters, and the story lines so far! I want to become an animator when I grow up, and I was wondering how do you start? I’m honestly scared that I won’t make it because there are so many people better than me. You seem very well adjusted, so I need some advice. Also do you work somewhere?? I’m curious. It would be really cool if some of your stories became a tv show or something like that. I would watch the heck out of it. I’ll be amazed if you answer!

I’m gonna level with you here cuz I’m kind of in a similar boat , I guess. Sorry if I ramble. I’m young and not in the industry yet, myself, so I can’t say I can quite give you advice from an industry pro’s POV. However, I do have expirience as an artist in general. I think what’s important is to not compare yourself to other artists. learn from them. Use what they have to inspire you to make yourself better. It’s good to have the love for drawing and creating but you need to have the DRIVE to work hard and get better and to keep creating. Recognize mistakes and aim to fix them. Always look for ways you can improve. Draw with the intent of wanting to get better and don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone or get critiques. It’s a bit difficult, yes. I, myself, am still struggling with some aspects of this, but I’ve found that being hard on myself all the time and comparing myself to artists I think are better than me has gotten me nowhere and it just makes me feel bad.

but that’s just my two cents on it i guess.

as for other like general art tips,
life drawing is a very very helpful thing that i will always reccomend. It’s kinda hard to make fake life without taking inspiration from real life. and what you learn from doing life drawing will also translate into when you wanna do stylistic stuff.

also talk to people, thats one of the biggest problems i used to have. It’s hard to get better when you don’t know what to improve, so getting critiques and feedback on art from art teachers and stuff has always been a big help to me.

hope this helps at all? Also thank you! Glad you like my stuff!

Normal Guys

This is for the Carry On Countdown 2017 (@carryon-countdown)
Prompt: Social Media (Day 2)
Genre: angst, fluff
Word Count: 2118
Summary: Baz texts some guy on a dating app online and tries to forget about his love for Simon Snow.

Factually, they’re just lines. A machine could be programmed to write lines like that; yes, he might not even be human. It might just be an illusion that has been granted to me. He might not be who he says he is, he might not be anybody at all. They might be lies, because lying is easy under the cloak of anonymity and online, where there’s no eye contact, no mimics, no sounds to give you away. I know that it would be easy and that life might be cruel enough to fool me into believing someone would be able to love me. I know they’re just lines. But despite all that, I can’t help but look at these words and feel like they’re not just lines, but hope.

And they make me think that even I could love again, someone who is not Simon Snow. For that, it is not important whether this is real at all, whether anyone could be capable to love me at all, because after all, I am nothing but lines, too.

Sconeslove2 02:12 am: lol r u a vampire or smth

NormalHuman 02:12 am: May I remind you that you texted me first?

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: yeah but i’m disfunctional, what’s your excuse?

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: btw ur so posh

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: u talk like old people

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: cause ur an immortal vampire

NormalHuman 02:14 am: I am a normal human. It literally says so in my url.

And of course, I lie, too.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do I lose weight? Gotten so fat

get out in the sunshine, be active, dance, run, walk! smile & laugh! eat more fresh veggies & fruit… less sugar & processed food. do what you love. love yourself as you are, right here & right now. breathe deeply. relax. meditate. practice yoga. sweat daily. drink warm water with lemon in the mornings. do enemas (inform yourself first!). more green juices & smoothies & raw food :) drink more water!!!! do a juice cleanse! (but again, inform yourself & be mindful). be patient with yourself. be kind to yourself. ~ as for my personal experience, everytime i come to work in England i always end up craving sugar & binge eating a lot… this shows me that what my cravings are showing me are much deeper signs than what they seem. the sugar is the comfort & warmth… it’s the nourishing. the sweet in plants is like the nourishing mother. i see myself eating far more sugar when i am away from my friends & family… when i am in a stressful situation or working situation that requires high responsibilities & dedication. when i am missing warmth & love & being hugged & appreciated… this then translates into food cravings. it’s very clear to me. so try to trace back into the roots your cravings as well & transform them from the very roots… find different alternatives that you still love. for me for example, instead of having ice cream, i would have banana “nice” cream… instead of chocolate & cakes, i make cacao energy balls. instead of going directly to the sugar craving, having a nourishing wholesome meal instead. the lack of some nutrients make us crave sugar & such… if the nutrients are all provided, cravings are much less likely. anyways, i could ramble about this forever… hehe. infinite love x listen to your body! ❤✨

I Walk The Line: A Kol Mikaelson Imagine

Request from @prksofbeingafangirl​: can I please request “I Walk The Line” off of the Badlands list please? P.S. love your work!

