still ugly but ha

2

don’t mind me i’m just crying at 1x04 malec and the “there’s nothing to ashamed of” vs the 2x10 “i love you” scene x

a not short, incomplete list of things, experiences, people, etc. that Andrew has no choice but to remember the exact details of (abuse tw) 

  • every unwanted, unwarranted, unsolicited hand on his body that he cant rid the feeling of no matter how hard he scrubs at his skin till its raw and red and sometimes bleeding when he rubs open a scabbed over scar now needing to heal all over again 
  • every insult, every name, every last bully that he’s ever met in his life, he remembers every word of all those exchanges - he remembers back to when he used to care, when those words used to hurt, when he used to try to fight back, to stand up to those bullies - but he also remembers the exact exchange when all the fight left him and he couldnt bring himself to even acknowledge that he was being talked at, sneered at the same way as the last time, but how, this time he just. didnt care. 
  • he remembers the names of all his foster brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers no matter how hard hes tried to forget most of them he remembers their faces and their voices and the exact conversations hes had with some of them, but he also remembers the lack of conversations with others 
  • he remembers every slap…punch, kick, kiss…
  • he remembers how, when he said the right thing, scripted and total lies on his part, how some of his foster mothers would smile at him just the right way so he could pretend for just that second he had someone who cared 
  • he remembers how each and every one of those foster mothers let him down time after time after time after 
  • he remembers every name they called him, ever soft ‘Andrew’ when they first met him, every time if turned from soft to sharp, every time it turned from sharp to silence
  • it’s the silence that cut deeper than anything - that hurt the most
  • till it didn’t hurt at all 
  • he remembers every handshake, every pat down, every uncalled for shove from police or foster families or other authorities in his life 
  • he remembers every time he’d been but in handcuffs and every conversation he’s had in the back of a police car, or lack of conversation on his part 
  • he remembers Cass 
  • he remember officer Higgins
  • he remembers Tilda, he remembers the lack of Tilda 
  • he remembers Drake 
  • he remembers the lack of remembrance, after they started him on the drugs
  • how they messed with his brain, with his memory 
  • how even though they tried to change parts of him, his memory remained, how even through his drug-addled brain, he remembered conversations and people, and sessions with Bee and meeting the Foxes, meeting Wymack
  • he remembers feeling different in this group of people than he ever did in any foster family 
  • he remembers his deal with Aaron, the exact words that were exchanged
  • he remembers Nicky, exactly how he looked after being beat up that one night 
  • he remembers how Allison and Seth had made it clear they wanted nothing to do with him and how he had heard it all before 
  • he remembers Dan, he remembers how, through what little words she said to him, she reminded him of Cass 
  • he remembers her the night they took Matt out to Columbia, and just how close he saw her to snapping 
  • Neil makes it hard to forget Matt
  • and Kevin makes it hard to forget him, but Andrew does remember the promise they made 
  • …he remembers a lot of promises 
  • he remembers Neil 
  • he remembers ever wanted, warranted, solicited touch and kiss and and bite and caress
  • every yes and every no
  • he remembers every word the two of them exchanged after Proust 
  • he remembers Baltimore as if it were yesterday
  • he remembers every question and answer and pause in conversation and every too-fast sentence that one of them just had to get out 
  • he remembers what Neil wore to his graduation 
  • he remembers what Neil wore when Andrew came to visit the year after
  • he could verbally tell you the exact way Neil looks like in his gear, down to the grass stain on the bottom left corner of his jersey and the wrinkles from how he folds his clothes the wrong way and the way the fabric is stretched a bit too much at the back where he hangs his clothes on the hook in the locker room  
  • he remembers the feel Neil’s scars under his fingertips 
  • he remembers the feel of Neil’s scarred face under his palm
  • he remembers the cat conversation and the apartment theyd have to get to accommodate them all 
  • he remembers their first night in said apartment 
  • he remembers every damn time he has to write out a grocery list when its Neil’s turn to do the groceries and how Neil just has to yell what he needs from the kitchen as Andrew throws on a sweatshirt and leaves with a “AND CILANTRO!” being yelled out of the window  
  • he remembers when Neil stopped saying “don’t forget [xyz]” bc Neil realized that Andrew never forgot, just ignored when he wanted to 
  • he remembers every version of their “i hate you” their “100%” their “nothing” their “not wanting anything” conversations over the years
  • he remembers every promise he made and kept to Neil 
  • and every one Neil made and kept to him 
  • and yeah 
  • he still remembers the bad and the ugly and the unsightly 
  • but he has Neil to make memories with, happy and good and better 
  • he has that 
  • and he’s forever grateful that he remembers every “thank you” and soft “i love you” and softer “Andrew” 

Why do straight men do that thing where they’re like “I prefer blondes over brunettes” or vice versa like.. Graham.. girls have more hair colours than that and they’re all beautiful what the fuck are you talking about 

3

here’s my face yay
I was tagged by @hansolsdeliciousanus a long time ago

And I’m tagging the usuals @hyuckwon @hey-uta @iamncttrash ik you did this before but i wanna see your face again lmao @haedreamers @kyuhuyn @markleetrashh @chittaporno


And here’s an exclusive pic of me with my children

My Writing Masterlist

  Okay, since a lot of people are asking for tips to write good plots and shit, I’ve decided that was time for me to post my writing masterlist. Honestly, I barely use it anymore because I recorded all of the tips on my mind from using it so much.
  It’s succinct, basic and all you need to fix the problems that most of writers have, had or will have while writing. Most of it I took from here and added my own tips and shit that I know from experience. Hope you find it useful!


