a not short, incomplete list of things, experiences, people, etc. that Andrew has no choice but to remember the exact details of (abuse tw)
every unwanted, unwarranted, unsolicited hand on his body that he cant rid the feeling of no matter how hard he scrubs at his skin till its raw and red and sometimes bleeding when he rubs open a scabbed over scar now needing to heal all over again
every insult, every name, every last bully that he’s ever met in his life, he remembers every word of all those exchanges - he remembers back to when he used to care, when those words used to hurt, when he used to try to fight back, to stand up to those bullies - but he also remembers the exact exchange when all the fight left him and he couldnt bring himself to even acknowledge that he was being talked at, sneered at the same way as the last time, but how, this time he just. didnt care.
he remembers the names of all his foster brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers no matter how hard hes tried to forget most of them he remembers their faces and their voices and the exact conversations hes had with some of them, but he also remembers the lack of conversations with others
he remembers every slap…punch, kick, kiss…
he remembers how, when he said the right thing, scripted and total lies on his part, how some of his foster mothers would smile at him just the right way so he could pretend for just that second he had someone who cared
he remembers how each and every one of those foster mothers let him down time after time after time after
he remembers every name they called him, ever soft ‘Andrew’ when they first met him, every time if turned from soft to sharp, every time it turned from sharp to silence
it’s the silence that cut deeper than anything - that hurt the most
till it didn’t hurt at all
he remembers every handshake, every pat down, every uncalled for shove from police or foster families or other authorities in his life
he remembers every time he’d been but in handcuffs and every conversation he’s had in the back of a police car, or lack of conversation on his part
he remembers Cass
he remember officer Higgins
he remembers Tilda, he remembers the lack of Tilda
he remembers Drake
he remembers the lack of remembrance, after they started him on the drugs
how they messed with his brain, with his memory
how even though they tried to change parts of him, his memory remained, how even through his drug-addled brain, he remembered conversations and people, and sessions with Bee and meeting the Foxes, meeting Wymack
he remembers feeling different in this group of people than he ever did in any foster family
he remembers his deal with Aaron, the exact words that were exchanged
he remembers Nicky, exactly how he looked after being beat up that one night
he remembers how Allison and Seth had made it clear they wanted nothing to do with him and how he had heard it all before
he remembers Dan, he remembers how, through what little words she said to him, she reminded him of Cass
he remembers her the night they took Matt out to Columbia, and just how close he saw her to snapping
Neil makes it hard to forget Matt
and Kevin makes it hard to forget him, but Andrew does remember the promise they made
…he remembers a lot of promises
he remembers Neil
he remembers ever wanted, warranted, solicited touch and kiss and and bite and caress
every yes and every no
he remembers every word the two of them exchanged after Proust
he remembers Baltimore as if it were yesterday
he remembers every question and answer and pause in conversation and every too-fast sentence that one of them just had to get out
he remembers what Neil wore to his graduation
he remembers what Neil wore when Andrew came to visit the year after
he could verbally tell you the exact way Neil looks like in his gear, down to the grass stain on the bottom left corner of his jersey and the wrinkles from how he folds his clothes the wrong way and the way the fabric is stretched a bit too much at the back where he hangs his clothes on the hook in the locker room
he remembers the feel Neil’s scars under his fingertips
he remembers the feel of Neil’s scarred face under his palm
he remembers the cat conversation and the apartment theyd have to get to accommodate them all
he remembers their first night in said apartment
he remembers every damn time he has to write out a grocery list when its Neil’s turn to do the groceries and how Neil just has to yell what he needs from the kitchen as Andrew throws on a sweatshirt and leaves with a “AND CILANTRO!” being yelled out of the window
he remembers when Neil stopped saying “don’t forget [xyz]” bc Neil realized that Andrew never forgot, just ignored when he wanted to
he remembers every version of their “i hate you” their “100%” their “nothing” their “not wanting anything” conversations over the years
he remembers every promise he made and kept to Neil
and every one Neil made and kept to him
he still remembers the bad and the ugly and the unsightly
but he has Neil to make memories with, happy and good and better
he has that
and he’s forever grateful that he remembers every “thank you” and soft “i love you” and softer “Andrew”
Okay, since a lot of people are asking for tips to write good plots and shit, I’ve decided that was time for me to post my writing masterlist. Honestly, I barely use it anymore because I recorded all of the tips on my mind from using it so much. It’s succinct, basic and all you need to fix the problems that most of writers have, had or will have while writing. Most of it I took from here and added my own tips and shit that I know from experience. Hope you find it useful!
- Do not repeat the same scenarios very much, and if necessary, talk / look at the room in different ways.
- DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE. The details are important to transport the reader to the scene. PLUS: please, details. (Exemple: you are in a forest. What kinds of trees are around you? Are they tall? Thick? Does the character recognize them?)
- Make use of all human senses - touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell. USE THEM.