I hope this is okay for you, lovely! Enjoy x

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time

She was watching his every move as he wandered around her house. It wasn’t like he’d shown up out of the blue, no, it had somehow been planned. 

What was she thinking?

“So, Y/N, why did it take you so long to finally agree to having drinks with me?”, his voice had a soft edge to it, a certain charm that she had no doubt was typical of an Original vampire. 

In truth, she knew why it had taken her so long to agree, and it wasn’t just because of who he was, because of the reputation that she knew surrounded Kol Mikaelson. She’d liked him from the moment she saw him, but past experiences made her weary. 

“I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not prepared for it to happen again.”

“I promise you, it won’t happen again. Not with me.”

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds

Because you’re mine, I walk the line

That had been their first date, at least, that was what Kol had called it. Their second one had gone slightly differently. 

She was more comfortable around him, for a start, but every so often he’d notice worry in her eyes. It was less obvious, but it was still there. 

As time went on, it faded. But it wouldn’t completely disappear until they’d kissed for the first time. Until they’d finally given in to the idea of being together. 

“So, this, us, it’s a thing now?”

“If you want it to be.”

Y/N ignored the demons that plagued her, and decided that yes, it was what she wanted it to be.

I find it very, very easy to be true

I find myself alone when each day is through

Six months passed, and by that time, they had no secrets from each other. From the rest of the world, maybe, but not from each other. 

The emotions that Kol made Y/N feel surprised her. She didn’t usually open up to people, let alone a vampire, and so this was very much a new experience. She told him this, and felt herself blush as he smiled. 

He was glad that she felt she could share these things with her, that she didn’t see him as the monster that the rest of the world did. 

It was part of the reason he felt so alone whenever he said goodbye to her at the end of the day.

Yes, I’ll admit that I’m a fool for you

Because you’re mine, I walk the line

When the relationship had hit its nine month mark, Kol asked Y/N to move in with him. Naturally, it hadn’t been what she was expecting. But, of course, she agreed. 

By this time, most of the walls she’d built up had fallen down because of him. She was a total fool for him.

He’d made her understand that it was okay to be different, okay to be the person she was. 

He loved that person. 

You’ve got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can’t hide

One year. One whole year they’d been together now. She didn’t quite believe that it had happened, convinced that she was going to wake up at any given moment and find herself back in her old room, alone. 

Kol watched her at dinner that evening. God, she was beautiful, like something out of a dream. One that he hoped he’d never wake up from. 

She caught him smiling at her. 

“What are you smiling for, Mikaelson?”

“Just thinking about how much I love you.”

For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide

Because you’re mine, I walk the line

“I promise you, it won’t happen again. Not with me.”

Y/N snapped out of the daydream she’d been having at his words. She knew of the vampire ability to manipulate minds, and she didn’t appreciate it. 

“Did you do that?”

He smirked, causing her heart to beat at a rate of ten to the dozen. 

“Do what, Darling?”

“Put all that stuff in my head.”

Kol took another sip of his drink, his eyes never leaving hers. It made her think for a moment that perhaps he truly had no idea what she was talking about, but then remembering who she was talking to, she decided she knew better. 

“Maybe that was just you. You did have a very content, far off look in your eyes for a brief moment.”

She rolled her eyes at him, refusing to believe that she could have possibly dreamed of a life with the youngest Mikaelson brother, before changing the subject.

“Another drink?”