SCENARIOS:

- Do not repeat the same scenarios very much, and if necessary, talk / look at the room in different ways.

- DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE. The details are important to transport the reader to the scene. PLUS: please, details. (Exemple: you are in a forest. What kinds of trees are around you? Are they tall? Thick? Does the character recognize them?)

- Make use of all human senses - touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell. USE THEM.

- Do my scenarios have duality- sometimes, an ambiguous nature? (For example, my character may love the church where she was married, have fond memories of it, and still feel the sense of betrayal because her marriage has become ugly.

- Tell what your character feels about the room around him. This is important.


CHARACTERS:

- Are all the characters present? (Would it be better if my character had a mentor, best friend, romantic partner, etc …?)

- Do not overdo the amount. Use the characters you have. The excess will only create confusion in the reader’s head.

- If your character changes attitude during the story, SHOW THAT TRANSITION. Do not make them homophobic one day, and the next, the supporter of LGBT + causes, for example. If that happens, the impression you will leave is that your text is inconsistent and there is only one name for it: sloppy writing.

- CREATE FAULTS, PROBLEMS, MORAL CONFLICTS TO YOUR CHARACTER. This is life and if conflicts do not exist in your book, the characters will not give the idea of being true and deeply complex, as human beings really are.

- Create manias, addictions, be they verbal and / or attitudes. Does your character have the habit of saying “type” or “right” all the time? Does he wake up and always brush his teeth before and after breakfast? SPECIFY. This will help in creating a reality around the character.

Careful, this is very important (and basic).

- KNOW YOUR DAMN CHARACTER!!!! If he has addictions, you have to know beforehand. If he is agitated, calm, angry, patient, talkative, antisocial … you have to know.

- Make your characters different. Yes, that sounds like an obvious thing, but it’s not. Make them easily identified by their ways.

- DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE # 2. Physical type, hair, eyes, nose, thickness of the mouth, neck, fingers and hips are key points in describing a character. (Plus: I always describe hands because I like hands and I think they are a window to the soul. You can say a lot by people’s hands.)


MORAL CONFLICTS:

- Is it universal enough for readers to find interesting? Note that a conflict becomes much more interesting to a reader if it is something that he must deal with in his own life.

- Is the resolution of the conflict satisfactory? Do not make the conflict settle with the old “Then I Woke Up” chat. This is poor and sloppy writing. The climax of the story is gone and the reader loses interest. Be complex.

- Do you have minor conflicts? Most stories require more than one conflict. For example, a protagonist will often have an internal conflict as well as an external conflict. He may also have a love interest. He may have conflicts with nature, with God, and with his companions. So, as an author, you must create a series of conflicts and decide how each grows and is resolved.

- Show the personal growth your characters go through to solve the problem.

- How motivated are my characters to solve their conflicts? Characters that will go to extremes are needed. We have radicals in life, so we’ll have radicals in the story.

-My protagonist has an identity conflict? At the heart of every great story is a character who sees himself as something - charming, heroic, wise - while others around him perceive him as something else - socially desirous, inept, foolish.


YOUR WRITING WAY:

- Is your tone appropriate for the tale? For example, let’s say you want to invest a little humor into your story. You start with a joke. Do you keep the tone throughout the rest of the tale, perhaps plunging the mood inside, scene after scene?

- Do each of your characters speak with their own voices? You will need to do a dialog check for each character before you finish.

- Do you have an omniscient narrator? Keep the writing style the same throughout the whole story then.

- Do you dig deep into your protagonist’s POV so the reader can follow your thoughts and emotions? If not, is there a good reason why you neglected to do it?

- IMPORTANT: Is there any music in your writing? Do you want it to be? Ernest Hemingway once said that “all great novels are really just poetry.” With that in mind, listen to the sounds of your words. Consider modifying them as needed to adjust the meter and emphasis you need. Change until you like to read your text aloud.

- Do you use powerful metaphors or similes to add beauty and resonance to your work? (If not, you’re in trouble. Your competition will.)


RANDOM OTHERS (BASIC)

- Is the basic idea of your story unique and powerful? (For example, if you enter a story about a young man fighting space pirates, it probably will not do well - unless you come up with some New technology or angle that puts you above all other space-pirate tales.)