- Do my scenarios have duality- sometimes, an ambiguous nature? (For example, my character may love the church where she was married, have fond memories of it, and still feel the sense of betrayal because her marriage has become ugly.
- Tell what your character feels about the room around him. This is important.
- Are all the characters present? (Would it be better if my character had a mentor, best friend, romantic partner, etc …?)
- Do not overdo the amount. Use the characters you have. The excess will only create confusion in the reader’s head.
- If your character changes attitude during the story, SHOW THAT TRANSITION. Do not make them homophobic one day, and the next, the supporter of LGBT + causes, for example. If that happens, the impression you will leave is that your text is inconsistent and there is only one name for it: sloppy writing.
- CREATE FAULTS, PROBLEMS, MORAL CONFLICTS TO YOUR CHARACTER. This is life and if conflicts do not exist in your book, the characters will not give the idea of being true and deeply complex, as human beings really are.
- Create manias, addictions, be they verbal and / or attitudes. Does your character have the habit of saying “type” or “right” all the time? Does he wake up and always brush his teeth before and after breakfast? SPECIFY. This will help in creating a reality around the character.
Careful, this is very important (and basic).
- KNOW YOUR DAMN CHARACTER!!!! If he has addictions, you have to know beforehand. If he is agitated, calm, angry, patient, talkative, antisocial … you have to know.
- Make your characters different. Yes, that sounds like an obvious thing, but it’s not. Make them easily identified by their ways.
- DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE, DESCRIBE # 2. Physical type, hair, eyes, nose, thickness of the mouth, neck, fingers and hips are key points in describing a character. (Plus: I always describe hands because I like hands and I think they are a window to the soul. You can say a lot by people’s hands.)
- Is it universal enough for readers to find interesting? Note that a conflict becomes much more interesting to a reader if it is something that he must deal with in his own life.
- Is the resolution of the conflict satisfactory? Do not make the conflict settle with the old “Then I Woke Up” chat. This is poor and sloppy writing. The climax of the story is gone and the reader loses interest. Be complex.
- Do you have minor conflicts? Most stories require more than one conflict. For example, a protagonist will often have an internal conflict as well as an external conflict. He may also have a love interest. He may have conflicts with nature, with God, and with his companions. So, as an author, you must create a series of conflicts and decide how each grows and is resolved.
- Show the personal growth your characters go through to solve the problem.
- How motivated are my characters to solve their conflicts? Characters that will go to extremes are needed. We have radicals in life, so we’ll have radicals in the story.
-My protagonist has an identity conflict? At the heart of every great story is a character who sees himself as something - charming, heroic, wise - while others around him perceive him as something else - socially desirous, inept, foolish.
YOUR WRITING WAY:
- Is your tone appropriate for the tale? For example, let’s say you want to invest a little humor into your story. You start with a joke. Do you keep the tone throughout the rest of the tale, perhaps plunging the mood inside, scene after scene?
- Do each of your characters speak with their own voices? You will need to do a dialog check for each character before you finish.
- Do you have an omniscient narrator? Keep the writing style the same throughout the whole story then.
- Do you dig deep into your protagonist’s POV so the reader can follow your thoughts and emotions? If not, is there a good reason why you neglected to do it?
- IMPORTANT: Is there any music in your writing? Do you want it to be? Ernest Hemingway once said that “all great novels are really just poetry.” With that in mind, listen to the sounds of your words. Consider modifying them as needed to adjust the meter and emphasis you need. Change until you like to read your text aloud.
- Do you use powerful metaphors or similes to add beauty and resonance to your work? (If not, you’re in trouble. Your competition will.)
RANDOM OTHERS (BASIC)
- Is the basic idea of your story unique and powerful? (For example, if you enter a story about a young man fighting space pirates, it probably will not do well - unless you come up with some New technology or angle that puts you above all other space-pirate tales.)
- Do you establish your characters quickly? We should probably know who the story is in one or two scenes, and we should probably be introduced in a way that tells us something important about the characters.
- Talk about where your character is in all the scenes. Do not skip it just because you already mentioned the place.
- My story intensifies through the following scenes, with conflicts that widen and deepen?
- Does my story go well? Do I have a climax that really is exciting? Is the result different from what the audience expects?
- Your story has an open or closed end. Decide, then you must work so that all events lead to that final moment if it is opened. If it is closed, you have more freedom to finish well after the book’s climax.
Why do straight men do that thing where they’re like “I prefer blondes over brunettes” or vice versa like.. Graham.. girls have more hair colours than that and they’re all beautiful what the fuck are you talking about
- Naruto doesn’t really fit Leiftan, but so many jokes could be made. I also really like Miiko, Ash, and Leif together. - notion to change Ezarel to Orochimaru (he spends all of his time in his lab) - no character in Eldarya could match Lee - @kornyo reminded me of Shaitan. He needs a role. - 1000 YEARS OF D E A T H - Chrome as Konohamaru? Cameria as Ino or Gaara?
Feedback welcome! And feel free to add to this - and tag me! o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o