Badlands Masterlist


I mean a lot of people will see that as him wiggling out of acknowledging some mystical male privilege that comes from identity itself but 1) I don’t see how he could possibly have some sort of “class status” as a man that isn’t showing up on his paychecks and in his safety and how he walks around in the world, but if you want to call things like liking yourself male privilege (I think this argument is bullshit but lots of people think people of different genders just naturally internalize the same messages differently and that therefore trans men are functionally born with male privilege if they are like, confident and like themselves. This argument is a cop out that makes people feel good about identity politics imo- having been raised and socialized into womanhood since birth hasn’t left me not liking myself fundamentally, I’m a confident person, I’m very comfortable taking up conversational and physical space, etc, so this idea that socialization happens along identity lines and THIS is why trans men have male privilege while being read as women every day is silly to me.) then that’s fine but it means the term is pretty useless and doesn’t reference anything materially important

2) I think it’s actually very common for trans men to think of themselves as lesbians or as gay while attracted exclusively to women because they still identify strongly with their sex- I know one person who calls himself biologically gay while recognizing that he has enormous privilege when it comes to walking around with his partner in public because he is stealth generally, and he is still incredibly active in lesbian communities and I have no problem with that. If that bothers you or strikes you as predatory that’s one thing (I don’t think that is generally coming from a predatory place at all) but it’s definitely not my job or place to tell a trans man how he’s allowed to conceptualize himself. Him not signing onto popular politics around his transition (He’s a man currently because he identifies as one, he was born one and therefore has never been subject to misogyny and has male privilege, etc) is Allowed and I am uncomfortable with the idea that I’m supposed to get upset with a trans person for not conceptualizing his transness the right way.

Basically this isn’t really my business at all and I don’t think it’s anyone else’s unless he is otherwise acting toward women in a predatory and violent way, in which case you can deal with that. But seeing himself the “incorrect” way is not a political crime imo. Especially in your concern about how he’s possibly “damaging himself” I think it’s useful to remember that he just is not in any sense obligated to sign onto one set of politics around his transition and it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s in denial. He just thinks about himself a particular way and that’s his right imo. I will say most circles of LGBT people who aren’t involved in “queer politics” will find this totally normal, whereas those that are queer circles will find it disturbing and proof that he deserves public flogging.

being able to pass is a huge relief and it makes me feel worlds more comfortable in my own skin but i’m very transparently gay even when i’m trying not to be and it’s very strange navigating that shift from being perceived as a butch lesbian to being perceived as a fem gay man. i was used to the former and in a liberal area it didn’t carry quite as much obvious stigma, but the latter is kinda fuckin scary sometimes, even in said liberal area, and especially since it’s still a social position i’m calibrating myself to. like last night i was wearing a really loud ridiculous sparkly outfit when i was out with my friends, and i had to walk part of the way back to my dorm by myself at like 11pm, and my friends were genuinely nervous for me. of course i was fine but a guy did whisperscream “faggot” to his friend as i was walking past him, which i can laugh off because there were other people around and he was just being an idiot to look cool and powerful, but still, gender and gender expression and how much it dictates our lives is so weird. i don’t get called slurs or get openly harassed often by any means, but my gender presentation is still a huge presence in my life and how i look out for myself and the risks i take and etc etc, it’s always there and i’m always aware of how it affects how i’m seen

enbynoctis  asked:

It's so cool that you're comfortable being so open with why you had surgery. It's really important to talk openly about disability stuff, I think! The more we normalize it the better. And of course I'm super happy you're doing well, and still very very proud of you! <3

TUIHDIFU THANK YOU SO MUCH ;u; i really am open about it, because i think it’s interesting to talk about and i enjoy sharing myself/parts of my life on here with other people. thank you so much, im glad to see that it’s a good thing to do!


Padme Amidala - Naboo Peace Parade
Denver Comic Con 2018
DCC 2018 Cosplay Classic Intermediate
Judges Award

Long time no cosplay update. This is my most recent achievement- and I’m still very proud of her! I taught myself embroidery just to do the symbols on the tabard. I employed a ton of new techniques that I don’t usually do… I even made a prop (the parasol collar), which is way out of my comfort zone.

On top of it all: I entered my very first cosplay contest in my 17 years of cosplaying and walked away with a judge’s award- which was more than I expected! I’d like to also take the time to thank @dameronns for being so awesome and helping me with that damn petal cloak and my wig! And for being an amazing friend and handler throughout all of DCC.