- Do you establish your characters quickly? We should probably know who the story is in one or two scenes, and we should probably be introduced in a way that tells us something important about the characters.

-  Talk about where your character is in all the scenes. Do not skip it just because you already mentioned the place.

- My story intensifies through the following scenes, with conflicts that widen and deepen?

- Does my story go well? Do I have a climax that really is exciting? Is the result different from what the audience expects?

- Your story has an open or closed end. Decide, then you must work so that all events lead to that final moment if it is opened. If it is closed, you have more freedom to finish well after the book’s climax.

All this talk about how Aquamarine and Topaz have ugly designs, and people trying to insist that it’s justified bc ~theyre aliens~ reminds me of when the 2014 TMNT movie designs were unveiled and everyone rightly went “Holy shit these are gross wtf”

And then the director said “Well, they’ve had to live in hiding bc people would judge them by their looks, and see what you’re doing now? HMMMMM?????”

and my answer for both cases is “Dude, you can make them ugly as sin, but it still has to be well-designed ugly as sin”

2017.06.17.

ItaSaku Pudding AU
@thefreckledone
(x)

This is it! Bless that anon for requesting it, and forever bless you, Freckled for making me crackle and giggle for days. I just can’t stop laughing and grinning like an idiot whenever this Masterpiece of yours comes to my mind.

An analysis on Prince Adam

The marriage between Adam’s parents has never been a particularly happy one. His father is greedy and selfish and payed little to no attention to his wife and child. The marriage is an arranged one, not made for happiness. Adam’s mother is fierce and loves her son into oblivion. Whenever The Prince gets angry (he has a horrible temper) she nurtures her son who always gets scared when his father yells at him. To make him feel better she holds lavish dinners and balls to distract him from his father’s anger. Adam, of course, also has the servants who help The Princess in raising the boy as his friends. He considers them family. But when his mother dies from a long sickness he loses his whole life. His father, now having more control of his heir, keeps him at his side at all times, trying to make him into the son he wants. God forbid he disappoints him. When he returns from lessons or simply spending time with his father with a new bruise forming his friends bow their heads in shame and say nothing. The Prince feels betrayed by the ones who were supposed to be his protectors, his family, his only friends. His father’s words start to get to him. He’s useless, too soft to rule, too forgiving. He’ll never be enough. From this stems his distaste for other people than himself. He’s learnt the lesson the hard way. No one will ever love you but yourself. For years no one touches him but his father, and those moments are when he is terrified. Simply a brush or look makes him crawl inside his walls and hide in fear.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

If i remember correctly, a couple of months back somebody asked you about bruce and jason; if they'd ever have a normal, deep conversation addressing their problems. How it'd go? I mean... do they maybe find themselves at a bar after some very peculiar set of events? We're never gonna get a truthful conversation with those two so i'm relying heavily on you to satisfy my curiosity. You're free to make me ache all over from the pain since you can do that well. :D

“If you wanted to watch the game with me, you could’ve just invited me to the manor,” Jason says as he opens the door to the bar. Better food, less drama, and more comfortable seats make Gotham Knights on the 200" batscreen more real and enjoyable than actually being at the stadium. There’s something to be said about the occasional bat flying past your head, but you get used to it. The alternative is some greasy guy’s saliva sprayed all over your hair while he’s screaming to some player to stop dragging his feet.

Keep reading

i am so much quieter these days. that need to disrupt, to create chaos still lives here, still has impulses i struggle to fight and some ugly things to say. but i am quicker to silence it, to calm it, to preserve the peace and the steady nature of who i have since become. though let it not be taken for granted that this peace is always pleasant, that there aren’t times i am close to catatonic and want deeply to go wild in rebellion. there would be more pleasure in doing the crazed and ill-advised thing than there is in taking the deep breath. i am not always interested in being calm, but equally, i must be good to myself. i must be good to myself. i must go cautiously. i have done more than my fair share of damage. to myself and unto others. i am not an innocent party. but i am better now. i have learned, haven’t i? i am quieter these days. even when the aching thing, the violent and destructive thing within me, would like a platform from which to be better heard. i refuse to hand it the microphone.

10

get to know me: kpop  ♫♥♪  1/3 favorite kpop songs: Spring Day by BTS

I miss you. ( I  m i s s  y o u . )
How long do I have to wait?
How many nights should I stay awake
To see you, to meet you?
You know it all.
You’re my b e s t  f r i e n d.

Honestly all the support from my mutuals, especially my white ones, has really made my day??? Like I could cry honestly??? but I am also so very tired

Forever crying about:

  • Beth Childs
  • Felix’s love for his sister
  • Team Hendrix twerking
  • Cosima’s sweetness to Gracie
  • Delphine missing Cosima
  • Pupok’s demise
  • Paul saving Sarah
  • Paul admitting he loved Sarah
  • Paul’s demise
  • Helena coming back for Sarah
  • every single thing that happened in Orphan Black 3x06