Knowing that I’m still learning the basics of the ink phase, I have to be very cautious when finishing a drawing (mostly after a certain recent accident). However, I’m trying not to be so picky with myself, and let it flow naturaly. As the result of patience and caution, I learned that by being softer to myself I can achieve more pleasent and satisfying experiences. I have to admit that felt pretty lighter and comfortable drawing and inking Flintheart and his beard ^^
So thank you very much to @ankkalinna and @salemaru - both are one of my faves tumblrs about Disney’s Ducks content and fan art - just like @ducktalefan1 and @minnewinne + @unclescrooge , @mutalieju , @bsjce1293 , @sirius-nightstream, @hapatus , @evarting , @korpinperkele , @felikschan , @julia-a-99 , @whitechocolatetile , @unabashedthingsublime , @taudra , @aj-the-bluejay , @el-pollo-masque and everybody who reblogged and liked my previous post ^^. You are awesome XD!!!
The next one is the colouring phase, Yeah!


Sabendo que me introduzi há pouco tempo à etapa de arte-final, tenho de ser bastante cauteloso ao finalizar um desenho (principalmente depois de um certo acidente recente). Entretanto, estou tentando não ser tão exigente comigo mesmo, e deixar fluir naturalmente. Como resultado de paciência e cautela, aprendi que sendo mais brando comigo mesmo posso alcançar experiências mais praserosas e satisfatórias. Tenho de adimitir que me senti bastante leve e comfortável desenhando e arte-finalizando (esse termo existe?) Flintheart e sua barba fofinha ^^.
Muito obrigado à @ankkalinna e @salemaru - ambos são uns dos meus tumblrs favoritos em conteúdo/matéria e fan art dos Patos da Disney - assim como a galerinha que eu citei lá em cima e a cada um que reblogou e gostou de meu post anterior ^^. Vocês são demais XD!!
O próximo será os testes de coloração do rabujento Pão-duro, Yeah!!

09/09/2018 - 4:50 pm

Questioning the Combinations: Libra Sun x Aquarius Moon

“Describe yourself in a few random words”

Balance, justice, insistence, freedom, connection, change, fluidity, understanding, care, vivacious, empathy, objective.

“What do you like best about your personality?”

01. My humour and open personality as well as my almost automatic understanding of their personal needs. I’m very fond of my intuition and general ability to comfort and help others. / 02. I like being able to see both sides of things without being too involved if I don’t want to be but still be able to give advice and be the peacekeeper. I can be very objective, and see things from al lot of different perspectives. / 03. I pride myself in being the one to take care of people when they need it. People love my ability to listen, and give advice. And know they can count on me if they come to me.  / 04. I like that I can be social in most settings, I can start a conversation with almost anyone, and I easily make friends and introduce them to each other.

“What’s most contradicting about your personality?”

01. Sometimes, I will want to tell the other person what is wrong with their opinion and show them the other side but the other part of me just wants to chill and leave it alone, however it’ll bug me until I either walk away or say something to them. / 02. My deep want for connection with others while also finding a balance for my personal space and care. I tend to give out a lot more than I take and need, so that can become a bit detrimental to my relationship with myself. / 03. I often need to be taken care of, but only a couple are able to do so. I tend to give so much that I am spread thin, but still give till there is nothing left.

When my aunt went through her transition, she made a distinctive choice to shed everything she had before and created a completely new person out of herself. She found comfort in cutting herself off from everything she was ‘before’, and making a clear distinction between herself now and who she was then. I guess this is where I got this idea that I should be doing the same thing. I thought that I should be separating myself into two people, and cutting away everything that made me ‘me’ before I realized something was up with my gender. It’s had me doubt my so-called ‘transness’ a lot off and on over the past few years, until I came to realize that my aunt and I are just very different people. I still feel very much myself every day I move forward with my transition, and I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to embrace aspects of my personality and tastes that are often viewed by society as feminine.

So, that huge life change I expected ended up being more like a quiet, and admittedly happy: ‘Oh! Well okay.’

anonymous asked:

Okay so I am questioning my gender a lot lately, I thought I was right when I chose ftm but now I'm not so sure. There are days where I am like yeah! I'm a dude and days where I feel the opposite. I also often feel like a homesick feeling when it comes to my name and pronouns being changed? I almost want to give up and deal with being female because I feel that I'll never figure myself out

It may not always be a “comfortable” feeling to change certain things you’ve always known. Just as it is common with gender-affirmative surgeries to feel depression or a longing feeling right after surgery. That doesn’t make it less real and that doesn’t make your feelings invalid. ( I myself, knew I was trans from a very very young age, yet after top surgery I still felt a little sadness as some part of me was gone. Of course that passed as it was in no way regret. When changing my name I did feel a slight guilt because my parents had put in the effort to choose that name, etc) point is, it’s okay to feel nervous or insecure in your decisions. There’s a lot of emphasis out there on feeling absolutely right and free with every decision but that’s just not how it is for everyone. Of course nobody is telling you that you absolutely have to dress either “masc/fem”. Just dress in what feels right and don’t feel like you absolutely have to choose an identity right here and now, or even ever.

Also, I know plenty of people who have chosen never to change their birth names at all and have chosen to continue using that name or use a shortened or altered version of it. There’s no need to decide anything right away. You don’t have to go one way or give up and settle for living the other way. Just give it time and play around with it. You may end up being content with fluidity.

Fucked My Boss Harry Styles Smut for Anonymous

“Mom I’ve only been in New York for two weeks. Nothing has happened to me and I’m fine. I’m doing great at work and my apartment is almost done.” I said as I walked into my work office.

“I just can’t help but get worried.” She said and I sighed as I walked into the elevator.

“I know you do mom. I miss you to.” I said and I noticed a really cute guy in the elevator with me and I felt my cheeks turn red. “Mom I’m stepping into work so I have to call you later.” I said and hung up after she said bye.

“Mom nagging your ear off?” He asked and I smiled a little and felt my cheeks get more red as I heard his thick British accent.

“She worries about me. I’m new here.” I said and he nodded his head and he went to introduce his name the doors opened and he looked out and all of the sudden someone yelled in the distance and I couldn’t hear it but it caught his attention.

“Have a nice day.” He said and walked out and I followed suit and reached my desk.

“So we’re going out tonight.” My friend said as she leaned over my desk.

“What? Where are we going?” I asked and she smiled.

“Out. Dress hot. Because you’re getting some.” She said and I shook my head.

“I think I’ll pass I—“

“You were just going to stay in bed and lay with your cat on this Friday night! No! You’re coming with us.” She said and I sighed.

“I’m not going to win this argument am I?” I said and she laughed and shook her head.

“Smart girl.” She said and went back to her desk. The rest of the day we worked and I couldn’t lie I was kind of excited for tonight and going out with my new friends. I haven’t been out in the New York night life so it’ll be interesting.

We ended work and I went to my apartment and fed my cat and started to get ready. I went into the shower glad that my bathroom was the last thing that needed to be done. I finished showering and started to get dressed, I decided on my short black dress with my favorite heels. I don’t plan to ‘get any’ as my friend put it, hell I’m still a virgin. I finished getting ready and my phone started ringing.

“Hey I’m ready—“

“We’re outside! Let’s get our fun on!” She yelled even though we were over the phone. I laughed and made sure my car was good before locking my apartment and heading down to my friends where they were waiting for me in a cab.

“Are you ready for flirt with some cute guys?” My other friend asked and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“I’m okay, I think I’m just going to skip the flirting and go straight to the drinking.” I said and they all laughed. We hit the club and I found that a lot of people from work were at this club.

“Why is everyone from work here? Is this a work party?” I asked and my friend laughed.

“No it’s just this club is close to work so they usually come here after and it’s pretty well known.” She explained and I gave my head a small nod as I made my way to the bar.

“I’ll have a Moscow mule. My friends would like…..” As I turned around I noticed my friends weren’t there and I sighed not surprised.

“Just a moscow mule please.” I said and she nodded her head and started to make my drink as I took a look around the club. I then saw the cute British guy from the elevator and he caught my way and I was caught by surprise and my eyes went wide, I knew he saw me because he smiled and I turned back around to the bartender feeling my cheeks turned red.

“Hey elevator girl right?” The guy asked in his accent and I got weak at the knees. I turned around and smiled.

“Yeah. That’s my name.” I said with a laugh and realized that was lame.

“I’m Harry.” He said and I smiled he took out his head.

“Y/N.” I said and he took the seat next to me. We spent the whole night talking and really getting to know him. My friends came up to us and they were really drunk knowing it was my cue to take them home.

“I think it’s time for me to take them home. It was really nice meeting you Harry.” I said as I started to help my friend. He got up with me and took my other friend.

“I drove here. I can help take them home.” He offered and I smiled but shook my head.

“No I don’t want to be in your way. Plus you’ve been drinking maybe you should sober up–” I said and he shook his head.

“No sorry I said that wrong. My driver dropped me off, it’s not a problem trust me. Please I want to do this.” He said and I gave a small nod. We went outside and his driver was already waiting for us, we stepped inside the car and I told the driver their addresses. The whole car ride I felt his hand on my thigh and I kind of liked that feeling. We got to my friends first house but my other friend chose to sleep over so we brought both of them up. I got them changed and cleaned up while Harry managed to set up the bed and they were knocked out like babies. I left a note to text me in the morning and Harry and I left locking the door with my spare key.

We got back into his car and it was a little awkward.

“So where to now?” He asked me and I took a deep breath and leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was intense and amazing and it seemed like it lasted forever. “We could go back to my house? If you want to?” He asked awkwardly and I couldn’t help but laugh and bit my bottom lip.

“How can I say no when you have game like that?” I asked with a laugh and he laughed backed, he told the driver to head back to his place. We got there and it was an apartment that was a penthouse and I was surprised by how well his apartment was.

“So what do you do at the firm that gets you a place like this in New York?” I asked and he smiled with a chuckle as he went toward the kitchen and I followed him at a distance.

“I do pretty well for myself. Would you like something to drink?” He asked with two empty glasses.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” I said and he nodded his head while pouring two glasses with red wine. We sat on the couch drinking and talking just like when we were at the bar. A couple of wine glasses down I felt more relaxed and Harry’s hand kept lingering on my knee or my calf. There was a lot of sexual tension hanging in the air and he leaned in and kissed me. The kiss got really heated and he leaned forward causing me to lean back on the sofa so it got really heated. I felt him kissing my neck and his hand started to unzip my dress and I started to panic.

“Wait.” I said and he was confused.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to progress things I just—“

“No it’s not you. I just—I should get going.” I said as I started to grab my purse and tried to get up.

“Wait how would you—“

“That’s right! No worries I’ll get a cab—“

“Nonsense I can take you home.” He said and I shook ym head not really knowing what I should do right now.

“I promise it’s not you. I just—“

“You can tell me. I won’t judge you.” He said walking closer to me and I wasn’t sure.

“I don’t want you to laugh or freak out.” I said not moving.

“I promise I won’t.” He said now holding my hand.

“I come from a very very small town. Moving to New York I wanted to just be a new person but still be myself. I’m a virgin. I know for my age it’s odd but I just haven’t felt a connection. And I don’t have this whole special moment thing as a fantasy I just want someone I’m comfortable with. With you its different. I can see myself being with you. But I don’t want to be a girl to brag about the next day.” I said and he didn’t say anything he just looked down at me. He cupped my cheeks and gently started to rub my cheek with his thumb wiping away a tear I didn’t know I had.

“You are amazing. Not because you’re a virgin but because I’ve never felt anyone as open and as caring as you. It’s late and I don’t feel comfortable having you in the streets at this hour. You don’t have to sleep with me I even have a guest room.” He said and I put a small smile.

“Harry I—“

“Don’t argue. You won’t win.” He said with a small chuckle and I laughed a little bit. I went on my toes and kissed him and he kissed me back. I smiled within our kiss and I started to attempt to unzip my dress and he stopped me.

“Wait I don’t want you to—“

“Relax you’re little speech didn’t make my panties come off Harry. I feel comfortable with you. I want this. If you don’t—“

“I do. I do. I just want you to be sure.” He said and I nodded my head.

“I’m sure.” I whispered and he kissed me before making me yell by sweeping me off my feet literally and taking me to his bedroom. I was filled with laughter as he placed me on his bed and I was shut up by a kiss. It got heated and soon we were riding each other of our clothes.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered as I undid his shirt. I felt myself blushing as he kissed down my chest and pulled my underwear to the side.

“You are dripping wet love.” He whispered as his finger swiped up my folds causing me to shiver. I let out a moan and I felt his lips go onto my sex, he grabbed my thighs and held it tightly.

“Fuck Harry this is amazing!” I yelled loudly and it encouraged him to go faster and I felt the pit in my stomach get heavier and I had such a groan come out as I felt my high go through my whole body. My hands flew to his hair and I squeezed his hair to tightly he groaned.

“Wow love how do you feel?” He asked crawling up toward me and I was panting.

“Amazing.” I said and he laughed and kissed me I started to pull down his boxers but he stopped me.

“It’s all about you tonight.” He whispered and kissed me once more before he reached to grab a condom and looked back at me. I gave him a nod and he took off his boxers as his hard on sprung up catching me by surprise. He saw my reaction and chuckled while my cheeks were red. He placed the condom on and hovered above me and I realized that this was it. My breathing started to race and he noticed but leaned down and kissed me to calm me down.

“I’m ready.” I said and he nodded his head and slid into me. I gasped and a silent tear fell and he noticed and stopped moving. I was confused as to why he stopped and I noticed he saw my reaction.

“Please keep moving.” I said and he nodded his head and started to thrust his hips. I let out moans and I didn’t care who I was going to wake up. Harry let out small moans and grunts and I knew I was going to reach my second orgasm quicker than my first. I let my nails claw at Harrys back as I reached my high and Harry followed right after. We were both panting and he pulled out and I saw a hint of blood, I screamed in embarrassment and ran to the bathroom.

“Love, is everything okay? Bleeding is normal.” He said and I was confused.

“I’m sorry I’ll wash your sheets. This is so embarrassing I’m sorry!” I yelled and slightly opening the door. He laughed and shook his head.

“It’s okay I’m putting them in the wash now. I promise you have nothing to be ashamed of.” He said and I walked out covering my body.

“Really?” I asked and he laughed and brought me into his arms.

“Really.” He said and I kissed his jaw. We both put new sheets on the bed and I went to wash myself with Harry’s help. I soon knocked out and woke up to find Harry not there which surprised me and I thought the worse. I got up and put on his work shirt and walked toward the kitchen. I grabbed my phone and saw a text from my friend.

“Tell the boss thanks for taking us home last night.” It read and my mouth dropped. I lost my virginity to my boss. Fuck me.

“Morning love. You slept like a baby.” He said as he kissed my cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were my boss?” I asked a little upset.

“I didn’t want you to think of me any way as your boss. You like me for me.” He said and my expression softened a little bit.

“I did but you didn’t have to lie. What does this mean for us now?” I asked and he misled and pulled out scrambled eggs filled with cheese since that was my favorite as we discussed the night before.

“We can be together. If that’s what you want?” He asked and I had a small smile.

“I would love that. If that’s what you want.” I said and he laughed and led me by my hips toward him.

“It is.” He said and I winced a little as he brought me toward him and he noticed but then was gentle about it and kissed me with so much passion my knees went weak. I love this.

anonymous asked:

can i get a villain matchup please? im a demiromantic bisexual, cis female, yet pretty androgynous in terms of clothing. most of my friends were intimidated by me at first but that quickly passed. i have a very "eh, shit happens" kind of outlook but i still love the people around me more than myself. im loyal, honest, really docile and have low self esteem. i laugh instead of cry or show pain in front of others. i have a twisted/dirty sense of humor and curse a lot. i love art and music. thanks!


Clarisse is also a very intimidating person, most of the time a single glare can strike fear into the hearts of many- but she didn’t seem to bother you. It took her a while to really feel comfortable or get used to being by your side, but when she finally accepts it she’ll be just as loyal, swearing to protect you. Whenever you’re upset and laugh she’ll notice right away, holding your hand silently as a way to offer comfort. She’s not good at talking, but she’ll always remind you that it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel. She’ll always hold your hand, and kiss your tears away


[Image description: Three gifs of a teenage girl with short hair. In the first and second gifs, she flaps her hands from the wrists, looking focused and smiling slightly. In the third gif, she shakes her fists rapidly with a nervous expression.]

 Hello, everybody, and happy #NoShameDay to all my disabled friends. 

 I’m Julia, I’m seventeen, and I have combined-type ADHD, primary motor stereotypies (aka stimming without a specified cause), some sort of movement/coordination disorder that stubbornly defies labels, and scoliosis, although my curve is pretty moderate at the moment. 

Having multiple co-morbid disabilities that very much influence and interact with each other is definitely an interesting and sometimes very frustrating experience. The most difficult thing is that I’m not always certain which symptoms are caused by what, and as someone who loves labels, lists, and sorting, it’s really difficult to accept the inevitable ambiguity that comes with this. In the last couple of years, I’ve managed to identify a lot of the physical issues that have previously been masked by ADHD symptoms or dismissed as basic clumsiness, which is comforting, but for me there’s always a desire to pin things down, and also to further investigate my divergent neurotype. 

 On the internet, I articulate myself in very different ways than I do face-to-face, and sometimes it’s weird to realize that online, nobody sees me bouncing, getting up to walk around because I can’t sit still, or lying down on the ground to write because my low muscle tone makes it difficult to sit upright. That’s a very crucial part of who I am, and sometimes being disconnected from those forms of self-expression feels odd. 

 Today, I wanted to show off my stims, to raise awareness that stims aren’t necessarily caused by autism, and that, regardless of cause or manifestation, they are valid and worth celebrating. 

 When I’m excited, especially when I’m telling a story, I flap my hands. For me, the sensory experience heightens my excitement; it’s how I convey emotion. Being made to keep my hands quiet dulls my feelings and distracts me from the conversations I’m in. It’s like finding something funny and being forced not to laugh, just keeping it inside you and having it ricochet around until you’re no longer amused. When I’m stressed or upset, I ball my hands up into fists and shake them up and down. It functions as a sort of stress reliever. I often do this during math tests! Sometimes, especially if the stress is more emotional and less basic anxiety, I also rock back and forth. I think it’s interesting how when I’m happy I have flappy hands, which to me are loose and free, and when I’m stressed my hands get tight, like they’re stressed too.

 It’s often hard, even for me, to tell the difference between stims, fidgets, and tics, but since all three are a regular part of my life I’ve learned to embrace all of them, and try to discern the subtle differences in how I relate to them. Today, I’m neurodivergent, physically disabled, and proud. Neither my voice nor my hands will be silenced.

For too many years, I have associated and blamed my femininity for much of the negativity in my life; From being born with two vaginas, a female reproductive condition that made me feel “incapable” and “alien”, to traumatic events that happened to me when I was a teenager (because “if I wasn’t a girl” this wouldn’t have happened to me and it wouldn’t have been an issue).

Even being told by my grandmother at 13 that I shouldn’t aspire to to be a police officer because it “wasn’t a very ladylike thing to do”. In my mind, being born a woman was the reason I had to wear these “awful annoying bras” when I was transitioning from a child into a preteen, and the reason my male classmates could be on the baseball team but I couldn’t; my teacher noted that “I was delicate and could get hurt”.

As far as I was concerned, it was my fault that these events played out and these things had happened ; simply because I was born a woman.

It’s been a long journey, but I’m proud to say that over the last few years I have been learning to embrace my gender, sex, and femininity outside of the roles and stereotypes that have been patched to my shoulder, projected on my mind and needled into my skin.

Just because I’m feminine doesn’t mean I’m not powerful, strong and assertive. Just because I wear lipstick doesn’t mean I can’t be a dominant and innovative business person. Just because I wear heels doesn’t mean I can’t protect those I love. Just because I wear a dress doesn’t mean I cant kick your ass. (And sorry if cussing/kicking ass “isn’t a very ladylike thing to do”)

I spent countless years and hours trying to force myself into gender roles I have never felt comfortable in, but was obligated to fill because it was “what women SHOULD do”.

Sexism and gender inequality are still issues throughout the world, and although I acknowledge that I am very blessed to live in a city, in a state, in a country that is very progressive, there is still alienation, discrimination, and biases being stamped across the minds of girls, women (AND the boys and men) that inhabit every corner of our world.

The passion and initiative around women’s issues deserve year round attention and devotion, however today I am celebrating those who have come before us, those who are fighting now, and those who are paving the way for a more equitable future.

We are all powerful. We all deserve rights. We all deserve education. We all deserve equality. We all deserve to stand up for ourselves. We are not done yet.

Happy International Women’s Day to every strong, intelligent, beautiful AND handsome girl, lady and woman out there. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter where you stand, and no matter where you are going remember: We are badass bitches. Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.

#InternationalWomensDay #IWD #IWD16 #female #empowerment #standup #bestrong #wecandoit #gender #sexism #feminism #girlpower #woman #women #strong #abuse #consent #education #rights #equality #mothers #sisters #daughters #wives #girlfriends #buisnesswoman #stem #steam #empoweringwoman #stereotypes #genderequality #twovaginas #notashamed photoshoot #model #editorial #fem #feminine #tie girlsinties #girlsinsuits #whoruntheworld #girls #badassbitch